June 15, 2016 - Timothy Simons

  • 06/15/2016

President Obama takes aim at Donald Trump's anti-Islam talk, and Larry discusses Congress's response to the Orlando massacre with Timothy Simons, Ricky Velez and Grace Parra.

AUDIENCE (chanting):Larry! Larry! Larry! Larry!

Thank you very much.Thank you. Oh, man.

Welcome to The Nightly Show.

I am Larry Wilmore.Thank you so much.

Please have a seat.What a great crowd, man.

Energy. I like that energyin our crowd tonight, man.

(cheering, applause)

So...

even if you cometo The Nightly Show alone...

you are keeping it 100.

Timothy Simons from Veep

joins us on the paneltonight, you guys.

-Very excited... Very funny.-(cheering, applause)

Very funny.

Now... Oh, oh, oh, here's news.

Um, yesterday,Donald Trump turned 70.

Um... Or, asBernie Sanders calls it,

the good old days.

But entering his 70s

also makes Trumphistory's oldest baby.

Well, that is, since Brad Pittplayed that elderly toddler

getting into mischiefwith, uh,

I think it wasCookie Lyon, right?

Right. Okay.

But... I think it was.

But on day oneof this new Trump decade,

Obama had some harsh words

for the 840-month birthday boy.

The president responding--the most forceful way yet

to what he's heardfrom his critics,

especially the presumptive

Republican presidential nominee,Donald Trump.

I haven't heard the presidentget this, uh,

this passionate on an issue,Jim, in a long time.

Hold up a second. Wait.

Did anyone else noticethe woman in the...

in the top left of the screen?

Wait, let's see thatagain, please.

I haven't heard the presidentget this, uh,

this passionate on an issue,Jim, in a long time.

Um... Wolf,I've got breaking news.

I think we found Beckywith the good hair.

-(cheering, applause)-I think...

I think we found her.I think it's her.

(humming)

All right, anyway,uh, what was Obama saying?

The main contributionof some of my friends

on the other sideof the aisle have made

in the fight against ISIL

is to criticizethis administration and me

for not using the phrase"radical Islam."

Wait, wait, O... Hold...Obama, you just said it.

No! Obama, you fellinto their trap, brother.

Now they got it on tape,and they can do this.

I love...

radical... Islam.

And so do you.

This nation is great because...

radical... Islam.

Part of the reasonI love campaigning is...

radical... Islam.

Thank you. God bless...

radical... Islam.

See? I warned you about this,President Obama.

As Larry Wilmorepointed out last week...

radical... Islam.

Wait, wait, no, no.How did I get dragged into this?

No. No.

Oh, man.

-(cheering, applause)-Oh.

Anyhow, yesterday,Obama made it clear

he doesn't needto use the GOP's phrase.

There's not been a moment

in my seven and a half yearsas president

where we have not been ableto pursue a strategy...

because we didn't use...

the label "radical...

Islam."

Seven and a half years?

I think your pauses took upseven of those years.

(chuckles) I mean,I've said I believe

Trump needs to think morebefore he speaks,

but, honestly, Obama,you need to think less

while you're speaking.

Just say it.

But Obama is right. Refusing the term

"radical Islam" hasn't made him soft on the Middle East.

I mean, when itcomes to terrorists, he's ruined

more plotsthan an obnoxious coworker

live-tweeting Game of Thrones.

If there's anyone out therewho thinks we're confused

about who our enemies are...

that would come as a surpriseto the thousands of terrorists

who we'vetaken off the battlefield.

Mm... Taken off the battlefield?

Mr. President, if I may say--

I don't think you're usingthe proper language here.

Just seems a little soft.Taken off the battlefield.

May I suggest something like...

we killed Osama, bitch!

(cheering, applause)

Works better. It's better.

MAN:USA! USA!

USA.

I love that.

Yeah, we killed, Larry, USA.

Okay. But actually,there was a word

Obama carefully avoidedduring his speech.

I'll give you a hint--it rhymes with Trump.

We now have proposals from thepresumptive Republican nominee

for presidentof the United States.

Politicians who tweetand appear on cable news shows.

Politicians who tweet?

I mean, seriously, who could hebe talking about, right?

Well, I'm talking aboutorange-faced comb-over folks.

Now, here to comment

on his increasing tensionswith President Obama,

please welcome the presumptiveRepublican nominee, you guys.

(cheering, applause)

And, uh...

