@midnight
Season 1

Monday, November 11, 2013

  • Season 1, Ep 0113
  • 11/11/2013

John Hodgman, Grace Helbig and Kurt Braunohler question someone who still uses Myspace and guess whether tweets are hashtagged #stoned, #drunk or #pregnant.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES IT'S "RAPID REFRESH."

MAKES ME SO HAPPY IN WEEK FOURPLEEM PROOEM APPLAUDING THE

SEGMENTS.

THE FIRST COUPLE OF WEEKS ITWAS, "OKAY, I GUESS THEY'RE

DOING THAT NOW."

IT'S NICE YOU'RE INVOLVED.

THE FIRST COMEDIAN TO BUZZ INWITH THE CORRECT ANSWER GETS 100

POINTS.

PROFESSIONAL RACIST ANDOCCASIONAL FOOTBALL PLAYER,

RICHIE INCOGNITO, IS CLAIMINGTHAT ONE OF HISS ALLEGED THREAD

TO MARTIN WAS A REFERENCE TOTO AN ADORABLE DOG MEME.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING DOG MEMESDOES INCOGNITO CLAIM HE IS

REFERENCING?

A, "WAKE?

EITHER WAY, WE PLAY OR YOU DIE."

B, "I CUT A BITCH IF SHE CROSSME."

C, "I WILL MURDER YOUR WHOLE( BLEEP ) FAMILY.

( LAUGHTER )YES, KURT.

>> IT'S C.

>> YES, THE CORRECT ANSWER IS C!

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS C.

( APPLAUSE )DO YOU BELIEVE RICHIE RICHIE

INCOGNITO'S STORY THAT HE WASJUST REFERENCING A MEME?

>> ON THE INTERNET THAT'S THENICEST THING YOU CAN SAY.

THAT'S HOW I GREETED YOU WHEN ICAME IN TODAY AND WE LOVE EACH

OTHER.

>> YES, YES, YES, THANK YOU FORDAELG TALE ME YOU WERE GOING TO

MURDER MY WHOLE ( BLEEP )FAMILY.

>> EVERYONE KNOWS IT'S A JOKE.

YOU DON'T HAVE A FAMILY.

YOU'RE ALONE IN THE WORLD.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU'RESAYING.

I'M HYPNOTIZED BY THE CURLICUESON YOUR MUSTACHE RIGHT NOW.

>> EACH SIDE HAS ITS OWN ARTISANPICKLE FACTORY.

MOVING ON, MOVING ON.

ON LAST NIGHT'S EUROPEAN MUSICAWARDS IN AMSTERDAM, DURING HER

ACCEPTANCE SPEECH, MILEY CYRUSCITY WHERE THAT'S LEGAL!

>> I COULDN'T FIT THIS AWARD INMY BAG.

BUT I DID FIND THIS.

SO THANK YOU, GUYS, VERY MUCH.

>> THAT'S SO EDGY.

>> IT LOOKS LIKE SHE'S AT AGREEN SCREEN CONVENTION.

( LAUGHTER )>> AND SHE IS ALONE IN HER

BEDROOM?

( APPLAUSE ).

>> SOME OF THE FINEST GREENSCREEN TECHNOLOGY.

WHAT DID SHE TWEET ABOUT IT THEFOLLOWING MORNING?

A, SOMETIMES IN LIFE, YOU JUSTGOTTA DECIDE NOT TO GIVE A

( BLEEP ).

WHICH IS WHAT I THINK AF STANDSFOR.

>> THAT'S WHY SHE'S SMOKINGWEED!

B, STILL HIGH AS ( BLEEP ).

THIS "FAMILY GUY" EPISODE IS FAFLOL.

C, IMA B ME, ALL Y'ALL H8Z CANS AND D.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

WHAT DID SHE TWEET?

YES, HODGMAN?

>> I AM GOING TO SAY SOMETIMESIN LIFE YOU HAVE TO DECIDE JUST

NOT TO GIVE A ( BLEEP ).

>> YES!

>> WHICH HODGMAN SAYS IT, ITDISW SOUND LIKE A PROFESSOR

READING A BOOK.

