Wednesday, May 27, 2015

  • 05/27/2015

Tom Lennon, Natasha Leggero and Doug Benson #ClickbaitAMovie, evaluate bizarre video resumes and summon a Mexican demon for a Reddit AMA.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES IT'S RAPID REFRESH!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

♪ ISN'T IT TIME TO PLAYRAPID REFRESH ♪

BIG NEWS FOR AMERICA'S SOCCERFANS.

ALL TEN OF YOU.

14 OFFICIAL-- I'M TO THEGOING TO TAKE TWEETS LIKE I

LOVE SOCCER, [BLEEP] YOU!

AND MY RESPONSE IS PLEASE STOPWATCHING THE COMEDY SHOW IF

EVERYTHING UPSETS YOU.

14 OF FIFA'S TOP OFFICIALSHAVE BEEN CHARGED WITH

ACCEPTING MASSIVE BRIBES,FROM EVERYTHING FROM TV RIGHTS,

TO WORLD CUP HOSTING BIDS.

I DID A KICKSTARTER TO TRYTO BRING THE WORLD CUP TO

MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE, A COUPLEOF YEARS AGO.

STILL $399,999,999 TO GO.

>> YOU'RE ON THE BOARD.

YOU'RE ON THE BOARD.

>> Chris: BRING THE WORLD CUP TOMEMPHIS.

BASICALLY IT LOOKS LIKEEVERY SOCCER GAME IS AS

CORRUPT AS A MEETING OF CEMENTMANUFACTREERS IN JERSEY.

IT LOOKS BAD FORPROFESSIONAL SOCCER BUT I'M

SURE THESE NEW DETAILS WILLMAKE FOR SOME EXCITING

EDITION OF THE NEW FIFAVIDEO GAME, THE NEXT

ITERATION, RIGHT?

SO COMEDIANS, WHAT IS A NEWFEATURE IN THE NEW CORRUPT

HEAVY VERSION OF THE GAME,TOM LENNON.

>> IF YOU GET A RED CARD,SUG KNIGHT HANGS YOU OUT A

WINDOW BY YOUR ANKLES.

>> Chris: POINTS.

DOUG BENSON.

>> UH.

THERE IS A BRIBERY ELEMENT INTHE NEW CAME, BUT YOU HAVE

TO USE BITCOIN.

>> Chris: WHAT?

VERY WELL PLAYED.

I GOT YOU.

POINTS TO YOU.

STARBUCKS RECENTLY STRUCKA DEAL WITH SPOTIFY THAT

WILL ALLOW BARISTAs TO PLAYTHEIR PERSONAL PLAYLISTS INSIDE

THEIR COFFEE SHOPS.

THAT IS FANTASTIC.

NOW THE MOST ANNOYING THINGWILL BE MUSIC NOT THE TRUSTFUND

HITCH HIKER WHO WASHES HIS TAINTIN THE SINK.

SOMEBODY'S IN HERE.

♪ I'M TAKING BACK AMERICA

>> ♪ TAINTING BACK AMERICA.

(APPLAUSE)

>> Chris: A HUNDRED POINTS FOREVERYONE FOR THAT.

COMEDIANS, WHAT IS THE FAMEOF A SPOTIFY PLAYLIST YOU

WOULD NOT WANT TO HEAR INYOUR LOCAL STARBUCKS, TOM

LENNON.

>> YO-YO MA PLAYS INSANE CLOWNPOSSES.

>> Chris: YES.

>> IT'S BETTER THAN YOU THINK.

>> Chris: POINTS. DOUG BENSON.

>> SOFTER SIDE OF DETHMETAL.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASHTAG WARS.

WELL, MILLELIANS, YOU GONEAND DONE IT AGAIN, DIDN'T

YOU.

"THE WASHINGTON POST" ISREPORTING THAT THE TERM

CLICKBAIT, WTF AND PHOTOBOMBHAVE ALL BEEN ADDED TO

MERRIAM-WEBSTER'S UNABRIDGEDDICTIONARY.

TAKE THAT.

IN HONOR OF THIS MOSTESTEEMED ACCOMPLISHMENT BY

THE GREATEST GENERATION OFSLACKERS, TONIGHT'S HASTHAG IS

#ClickbaitAMovie!

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE "THIS 25FOOT GREAT WHITE SHARK HAD

THE PERFECT RESPONSE TO ITSHATERS."

OR "15 GHOSTS YOU SIMPLY MUSTBUST."

OR "YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE WHO'SHAVING WHAT SHE IS HAVING."

I WILL PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND BEGIN.

TOM LENNON.