Oh, and beforewe get started, uh,

I wanted to wish youa happy belated 70th birthday.

Thank you, Larry.Bittersweet, really.

I mean, last year,

my sexy daughter Ivankacalled me

to wish me a happy 69,

and, uh, I saved...I saved the voice mail.

I listen to it all the time.I mean, the number 69, it's...

it's like ear porno.

-Whoa.-Sexy as hell. It's so hot.

You really are disgusting,aren't you?

Um... Okay, so what do youthink about Obama

giving an entire speechabout you

but never using your name?Are you insulted by this?

Larry, come on,are you kidding me here?

This is the highestcompliment possible.

It's huge, massive,like my hands.

Huge. I mean, come on.

I literally don't think any partof what you just said is true.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Ever read thoseHarry Potter books?

-Yeah.-I mean, they're fantastic.

I mean, a little hard to followand not enough pictures,

but otherwise fantastic.Look, they really are.

All right.

You know who elsewas so powerful

that nobodycould speak his name?

Voldemort.Me and Voldemort,

like two peas in a pod.

Um...

Voldemort? You're...

you're comparing yourselfto Voldemort?

Excuse me, excuse me.

Did he not make Hogwartsgreat again?

I mean, come on.

He was a fantastic magician.

I mean, he should havegotten Mexico

to pay for the Dementors,but, uh, you know.

I do not think he madeHogwarts great again.

Uh, but this is allbeside the point.

I can't believe you thinkit's a compliment

for the presidentto avoid using your name.

Look, it's like whenyou're presented with a line

of new nameless Miss Universecontestants, Larry.

I mean, you just nodat the choicest one,

you whisk her away,you put her on your private jet.

-It's a huge compliment.-What?

Who needs a namewhen you have legs up to here?

I mean, come on.

What you just describedis demeaning and gross.

Excuse me, excuse me.You want to talk gross?

How 'boutwhen Obama says "ISIL."

I mean, really? I mean, "ISIL"?Come on, what's that?

-What? -It sounds like the nameof a popsicle brand.

-All right.-Speaking of which,

you haven't lived untilyou've seen a popsicle licked

-by my daughter Ivanka. Mmm...-Okay. All right.

You are obsessed...

You... you have this horrible,

horrible, gross obsession...

You're gross.

-Exactly. Hey, Obama,it's "ISIS," okay? -Wait...

Not "ISIL." I mean,what a disaster this guy is.

He's awful. All I know ishis refusal to acknowledge me

means he knows I'm powerfuland right for America.

But that doesn't even makesense. You think it's good

if he doesn't say your name,but you think it's bad

if he doesn't say"radical Islam"?

Look, at this point,the only thing I want from Obama

is for him to leave everythingin the White House.

-We know how the blacks are,okay, Larry? -What?

I mean, come on.By the time I move in next year,

the whole placeis probably gonna be looted.

Okay, that is it.I don't agree with any of...

The man who will not bepresident, everybody!

-We'll be right back.-(cheering and applause)

You are horrible!

Welcome back! Now,

after the tragic eventsin Orlando,

many politicians are rallyingaround the LGBT community,

including Floridaattorney general, Pam Bondi.

And we are making it clearanyone who attacks

our LGBT community, anyonewho attacks anyone in our state,

will be gone after with...

to the fullest extentof the law.

Yep, nice words.

But unfortunatelyfor Attorney General Bondi,

Anderson Cooper was thereto go all 360 on her ass.

You basically had goneafter gay people,

said that...in court, that gay people,

simply by fightingfor marriage equality,

were trying to do harmto the people of Florida.

Do you really think you'rea champion of the gay community?

Oh...

snap!

Anderson's goin' off!

Damn, you do not wantto make Anderson Cooper mad.

He will... respectfully ask yousome questions

about the cases you oversawagainst gay marriage.

Are you saying you did notbelieve it would do harm

-to Florida?-Of course not.

Of course not. G-Gay peo...

No, I've never said that.

The only time thatmuch stuttering doesn't mean

you're lying is whenit's in a dance remix, right?

♪ G-Gay people

I have never really seen youtalk about gays and lesbians

and transgender peoplein a positive way until now.

Um, I read your Twitter historyfor the last year,

and I saw you tweeting about,you know, National Dog Month.

You never even tweetedabout Gay Pride Month.

Wait, hold on. He readher Twitter history for a year?

I don't knowwhether he's a good journalist

or just a stalker at this point.Maybe both.

