Shaun Latham & Jerry Rocha

  • Season 3, Ep 3
  • 10/18/2014

Gabriel Iglesias loses his beloved dog Dino in a new "Hey It's Fluffy!" animated short and hosts stand-up from Shaun Latham and Jerry Rocha.

going all over the place.It feels goodto be somewhere

for this long, you know?Yeah,

usually it's just... You know,every day we're going somewhere

and we're chilling.Yeah, yeah, yeah, all the time.I mean, it's like...

Vegas was the last stop, right,for the big fight?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.We were there for that fight.

Ay Dios mío, no...

I got to tell you guyssomething, though.

For me, the most entertainingthing about that fight

was, uh... was the interviews,

the interviews leading upto the big fight.

You know?Especially the ones in Spanish,

'cause the interviewsin Spanish, those guys get down.

You know what I mean? It'sintense. The guy comes out...

(speaking Spanish dramatically)

Please, por favor...

(speaking Spanish dramatically)

And then Canelo soundedhard-core and cool and bad.

He's like...(speaking Spanish intensely)

And the guy's like,"Oh, my God."

That was, like,such an intense interview.

And I wishthey would let the guy

just do interviews in Spanish.

Do not make a guywho does not speak English well

do interviews in English,

'cause in English, he doesn'tsound intimidating-- at all.

(nasally voice):"Hey, we're here with, uh,

"Canelo Alvarez for ESPN Sports.

"Canelo, can you tell uswhat's gonna happen?

What's your strategyagainst Mayweather?"

"Uh...

(with heavy accent):"Well...

"I, eh...

"I-I am going to hit him

"like this.

"And then I am goingto hit him like this.

"And he going to...

(speaking Spanish)

"He going... he going to fall

"and-and th...

dun-dun, it's like that.It's-it's..."

(audience cheering, applauding)

I don't want it... I don't wantthere to be any confusion.

Camera one, camera two.Big deal.

I don't careanymore, man.

Yeah, I know I have a lazy eye.

I don't eventhink about it, though.

'Cause I got this sweet-assJohn Stamos hair. Look at that.

You g...

You girls thoughtthat was product?

This is DNA and hotel shampoo.Let's be real.

Spend a lot of timein public restrooms.

Every time I go inthe public bathroom, I have to

actually sit down,I feel like a...

Like I'm some sort ofvo-volunteer janitor.

You know, 'cause I...You always got to go in there

and clean it up, you know.

And I always pickthe handicapped stall. You know?

I like to hang... I needthe extra room to hang out in

before I'm in there.

Just chill outin the handicapped stall.

Just think about things,you know?

You always got to go in there,

you got to startthe cleanup job, right?

First the toilet paper.

I use a lot 'cause it ain't myhouse and I really don't care.

Suddenly I got,like, this arm...

this arm wrappedin toilet paper.

I'm like a mummy.I'm cleaning the toilet off.

And then comes that...the last step.

The butt... The butt condomthing, the ass condom thing.

The papier-mâchéprotective ass condom.

Has... Has this eversaved anybody from anything?

You know, you can't be impatientand just slam it on there.

'Cause it'll rip, and now youonly got one side of protection.

You need... That's why yougot to float it on there

all slow and be patient.Just...

And then I play Candy Crush.

'Cause that's whatyou do in there.

You get on your cell phone.

That's the...

Here's the worst partabout being poor.

It happens every timeI call my bank, right?

I get the... Now I getthe e-mails; you ever get these?

The courtesy alertsI get from my bank.

These e-mails, right?

(nasal voice):"Courtesy alert.

"Just wanted to let you know

your balancehas fallen below $25."

It's been doing that every dayfor a year and a half now.

This isn't a courtesy.

Now you're justbreaking my balls.

That's all you're doing.

If youto want make it useful, like...

"Courtesy alert: your neighborscan hear you masturbating."

"Okay, thank you.That helps me."

(laughter)

I'll turn down Lord of the Rings.

Whatever you're into,it's all right, it's fine.

And every time I call my bank--I don't know about you guys--

I always get the sad robotwho reads me my balance.

It's always the depressed...

(slow monotone):Like, "Your... balance...

is four dollars... and 48..."

I don't feel bad enoughas it is?

I got to hear the sad terminatorread this to me?

"Your balance is three dollars."

Growing up in Texas,I had a neighbor.

Her name was Louise Jordan.

She was this black woman whoweighed, like-- I don't know--

she was, like, 500 pounds,but the sweetest woman.

Always happy,always in a good mood.

Why can'tthat be the voice you hear...

when you check your balance?

"Your balance is two dollarsand 72 cents.

(laughter)"Hey!

All right!"

(applause and cheering)

Fluffy, I have to workthe late shift tonight,

and you have to promise me

that you will behave.

I promise, Mom. Have fun.

(yawns)Good night, Dino.

(upbeat music playing)

Dino, what thehell is going on?

And what am I smelling?

Oh, man, that's catnip, Fluffy.

(music stops)What is wrong with you?

I give you everythingto make you happy.

I really do.

All I ask for isa little respect.

Man, you ruinedmy party, Fluffy!

So respect this--I'm outta here.

(door closes)

Dino? Dino!

Man, this fool isn't anywhere.

I hopeDino's okay.

I know. It's not like himto be gone this long.

If he doesn't ever come back,was he even mine to begin with?

Damn, Dino, how do youget yourself out of this fix?

Has it really come to going backto Fluffy and apologizing?

Oh, man, I guessthat's the only...

Oh, my God. (chuckles)

Quarterback Michael Schmuck.

Hell, yeah.

I love your work, player.

Yo, thanks, man.You lost, little dog?

I sure am.

Hey, would you like acareer in entertainment?

I sure would.

Then follow me.

I think you're perfect.

Oh, wow. Thanks, man.

But, yo, man, I'm soexcited to work with you.

I've always wanted aposse of ass-kissers.

(growling)

Wait a second--you mean to tell me

I'm gonna be doingillegal dogfighting?

But I hate violence, especiallywhen I'm the victim of it.

Oh, man, I got to text Fluffy.

Yeah. Yo, you'll be

getting this backafter the fight, son.

You're wonderingwhat happened to your dog?

Yeah.

They have illegal dogfightsin the old warehouse.

I know because they sell methe loser for 39 cents a pound.

No! Dino!

(crowd shouting)

In this corner, the prideof Long Beach, California,

weighing in at two pounds,two ounces,

is Dino, the Dainty

Destroyer!

(crowd booing)

Hey.Hey.

And in this corner, weighing inat 56 pounds, 11 ounces,

he is the Kennel Crusher,the Beast from Bakersfield!

Here he is,Freddy the Fister.

(applause and cheering)

So, how you been?

Fine. And you?

Mm, me, too. Fine.

You know I got a new owner, man.

He's pretty good.

(crying):Oh, man, oh, man,

I should havestayed with Fluffy's ass.

He's got Twinkies.

(bell clangs, Beast barking)

New owner.That's cool.

Yeah, you know, uh...

(Beast barkingand growling)

Oh, that's cool, man.

No regrets?

No regrets.Be seeing you.

Yup.

Are you guysserious?

You both aretoo proud

to say you wanteach other back?

Fluffy, get your ass in thereand save your dog!

Only if he wantsme to save him.

Do you?

Oh, man, don't make me beg.

Please!

Good enough.

Give me a cake, Martin.

You're free now,big guy.

Make your way backto Bakersfield.

(crowd clamoring)

You see that guy?

He's my owner.

(applause and cheering)You guys, that's our show.