Monday, February 3, 2014

  • 02/03/2014

Megan Neuringer, Seth Herzog and Doug Benson catch up on fallout from the Super Bowl, read some Twitter rants from Kanye West and name Facebook events that no one would enjoy.

IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

(APPLAUSE)OKAY.

SUPER BOWL WAS A BLOWOUT.

PEYTON MANNING AND THEBRONCOS SCORED ONLY 8 POINTS

MORE THAN I DID.

THANKS TO REDDIT USERSTESTING PILOT BOY WITH MADE

THIS GIFT BEFORE THE GAMEHAD ACTUALLY FINISHED.

AND THERE IT GOES.

LAV --(LAUGHTER)

PEYTON MANNING WAS SO SADTHAT SMARTBOX CREATED THIS

MAGIC ON THEIR FACEBOOK PAGE.

WAS THAT THE DOG THAT LOSTTHE PUPPY BOWL.

>> YEAH.

>> WHAT OTHER POINTS PLEASECAPTION THIS WORK OF

INTERNET ART.

>> DOUG BENSON.

>> DOGS GET UPSET WHEN THEY LOSE A BOWL TOO.

>> POINTS FOR DOUG BENSON.

YOU WANT A CHANCE.

>> WE BOTH TOOK A DUMP ON AFIELD ON SUNDAY.

>> YES!

POINTS FOR MEGAN NEURINGER,WELL DONE.

PERHAPS THE GREATEST MOMENTOF ANY PROFESSIONAL SPORTING

EVENT EVER WAS THE 2 MINUTECOMMERCIAL THAT AIRED

LOCALLY IN GEORGIA DURINGTHE SUPER BOWL AND

IMMEDIATELY WENT VIRAL ONYOUTUBE, DID YOU SEE IT, DO

YOU KNOW WHAT I AM ABOUT TOSHOW YOU.

HERE IS PART OF THISAMAZINGNESS.

>>> WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUGO TO WORK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THAT'S NOT GUITAR PLAYING

COMEDIANS WHAT IS THIS ACOMMERCIAL FOR, IS IT A A

DISCOUNT CEMETERY.

B, BEEF JERKY.

C, A PERSONAL INJURY LAWYER.

>> DOUG BENSON.

>> C, IT IS A PERSONALINJURY LAWYER WHO HATES TOMB

STONES.

>> HE DOES NOT LIKE TOMBSTONES, YES, IT IS IN FACT A

>> IT IS TIMEFOR TONIGHT'S HASHTAG WARS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)AGAIN, LAST NIGHT WAS A

THRASHING IN THE SPORT OFFOOTBALLING.

FORCING PEOPLE TO DOTUNTHINKABLE AT SUPER BOWL

PARTIES, HAVE ACTUALCONVERSATION ABOUT THINGS.

WE DO NOT WANT THAT TOHAPPEN AGAIN WHICH IS WHY

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG ISSUPERBOWLIMPROVEMENT.

115 MILLION PEOPLE DID WATCHTHE SUPER BOWL.

STILL THINK THINGS COULD BEIMPROVED COULD BE.

EXAMPLES BRUNO UNMARS OR REDVELVET URINAL CAKES OR

CONCUSSION CAM, OH THATWOULD BE SO RAD.

I WILL PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK.

STARTING NOW, GO.

>> DOUG.

>> STRIPPERS ON THE GOALPOST.

>> HERZOG.

>> MORE PENETRATION IN THEEND ZONE.

>> WHOA.

>> MEGAN NEURINGER.

>> NOT FOOTBALL.

WHAT, THAT'S UNAMERICAN,POINTS.

>> DOUG BENSON.

>> THE PLAYERS HAVE TO PUTON A HALFTIME SHOW.

THAT WOULD BE AMAZE-TASTIC.

>> YES, HERZOG.

>> MASCOT CANON, YOU SHOOTTHE MASCOT INTO THE STANDS.

MEGAN-- NO, SAY IT ANYWAY,DO THIS.

>> JOE NAMATH SNIPLIPS.

>> REPLACE COIN TOSS WITHPIE EATING CONTEST.

>> IT MIGHT TAKE LONGER BUTIT WOULD BE MORE FUN.

>> POINTS, DOUG BENSON.

GET A ROOM.

A GREAT PLACE TO HAVEONE-NIGHT STAND FOR MURDERERS

BUT YOU CAN ALSO FINDAPARTMENTS ON IT.

I WILL SHOW YOU PHOTOS OF ANAPARTMENT AND FOR 250 POINTS

I WANT YOU TO COME UP WITH ABETTER LINE TO SELL IT THAN

THE REAL TAG LINE.

HERE IS THE FIRST ONE,BASEMENT FOR RENT, FEMALES

ONLY.

>> YES, SETH HERZOG.

>> ONE WAY IN, NO WAY OUT.

>> HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE, POINTS.