And, yes, she tweetedabout National Dog Month,

but we checkedand she never sent one tweet

about National Gay Dog Month.

That's just wrong.

But, but Pam had a solid defensefor that, too.

Well, actually, if you lookat my, um, Web site now

-we have hands clasped together,-Mm-hmm.

um, all different color,rainbow hands and people.

-So you just put that up now?-So... Yeah, I did,

-after this horrible tragedy,absolutely. -Right. Right.

(laughs)"So you just put that up now?

Oh, you just put that up now?"

Absolutely. She will showrespect for minority groups

when there'sa stock image available.

Except-- spoiler alert--

there are no rainbow handson Pam Bondi's site.

-(groaning)-She didn't even do

the one bull(bleep)political move she said she did!

(groans)Here, Pam, let me help you out.

(cheering and applause)

There you go.

Okay. Now, it's been 24 hourssince the interview,

which apparently isn't enoughtime to find some rainbow hands,

but it should be enough timeto set the record straight.

Or, well, you know.

BONDI (speaking):

Yeah, you-you could have beenhelping,

by clearing up your bull(bleep).

And, for good measure, shedoubled down on her non-apology.

BONDI (speaking):

No, no.

The Florida gay communityalready hated you.

They already did.

You d...It didn't encourage it, no.

For... You know,for the whole saying

gay marriagewould cause public harm thing,

insinuating that gay parentsdon't create stable homes thing,

and, of course,the gay friends excuse thing,

when asked about gay marriage.

Are you personally against it?

You know,I-I have so many gay friends.

Jason at Starbucksis not your friend, okay?

And, and he's straight!

Stop judging guys with man buns,all right?

Okay?

Not right.

Now, I have to say this though,

guys, I have had my issueswith CNN in the past.

I'm technically not allowedto appear on their network.

But, but I have to give creditwhere credit is due.

Anderson Cooper, for doingwhat we should be seeing

on cable news all the time,

I am giving youa half-stand full clap.

(cheering and applause)

Way to do your job, man!

Way to do your job!

And I still got my eye on you,Wolf.

And Becky with the good hair.

We'll be right back.

(cheering and applause)

All right, welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Ricky Velez.

(cheers and applause)

And Nightly Show contributorGrace Parra.

-(cheers and applause)-Yeah.

And you can see himin HBO's hit show Veep--

actor Timothy Simons.

-(cheers and applause)-Wonderful.

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter @NightlyShow usingthe hashtag #Tonightly.

Okay, so yesterday inWashington-- this was amazing--

Paul Ryan called for a momentof silence in congress.

I don't know if you guys sawthat, but this happened.

Some people got upand walked out,

saying they are tiredof silence and prayers.

While others stayedand literally yelled,

"Where's the bill?!"

They were talking about the gunbill that had been put aside.

And as of this taping,Senator Christopher Murray

has been filibusteringsince 11:00 a.m.

this morning on the senate floorfor gun control.

He has been joined by over,like, 20 senators so far,

including Cory Bookerand Elizabeth Warren.

Okay. I've never seenthis kind of action.

Do you thinkthis was just for show,

or do you feelcongress is actually ready

to do something about guns?

(laughing):I honestly don't know.

-I...-WILMORE: Hard to say?

I think that that there is...

I would love to say that theywould, but I don't think

we've ever seenany actual evidence that they...

-I don't want to be pessimisticabout this... -WILMORE: Yeah.

...but they've historicallyproven that they won't.

-WILMORE: Yeah.-VELEZ: Yeah.

-I don't. -I feel likeit's a cycle that we go through.

We go through the mourning.

We go through the feelingsof how disappointing it is.

And then,the next thing you know,

someone shoots a gorilla, andwe all forget what happened.

-Well, I have high hopes.-You're saying

if more gorillas got killed,we'd ban guns?

VELEZ:After their last reaction?

-Yeah. -WILMORE: I know.-(laughter)

-I know.-(applause)

-I...-Seems like it.

I actually have high hopesfor this filibuster.

-I love a good filibusterto begin with. -WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

I mean,I'm backstage watching C-SPAN

like it's game sixof the finals right now.

-I love it. Um...-WILMORE: You DVR filibusters?

I DVR filibusters. I do.

-I feel like there is somethingright now. -Mm-hmm.

The, um... the energy in thiscountry is one of...

of action, of activity.

SIMONS: But I feel likeevery time this happens...

-WILMORE: Yeah.-...and it is far too often...

