Body Bouncers

  • Season 3, Ep 9
  • 03/10/2015

The Rich Dicks open a restaurant, Ruth Diamond Phillips falls for a client, and Bobby Bottleservice shrinks himself to go inside his own body.

- 'SCUSE US.

- WE'RE CLOSING UP NOW.

- WHAT?

- PARDON ME?

- BRUNCH SERVICE ENDS AT 3:00.

- DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAWHO I AM?

- WENDY SHAWN.

- ASPEN BRUCKENHEIMER.

- YOUR NAMES ARENOT ON THIS LIST.

IN FACT, ALL THE NAMESARE CROSSED OUT,

'CAUSE BRUNCH IS OVER.

- I JUST WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND

THAT I COULD BUY AND SELL YOU

LIKE THE MOVIE TAKENWITH "LERM NERSON."

- DO YOU WANT TO BEA WHITE SLAVE?

'CAUSE IT'S A LOT OF SEX.

HOW ABOUT WE JUST GOGET A DUFFEL BAG FULL OF CARSH

AND BUY THIS [bleep] PLACE?

[hip-hop music]

- ♪ BIG MONEY, BIG DOUGH

- SO WE'RE CALLINGTHE RESTAURANT DUNCH.

WE WERE GONNA CALL IT L'UNCH.

- LIKE, "L" APOSTROPHE "UNCH,"LIKE, LATE BRUNCH.

- LOOK, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUCALL THE RESTAURANT, ALL RIGHT,

AS LONG AS I CONTROL THE FOOD.- I LOVE HOW SHINY YOU ARE.

- I HAVE A SPINACH PUREE

THAT I SERVE WITH A RED WINETHAT'S A CABERNET

THAT GIVES YOU THE FEELING

THAT YOU'RE ONA WHITEWATER RAFTING TRIP

WITH ALL YOURHIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS

AND YOU HAD THIS FEELING LIKE,

"MAN, I SHOULD DO MORE STUFFWITH THESE GUYS,

'CAUSE THEY'RE CLOSE TO ME."

- WE'D LIKE THIS RESTAURANT

TO BE SORT OF, LIKE,FARM-TO-TABLE

SO THAT WE CAN GET, LIKE,SOMEONE FARMIST,

LIKE JOAQUIN "PHARNIX,"

AND HE SITSAT ONE OF OUR TABLES.

- MY KITCHEN, MY RULES.

- DARREL.- YOU'RE HARD.

- WHO'S DARREL?I THOUGHT--

AM I HIRED, OR IS--

- SO WHAT WAS YOUR VISION...IN HARE?

- OBVIOUSLY, THE SIGNATURE PIECETO OUR DINING EXPERIENCE

IS THE FIBERGLASS TABLE

WITH THE TEEN RUNAWAYJUST LIVING HER LIFE.

- EW.- SHE'S WELL-FED.

- ALL OF OUR WAITRESSESARE BI-RACIAL.

- A LOT OF THEM ARE HALF-JEWISH

BECAUSE I'M TRANSITIONINGTO JUDAISM.

- SO THE THEME IS NOT "NO FOOD"?

- NO, NO, THAT'S--- THAT'S NOT THE PLAY AT ALL.

- THERE SHOULD BE FOOD.HOLD ON A SECOND.

[claps twice]

- I JUST DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU GUYSWERE DOING SO SORT OF, LIKE,

SHIA-SLASH-FRANCO-SLASH-NNAMDI THING

WHERE PEOPLE COMEEXPECTING FOOD,

BUT INSTEAD THEY GETINCONVENIENCED.

- HOLD ON, CHILDHOOD FRIENDTERRENCE, DON'T LEAVE.

- LOOK WHAT'S HAPPENING;I'M WALKING OUT.

- CHILDHOOD FRIEND TERRENCE,JUST WAIT.

JUST LET ME TALK TO THE CHARF.

LET ME TALK TO THE CHARF.

ASPEN, ALL THE TASTEMAKERSARE LEAVING!

- HEY, TEEN RUNAWAY,

USE YOUR CONNECTIONSIN THE FREIGHT COMMUNITY

TO FIND OUT WHERE OUR FERD IS.

- YOU'RE TRASH;YOU'RE GARBAGE.

YOU'RE WHITE TRASH.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,JUST GO EAT DINNER?

NOTHING'S OPENEXCEPT FOR DUNCH.

