October 18, 2011 - Steven Pinker

  • 10/18/2011

Herman Cain wants to build an electrical fence on the Mexican border, the USDA takes aim at school lunches, and Steven Pinker explains how the world is becoming less violent.

( APPLAUSE )

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(CROWD CHANTING "STEPHEN")

>> Stephen: SORRY, HOLD ON ONE

SECOND.

HOLD ON.

WRITE THE SHOW.

(LAUGHTER)

>> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO

SEARCH?

>> Stephen: I DON'T WANT TO

SEARCH FOR ANYTHING.

I WANT TO WRITE THE SHOW.

>> SEARCHING THE WEB FOR "SEARCH

FOR ANYTHING I WANT TO WRITE THE

SHOW."

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: SORRY, FOLKS, I WAS

JUST TALKING TO MY NEW IPHONE

4S.

IT'S GOT VOICE RECOGNITION

TECHNOLOGY THAT ANSWERS ANY

QUESTION.

IT'S REALLY COOL AND I'VE BEEN

PLAYING WITH IT ALL DAY SO I

LOST TRACK OF TIME AND DON'T

HAVE ANYTHING FOR TONIGHT'S

SHOW.

(LAUGHTER)

HOLD ON ONE SECOND.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

HOLD ON, COME ON.

COME ON, BABY.

COME ON.

WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT TONIGHT?

>> NO COMMENT.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

THE CAMERAS ARE ON.

GIVE ME SOMETHING!

>> WHAT KIND OF STORES ARE YOU

LOOKING FOR?

CAMERA STORES OR CHURCHES?

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: (BLEEP) YOU.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> I WISH THAT I COULD.

(LAUGHTER)

>> Stephen: MOVING ON.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET'S JUST FREE BALL IT, JIMMY.

JUST WHIP UP SOME GRAPHICS AS I

TALK AND I'LL COME UP WITH

SOMETHING.

NATION, THANKS TO THE LOCKOUT,

THERE MIGHT NOT BE A BASKETBALL

SEASON THIS YEAR.

BUT IF YOU WANT TO WATCH

MILLIONAIRES THROWING ELBOWS,

THERE'S STILL THE REPUBLICAN

PRESIDENTIAL RACE.

(LAUGHTER)

AND, FOLKS, IT IS ACTION-PACKED.

FIRST, BACHMANN WAS UP; THEN SHE

WAS DOWN.

THEN PERRY WAS UP; THEN HE WAS

DOWN.

THEN JON HUNTSMAN ALSO EXISTED.

(LAUGHTER)

SO MANY CHARACTERS, SO MANY

TWISTS.

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S LIKE A MEXICAN TELENOVELLA

THAT WANTS TO DEPORT ITSELF.

AND JUST LIKE ANY TELENOVELLA,

WATCH OUT FOR EL DIOS PADRE DELL

PIZZA.

>> HERMAN CAIN IS NOW THE

REPUBLICAN FRONT-RUNNER FOR

PRESIDENT ACCORDING TO THE

LATEST NATIONAL POLL.

>> HERMAN CAIN HAS SURGED TO THE

LEAD IN THE RACE FOR THE

REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL

NOMINATION.

>> TAKE A QUICK LOOK AT THIS

NBC/"WALL STREET JOURNAL" POLL.

IT SHOWS HERMAN CAIN IS ON TOP

AT 27%.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.

HERMAN CAIN IS AHEAD WITH 27%.

AS OPPOSED TO NEWT GINGRICH WHO

IS 27% HEAD.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW FOLKS, THERE ARE MANY

REASONS WHY CAIN IS SURGING.

LIKE HIS GREAT GRASP OF FOREIGN

POLICY.

>> I'M READY FOR THE GOTCHA

QUESTIONS AND WHEN THEY ASK ME

WHO'S THE QUESTION OF UZBEK,

STAN I'M GOING TO SAY "I DON'T

KNOW, 40 DOUGH KNOW?

