Global Warning

  • Season 3, Ep 13
  • 04/14/2015

Woody tries to create the biggest carbon footprint ever while Ethel counteracts his behavior by becoming Amish.

♪ Happy Dappy Bird

♪ I love Dappy Bird

♪ I have no life,and I'm dead on the inside ♪

♪ Happy Dappy Bird

Hey!Why'd you throw away my phone?

Because it's up to usto counterbalance the damage

that Woody is doingto this planet.

We've got to go green and cutour carbon footprints to zero.

Can I at least keepmy vibrator?

It's green.

I'm pretty sure it was whitewhen you bought it.

I feel like we've madesome good progress here.

I can feel Mother Earthhealing.

[engine revving]

[parade music]

(Woody)Hey, Ethel, how do you like

my "global warming's bullshit"parade?

Yay!A parade!

Shut up, Connie.

This whole thing isa "[bleep] you" to me.

What makes you feelthat way?

That sign does.


Every float expandsmy carbon footprint,

including the Woody Johnsonmusical farting cows.

[cows farting 1812 Overture]


Now, how can thatnot put a smile on your face?

- I hate cows.- What? How could you hate cows?

There's something offabout them.

They're always watching uswith those dead eyes.

It's likethey're planning something.

You scared of cows!

I'm not scared of cows.

Well, let's go say hello.

No, no, no!

[laughing]Hey, everybody,

Malloy's scared of cows!

Okay, maybe a little.

But it'sbecause of my animal instinct.

I have heightened senses.

Trust me,I don't want this gift.


Connie, it's going to bea heavy flow day.

(Connie)Thanks, Malloy.

Well, I think cowsare cool,

especially onesthat can fart Mozart.

[farting Symphony Number 40in G Minor]


Oh, Ethel,you should see the look

on your stupid fa--Ahh!



How you likeyour road eggs?

Same way I like my road head:runny and in my mouth.

Uh, how about I justscramble these?


Who the hell set the thermostatto 38 degrees?

[shivering]Woody did.

Woody, that issuch a waste of energy.

Don't you careabout our planet at all?

[babbles mockingly]Oh, shut up, Ethel.

Our planet is fine.

It was here 2,015 yearsbefore me

and it'll be here 2,015 yearsafter me.

Wow. Don't you know anythingabout the history of the Earth?

I know plenty.Here's a free history lesson.

Listen and learn.

(Steve)♪ Jesus! Came to Earthin a ball of fire ♪

♪ Jesus!He killed all the dinosaurs ♪

♪ Jesus!Uppercutting T. rex ♪

♪ Jesus!Karate kick that mother[bleep] ♪

♪ Jesus! Shooting fireballsand lightning bolts ♪

♪ Jesus!Making oil for Republicans ♪

♪ Jesus

And that's pretty much it.Cue the theme song.