- THERE'S A CERTAIN KINDOF TRUFFLE

THAT ONLY GROWSUNDER THE 101 OVERPASS

AFTER IT'S RAINED.

YESTERDAY IT RAINED,

SO TODAY I HADTO TRACK DOWN A PIG

TO HELP ME TRACK DOWNTHE TRUFFLES.

- DUNCH IS GETTING DUMPEDIN THE DIRT.

- UH, CALM DOWN.

- OUR CHILDHOOD FRIENDTERRENCE LEFT.

HE'S NOT IMPRESSED AT ALL,

AND EVERYONE IS LEAVING,

ALL BECAUSE MR. BOBBY FLAYOVER HERE

DECIDED TO GO OUT FOR A WALKLOOKING FOR MUSHROOMS.

- OH, THERE'S NO WAYYOU'RE GRILLIN' AND CHILLIN'

AS COOL AS MY MAN BOBBY FLAY.

- WELL, I TAKE THATAS A COMPLIMENT.

- OKAY, RACHAEL RAY.- [laughs]

- RACHAEL RAY?

OH, I'M RACHAEL RAY NOW, HUH?

I'M RACHAEL RAY?

I'M RACHAEL RAY?

[screaming]

[dubstep music]

[woman moaning]

[metal clanking]

[woman moaning]

- ATTORNEY-CLIENT PRIVILEGE.

WHERE DO YOU DRAW THE LINE?

I'LL TELL YOU WHO NOT TO ASK...

RUTH DIAMOND PHILLIPS.

- YOU MIGHT REMEMBER MEFROM THE DR. ARMOND CASE.

IT WAS ONE THAT I WASIMMEDIATELY DRAWN TO--

MURDER, INTRIGUE, ROMANCE.

AND THEN IT ALL WENT TO HELL.

- OBJECTION;IS SHE WEARING EVIDENCE?

- YOU'RE FREE TO GO.

- BUT I PICKED MYSELF UP,

AND I STARTED MY OWN FIRM,

DIAMOND PHILLIPS AND ASSOCIATES.

- NEW CLIENT COMING IN AT 1:00.

- WELL, WHY DON'T WE ASK HIM

TO MEET ME AT THE RESTAURANT?

[mellow music plays]

[slurping]

- OH, HEY.

AH, PARDON ME.

[crashing, clattering]

RIGHT.

- THE FIRST THING THAT I NOTICEDABOUT MR. JEFF

WAS HIS PLUMP TUSH.

- MS. DIAMOND PHILLIPS?

WHEN I MET RUTH,

THIS WOMAN WAS FRIENDLY.

SHE WAS KIND.

BIG HEAD OF HAIR LIKE A FERN.

SHE SEEMED LIKE SHE COULD BEMORE THAN A LAWYER.

FOR A LONG TIME,I WAS A REFEREE.

[blows whistle]- OH!

- THEN I BECAME A TSA AGENT...- MM-HMM.

- YOU KNOW, PROTECTINGTHE FRIENDLY SKIES.

- WOW.

- SO I'M CHATTINGWITH THIS ONE GUY.

SO HE SAYS, "FOR A FRIEND...- YEAH.

- "WOULD YOU MINDLOOKING THE OTHER WAY

WHILE I SEND SOME PERSONAL ITEMSTHROUGH THE X-RAY MACHINES?"

- SURE.- TURNS OUT THAT

"PERSONAL ITEMS"WAS 12 POUNDS OF COCAINE.

- DARN IT, JEFF!

- THE CHARGES AGAINST MEWERE VERY SEVERE.

I GUESS THEY CAUGHT ME SENDINGA BAG FILLED WITH COCAINE

THROUGH, YOU KNOW,THE X-RAY MACHINE.

I DIDN'T KNOW.

SO I WAS LOOKINGTO LOCK DOWN SOME LEGAL HELP

SO I WOULDN'T GET LOCKED UPMYSELF.

ONE OF THOSE POLICE DOGSCOULD SMELL FROM THE FOOD COURT.

- OH.

- THAT'S HOW SMELLYTHIS COCAINE WAS.

BUT I DON'T GOTA NOSE LIKE A DOG.

- TREAT ME LIKE A DOG.

BUT, UH,THINGS MIGHT GET DIRTY.

I MIGHT GET DIRTY.[chuckles]

- WELL, CHEERS TO THIS, HUH?

- CHEERS.