HOW'S THAT GOING TO CREATE ONE

JOB.

>> Stephen: IT WON'T CREATE ONE

JOB BECAUSE THEY'LL ALL BEEN

OUTSTORED TO UZBEKY-STAN-STAN

LAND.

AND I HOPE HERMAN CAIN DID NOT

OFFEND THEIR PRESIDENT

CHOP-A-LOP-A.

(LAUGHTER)

SEEN HERE WITH CHINESE PREMIER

CHING CHONG DING-DONG.

AND THEN, OF COURSE, THERE IS

CAIN'S FAMOUS 999 ECONOMIC PLAN.

EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT IT.

>> 9999% CORPORATE BUSINESS FLAT

TAX, 9% PERSONAL INCOME FLAS TAX

AND 9% NATIONAL SALES TAX.

>> 999.

>> 999.

>> 999.

>> 999.

>> NEIN

NEIN!

NEIN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

FOLKS, ALL CAIN IS SAYING IS

HITLER HAD SOME GOOD IDEAS.

(LAUGHTER)

TAX POLICY.

OF COURSE NOW THAT CAIN'S IN THE

LEAD, THE LAME STREAM GANGRENE

MR. CLEAN MARTIN SHEEN MEDIA HAS

BEEN JUMPING ON HIM OVER THESE

REMARKS HE MADE IN TENNESSEE

OVER THE WEEKEND.

>> LET'S HAVE A REAL FENCE!

20 FEET HIGH WITH BARBED WIRE.

ELECTRIFIED.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WITH A SIGN FROM THE OTHER SIDE

THAT SAYS "IT CAN KILL YOU."

THEN I GET CRITICIZED MR. CAIN,

THAT'S INSENSITIVE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN INSENSITIVE?

>> Stephen: YEAH!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN INSENSITIVE?

BUT IF IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL

BETTER, WE'LL GENERATE THE

LETHAL VOLTAGE WITH WIND POWER.

IS THAT SENSITIVE ENOUGH.

BESIDES, CAIN DIDN'T EVEN MEAN

IT.

AS HE EXPLAINED ON PRESS

McGREGORY.

>> ON IMMIGRATION YOU SAID?

AN EVENT IN TENNESSEE YOU WOULD

BUILD AN ELECTRIFIED FENCE ON

THE BOARDER THAT COULD KILL

PEOPLE IF THEY TRY TO CROSS

ILLEGALLY.

>> THAT'S A JOKE.

>> IT'S A JOKE?

>> THAT WAS A JOKE.

>> THAT'S NOT A SERIOUS

QUESTION?

>> THAT'S NOT A SERIOUS PLAN.

>> YOU GOT A BIG LAUGH OUT OF

THAT.

>> IT'S A JOKE.

>> Stephen: ELECTRIFIED FENCE,

CLASSIC JOKE.

(LAUGHTER)

LIKE "WHO'S ON FIRST?

WHAT'S ON FIRE?

I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE

IT'S KILLED."

(LAUGHTER)

BUT THE REAL PUNCH LINE, THE

REAL PUNCH LINE TO THE JOKE IS

THAT IT'S NOT A JOKE.

AS CAIN CLARIFYED IN PHOENIX THE

NEXT DAY.

>> IT MIGHT BE ELECTRIFIED.

I'M NOT WALKING AWAY FROM THAT.

IN THE CONTEXT OF THAT SPEECH,

IN TERMS OF WHAT WE NEED TO DO I

FULLY INTEND TO DO SO.

>> Stephen: YES, YOU SEE, HE'S

JOKING UNLESS YOU'RE INTO THE

IDEA.

(LAUGHTER)

IN WHICH CASE HE MEANS IT.

IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU SAY TO YOUR

GIRLFRIEND "HEY, YOUR OLD

COLLEGE FRIEND DONNA IS CRAZY

AND SO MUCH FUN, SWRESHD A

THREE-WAY."

