Wednesday, November 5, 2014

  • 11/05/2014

Hari Kondabolu, Bridget Everett and Jeff Ross list #ElderlyVideoGames, listen to Gilbert Gottfried read a bizarre Craigslist post and come up with disgusting street foods.

>> CHRIS: LET'S BEGIN THEPROGRAMS.

RIPPED FROM INTERNET HEADLINESIT'S RAPID REFRESH.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS.

AS SOME OF YOU HAVE HEARD, THEREWAS AN ELECTION YESTERDAY THAT

MANY PROBABLY FORGOT TO VOTE IN.

BEFORE I FORGET.

BEFORE I FORGET HALE HYDRA.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> CHRIS: MISSOURI GOVERNORJAY NIXON SENT OUT A PICTURE OF

HIMSELF VOTING, BUT GOTPHOTOBOMBED BY WHAT?

A, MAJOR BUTT CRACKAGE.

B, TWO DOGS HUMPING IT.

C, A STREAK NEER CLOWN MAKEUP.

YES, BRIDGET.

>> CHRIS, I'M GOING WITH B TWODOGS HUMPING.

>> CHRIS: I WISH THAT WAS THEONE.

I THINK IT'S ACTUALLY A.

LET'S -- YEAH.

THAT PICTURE WAS QUICKLY WIPED FROM TWITTER LIKE --

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]NO, NO, NO, NO.

I DON'T DESERVE IT.

-- LIKE THIS TWEET FROM AMATEUROPTOMOLOGIST RAND PAUL HINTING

AT A RUN AT THE PRESIDENCY.

CROWD GOES WILD FOR RAND PAUL.CHEERS FOR HIM TO RUN FOR

PRESIDENT.

DELETE.

LASTED FOR THREE SECONDS, THREESECONDS. THREE SECONDS!

POLITICIANS HAVE BEEN MAKINGGAFFES THROUGHOUT HISTORY,

SO COMEDIANS, IF TWITTER WASERTERANL, WHAT IS ANOTHER

POLITICAL DELETED TWEET FROMHISTORY.

JEFF.

>> HEADED TO DALLAS TOMORROW --

HOW IS THE WEATHER -- TOP UP ORTOP DOWN?

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

POINTS.

>> CHRIS: HARI.

>> I WOULD LIKE TO PHONE AFRIEND.

>> CHRIS: I DON'T THINK WE CANDO THAT ACTUALLY.

>> WE CAN DO THAT.

>> CHRIS: OF, YOU'RE DOING ITANYWAY.

>> WE'RE IN NEW YORK.

IT'S A VIDEO.

>> HARI!>> HEY, LADIES.

HOW ARE YOU.

>> ARE YOU FROM QUEENS, HARI?>> YEAH.

>> QUEENS, QUEENS. [ TALKING OVER EACHOTHER]

>> I NEED HELP ON THE@MIDNIGHT --

YOU'RE HIGH, YOU'RE HIGHAREN'T RIGHT? OKAY, OKAY.

>> HARI.

>> -- YOU'RE HIGH, RIGHT.

>> CHRIS: LADIES, I THINK YOUWANT HELP --

>> CHRIS HARDWICK. FROM SINGLEDOUT! OH, (BLEEP)

>> I THINK WE'RE GOOD.

>> CHRIS: DO YOU HAVE AN ANSWER.

>> JUST GIVE ME THE ZERO, MAN.

>> CHRIS: ALL RIGHT. NO POINTS.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASHTAG WARS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

>> CHRIS: I HAVE NEVER SEENANYONE FLOCKING --

[LAUGHING]

>> CHRIS: JEFF ROSS GETTING VERYSPORTSY.

I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS TACTICBEFORE.

BUT IT'S NOT IN THE RULES THATIT'S NOT ALLOWED.

SO --

[LAUGHING]

>> CHRIS: ALRIGHT.