>> WHITE LADY SERVES HER PIETO SEVEN DIFFERENT DWARFS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

DOUG BENSON.

>> WANT TO GO TO SCHINDLER'SPARTY, CLICK HERE TO GET ON

THE LIST.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

POINTS FOR THAT.

NATASHA.

>> DUDE WHERE IS MY CAR?

THE ANSWER MAY SHOCK YOU.

>> Chris: POINTS.

TOM.

>> TOM LENNON'S FOUR WEIRDTRICKS TO PLAYING A DOCTOR

IN EVERY MOVIE.

>> Chris: YOU UNOFFICIALLYSHOULD BE A PHYSICIAN BY NOW.

POINTS FOR TOM LENNON.

DOUG BENSON.

>> I DON'T HAVE ONE.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, I GOTONE.

I GOT ONE.

YOU WON'T BELIEVE HOWEXOLTIC THIS MARIGOLD HOTEL

IS.

>> Chris: OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

POINTS.

>> CLICK HERE TO FIND OUTWHAT KIND OF WEATHER COMES

WITH A SIDE OF MEAT BALLS.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, POINTS.

>> I BARELY UNDERSTAND THISTOPIC.

NOW IT'S TIME TO PAY WEEKENDAT SUNBURNIES.

SUNBURN, THE THING THATWHITE PEOPLE KNOW ALL TOO

WELL.

WE PUT TOGETHER A SELECTIONOF DELIGHTFULLY FRIED

MELANOMA GROUPIES ORMELABRONIES FOR YOU TO LOOK

UPON AND WINCE.

I WILL SHOW YOU A LITTLE BITOF SOMEBODY'S SKIN AND FOR

250 POINTS I WANT YOU TOTELL ME IF THAT PERSON IS

SUNBURNED OR UNBURNED.

FIRST ONE, THIS LOOKSUNMOLESTED BY THE SUN.

WHAT COULD THAT BE, DOUGBENSON.

>> I'M GOING TO GUESS IT ISA BURN BECAUSE IT DOESN'T

LOOK LIKE A BURN.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE.

SUNBURN!

>> HE WAS WEARING DICKLESSSHORTS.

>> Chris: MY PALMS ARE BURNED, ICAN'T JERK OFF!

I CAN'T TAKE BACK AMERICA.

NEXT ONE --

>> HE ACTUALLY LOOKS PRETTYHAPPY.

>> Chris: THIS IS A LANDINGSTRIP OF SOME SORT.

DOUG BENSON.

SOME BURN OR UNBURNED.

>> IT'S GOING TO BE THE SAMETRICK AGAIN.

IT'S SOMEBODY THAT ISBURNED.

>> Chris: YOU THINK YOU KNOW USSO WELL.

>> I THINK SO.

>> Chris: YOU THINK YOU KNOW USSO WELL.

LET'S SEE.

ALL RIGHT, YOU ARE PRETTYCLOSE.

THE LAST GUY LOOKED SO HAPPYBECAUSE HE KNEW HE HAD HIS

DICK ON THIS GUY'S BACKWHILE THEY WERE --

NEXT ONE -- THIS PATCH LOOKSTROUBLING.

IS THIS SUNBURNED OR UNBURNED?

NATASHA LEGGERO.

>> SUNBURNED.

>> Chris: LET'S FIND OUT.

NO, CLASSIC JOHN BOEHNERORANGE.

>> KNOCK, KNOCK.

>> Chris: WHO'S THERE?

>> ORANGE.

>> Chris: ORANGE WHO?

>> ORANGE-FACE JOHN BOEHNER.

>> Chris: YES, ALL RIGHT, I WILLGIVE YOU POINTS FOR THAT.

GUYS, YOU ARE MY FRIEND, I'MNOT STARTING TO LOOK LIKE

THAT, AM I?

>> Chris: NO!

NO!

NO!

WELL -- NO.

>> NO!

>> NO!

>> RIGHT?

>> Chris: NO.

NO.

>> ORANGE YOU GLAD WE DIDN'TSAY YES?

IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXTGAME, RESUMAYDAY

RESUMAYDAY.

THANKS TO YOUTUBE SOMEPEOPLE HAVE THE GOTTEN THE

IDEA THAT THE TICKET TOLANDING THEIR DREAM JOB IS A

QUIRKY HOMEMADE VIDEORESUME.

IT WORKED FOR ONE PERSON,PROBABLY ONCE.

SO WHERE NOT LET THEIREMPLOYERS SEE HOW FILTHY

YOUR LIVING ROOM IS BEHINDYOU.

I'M GOING TO SHOW YOUQUESTIONABLE VIDEO RESUMES

AND FOR 250 POINTS I WANTYOU TO EVALUATE THEM AS JOB

CANDIDATES.