(LAUGHTER)

"I WAS JOKING!

WHY WOULD WE DO THAT?

STOP CRYING!

HEY, I KNOW WHAT WOULD CHEER YOU

UP.

HOW ABOUT WE DO SOME COKE LIKE

WE USED TO DO BACK IN THE DAY!

IT'S A JOKE!

I DON'T WANT TO DO COCAINE!

UNLESS MAYBE DONNA HAS SOME."

(LAUGHTER)

ANYWAY... ANYWAY, TODAY THE

COLBERT SUPERPAC OFFICIALLY

ENDORSED HERMAN CAIN FOR

PRESIDENT!

... UNLESS YOU'RE NOT INTO HIM

IN WHICH CASE I'M JUST

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU, NATION.

I'M A MEMBER OF THE CLEAN PLATE

CLUB AND I'M PROUD TO ANNOUNCE

WE ARE NOW LETTING IN JEWS.

(LAUGHTER)

THIS IS THOUGHT FOR FOOD.

FOLKS, ONCE AGAIN THE FOOD

POLICE ARE ON THE ATTACK.

FIRST THEY CAME FOR OUR SUGARED

CEREAL AND I SAID NOTHING.

THEN THEY CAME FOR OUR TRANS

FATS AND I SAID NOTHING.

(LAUGHTER)

THEN THEY CAME FOR OUR SALT AND

AGAIN I SAID NOTHING BECAUSE MY

MOUTH WAS JAMMED WITH FRITO'S.

(LAUGHTER)

WELL NOW, NOW THEY'RE COMING FOR

OUR TOTS-- BOTH HUMAN AND TATER.

JIM?

>> POTATO MAY BE GETTING THE

BOOT FROM NATIONAL SCHOOL LUNCH

PROGRAMS.

NEW FEDERAL GUIDELINES LOOK TO

ELIMINATE POTATOES FROM

BREAKFAST AND LIMIT THEM PRETTY

SEVERELY AT LUNCHTIME.

>> Stephen: NO POTATOS?

WHY?

BECAUSE THEY'RE IRISH?

(LAUGHTER)

WHAT'S NEXT?

LIMITING THE AVAILABILITY OF

SHAMROCK SHAKES TO JUST ST.

PATRICK'S DAY?

(LAUGHTER)

WHAT?

YOU RACIST!

(LAUGHTER)

YOU SEE, THE FOOD FASHIONISTS AT

THE U.S.D.A. BELIEVE THAT

FOCUSING MORE ON FRUITS,

VEGETABLES, AND WHOLE GRAINS

WILL HELP SOLVE CHILDHOOD

OBESITY.

THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

CHILDHOOD OBESITY WILL TAKE CARE

OF ITSELF WHEN IT BECOMES ADULT

OBESITY.

(LAUGHTER)

BUT THIS ISN'T JUST AN ATTACK ON

OUR BELLIES, FOLKS, IT IS AN

ATTACK ON THE AMERICAN SCHOOL

LUNCH TRADITION OF A TRAY FULL

OF FRIED TATER TOTS.

YOU DON'T LET OUR CHILDREN SNACK

ON THAT DELICIOUS GOLDEN BROWN

STARCH BOMB YOU'RE TAKING AWAY

THE SMALL SHRED OF HAPPINESS IN

THE OTHERWISE NON-STOP HELL

PARADE THAT IS BEING A MIDDLE

SCHOOLBOY.

(LAUGHTER)

A BOY GOING THROUGH AN AWKWARD

STAGE WHERE HIS NOSE AND TEETH

GREW FULL SPEED WHILE THE REST

OF HIS HEAD STILL BELONGS TO A

NINE-YEAR-OLD.

