Two Weeks Notice

  • Season 1, Ep 2
  • 10/02/2012

Ethel runs a camp for the blind, and Steve contracts a rare disease from a hooker.

I WILL HAVE YOU KNOWTHAT MY SELF-CENTERED ASS

JUST SCORED WITH THE HOTTEST,SEXIEST WOMAN

IN THE WHOLE WORLD!

- I DON'TBELIEVE IT.

- AND, SHE ONLY WANTEDTO TALK ABOUT ME.

SHE DIDN'T WASTE MY TIMETALKING ABOUT HER.

OH, YEAH, AND WE HAD THE WILDESTSEX YOU COULD IMAGINE.

IT WASN'T UNTILIT WAS ALL OVER

THAT SHE FINALLY ASKED FORSOMETHING FOR HERSELF.

- WHAT WAS THAT?

- $500.

I'M ASSUMINGIT WAS FOR CAB FARE.

AND I'M ASSUMING THE CAB HAD TOTAKE HER TO A DIFFERENT STATE.

I'M ASSUMING,MEXICO.

- STEVE, I THINKTHAT WOMAN WAS A--

HOW SHOULD IPUT THIS?

- THAT BITCH WAS A HO!

- DON'T TALK ABOUTLADY TANQUERAY LIKE THAT!

BESIDES, IF SHEWAS A PROSTITUTE,

WHY DIDN'T IWEAR A CONDOM?

RIGHT?

- STEVE, HOW MANY TIMESHAVE I WARNED YOU ABOUT

TAKING PART INHIGH-RISK BEHAVIORS?

- OH, MY GOD.

SOMEONE JUST LEFT THISLAYING HERE?

WELL, IT ISCOLD AND FLU SEASON.

IS THAT CORNED BEEF?

I'LL GIVE YOU THREE BUCKSFOR A BITE OF THAT.

WHO WANTS TO BECOMEBLOOD BROTHERS?

ALL OF YOU?OKAY!

- FRANKLY, IT'S ASTATISTICAL MIRACLE

THAT YOU HAVEN'TGOTTEN SICK YET--

- SEE?

- UNTIL NOW.

- WHAT?

- STEVE, MEDICINE DOESN'THAVE WORDS TO DESCRIBE

HOW HORRIFICYOUR ILLNESS IS.

I'VE NEVERSEEN IT BEFORE, BUT--

WELL, TRY TO IMAGINE IFSYPHILIS DID IT WITH CANCER

AND GOT FULL-BLOWN AIDS.

- CAN-A-SYPHIL-AIDS?

- YES,CAN-A-SYPHIL-AIDS.

THAT HAS A NICERING TO IT, STEVE.

THE GOOD NEWS IS, YOU'LL ONLYBE SICK FOR TWO WEEKS.

- YES!

- STEVE?

[gunshots,animals stampeding]

- [slurring]DAMN IT!

COME BACK HERE,CHIPYUNK!

FIGHT LIKEA MAN!

- HEY, STEVE!STOP IT!

- WHY?THERE IS NO GOD.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

- THE DIFFERENCE ISYOU'RE NOT DYING.

[sighing] THE DOCTOR CALLEDLAST WEEK AND TOLD ME.

I JUST DIDN'T TELL YOUBECAUSE I--I REALLY--

I REALLY LIKETHE NEW STEVE.

- BULLSHIT!YOU'RE JUST LYING TO ME

SO I DON'TBLOW BAMBI'S BRAINS OUT.

[gun cocking]- WAIT, STEVE!

OKAY! OKAY!OKAY.

SU--SUPPOSEYOU ARE DYING.

IS THIS REALLY HOW YOU WANT TOSPEND YOUR LAST FEW DAYS?

- YOU KNOW WHAT?YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'M WASTING PRECIOUS TIME.- THANK YOU.

- THERE'S WAY MORE MESSED UPSHIT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO!

[upbeat big band music]

REALLY?

- ANGEL DUST!

Loading...