>> IT DOES!

IT SEEMS THAT MILEY HAS ZERO( BLEEP ) LEFT TO GIVE.

>> WELCOME TO MY SEMINAR.

>> IT WAS THE BEST OF ( BLEEP ).

IT WAS THE WORST OF ( BLEEP ).

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

IT IS TIME FOR TONIGHT'S HASHTAGWAR!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )TODAY IS VETERANS DAY.

IF YOU ARE A VRN, THANK YOU FORSERVICE TO OUR COUNTRY.

BUT THAT ALSO--( APPLAUSE ).

>> YES, YES.

THAT ALSO MEANS BESIDES THANKINGAND HONORING VETERANS WE WATCHED

ACTION MOVIE MARATHONS ON TV ALLDAY.

WITH THAT IN MIND, TONIGHT'SHASHTAG IS #SUCKYACTIONMOVIES.

EXAMPLES OF THESE MIGHT BE DIESOFT.

OR HOBO COP.

OR TOYOTATHON MAN.

YOU GUYS CAN PLAY ALONG AT HOMEBY TWEETING YOUR

#SUCKYACTIONMOVIES TO THE"@MIDNIGHT" TWITTER ACCOUNT.

KURT.

>> IRONING MAN.

>> POINT, POINTS.

>> THE FLIRT LOCKER!

( LAUGHTER ).

>> POINTS!

YES, COUNTER.

>> THE SQUIRT LOCKER.

>> THAT'SSUCKY AND DISTURBING.

POINTS.

YES, HODGMAN.

>> LEE CHILD'S CRANK TWO HIGHVOLTAGE.

>> POINT, POINTS KURT.

>> THE PERMNATOR.

>> GRACE.

BYE ROBOT.>> OH, GOOD-BYE ROBOT.

>> IT'S A BISEXUAL ROBOT.

>> I CANNOT DECIDE I LIKE AC ANDDC.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE ).

>> PLANET OF THE GRAPES.

>> PLANET OF THE GRAPES WOULD BEA REALLY SUCKY ACTION MOVIE.

♪ IT WAS EARTH ALL ALONG ♪.

>> ALIEN DEFENDS PREDATOR.

>> VERY SWEET.

MAYBE NOT SO SUCKY.

GRACE, LAST ONE.

>> JAW!

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

WELL DONE!

MERRY CHRISTMAS OLIVER.

>> THE CHILD HAS DONE WELL!

THE CHILD HAS DONE WELL!

>> WHO'S GOT HALF A BRAIN NOWMOTHER ( BLEEP )!

IT'S TIME FOR STONED, DRUNK, OR PREGNANT.

I'M GOING TO READ A TWEET WITH AHASHTAG.

FOR 250 POINTS, YOU HAVE TO TELLME IF THE HASHTAG IS #STONED,

#DRUNK, OR #PREGNANT.

I ACCIDENTALLY JUST TOOK MYSHIRT OFF AND THREW IT AWAY.

YES, KURT.

>> PREGNANT.

PREGNANT, PREGNANT, PREGNANT.

>> THE ANSWER IS STONED, STONED.

SO NO POINTS.

>> THAT'S FINE.

THE JOKE TO ME WAS WORTH IT.

>> PREGNANT IS LIKE BEING BABYSTONED, RIGHT?

>> I SAID IT WAS JUST LIKE CHECKOUT MY BELLY!

I DON'T NEED IT ANYMORE!

( BLEEP ) BORED.

I'M ABOUT TO GET WASTED.

GRACE.

>> PREGNANT, DRUNK PREGNANT.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE ).

>> ARE YOU GOING WITH DRUNK ORPREGNANT GIKNOW, I'M GOING TO GO

WITH THE CLASSY PREGNANT.

>> YES, FORTUNATELY, THAT'SPREGNANT, GETTING WASTED.

WELL DONE.

>> WHAT!

IT'S TEEN MOM AMBER, RIGHT,MAYBE?

>> A WHOLE NEW KIND OF AMBERALERT.

( LAUGHTER )DON'T LET THAT WOMAN DRINK WITH

A BABY IN HER BODY.