AND EVERYDAY JEFFREY OZER WALKS

INTO HOME ROOM AND POURS TOILET

WATER INTO HIS BACKPACK THEN

SPENDS THE REST OF THE DAY CALL

HIM TOILET BOY AND EVEN SWEET

BEAUTIFUL COLLEEN ALLEN CAN'T

HELP BUT JOIN IN EVEN IF THIS

BOY KNOWS IN HIS HEART THEY'RE

MEANT TO BE TOGETHER AND ALL

THAT PAIN GOES AWAY FROM THE

SPUD-INDUCED TORPOR THAT IS A

STOMACH FULL OF FRIED POTATO!

IT IS MORE THAN FOOD!

IT IS MORE THAN FOOD!

IT IS KID XANAX.

A HUG HE GETS FROM THE INSIDE!

A GRAEG GREASE-SOAKED HAMMER HE

USED TO POUND HIS EMOTIONS DOWN,

DOWN, DOWN UNTIL THEY'RE BURIED

EVEN DEEPER THAN THE POTATO THAT

SOOTHED HIM!

THOSE FEELINGS LAY DORMANT UNTIL

10th GRADE UNTIL JEFFREY OZER

FLICKS ONE TOO MANY RUBBER BANDS

IN HIS EAR BUT THIS TIME THE BOY

IS FULLY GROWN AND HE SLAMS

JEFFREY'S HEAD OVER AND OVER

INTO A LOCKER UNTIL HE HAS TO BE

DRAGGED AWAY FROM THE GIRL'S

SWITCH COACH!

BECAUSE WHO'S THE TOILET BOY NOW

JEFFREY?

WHO'S THE TOILET BOY NOW?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IT'S ALL RIGHT, YORE IDA.

NEXT UP, STUTD DEES SHOW THAT A

RECORD ONE IN SEVEN AMERICANS

RECEIVE FOOD STAMPS AND THEY ARE

SUFFERING, FOLKS, BECAUSE

GOVERNMENT REGULATIONS PROHIBIT

FOOD STAMPS FROM BEING USED AT

FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS.

WHERE ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO GO,

THE GROCERY SNORE THAT'S

UNSANITARY.

A LOT OF THAT FOOD WAS RECENTLY

ON THE GROUND!

BUT THANKFULLY, YUM FOODS IS

TAKING COURT ACTION.

THE RESTAURANT CONGLOMERATE

WHICH INCLUDES TACO BELL, K.F.C.

LONG JOHN SILVER'S AND PIZZA HUT

IS APPLYING FOR INCLUSION IN THE

FOOD STAMP PROGRAM.

BUT CONGRATULATIONS, POOR PEOPLE

YOU'RE ON THE YUM FOODS GRAVY

TRAIN.

WARNING: GRAVY TRAIN MAY CONTAIN

NO ACTUAL GRAVY.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW, OF COURSE, THE NUTRI NAZIS

AT THE GASTROSTAPO ARGUE THAT

THESE DIETS CAUSE UNFORTUNATE

HEALTH OUTCOMES AND POOR

NUTRITION BUT FOLKS I SAY THIS

IS DISCRIMINATION.

THESE ARE FOOD STAMPS!

SO THE GOVERNMENT IS SAYING

THESE AREN'T FOOD.

(LAUGHTER)

WELL, I'M SORRY, FOLKS, BUT TACO

BELL IS A SPONSOR AND GODDAMNIT,

IF THEY SAY THEY SERVE FOODLY

TAKE THEM AT THEIR WORD!

I DON'T CARE IF THAT GETS ME

HATE MAIL.

I DON'T CARE IF THAT COSTS ME

ANOTHER EMMY.

YOU CAN CITE YOUR SCIENTIFIC

STUDIES AND QUOTE YOUR RELIGIOUS

LEADERS.

I DON'T CARE WHAT THE F.D.A.

SAYS.

TACO BELL IS FOOD.

I HAVE BEEN TO THE MOUNTAIN TOP

AND THERE WAS A TACO BELL THERE

AND I ATE SOME BECAUSE IT IS

POSSIBLE TO DO SO!

