December 15, 2015 - Bill Cosby's Countersuit & Face of Jesus

  • 12/15/2015

Bill Cosby sues seven of his accusers for defamation, and Larry discusses a historically realistic portrait of Jesus Christ with Taye Diggs, Rory Albanese and Robin Thede.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Larry: YES!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

TWOK "NIGHTLY SHOW."

LOOK AT THIS AUDIENCE.

>> LARRY!

LARRY!

LARRY!

>> Larry: THANK YOU SO MUCH.

SO KIND OF YOU.

SUCH A GREAT CROWD.

I'M SO EXCITED.

I SHAVED MY HEAD CLEAN TONIGHT.

( LAUGHTER )JUST-- A LITTLE TINY HAIRS.

( LAUGHTER )TURNED

IT'S ALL GOOD.

IT'S ALL GOOD.

TAYE DIGGS JOINS US ON THE PANELTONIGHT, TAYE DIGGS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )YOU KNOW, SOME NIGHTS WE JUST

HAVE SEVERAL STORIES THAT REALLYTELL US WHO WE ARE AS A PEOPLE.

SO TONIGHT, WE'RE PUTTING A FEWOF THOSE TOGETHER IN A SEGMENT

WE'RE CALLING MURIKA.

MURICA!

NOW, WE BEGIN IN THAT MOSTMURIKAN SETTING, THE PURPLE

MOUNTAIN MAJESTY OF HOME DEPOT.

NOW, THIS PARTICULAR HOME DEPOTTWO MEN WERE TRYING TO GET AWAY

WITH A CAR LOAD OF STOLEN GOODS,AND A LADY DECIDED TO BE A GOOD

SEMARITAN, MERICAN STYLE.

>> TATIANA DUVA RODRIGUEZ HEARDCOMMOTION, SOMEONE YELLING FOR

THE MAN TO STOP.

SHE PULLED OUT A HANDGUN ANDOPENED FIRE, FLATTENING ONE OF

THE TIRES OF THE GETAWAYVEHICLE.

>> Larry: YOU'RE PROBABLYSAYING WHY DIDN'T SHE WRITE DOWN

THE LICENSE OR CALL 911?

BECAUSE THIS IS 'MURICA!

GUYS, SEE SOMETHING, SHOOTSOMETHING.

THAT'S HOW IT WORKS.

( LAUGHTER )BUT I HAVE TO ADMIT, THOUGH,

PART OF ME ADMIRES SOMEONE WHO,YOU KNOW, HAS TAKEN IT UPON

HERSELF TO STOP CRIME.

BUT THE PART OF ME THAT HOUSESMY BRAIN THINKS THAT THIS WOMAN

IS CRAZY.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT DOES SHE HAVE TOSAY ABOUT IT?

THE WOMAN, DESCRIBED AS ASHARPSHOOTER, WAS SENTENCING TO

18 MONTHS PROBATION FORRECKLESS DISCHARGE OF A FIREARM.

>> I TRIED TO HELP AND I LEARNEDMY LESSON I WILL NEVER HELP

ANYBODY AGAIN.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Larry: NO, THAT'S NOT THELESSON.

YOU'RE A SHARPSHOOTER.

YOU'RE JUST NOT VERY SHARP.

WHAT IS IT WITH THIS ATTITUDE?

"WELL, I'LL NEVER HELP ANYBODYAGAIN."

THAT'S NOT HELPING ANYBODY.

"I'M JUST GOING TO TAKE MYBULLETS AND GO HOME."

IT'S LIKE BAD COPS THAT SAY YOUDON'T WANT ME TO SHOOT UNARMED

BLACK PEOPLE?

FINE, I WON'T DO MY JOB THEN.

JUST BECAUSE YOU GET CRITICIZEDTHAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU STOP DOING

YOUR JOB.

EXCEPT FOR YOU, M. NIGHTSHYAMALAN-- OR-- PLEASE STOP

MAKING MOVIES, ALL RIGHT?

DID I GET HIS NAME RIGHT?

I ALWAYS GET IT WRONG.

SHYAMALAN.

WHY IS THERE A "Y" IN THERE?

THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.

IS THAT, LIKE, A TWIST?

THERE WAS A "Y" IN HIS NAME?

( APPLAUSE )MAKE A GOOD MOVIE AND I'LL

COMMIT TO LEARNING YOUR NAME!