IF YOU'RE TIRED OF MODERN VIDEOGAMES WITH THE ULTRA REALISTIC

GRAPHICS AND CINEMA-QUALITY CUTSCENES, THERE'S A NEW ON-LINE

ARCHIVE FEATURING OVER 900CLASSIC ARCADE FROM THE 80S.

YOU CAN EXPERIENCE ALL THE WHITEKNUCKLE ACTION.

I KNOW, GUYS.

GUYS, SQUARES WILL SHOOT LINESAT OTHER SQUARES FOR POINTS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]>> CHRIS: I KNOW.

SO, IN HONOR OF FROGGER, QBERTAND THE REST OF THE OLDASS GANG,

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS ELDERLYVIDEO GAMES.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE GRANDMA THEFTAUTO.

OR TELEGRAM OF DUTY.

OR TOMB FILLER WOULD BE ANOTHERONE.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND GO.

YES HARI.

>> SOUP OR MARIO BROTHERS.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS.

BRIDGET.

>> WHY ARE MY PANTS SO WETRESS.

>> CHRIS: YES. JEFF.

>> HELLO I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

>> CHRIS: POINTS. JEFF.

>> DONKEY KONG SENIOR.

>>CHRIS: POINTS.

HARI.

>> THE LEGEND OF -- I CAN'TREMEMBER HER NAME.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

BRIDGET.

>> WII IN ADULT DIAPER SPORTS.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

HARI.

>> ON A RELATED NOTE CALL OFDOODY.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS. POINTS.

JEFF ROSS.

>> CALL OF DUTY.

>> CHRIS: OH, YOU LOST IT.

BRIDGET.

>> LEFT FOR DEAD.

[LAUGHING]

>> CHRIS: YES, HARI.

>> FINAL FANTASY, LITERALLY.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

YES.

BRIDGET.

>> ME -- UH, UH.

>> MARIO CART TURNING LEFT WITHTHE RIGHT BLINKER ON.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

[LAUGHING]

THE SHOW MUST GO.

THE SHOW MUST GO.

NEW YORK IS KNOWN FOR IT'S WORLDCLASS THEA-TRA

BUT NOT EVERY PLAY CANBE BROADWAY QUALITY.

IN FACT, SOME ARE SO OFFBROADWAY THEY'RE ACTUALLY ON

@MIDNIGHT.

AND THAT IS AN EXAMPLE OF THESE

I'M GONNA SHOW YOU A PR PHOTOFROM A PLAY WE FOUND ON TUMBLER

CALLED "SHOW NUFF."

AND FOR 250 POINTS, YOU MAKE UPTHE NAME OF THE PLAY IT SHOULD

BE FROM. ALL RIGHT.

CASH ON DELIVERY.

WHAT SHOULD I BE CALLED.

YES, REAL -- UH, JEFF ROSS.

>> FIDDLER ON THE COUCH.

[LAUGHING]

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

BRIDGET.

>> THREE MEN AND A LITTLE MOLLY.

CHRIS: POINTS.

NEXT ONE.

WHAT THE BUTLER SAW.

AND I HOPE IF IT'S THIS, HE CANFORGET IT.

WHAT SHOULD THIS BE CALLED. JEFFROSS.

>> THAT'S A POSTER FOR TAINTMISBEHAVING.

>> CHRIS: YES OF COURSE IT IS.

POINTS.

NEXT ONE SOMETHING CALLED THELIFE -- BUT WHAT SHOULD IT BE

CALLED. JEFF ROSS.

>> A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THEWAY TO THE CHECK CASHING PLACE.

[LAUGHING]

>> CHRIS: TARZAN.

BUT WHAT SHOULD IT BE CALLED?

OH MY GOD, WHAT THESERIOUS [BEEP], MAN.

HARI.

>> MATTHEW MCCONAUGHY LEARNS TOREAD.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

AND IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING.

IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAMEJESUS CHRIST SUPERSTARDUST.