>> THERE WAS ALREADY AN AMBERVAN DORN.

THAT MEANS SHE WAS BLOCKEDDEDAND HAD TO MAKE A NEW ONE.

>> NO, NO, NO, SHE GOT REALLYPREGNANT ONE NIGHT AND DELETED

HER FIRST ACCOUNT.

( APPLAUSE )I'M NOT SURE WHAT THIS NEXT ONE

MINES MOOENS BUT I'M DELIGHTEDBY IT.

JUST AN EMOTIONAL ASS MOMENT.

LET THAT SOAK IN.

YES, KURT.

>> STOAPPED.

>> NO, THAT IS DRUNK.

>> ARE YOU JOKING!

>> VERY EMOTIONAL-->> LIKE, I JUST HAD AN EMOTIONAL

ASS MOMENT.

( LAUGHTER ).

>> IS THAT A UTERUS, OR IS THATA BIRD WITH GIANT BALLS?

>> YES, I THINK--( LAUGHTER )

BEFORE THE BREAK I SHOWED YOUTHIS FLYING DRESS THAT LADY GAGA

WORE BECAUSE SHE'S BASICALLY APUPPY AND NEEDS YOUR ATTENTION

AT ALL TIMES OR SHE WILL PEA ONTHE CARPET.

THIS DRESS IS CALLED THEVALENTIS.

COMEDIANS WHAT, IS YOUR URBANDICTIONARY DEFINITION OF

VOLANTIS.

>> MY WET DREAM OF AMERICA'SONLY GAY AIR TRAFFIC

CONTROLLERS.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

THERE'S ONLY ONE.

>> JOHN HODGMAN.

>> WHAT OBAMA DOESN'T WANT YOUTO KNOW ABOUT THE SECRET DRONE

PROGRAM.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> KURT BRAUNOHLER.

>> NOW DA VINCI STATUSNIGHTMARE.

>> I'M GOING TO GIVE 1,000 TOKURT BRAUNOHLER.

>> ALL RIGHT YOU GUYS IT IS TIMEFOR OUR FINAL SPEED GAME.

IT'S ANYONE'S GAME AT THISPOINT.

IT'S TIME TO PLAY ASK MEANYTHING.

>> IT WAS ANNOUNCED TODAY THEREWERE MASSIVE LAYOFFS AT MYSPACE.

REMEMBER THE BEGINNING OF THESHOW.

THE BIGGER NEWS IS MYSPACE ISSTILL AROUND.

A LOT OF PEOPLE DIDN'T KNOWTHAT.

MYSPACE IS DESPERATE TO RECOVERANY KIND OF RELEVANCE SO, COMED

WRANS, I AM STILL A MYSPACEUSER.

ASK ME ANYTHING.

I AM STILL A MYSPACE USER, ASKME ANYTHING.

60 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK AND GO.

KURT.

>> IS THIS TOM?

( LAUGHTER )>> HE'S SO FRIGGING WEALTHY.

POINTS, YES.

KURT.

>> CAN I GET MYSPACE ON MYBEEPER?

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE ).

>> A FAIR QUESTION, POINTS.

GRACE?

>> HOW TALL IS TEALA TEQUILA?

>> POINTS, POINTS.

KURT.

>> WHAT'S IT LIKE DATINGUNDERAGED GIRLS?

>> I'M UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT BUTI'LL ALLOW IT.

POINTS.

HODGMAN.

>> IF YOU ARE BEING HELDHOSTAGE, TYPE LINK TWICE.

>> POINTS, POINTS.

GRACE.

>> WHY DID YOU STOP AT ONLY TWOLIP RINGS?

>> POINTS.

A FAIR QUESTION.

KURT.

>> DON'T TATE ME, BRO.

J.K., YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T HEARDOF THAT YET.

>> POINT.

>> WHOSE SPACE!

WHOSE SPACE?

>> NO, I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOUPOINT FOR THAT.

TAKE THOSE POINTS AWAY.

GRACE.

>> HAVE YOU BEEN GETTING MYPOKES?

>> POINTS.

Loading...