Jonah and Kumail chat about the Hawaiian language, Todd Barry does some crowd work, Charla Lauriston explains how she got woke, and an audience member gets a tattoo.
Look at these beautiful faces.
- Yeah, we got an old "Meltdown"shirt right there.
Got a "Meltdown" shirt.- Oh, my God.
Wow. You're cool.
What's your name?- Twan.
- Twan? How do you spell that?
- Uh, T-W-A-N.
- Okay, you had to thinkabout it.
- It's not using a littleapostrophe thing, it's--
- Oh, you were like, should I--can Kumail Nanjiani
handle a non-standard name?
- How many apostrophesare in your name?
- I left them out.My stage name has none.
- What is it?Is it Ku'umail?
- No, I'm not from Hawai'i.
- We don't use an apostrophe.It's called an 'okina.
And it's our 13th letter,kind of.
- How many letters are there?
- Your entire language
has 12 1/2 letters?
- Who needs more than that,bruddah?
Cheehoo!- The world.
Don't clap for that.
- Nah, nah,these kind of bruddahs,
they know what up, eh?
- That's why whenever--I went there once,
and all street nameswere like five Ks,
and then a couple Us.
- Yeah, you'll never see
longer street signsthan in Hawaii.
They'll be about this long--- Yeah.
- 'Cause it's, you know.- [mimicking Hawaiian]
- That's--that's most likelya word.
That's most likely...
- Yeah, we were driving,and we would get lost,
and they were like,"Oh, you--I understand.
"You went to [gibberish].
You should have goneto [gibberish]."
- "You're such an idiot.See ya, bruddah."
- You applaud
his blatant racism?
- I can't be racist.
- Why, 'cause you're Italian?
I've recently become.
I don't know if you guysknow that term.
I just got woke.
If you don't know the term,it's a black Twitter term.
It originated on black Twitter,and basically just, like,
a bunch of black--black people on Twitter
got really angry about, like,
all the injustice that'sgoing on in the country,
and the hashtag is #staywoke,so basically,
you just get, like,really angry about injustice,
and then you justdon't go to sleep,
um, 'cause you're so awake
'cause of everythingthat's going on.
And I got super woke rightbefore I went to India.
I went to India--I was, like,shitting on America so much.
I was just, like,America's garbage.
You know, like,uh, Sandra Bland,
and, uh, Flint Water crisis,this is fucking bullshit.
Two days in India,
and I was like...
♪ God bless
Oh, my God, I pledge allegianceto the stands.
Guys, third world countriesare rough.
It was rough.
I'll tell you guysa little bit about me.
I used to be made fun of a lotwhen I was in middle school.
A lot of peopleused to call me an Oreo.
They'd be like,"Charla, you talk white.
"You're white on the insideand black on the outside.
You're an Oreo."
Which I just find so ironic now
because I was recently diagnosed
with a gluten allergy,
which is literallythe whitest ailment,
like, on the planet.
Todd Barry special out of towncelebrity guest.
I did think of an ideaon the way over here.
It sounds impressive, but whenit's a six hour fucking flight,
six hours is actuallya long time.
I've seen shows here--if you combined
all the writing donefor every set
ever done on this stage,
probably two hours.
So I had three timesas much time
to write somethingon the way over here.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say
is let's do some crowd work.
Lady, what's the dealwith the tattoos?
- Me?- Yeah.
What do they mean to you?
- A Modest Mouse one?Oh, my God.
- And the Mountain Goats.Holy shit.
- You like animal bands.
- Yeah, I know what you meantby "Animal bands."
I came up with this ideaon the plane over here.
I know--I'm smart enough to knowwhat animal bands are.