ALL RIGHT, BUT ANYHOW, SINCETHIS IS 'MURICA, LET'S DOUBLE

DONE ON OUR RELATED STORIES.

>> CHURCH MEMBERS ARE SIGNING UPFOR FIREARM CLASSES.

JOHN BLACKSTONE MET THE FAITHFULAT A GUN RANGE IN PLACERVILLE IN

THE STATE'S GOLD COUNTRY.

>> GOD-FEARING, GUN TOTING.

>> SAFE AND SAVED.

>> Larry: A PISTOL, APOSTLETOMATO TO-MAH-TO.

PACKING HEAT, AND PACKINGHOMILIES.

WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

>> PASTOR TOM SMITH WAS WOUNDEDEARLIER THIS MONTH TAKING

SHOOTING LESSONS NEAR HIS CHURCHIN MODESTA.

>> Larry: UH-OH!

HEY, MAN, HOW DID YOU SHOOTYOURSELF?

WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

WERE YOU AT A HOME DEPOT?

HMMM?

SO THIS IS HOW FAR THE GUNCULTURE HAS GONE?

IT'S GOT TO BE IN CHURCH NOW?

YOU KNOW IT'S A GOOD DAY IFJESUS DIDN'T HAVE TO USE HIS

A.K.

( LAUGHTER )THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

MATTHEW 27.

( LAUGHTER )OH, WAIT, NO, NO, MY BAD.

ICE CUBE 92.

SORRY.

I'M GETTING MY SCRIPTURE MIXEDUP.

PLUS, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT DOCHURCHES NEED GUNS FOR?

I'VE SEEN PREACHERS KNOCK PEOPLEOVER WITH JUST THE POWER OF THE

HOLY GHOST.>> "TAKE IT! TAKE IT!"

THERE'S YOUR HOME DEPOT SECURITYGUARD!

HE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T TELL THEMTO TAKE IT.

MIXED MESSAGES.

SO WHY DO ALL THESE CHURCHGOERSTHINK THEY NEED TO PACK HEAT ALL

OF A SUDDEN?

>> MANY OF THESE TRAINEES SAYTHEY BECOME MORE FOCUSED WITH

EACH NEW MASS SHOOTING, AND THEYKNOW CHURCHES HAVE BEEN

TARGETED, MOST RECENTLY THISPAST JUNE WHEN NINE PEOPLE

DURING A BIBLE STUDY WERE KILLEDIN SOUTH CAROLINA.

>> Larry: IT DIDN'T HAPPENBECAUSE THEY WERE CHURCHGOERS.

IT HAPPENED BECAUSE THEY WEREBLACK.

MAY I SUGGEST SOME "DON'TACCIDENTALLY BECOME BLACK"

TRAINING?

POSSIBLE.

WHAT ELSE YOU GOT?

'MURICA!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

FOR THE LAST STOP ON OUR ROADTRIP WE TURN TO THE FAMILIAR

DRIVEWAY OF AMERICA'S DAD.

WILLIAM H. COSBY JR.BY THE WAY, IF YOU GUYS ARE

WONDERING ABOUT COSBY'S MIDDLEINITIAL, BY THE WAY, I THINK "H"

STANDS FOR RAPIST.

( LAUGHTER )I THINK THAT'S TRUE.

I DO BELIEVE THAT'S TRUE.

ALL RIGHT, SO WHAT'S LANDED FATALBERT BACK IN THE NEWS?

>> HE HAS BEEN ACCUSED BY MORETHAN 50 DIFFERENT WOMEN OF

SEXUAL ASSAULT.

NOW, BILL COSBY IS SUING SEVENOF HIS ACCUSERS.

>> Larry: HOLD UP.

COSBY IS SUING WOMEN WHO ACCUSEDHIM?

SO IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO BLAME THEVICTIM AND SHAME THE VICTIMS.

NOW YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOURSELFTHE VICTIM?

WELL, I GUESS THERE'S NOTHINGMORE 'MURICCAN THAN THAT

THAT'S LIKE IF JEFFREY DAHMERSUED THE FAMILIES OF HIS

VICTIMS BECAUSE HE GOT SICKAFTER EATING THEM.

EVEN THOUGH DOZENS OF ACCUSERSHAVE COME OUT AGAINST COSBY,

HE'S COUNTER-SUING THE WOMENFILING A DEFAMATION LAWSUIT

AGAINST THEM IN MASSACHUSETTS.