BUZZFEED RECENTLY CALLED OURATTENTION TO SOMETHING THAT'S

REALLY BIZARRE.

THE 2014 HOT PRIEST CALENDAR.

>> YA.

>> CHRIS: IT FEATURES 12 ACTUALVATICAN PRIESTS WHO WERE DEEMED

BY THE VATICAN SEXY ENOUGH TO BEMR. JANUARY THROUGH DECEMBER.

GLORY HOLE-LELUJAH.

ANOTHER THING THAT SURPRISINGLYEXISTS IS THE STARDUST DINER.

A MANAHATTAN RESTAURANTFEATURING SINGING WAITERS,

ACTORS AND DANCERS.

THE CRAZY THING IS, IT'S REALLYIMPOSSIBLE TO TELL THE TWO

THIGNS APART.

SO COMEDIANS, I'M GOING TO SHOWYOU A PHOTO. AND FOR 250 POINTS,

YOU TELL ME IF THE PERSONPICTURED IS A SERVANT OF GOD

OR A SERVER OF FRENCH FRIES.

FIRST ONE.

THIS WET SON OF A BITCH.

FRIES OR JESUS?

>> FRIES.

>> CHRIS: LET'S FIND OUT.

YES.

[ APPLAUSE ]

♪ I WOULD WALK 500 MILES, AND IWOULD WALK 500 MORE. ♪

>> CAN HE USE @MIDNIGHT AS ACREDIT NOW?

>> CHRIS: YES.

TECHNICALLY HE CAN! IT WILLAPPEAR ON HIS IMDb PAGE.

NEXT ONE.

THIS BEEFY BASTARD.

GOD OR FOOD?

>> OH, GOD.

>> CHRIS: HARI.>> GOD.

>> CHRIS: LET'S FIND OUT.

OH, YEAH.

>> WOW, WOW.

[LAUGHING]

>> THIS GAME IS BEATING THEATHEIST OUT OF ME.

>> I'M NOT EVEN GAY AND I WANTTO NAIL HIM LIKE JESUS TO THE

CROSS.>> CHRIS: POINTS FOR JEFF.

POINTS.

[LAUGHING]

>> CHRIS: LISTEN, DON'T WORRYJEFF IS A JEW.

HE DID NAIL JESUS TO THE CROSS.

[LAUGHING]

AS WE GO TO

OUR NEXT GAME, BAD STREET FOODS.

BAD STREET FOODS.

MOST NYC STREET FOOD IS ADELISCIOUS TREAT.

BUT OCCAISIONALLY YOU'LL SEE ONETHAT'S PROBABLY A MOBILE

BACTERIA CARTS THAT COULD BESERVING UP DEEP FRIED SLICES OF

FUTURE DIARRHEA.

SO COEMDIANS, YOUR CHALLENGE ISTO LIST AS MANY DODGY STREET

FOODS AS POSSIBLE IN 60 SECONDS.AND BEGIN. BRIDGET.

>> BILL DE BLASIO BALLS.

>> CHRIS: YES POINTS.

HARI.

>> RAT CHURRO.

>> CHRIS: POINTS. JEFF ROSS.

>> LYBERIAN TACOS.

>> CHRIS: POINTS. HARI.

>> A CAT.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

BRIDGET.

>> KABOB SAGET.

>> CHRIS: PONTS.

JEFF ROSS.

>> SUN DRIED MAYONNAISE.

>> CHRIS: YES, OF COURSE.POINTS.

JEFF ROSS AGAIN.

>> DONALD TRUMPSICLES.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

BRIDET.

>> POO-TINE. THAT AIN'T GRAVY.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

JEFF ROSS.

>> FINGER ON A STICK.

>> CHRIS: YES.

POINTS.

HARI.

>> STRAIGHT UP OCTOPUS.

CHRIS: YES, STRAIGHT UP.

JEFF.

>> BAGEL WITH A PAP-SMEAR.

JESUS CHRIST. POINTS. GOOD.