250 A MONTH, NOT AN ACTUALREAL BEDROOM.

IT'S LIKE A PROMO SHOT FORHOARDERS.

>> YES, DOUG.

>> STUFF NOT INCLUDED.

>> WAIT, THIS IS CRAZY.

SO LOOKS LIKE THERE'S A DOORUP HERE AND YOU JUST SORT OF

FALL IN, A PILE OF GARBAGE,THAT IS WHY THE GARBAGE IS

THERE FOR, TO CATCH YOU.

NEXT ONE, 200 A MONTH, IT'SOUT THE ROAD SO MUST BE

WILLING TO DRIVE.

>> THE ONLY BUS YOU'RELEGALLY ALLOWED IT TO JERK

OFF IN.

WOW.

>> THE GHOST OF CHILDREN AREFRIENDLY, RIGHT?

NOW IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXTWAY, KANYE OR NAY.

I THINK IT'S SAFE TO SAYTHAT KANYE WEST IS NOW MORE

FAMOUS FOR HIS TWITTERMELTDOWNS THAN FOR ACTUALLY

BEING A RAPPER.

SO I WILL GIVE YOU A SUBJECTTHAT KANYE TWEETED ABOUT AND

TELL ME IF HE THINKS ITSDOPE BY SAYING KANYE OR IF

ITS BACK, NAY.

SO HERE IS THE FIRST ONE.

STRIPED SCARVES, WHAT DOESHE THINK.

>> KANYE!

>> KANYENESS NO, NO, NAY.

>> WHAT?

>> HE HAS ONE.

>> I KNOW HE'S WEARING.

>> HE'S WEARING ONE.

>> THAT IS THE MYSTERYOF KANYE WEST.

>> HOW DOES HE KNOW HE HATESIT UNTIL HE WEARS IT.

>> BUT, BUT -->> NEXT THING YOU KNOW

YOU'LL BE TELLING ME HE'SINTO GOLD DIGGERS.

(LAUGHTER)I WILL GIVE YOU POINTS FOR

THAT.

>> ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE,GETTING WATER BOTTLES ON

FLIGHTS.

WATER BOTTLES ON FLIGHTS.

>> YES, SETH HERTZ ON.

>> CAN-- NAY.

>> I HATE WHEN I'M A FLIGHTAND WAKE UP WITH A WATER

BOTTLE.

OH GREAT, NOW I HAVE TO BERESPONSIBLE FOR THIS WATER

BOTTLE.

(LAUGHTER)OH [BLEEP].

>> I'M TO THE GOING TO HEARTHE END OF THIS WATER BOTTLE

UNTIL IT TURNS 18.

>> ALL RIGHT, YOU AND ME,WATER BOTTLE, LET'S DO THIS

IT'S TIME FOR PLEASE DON'TINVITE ME.

PLEASE.

>> YOU CANNOT GO ON FACEBOOKWITHOUT GETTING 15 INVITES

TO EVENTS THAT YOU DON'TKNOW WHAT THEY ARE OR WHO

THE PERSON IS INVITING YOU.

SO NO, I DO NOT WANT TO SEEYOUR SMASH MOUTH COVER BAND

OR GO TO YOUR CHILI FARTHEROFFGUYS, I ASSUME THOSE ARE

BOTH THE SAME THING.

COMEDIANS-- (LAUGHTER)

SOME GUY, DID YOU JUST GOWHOA!

LIKE TOO FAR, MAN.

COME ON, WE'RE HAVING A GOODTIME HERE UNTIL YOU HAD TO

DRAG SMASHMOUTH NOT CROSSHAIRS.

COMEDIANS FOR 250 POINTS IWOULD LIKE TO NAME AS MANY

TERRIBLE FACEBOOK EVENTS ASPOSSIBLE.

I WILL PUT 60 SECRETARIES ONTHE CLOCK.

BEGIN.

>> LET'S WATCH A SPORT IN ABAR.

WITHIN YEAH, I'M GIVING YOUPOINTS FOR THAT.

>> MY POINTS.

>> GET YOUR OWN SHOW IF YOUWANT TO GIVE YOUR OWN

POINTS.

DOUG.

>> PARTY IN FARRELL'S HAT.

>> THERE IS PLENTY OF ROOM,POINTS.

>> I WOULD GO TO THAT.

>> SMOKE-FREE WEED RALLY.

>> POINTS.

>> HERZOG.

>> MY LATE LIFE RIFT.

FUN PARTY.

>> SETH IS ACTUALLY GOING TOINVITE YOU TO THAT.

POINTS.

>> YES, DOUG.

>> DYSLEXICS AGAINST FUDRUCKERS

OH MY GOD S SO MANY POINTS.

>> HELP ME PICK OUT A HEADSHOT.

>> OH, GOD, GOD, POINTS,YEAH, THAT'S HORRIFYING.

DOUG.

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