>> HE IS SAYING THE WOMEN WHOHAVE BEEN ACCUSING HIM OF SEXUAL

ASSAULT HAVE ACTUALLY UNLAWFULLYCAUSED HIM EMOTIONAL DISTRESS.

( LAUGHTER )>> Larry: THIS IS CAUSING HIM

EMOTIONAL DISTRESS.

WHAT ABOUT THE DISTRESS IT'SCAUSING THE WOMEN?

IT'S ALSO CAUSING US EMOTIONALDISTRESS.

YOU THINK I LIKE TALKING ABOUTTHIS ( BLEEP ) ALL YEAR?

THAT'S RIGHT, ( BLEEP ).

I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU.

THAT'S RIGHT ( BLEEP ).

I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU.

THAT'S RIGHT, ( BLEEP ).

I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU.

I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU( BLEEP ).

( BLEEP ).

BILL COSBY,HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU.

>> EVEN OUR COMMENTATORS HAVEN'TFORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU.

>> I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU( BLEEP ).

>> I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUTYOU.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )TALKING ABOUT THIS COSBY STORY

IS KILLING ME.

THIS IS WHAT I LOOKED LIKE AYEAR AGO WHEN I STARTED THIS

SHOW.

( LAUGHTER )YES!

I WAS SO BEAUTIFUL THEN, YOUGUYS!

I WAS GORGEOUS!

SO I'M HAPPY TO SAY THAT THISSTORY MARKS THE END OF A

YEAR OF COSBY COVERAGE ON CANTHE NIGHTLY SHOW

BUT 2016 IS COMING.

I'M NOT ABOUT TO FORGET YOU,( BLEEP ).

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

IT'S THE HOLIDAY SEASON AND ITMEANS IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR

WHEN PEOPLE TRAVEL TO SEE FAMILYAND FRIENDS AND COLLECT PRESENTS

FROM PEOPLE WHO ARE COMPLETELYOUT OF TOUCH.

BY THE WAY, THANKS, AUNT JUDY.

I LOVE MY NEW ZUNE.

NOW, THIS TRAVEL REQUIRES PEOPLETO FLY ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT

IF YOU'RE TAKING OFF FROMAMERICA, IT MAY BE HARDER THAN

YOU THINK.

>> WE HAVE SEEN SIGNIFICANTABUSE AND MISUSE OF THE NO-FLY

LIST.

NUMBER ONE, JUST THE FACT THATTHERE'S A SECRET LIST THAT THE

GOVERNMENT USES TO DEPRIVEINDIVIDUALS OF THEIR RIGHT TO

TRAVEL WITHOUT ANY DUE PROCESS.

>> OF THE 71,000 NAMES ON THELIST IN 2007, ROUGHLY HALF OF

THEM WERE THERE BY MISTAKE.

>> Larry: THAT'S RIGHT.

THE SECRET LIST THE GOVERNMENTKEEPS TO PREVENT TERRORISTS FROM

GETTING ON PLANES IS ACTUALLYJUST PREVENTING A LOT OF

NON-TERRORISTS FROM EVER LEAVINGAMERICA.

AND THE CRAZIEST PART IS, YOUCAN'T EVEN GET OFF THE LIST ONCE

YOU'RE ON IT.

SO BASICALLY, THE GOVERNMENTMAKES A CLERICAL ERROR, AND YOUR

LIFE IS RUINED.

HA-HA!

WHAT JOY.

( LAUGHTER )AND, YOU KNOW, TO ME THIS ISN'T

EVEN A SURPRISE.

I MEAN, DID ANYONE THINK THEGOVERNMENT WAS GOING TO GET THIS

RIGHT.

THEY COULDN'T EVEN PREVENT( BLEEP ) SNAKES FROM GETTING ON

THAT ( BLEEP ) PLANE.

AM I RIGHT?

I THINK I'M RIGHT ABOUT THIS?

THOSE POOR PEOPLE NEVER FORGET.

BUT THIS IS MY PROBLEM WITHTHESE GOVERNMENT WATCH PROGRAMS

LIKE "SEE SOMETHING, SAYSOMETHING."

I LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY.

I LITERALLY SEE SOMETHING EVERYDAY THAT I COULD SAY SOMETHING

ABOUT, RIGHT?

