12 Angry Men Inside Amy Schumer

  • Season 3, Ep 3
  • 05/05/2015

A jury made up entirely of men debate whether or not Amy is hot enough to be on TV.

they foundin her green room?


You tell me that!

That supposedly hotand (bleep) girl, huh?

The one she bought

that was the size ofa midget's fist!

Why do you needone of those

if guys wantto (bleep) you, hmm?


Let's talkabout that!

All right,let's talk about it.

Let's get it in hereand take a look at it.

You want to see the dildo?He wants to see the dildo,

he's gonna see the dildo.

(man 2)We all knowwhat it looks like,

but what are we gonna getfrom seeing it again?

I'm sick of it.I've seen it ten times!

I'm sick of it!(man 3)The gentleman has a right

to see the exhibitsin evidence.

(man 4)A dildo ispretty good evidence

no one willpork her.

My God, it lookslike a femur.

(man 4)I mean, why evenmake those things?

Women don't needorgasms.

That's science.

Lots of peoplehave them.

I have one.

Hey, what'sthe big idea!Whoa!

What are youplaying at?

Oh, bother.

It's my wife's.

She doesn't use itbecause she's alone.

Quite the opposite,actually.

We use it,and we love it.

He must be hunglike a hamster.

I am perfectlyaverage.

And I havea donkey dick.

Hey, let's takeanother vote.

If anybody thinksthat Amy Schumer

shouldn't beon the TV

'cause she's nothot enough

for whatever reason...

raise your hands.

And those who thinkthat she is hot enough?

You're on boardwith the toad now?

I wanted to (bleep) Natalie,from "Facts of Life."

I did.I wanted to (bleep) her,

and I wanted to fall asleepwith my head on her stomach.

And Amy is hotterthan Natalie, so...

I'm sorry...but I'd (bleep) both of 'em!

And I want to (bleep)Blake Shelton.

Has the worldgone mad?

This girl thinks she deservesto be on camera?

She's not a "10"!

Maybe you're nota "10" either.

(bleep) you, man!(all) Hey, hey, hey!

(bleep) you, man!(bleep) you!

Do you reallymean that?

Do you reallywant to (bleep) me?

Or are you justbeing a tease?

So, you just carry thataround wherever you go?

In case a dildo-basedargument breaks out?

(foreman)So we've now voted16 more times,

and the votenow stands at 9-3

in favor of Amy Schumer is hot enough.

So we're kind of in a--

in a... pickle here.

(traffic honking)

(man 5)I'm willing to listento your arguments.

I just still don't havea reasonable chub.

And honestly,I'm losing faith

that you're goingto be able

to convince meto have one.

Do you wear your glasses

when you watch televisionat night?

Like, when you're in bedbefore you go to sleep?

Well, not always.Why?

Do we really needto look at her again?

She's built likea lineman,

and she has CabbagePatch-like features.

Her ass makes mefurious!

I mean,it's just sitting there,

like an asshole.

And her mouth!It's so small.

How does a girl get so bigwith a mouth that small?


How far away is your TVfrom your bed?

I'd say aboutten feet.Okay.

I'm gonna measure outten feet.

Oh, for cryingout loud!

This is a circus!Nine... ten.

Take a lookat her now.

What do you think?


Okay, fine.Take your glasses off.

When you're in bed,do you drink?

Every nightuntil I black out.

What of it?Yeah, what of it?

So, you're layingin bed drunk.

You don't haveyour glasses on,

so some of her flawsare softened.

Correct.So you're just seeing

a general blondeness.

And legs,and boobs,

and, presumably,a vagina.


If you leftyour glasses off...

Isn't it possible...

You would consider at leasta few exploratory tugs?

I would.

I have a reasonable chub.Excuse me.

(man 2)This doesn'tmean anything.

I got perfecteyesight.

She never stops lookinglike John C. Reilly to me.

Why can't we haveMarilyn Monroe back, huh?

Do you know what sizeMarilyn Monroe was?

She was an eight!So?

Amy's a six.I don't give a damn!

Do you havea reasonable chub?

Get out of my face!

Do you havea reasonable chub?

No!Let's see it!Prove it!

He does.That's a chub.

It's a fullchub.

God help me.