Monday, April 18, 2016

  • 04/18/2016

Flula Borg, Ben Gleib and Anna Akana make controversial movie casting choices, look back on life #BeforeYouTube and listen in on conversations at Coachella.

Last week, the Internet got itsfirst look at the movie remake

of anime favorite Ghost in the Shell, which is really awesome,

and you should watch theoriginal if you haven't seen it.

People can't stop talkingabout the casting

for this new movie.

The roll of ass-kickingJapanese cyborg

Major Motoko Kusanagiwill be played

by notable Japanese actress,Scarlett Johansson.

(laughter)

-Look how Japanese she is not.-(laughter)

Now, maybethe movie will be good.

I don't know.I haven't seen it yet.

But why did they do this?

Did the studio misreadScarlett Johansson's

-last name as Johan-san?-(laughter)

Like, I don't knowhow they made this mistake.

Between this,Emma Stone in Aloha,

and Natalie Dormerin The Forest,

we almost have enough actresses

to do an all-white-female Seven Samurai reboot,

so let's reallyget behind this, guys.

Come on. It's time.

(applause and cheering)

So, since apparently,

studios will castjust whomever--

parenthesis, white people--as whatever,

comedians, what's anothercontroversial casting choice?

Anna.

-Kevin James as Godzilla.-(laughter)

(applause and cheering)

Yup. Points.

-Ben. -Kylie Jenneras someone with human lips.

HARDWICK:All right, points.

(applause and cheering)

-Flula. -Donald Trump as thepresident of the United States.

-HARDWICK: Oh, don't go...-AKANA: Oh!

Okay. Okay.

-Okay. Points.-Is this...?

-HARDWICK: Yeah. -Wait.Is this fiction or non-fiction?

-Is it fic...?-HARDWICK: It's actually...

It wa fiction.

It's slowly becomingnon-fiction.

-AKANA: I know.-BORG: That is very scary.

-HARDWICK: It's turning.-Oh, it's a new...

HARDWICK: Everyone thoughtit would be fiction,

and now it doesn't seem...

We don't (bleep) know what'sgonna happen anymore.

GLEIB: Trump probably thinkshe can be in this movie.

(imitating Trump):I'd be a great Asian girl.

HARDWICK:Yeah, I could be an Asian girl.

What's wrong?!I've been evicting ghosts

-from shells for years!-(laughter)

It's now timefor our HashtagWars.

(cheering, whooping)

BORG:Whoo, whoo! Whoo, whoo, whoo!

It's hard to imaginethere was a time before YouTube,

but this Saturday isthe 11th anniversary

of the first videoever uploaded to YouTube.

Uh, the video's called"Me at the Zoo."

It is riveting.Here's a clip.

The cool thingabout these guy's is that...

is that they have really...

really, really long, um...trunks.

And that's-that's cool.

30 million views.30 million views.

-(whooping) -So in honorof this Internet classic,

we're gonna reflecton how things used to be

with tonight's hashtag#BeforeYouTube. #BeforeYouTube.

So examples of #BeforeYouTubemight be:

I actually respectedcopyright law,

-and...-(laughter)

I didn't know what a bunchof racist assholes thought

-about a video I just watched.-(laughter)

So, I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock, and begin.

-Ben Gleib.-Before YouTube,

I had roughly the same numberof YouTube subscribers.

-All right, points.-(laughter)

-Anna. -Before YouTube, no oneknew what a Flula Borg was.

-All right, points.-That's true. That's true.

-Ben. -Before YouTube,I got in a lot of trouble

for that video I madeof that kid drugged up

-coming home from the dentist.-All right, points.

-Flula. -Before YouTube, Ididn't hide my kids or my wife.

All right, points.

-Anna.-Before YouTube,

people had to maketheir rape threats by mail.

All right, points.

-Flula. -Before YouTube,I thought chocolate rain

was a sexual act.

-(laughter)-Points.

-Ben Gleib.-Before YouTube,

I would just scream "gay!"from the rooftops.

-(laughter)-Flula.

Oh, before YouTube,I had to find Beyoncé

in a strange locationor her mansion

and sh her my thumb-upfor her video "Survivor."

(laughter, applause)

The drugged-up trust-fundsummer camp known as Coachella

opened this weekend.Those in attendance marveled

at the amazing lineup, andthose of us who stayed behind

marveled at how peacefulLos Angeles is

when Coachella sucks allthe hipsters off the streets!

Oh, it was great.You could drive places

and eat breakfast and...not feel judged.

Uh, the Web site LAist dedicatedits weekly "Overheard" feature

to someof the inebriated nonsense

from the music festival.Some gems included

uh, "I'm the onewho's on Mexican Adderall"

and "Isn't Portland in Seattle?"

So, comedians,I would like you to come up

with as many other Overheardat Coachellas as possible

in 60 seconds. And begin. Anna.

Does this flower crownmake me look privileged?

All right, points. Flula.

Hey, can anyone give mea ride to my hoverboard?

Uh, points. Anna.

I only have sexwith verified Twitter users.

(laughs) Points! I knowsomeone who said that. Ben.

I don't care if you're gonna beon @midnight Monday,

I don't wantto make out with you.

All right, points. Anna.

The sand at Burning Manis much more authentic.

Points. Ben.

I love Guns and Roses,but which one's Nick Jonas?

Points. Yeah. Ben.

I just blew the headlinerof the free EDM tent.

All right, points. Anna.

Is he homeless or hipster?Oh, who cares?

-I'll still (bleep) him.-Flula.

Oh, boy. I heardthat porta-potty over there

got a 9.8 on Pitchfork.

Oh, that's very high.

That's very generousof Pitchfork.

Ben.

Not having a VIP passmust be what being poor's like.

All right, points. Flula.

Hey! Is that Skrillex playingor a dial-up modem?

All right, points.