BUT I GET IT.

I GET IT.

WE LIVE IN DANGEROUS TIMES.

WE HAVE TO BE VIGILANT, BUT WEALSO HAVE A CONSTITUTION.

I'M JUST SAYING-- YOU KNOW WHOSEJOB THIS SHOULD BE?

ELF ON THE SHELF?

RIGHT?

YOU GUYS KNOW ABOUT THIS?PARENTS PUT HIM IN ROOMS AROUND

THE HOUSE AND TELL THEIR KIDSTHE ELF IS WATCHING THEM AND

REPORTING BACK TO SANTA.

I MEAN, HEY, CAN'T WE PUT ELFSAND SHELVES ALL AROUND NEW YORK?

THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.

AND THEN WE COULD GO BACK TO NOTLOOKING OR SAYING ANYTHING,

RIGHT?

OKAY, WELL, I THOUGHT I'D GORIGHT TO THE SOURCE ON THAT

QUESTION SO PLEASE WELCOME ANELF ON THE SHELF.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE>> WHAT'S UP, LARRY?

>> Larry: HEY, ELF.

NOW YOUR JOB IS TO COMPILE THENAUGHTY OR NICE LIST FOR SANTA,

RIGHT?

>> NORMALLY, YES, BUT,UNFORTUNATELY, THIS YEAR, SANTA

WON'T BE DELIVERING NO TOYS, ALLRIGHT.

>> Larry: OH, MAN.

WHAT-- IS HE OKAY?

>> HE'S FINE, HE'S FINE.

HE'S JUST ON THE NO-FLY LIST,YOU KNOW.

( LAUGHTER )HOLY BABY JESUS, HOW DID THAT

HAPPEN?

>> I SAW SOMETHING AND I SAIDSOMETHING, LARRY.

THAT'S WHAT I DID.

>> Larry: NO, WAIT, WAIT, NO,NO, NO, NO.

ELF, YOU GOT SANTA ON THE NO-FLYLIST BECAUSE OF SEE SOMETHING,

SAY SOMETHING?

>> HE'S A BEARDED DUDE WHO COMESINTO THIS COUNTRY DROPPING OFF

MYSTERIOUS PACKAGES EVERYWHERE.

( LAUGHTER )THESE DAYS THAT'S KIND OF A

PROBLEM, LARRY.

>> Larry: NO, NO, NO, NO.

ELF!

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SANTA!

I MEAN, YOU KNOW HIM.

HE'S A NICE MAN.

>> A NICE MAN, REALLY, LARRY?

YOU SOUND LIKE EVERY NEIGHBORWHO'S EVER LIVED NEXT DOOR TO A

TERRORIST.

OH, THAT BOY FROM UP THE WAY,HE'S SO NICE.

HE ALWAYS SEEMED NORMAL.

THAT'S NOT GOING TO BE ME,LARRY.

NOT GOING TO BE ME.

>> Larry: NO, ELF, ELF, YOU'REMAKING A HUGE MISTAKE.

SANTA CAN'T BE ON THE NO-FLYLIST.

YOU'RE RUINING CHRISTMAS.

>> DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER ONTHE SHELF.

MY JOB IS TO OBSERVE.

SANTA ALREADY CALLED ME ASNITCH-ASS BITCH.

>> Larry: I DON'T BELIEVESANTA WOULD USE THOSE WORDS.

>> HE DID.

HE'S A BAD MAN.

>> Larry: I'M NOT TRYING TO BEON YOUR BACK BUT DON'T YOU THINK

YOU'VE GONE TOO FAR?

>> DUDE!

NOT MY JOB TO THINK.

THE GOVERNMENT WANTS US TOREPORT SHADY ( BLEEP ).

A DUDE IN A VELOUR TRACK SUIT,KIND OF OBSESSED WITH CHILDREN

( LAUGHTER )IT'S WORTH REPORTING.

THAT'S SOMETHING TO REPORT.

SO-->> Larry: IT SOUNDS BAD WHEN

YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT.

LOOK, I GET YOU CAN NEVER, TRULYKNOW SOMEONE BUT WE NEED SANTA

OUT THERE ON CHRISTMAS.

HOW DO WE GET HIM OFF THE LIST?

I DON'T KNOW.

TELL HIM TO SHAVE.

STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE'SCHIMNEYS.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, THEIRKIDS, ALL RIGHT?