IN FACT, I WILL NOW PROVE IT.

I WILL NOW PROVE IT BY INGESTING

THIS DELICIOUS TACO BELL NACHO

CHEESE GORDITA.

(LAUGHTER)

MMM!

FOOD!

IT HAD BETTER BE BECAUSE IT IS

IN ANY MOUTH.

(LAUGHTER)

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

MY GUEST HAS A NEW BOOK CALL

"THE BETTER ANGELS OF OUR

NATURE: WHY VIOLENCE HAS

DECLINED."

MAN, I'D REALLY LOVE TO SEE TWO

ANGELS FIGHTING.

(LAUGHTER)

PLEASE WELCOME STEVEN PINKER.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

NICE TO HAVE YOU.

ALL RIGHT, SIR, WELCOME BACK,

THIS IS YOUR THIRD TRIP TO THE

RODEO.

(LAUGHTER)

JUST BECAUSE I'VE INVITED YOU

BACK TWICE DOESN'T MEAN I'M

IMPRESSED WITH YOUR C.V., OKAY?

YOU'RE A HARVARD ELITE, ARE YOU

NOT?

>> INDEED.

>> Stephen: OKAY, SO YOU'VE GOT

A NEW BOOK.

IT IS CALLED "BETTER ANGELS OF

OUR NATURE: WHY VIOLENCE HAS

DECLINED."

WHAT DO YOU MEAN VIOLENCE HAS

DECLINED?

THERE'S VIOLENCE EVERYDAY.

TURN ON "REAL HOUSEWIVES."

(LAUGHTER)

>> YES, BUT THERE USED TO BE

MORE.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, VIOLENCE HAS

BEEN IN DECLINE FOR THOUSANDS OF

YEARS.

WE MAY BE LIVING IN THE MOST

PEACEFUL ERA IN OUR SPECIES'

EXISTENCE.

>> Stephen: REALLY.

WE SHOULD PAINT THAT ON SOME OF

OUR BOMBS.

(LAUGHTER)

>> WELL, VIOLENCE HASN'T GONE

DOWN TO ZERO BUT IT HAS

DEFINITELY GONE DOWN.

PREHISTORIC TRIBES KILLED EACH

OTHER AT A RATE OF ABOUT 15%.

DURING THE KINGDOMS IT WENT DOWN

TO 3%.

TODAY IT'S MUCH LESS THAN A

PERCENTAGE POINT.

THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE BEING

KILLED BUT AN AWFUL LOT MORE NOT

BEING KILLED.

>> Stephen: IT'S GONE DOWN TO

LESS THAN A PERCENTAGE POINT?

WE KILL LESS THAN A PERCENT OF

EACH OTHER?

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Stephen: SO WE'RE SUPPOSED TO

HIT LIKE SEVEN BILLION BY

HALLOWEEN?

SEVEN BILLION PEOPLE ON EARTH BY

HALLOWEEN.

SO HOW MANY OF EACH OTHER WILL

WE KILL ABOUT?

>> EVERY YEAR?

>> Stephen: YEAH.

>> IN THE TENS OF THOUSANDS.

>> Stephen: THAT'S IT?

THERE ARE 10,000 HANDGUN DEATHS

IN THE UNITED STATES EVERY YEAR.

>> OH, I'M SORRY.

I'M TALKING ABOUT IN WARFARE.

MANY MORE PEOPLE ARE KILLED

BY... IN HOMICIDES THAN IN

WARFARE.

>> Stephen: SO YOU'RE TAKING

HOMICIDE OUT OF THIS?

>> WELL, YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER

THEM SEPARATELY.

BUT HOMICIDE HAS DOWN BY A ABOUT

A FACTOR OF 35 SINCE THE MIDDLE

AGES.

SO IN THE MIDDLE AGES HE WAS 35

TIMES MORE LIKELY TO BE MURDERED

THAN YOU ARE TODAY.