[laughs]

- THIS IS A CANDLE.I'M NOT GONNA DRINK A CANDLE.

- JEFFREY...

JEFF, I GUESS...

IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE...

THE FUNNIEST GENTLEMANTHAT I'VE EVER, EVER MET.

- WELL, IT'S ALWAYS5:00 SOMEWHERE.

- [laughing]

- YOU ALL RIGHT THERE, RU-RU?

DO YOU FLY WITH POT?DO YOU FLY WITH DRUGS?

- THE FIRST STEPTO BOUNCING GHOSTS

IS ASSEMBLING A CRACK TEAM.

LUCKILY, DEAF-MUTEAND MVP SOUND GUY GIAN

WAS ABLE TO MOVE HIS SHIFTTO BE THERE WITH US.

- ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS WANTTO GET DOWN TO BUSINESS?

- I WANT TO BOUNCE SOME GHOSTSRIGHT NOW.

- WELL, THEN, OUR FIRST STOP

IS THAT FOOD TRUCKRIGHT THERE, BROTHER.

- OH, COOL.

- LET'S GO TAKE THE NEXT STEP

TO BOUNCING THE GHOSTOF FARLEY'S LOVE

FROM MY HEART, BRO.

- ALL RIGHT.

- I USED TO LOOK DOWNON FOOD TRUCKS,

AND THEN I REALIZEDTHEY'RE THE ONLY PLACE LEFT

WHERE I CAN TRULY COOKON MY OWN TERMS,

SO I OPENED UPMOLECULAR PASTRANOMY.

- HEY, THIS PARFAITIS A-OKAY, BRO.

- IT'S A PASTRAMI SANDWICH,YOU IDIOT.

I DEHYDRATED ALL THE ELEMENTS

AND SHRUNK THEM DOWNINTO THIS CUP.

YOU GOT RYE BREAD,RUSSIAN DRESSING,

PASTRAMI,ANOTHER PIECE OF RYE BREAD.

- YOU'RE SCIENCE, BRO.

YOU NEED TO HELP USSHRINK OURSELVES DOWN

SO I CAN GETIN MY OWN BODY, BROTHER.

- SHRINKING YOURSELFAND GOING INSIDE YOURSELF...

- YEAH.- IS IMPOSSIBLE.

- LOOK, SCIENCE.WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

IS YOU SHRINKING US DOWNSO I CAN GET IN MY OWN BODY

AND VANQUISH THE LOVEOF THE GHOST OF FARLEY.

- WELL...I DO MAKE LIQUIDSSMALLER BY USING REDUCTION.

THE HUMAN BODY'S 65% WATER.

I COULD MAYBE...

- WHOA, IT WORKED!

WE'VE BEEN REDUCTED,

AND NOW WE'RE INSIDE MY OWNVERY MUCH BODY.

- DUDE, THIS IS GREAT.

I'M SWIMMING IN VODKAAND FRIED MAC-N-CHEESE BITES.

I'M IN HEAVEN.

- PETEY, YOU BETTER GETOUT OF THERE

BEFORE MY STOMACH ACIDSDIGRESS YOU.

- NO, COME JOIN ME;COME JOIN ME.

- BUDDY,YOU GOT TO GET OUT OF THERE.

- BOBBY, I MAY BEA LITTLE TOO INEBRIATED

TO WALK THROUGH YOUR SYSTEM.

- WHO SAID ANYTHINGABOUT VERY MUCH WALKING, BRO?

[laughs]

IT'S A JET SKI.

I SWALLOWED IT,'CAUSE I'M CLUTCH.

- WHAT'D YOU SAY?

- ALL RIGHT.

YOU BOYS READY TO ROLL?

OR SHALL I SAY SKI?

- [laughs]

RIGHT ON, BRO.

- BOBBY...

YOU'RE REMEMBERING ME, BOBBY.

- FARLEY?

- BOBBY, I HATE IT IN HERESO MUCH.

YOU BETTER FIND ME FAST.

- GIAN, SEE IF YOU CAN LOCK DOWNSOUND ON FARLEY'S VOICE.

- THANKS, GIAN.

GREAT CALL, BRO.

WAIT.

I'M VERY MUCH AROUSED,

WHICH MEANS I KNOWWHERE WE'RE GOING NEXT.

- LET'S SEE WHAT THISBOAT-ORCYCLE CAN DO.

[spooky music]