>> HEY, MAN, IT'S NOT MY JOB TOTHINK OF ( BLEEP ).

I'M JUST AN ELF ON A SHELF.

>> Larry: THIS IS ALL TOO MUCHFOR ME.

ELF ON THE SHELF, EVERYBODY,WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

I'M HERE WITH MY PANEL.

FIRST UP, "NIGHTLY SHOW"CONTRIBUTOR RORY

ALBANESE, "NIGHTLY SHOW"CONTRIBUTOR ROBIN THEDE, AND

HE'S AN ACTOR AND AUTHOR WHOSEBOOK "MIXED ME" IS AVAILABLE

NOW, TAYE DIGGS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )AND FOR EVERYONE AT HOME JOIN

OUR CONVERSATION RIGHT NOWTWITTER

@NIGHTLY SHOW" USING THE HASHTAG"TONIGHTLY."

THERE WAS AN ARTICLE WHERESCIENTISTS STITCHED TOGETHER

WHAT THEY BELIEVE JESUS LOOKEDLIKE AND HE'S A LITTLE DIFFERENT

FROM WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE USEDTO SEEING.

FIRST LET'S LOOK AT TRADITIONALJESUS.

>> THERE HE IS!

>> Larry: AND NOW LET'S SEENEW DEMOGRAPHICALLY CORRECT

JESUS.

OH, YEAH.

>> WAIT A MINUTE!

>> Larry: YEAH!

( LAUGHTER )OKAY DO YOU THINK PEOPLE ARE

GOING TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITHTHIS?

>> OF COURSE, THEY'RE GOING TOHAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS.

IT'S JESUS.

EVERYTHING WITH JESUS IS ATHING.

THAT'S A BIG DEAL.

IT'S ANOTHER SCIENCE VERSUSRELIGION MOMENT WHERE SCIENCE IS

LIKE, YOU KNOW THAT MAGICAL GUYYOU LOVE SO MUCH.

THIS IS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE?

HE LOOKS LIKE AN UBER DRIVER.

GOT YOU, RELIGION!

GOT YOU, RELIGION!

LARRY, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKINGABOUT.

COME ON, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

>> HE'S SO SWARTHY, THIS NEWJESUS.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO USETHAT WORD CORRECTLY.

>> Larry: DO YOU THINK YOUNEED YOUR GOD TO LOOK LIKE YOU

IN ORDER TO WORSHIP THAT GOD?

>> I THINK-- I THINK YOUSHOULDN'T.

I THINK IT'S KIND OF-- KIND OFHYPOCRITICAL.

I THINK IT SHOULDN'T MATTER WHATTHIS CAT LOOKS LIKE.

WHAT SHOULD MATTER IS WHAT HESAID, WHAT HE STANDS FOR, HOW HE

LIVED, OF COURSE,, OF COURSE.

BUT-- I MEAN, I KNOW-- GROWINGUP WE ALL THOUGHT THAT WHOLE

REFERENCE TO HAIR LIKE LAMBSWOOL.

>> RIGHT.

>> WE ALL THOUGHT OKAY HE HAD A'FRO, WITH A PICK IN IT.

>> ABSOLUTELY, ABSOLUTELY!

>> THAT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE.

>> THAT'S THE VELVET JESUS WEHAVE AT MY HOUSE!

>> IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE.

LIKE, HE'S FROM THE MIDDLE EAST.

HE'S GOING TO LOOK LIKE A MANNERGUY.

HE'S NOT GOING TO LOOK LIKE ANIRISH DUDE, YOU KNOW WHAT I

MEAN?

HE'S JUST NOT GOING TO LOOK LIKETHAT.

>> BLACK PEOPLE THINK THINK HEWAS DARK.

THEY THOUGHT HE WAS BLACK.

>> WE COME IN ALL COLORS.

LOOK AT US.

WHY CAN'T JESUS BE LIGHTSKINNED?

I DON'T KNOW.

>> IT'S TRUE, IT'S TRUE.

BUT IT DOES-- KNOW WHAT ILIKE ABOUT IT?

>> HIGH YELLOW JESUS!>> I THINK JESUS WENT TO HOWARD

>> HE HAD THAT GOOD HAIR!

>> I DO LOVE THAT IT'S LIKE HECAT PHISHED US. HE SHOWED UP.