>> Stephen: WELL, THEY DON'T

TELL YOU THAT WHEN YOU GO TO

MEDIEVAL TIMES.

(LAUGHTER)

NOW, WHEN DO YOU SAY, LIKE,

MODERN NOT KILLING EACH OTHER

STARTED?

LIKE THE GOLDEN AGE OF NOT

KILLING EACH OTHER?

>> IT MIGHT BE NOW.

>> Stephen: REALLY?

>> IN STATISTICAL TERMS.

>> Stephen: QUOTE YOU USE TO

TITLE YOUR BOOK IS "THE BETTER

ANGELS OF OUR NATURE."

THAT'S LINCOLN FROM THE SECOND

INAUGURAL ADDRESS.

THAT'S RIGHT TOWARD THE END OF

THE BLOODIEST WAR IN U.S.

HIRSTRY AND RIGHT BEFORE HE GOT

SHOT IN THE HEAD.

(LAUGHTER)

ISN'T THAT THE MOST IRONIC

HOPEFUL STATEMENT EVER MADE?

(LAUGHTER)

>> WELL, HE DID NOT LIVE TO SEE

MANY OF THE DECLINES OF VIOLENCE

THAT TODAY WE'RE ENJOYING.

I BORROWED THAT PHRASE TO REFER

TO THE PARTS OF HUMAN NATURE

THAT HELPED DRIVE VIOLENCE DOWN.

NOW, WE DO HAVE INNER DEMONS, WE

HAVE A LOT OF MOTIVES THAT CAN

ERUPT ANY TIME.

NEWSPAPER RIGHT.

I'M FIGHTING THE URGE TO PUNCH

YOU RIGHT NOW.

(LAUGHTER)

>> BUT THE FRONTAL LOBES OF YOUR

BRAIN ARE EXERCISING

SELF-CONTROL WHICH IS WHY YOU'RE

NOT DOING IT.

>> Stephen: I'VE ALSO HAD A LOT

OF TATER TOTS.

I'M FEELING KIND OF LAZY RIGHT

NOW.

LET ME SAY, OKAY, STALIN KILLED

20 MILLION PEOPLE.

MAO KILLED 70 MILLION PEOPLE.

HITLER RACKED UP, YOU KNOW, SIX

MILLION JEWS ALONE AND THEN LIKE

A CLUSTER OF MILLIONS OF

EVERYBODY ELSE HE DIDN'T CARE

FOR.

PLUS ALL THE STUFF ON THE

BATTLEFIELDS.

SO HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT THIS IS

A PEACEFUL STEN WHICH YOU ARELY.

>>

>> TWO THING.

SOMEONE THAT A CENTURY LASTS FOR

A HUNDRED YEARS, NOT JUST 50.

>> Stephen: DON'T PATRONIZE ME.

(LAUGHTER)

>> AND THE LAST 55 YEARS OF THE

20th CENTURY HAD UNUSUALLY LOW

RATES OF DEATH AND WARFARE.

SO AFTER THAT SPIKE OF WAR

BETWEEN 1914 AND 1918 AND '39 TO

'45, THE RATE OF KILLING AND WAR

WENT DOWN.

IT WAS A PART OF AN ESCALATING

TREND WHICH IS WHAT EVERYONE

PREDICTED AT THE TIME.

EVERYONE THOUGHT WELL WORLD WAR

I SEVEN AND A HALF MILLION,

WORLD WAR II MAYBE 15 MILLION ON

THE BATTLEFIELD.

WORLD WAR III IS GOING TO BE

EVEN WORSE BUT IT DIDN'T TURN

OUT THAT WAY.

FIRST THE POWERFUL GREAT POWERS

AND THE DEVELOPED STATES STOP

GOING TO WAR WITH EACH OTHER AND

MORE RECENTLY THAT LED TO THE

REST OF THE WORLD.