FIRST UP THIS BAREFOOTEDACOUSTIC GUITAR HOPEFUL.

>> Chris: NATASHA, WHAT KIND OFRECOMMENDATION WOULD YOU

GIVE THIS GUY.

>> TENDER LOVER.

>> Chris: DOUG, DO YOU HAVE ARECOMMENDATION FOR HIS NEXT

EMPLOYER.

>> PROBABLY NOT.

>> Chris: OKAY.

HOW IS DOUG WINNING, I FEELLIKE HE'S NOT ANSWERING

ANYTHING.

>> HE'S TO THE-- THEGUY-- THE GUY IS WHO JUST

SAID THAT ISN'T JUST WINNING,HE'S DESTROYING.

>> Chris: YES.

>> HE IS DESTROYING.

>> WHY, WHY, YOU KNOW, SHOWOFF, YOU KNOW.

I LIKE TO LET THE KIDS HAVEA CHANCE.

>> Chris: OH, MAN.

LAST ONE, HERE'S A YOUTUBEPERSONALITY WHO PUT TOGETHER

THIS RESUME TO BE AHOLLYWOOD ACTOR.

>> IT DOESN'T MATTER, I'MSHOENICE. I CAN JUST ACT.

I CAN BE A 35 AREA OLD IDIOT...

A 22-YEAR-OLD COLLEGE KID...

OR JACK NICHOLSON.

YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

>> Chris: I THINK THE MOSTSHOCKING THING ABOUT THIS VIDEO

IS HEARING THAT HE'S 35.

>> SHOT ON A COMPUTER AT THELIBRARY.

>> Chris: IN TERMS OF PASTEXPERIENCE, WHAT ROLE DOES

YOU THINK YOU WITH SEE ONHIS IMBD PAGE, TOM LENNON.

>> GASSY KLAN MEMBER AT RALLY.

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIMETO PLAY CHARLIE, CHARLIE ARE YOU

THERE.

WE'RE GOING TO DO IT.

IT'S ABOUT TO GET ALL DEMONSUMMON-Y UP IN THIS BITCH.

PEOPLE ALL OVER THE COMPUTERARE TAKING THE CARLIE,

CHARLIE CHALLENGE.

CARLIE, CHARLIE IS A MEXICANDEMON THAT WEARS A SOMBRERO

AND HAUNTS THE INTERNET.

ALL YOU GOTTA DO CONTACTCHARLIE, CHARLIE IS CROSS TWO

PENCILS OVER A SIMPLE YES NOGRID AND SAY CHARLIE CARLIE ARE

YOU HERE?

CHARLIE WILL MAKE THEPENCILS MOVE TO ANSWER,

WHICH IS OF COURSE TOTALBULL [BLEEP].

SOME FOLKS, VERY GULLIBLEFOLKS, ARE WORRIED DEMONS ARE

USING IT TO ENTER INTO THEMATERIAL PLAIN AND TO THAT I

SAY, I WANT THOSE MOTHER[BLEEP] DEMONS OFF THIS

MOTHER [BLEEP] MATERIALPLANE.

THAT'S WHY TONIGHT'S GAME ISCHARLIE, CHARLIE AMA.

I WANT YOU TO ASK CHARLIECHARLIE AS MANY QUESTIONS AS YOU

CAN IN 60 SECONDSING STARTINGNOW.

TOM LENNON.

>> CHARLIE, CHARLIE, AREN'TPENCILS LIKE ONE OF THE

LIGHTEST THINGS THERE IS.

>> Chris: NO, POINTS.

I MEAN YES POINTS, BUTNO.

DOUG.

>> CHARLIE CHARLIE WHO CAN ITURN TO?

>> Chris: THAT'S NOT A YES OR NOQUESTION.

NO POINTS.

DOUG AGAIN.

>> CHARLIE CHARLIE CAN IBORROW ONE OF THOSE GODDAMN

PENCILS?

>> Chris: NO, BUT POINTS.

TOM.

>> CHARLIE CHARLIE LOAN MEMONEY FOR PIZZA PIZZA.

>> Chris: YES.

DOUG.

>> CHARLIE CHARLIE, GROWYOUR HAIR BACK.

COME ON!

>> NO.

>> Chris: YOU'RE SO HOT.

>> Chris: NATASHA.

>> CHARLIE CHARLIE HAVEWHITE PEOPLE RUINED SRARCAH?

>> Chris: YES!

TOM.

>> CHARLIE CHARLIE HOW DIDYOU CONTROL THOSE ANGELS

OVER A SPEAKERPHONE.