AND WE WERE LIKE WHAT'S UP,JESUS?

>> Larry: WHAT DO YOU THINKWOULD BE THE BIGGEST RESISTANCE

TO THIS JESUS?

DO YOU THINK THERE WOULD BE ARESISTANCE?

>> YES.

>> OF COURSE,.

>> Larry: HERE'S WHAT WOULDHAVE TO HAPPEN.

I'MING CATHOLIC.

THEY WOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGHTHE WHOLE CHURCH AND CHANGE ALL

THE JESUSES ON CROSS.

>> SO TRUE.

>> NOBODY IS MAKING THOSECHANGES.

>> Larry: YOU DON'T THINKTHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN?

>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.

>> Larry: THE EVIDENCEDOESN'T MATTER?

>> NO.

>> RELIGIOUS PEOPLE, GENERALLYSPEAKING, AREN'T HUGE FANS OF

SCIENCE.

BUT, ALSO, IT'S LIKE YOU SAID ATTHE TOP, MY FAVORITE PART ABOUT

IT IS ALL THESE CHRISTIANPEOPLE, YOUR MIKE HUCKABEES AND

ALL THESE GUYS ARE ALWAYSTALKING ABOUT JESUS, JESUS,

JESUS, THIS IS THE KIND OF JESUSTHEY WOULDN'T LET INTO AMERICA.

>> WORD UP, WORD UP.

THAT'S FOR REAL.

>> AND THE BEST PART ABOUT ITIS YOU CAN'T EVEN KEEP HIM OUT

BECAUSE HE CAN WALK ON WATERKNOW WHAT I MEAN?

( BLEEP ) HE WILL FIND A WAY IN!

HE WILL FIND A WAY IN!

>> Larry: CAN YOU PUT UP THEOLD JESUS/NEW JESUS?

OKAY, LET ME ASK YOU, STRAIGHTUP, WHICH ONE OF THESE GUYS DO

YOU THINK KNOWS MORE ABOUTCARPENTRY?

( LAUGHTER )I'M JUST ASKING.

I'M JUST ASKING.

>> IT'S VERY TRUE.

IF MAKE-BELIEVE, LIKE, 12-PACKJESUS, THE GUY WITH THE ABS,

HANGING IN CHURCH, SUPER HEROJESUS CAME OVER WITH A HAMMER,

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIXANYTHING.

>> I THINK YOU JUST DESCRIBEDTHOR.

>> Larry: WHY IS JESUS SO CUTALL THE TIME GIDON'T KNOW, BUT I

LOVE IT.

I LOVE IT.

IT IS WHY I WENT TO CHURCH.

THE DAY THEY MAKE JESUS LOOKLIKE IDRIS, I'M GOING SEVEN DAYS

A WEEK.

I'M GOING SEVEN DAYS A WEEK.

>> Larry: THAT'S THE NEXTSTEP.

>> HALLELUJAH.

s THAT'S SO FUNNY.

>> Larry: I HAVE TO SHOW ONEMORE.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE JESUS.

BEN CARSON HAS A PICTURE OF HISJESUS.

( LAUGHTER )>> WHAT IS THAT!

>> Larry: WHY CAN'T THIS BEJESUS?

WAIT, WHICH ONE IS JESUS?

OKAY THE ONE IN THE BACK.

>> I HAVE TO BE HONEST, YOUSHOULD JUST DO A SHOW WHERE YOU

JUST SHOW PICTURES OF JESUS.

THAT IS THE BEST THING OF ALLTIME.

>> WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT IS WRONGWITH JESUS?

>> IT LOOKS LIKE HE-->> OMPA-LOOMPA JESUS.

>> IT LOOKS LIKE HE WENT TOWHARF IN SAN FRANCISCO AND SAID,

"DO ME IN JESUS."

>> Larry: A PICTURE THAT LOOKSLIKE JESUS IS PHOTO BOMBING HIM.

>> WHY ARE THEY BOTH IN CREEPYWHITE ROBES LIKE THEY'RE GOING

TO THE SPA TOGETHER?

WHAT IS THAT?

>> LIKE THEY JUST CAME FROM ACOUPLE'S MASSAGE.

RIGHT THERE ALONE, BEN CARSONSHOULD NOT BE PRESIDENT JUST FOR

HAVING THAT IN HIS HOUSE.

>> Larry: ON THAT NOTE, MERRYCHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.