IF YOU LOOK AT DEATH AND WARFARE

SINCE WORLD WAR II IT'S A BUMPY

DOWNHILL DECLINE AND IN THE LAST

FEW YEARS AS A PROPORTION OF THE

WORLD'S POPULATION WE'RE AT AN

ALL TIME LOW SINCE THE SECOND

WORLD WAR.

>> Stephen: SO WE MAY BE KILLING

MORE PEOPLE BUT AS A PROPORTION

OF THE WORLD'S POPULATION IT'S

LESS.

>> MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE NOT

BEING KILLED, THEY'RE DIAGNOSE

OF NATURAL CAUSES.

>> SO IF YOU KILL A MILLION

PEOPLE IN A COUNT WRITE TWO

MILLION PEOPLE, THAT'S... THAT'S

PRETTY BAD.

BUT IF YOU KILL A MILLION PEOPLE

BUT THERE ARE 40 MILLION PEOPLE

IN THE COUNTRY, THAT'S PROGRESS.

(LAUGHTER)

STATISTICALLY.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: BECAUSE HUMAN LIFE

HAS SUFFERED FROM INFLATION.

(LAUGHTER)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.

I HOPE NO ONE KILLS YOU

VIOLENTLY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

STEVEN PINKER THE BETTER ANGELS

OF OUR NATURE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY.

NATION, TONIGHT IS THE SIX-YEAR

ANNIVERSARY OF "THE COLBERT

REPORT."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I KNOW IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE

BECAUSE IT WAS ACTUALLY LAST

NIGHT.

AND AS PART OF THIS YEAR'S

ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION, THE

CHELSEA MARKET AT 9th AVENUE AND

15th STREET HERE IN NEW YORK IS

STAGING AN ART EXHIBITION OF

BEHIND-THE-SCENES PHOTOGRAPHY

FROM THE FIRST SIX YEARS OF "THE

COLBERT REPORT."

BUT DON'T WORRY, ALL THE NUDES

ARE TASTEFUL.

(LAUGHTER)

AGAIN, MY APOLOGIES TO DORIS

KEARNS GOODWIN.

ALL OF THESE RARE PHOTOGRAPHS

ARE FOR SALE WITH PROCEEDS GOING

TO BENEFIT DONORS CHOOSE WHICH

SUPPORTS PROJECTS IN PUBLIC

SCHOOLS ACROSS AMERICA.

OF COURSE THERE'S ONLY ONE

GALLERY I ATTEND BECAUSE EVERY

YEAR IT'S GOT MY NEWPORT RATE.

AND BECAUSE IT SERVES FREE WINE.

SO...

(APPLAUSE)

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LADIES AND

GENTLEMEN, MY PORTRAIT FOR YEAR

SEVEN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AREN'T I

BEAUTIFUL?

THIS YEAR I'M PORTRAYED HOLDING

THE S.E.C. RULING THAT ALLOWED

ME TO FORM COLBERT SUPERPAC AND

BECOME A WASHINGTON POWER

PLAYER.

HOW BIG A PLAYER?

LET'S JUST SAY I'M NOT LEGALLY

REQUIRED TO DISCLOSE THAT

INFORMATION.

(LAUGHTER)

ALL THANKS TO THE SUPREME

COURT'S RULING THAT MONEY EQUALS

FREE SPEECH AND AS YOU CAN SEE

YOU HAVE GIVEN ME SO MUCH

FREEDOM IT IS SPILLING OUT OF MY

SLEEVES.

THANKS FOR SIX GREAT YEARS,

EVERYBODY.

I WANT TO THANK EVERYBODY ON THE

CREW, ALL MY WRITERS, NERVE

PRODUCTION, EVERYBODY AT THE

NETWORK, BUT ESPECIALLY YOU THE

AUDIENCE.

YOUR LOYALTY AND YOUR SUPPORT

MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME BUT NOT

AS MUCH AS YOUR MONEY DOES.

(LAUGHTER)

SO HERE'S TO SIX MORE.

GOOD NIGHT!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)