-Yes. -Yeah.-...we feel like that, but then,

the energy just dissipates,and I do think

that we get too caught up in...

Like, when we look at, like,whether or not it was right

for them to interruptthis moment of silence,

we end up arguing about allthese other things.

-Right. Sure.-Semantics of it all. Yeah.

Like, well,was that the right way

-to protest a moment of silence?-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

When it just gets us furtherand further away

from 50 dead people in Orlando.

-WILMORE: Yeah. -PARRA: Mm-hmm.And that... I...

-(applause) -Every single time,we just... -WILMORE: Yeah.

And then it just goes away,

and we forget about it,and then more people get shot.

One tiny speckof optimism I have is

with this "no fly-no buy rule"that they're talking about.

-WILMORE: Okay. Mm-hmm. -The banright now, which is where

if you're on the no-fly zone,then you can't buy a gun.

Which is somethingthat both Obama agrees with,

and weirdly, Trump agrees with,too, so it feels like there's...

-Amazing.-Amazing, isn't it?

I know. But it feels like thereis a little bit of bipartisan,

um, support for each otherthat may...

WILMORE:So you're saying when future

-impeached President Trump, uh,is looking back... -(laughter)

-on his time in office...-He will...

...he may have passed somethinglike this is what you're saying.

He may have passed... Possibly.

I feel likethis is the start of...

It's a very small...

How come we can't agreeon assault weapons?

How come we can't...?

I don't know why we can't agree.

-I... Look... -VELEZ: Becausethere's too many out, Larry.

-You think that's the reason?-The assault...

-Yeah.-But who needs an assault rifle?

Go knock on that... Go...

What do you need that for exceptto kill a lot of people? Really.

But I think that there isa thing, where even people

that don't...Like, I'm not a person...

-I don't own guns.-WILMORE: Yeah.

Even peoplethat are for gun control...

Guns are such a fab...

They are such a partof the fabric of our country...

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm. -PARRA: Mm.-...that even people

that don't agreewith them are like,

"Well, we shouldn't get ridof all of them." I don't know.

PARRA: We just gota lot of 'em laying around.

-It's like we just...I don't know. -Mm.

I think it's hardfor people to ever think

that we could justget rid of them.

And frankly, there areso many guns in America,

that even we banded the saleof assault weapons right now...

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm. -...therewould still be three guns

for every person in the country?Like, there's...

-PARRA: Right.-WILMORE: Yeah.

-It's insane. -I know. It's alot, man. Still have a lot.

PARRA:It does feel we talk about

-the sale and distributionof guns... -WILMORE: Yeah.

...and not so muchabout the production of them.

Why are we not talking aboutstopping the production of guns?

-We have so many. -Well,I mean, the U.S. government's

one of the biggest production,companies...

-(applause and cheering)-Yeah. -WILMORE: Right.

SIMONS:Basically, whenever

-this happens...-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

...anybody that opposes guncontrol points

to something like...

-Was it the lieutenant governorin Texas... -Yeah.

...tweetedthat terrible thing about...

like, a man reaps what they sow.

Like, there's always an excuse

for why it wasn't guns,and how somehow

these people brought it onthemselves.

That is... seems to bea talking point from them.

Like, "Well, if they weren'tin that..."

"If they didn't make thesechoices leading up to it."

-WILMORE: Uh-huh.-But in...

If the bouncer hada bigger gun.

-Yeah, if the bouncer hada bigger gun. -Mm-hmm. -Right.

-Mm-hmm. -But oncewe let Sandy Hook pass...

-Mm-hmm.-There is nothing more innocent

than a roomful of children,

and we couldn't evendo anything about that.

-Yeah. -(applause)-Like, that is why I don't...

I don't hold a lot of hope,and I don't like...

I don't like thinking about it,I don't like waking up

-Yeah. -and thinkingI don't have hope for this.

And I do agree that,look, we should also focus

-on the person who actually didthe crime itself. -Yes.

You know? And-and the...I think the horrible scourge

that isn't talked about enoughof homophobia,

-PARRA: Yes. -and-and whereit rears its ugly head.

Not just in... you know,in the Middle East

and that part of the world,but in so many places, you know.

I mean, that's the fuelthat was underneath here, but...

Well, I-I agree with thatto an extent, although--

I want to know what you guysthink about this--

I think that to... I thinkit kind of takes a village

when it comesto a shooter like this.

-I mean, we're hearing todaythat -You mean...

-his wife knew about it.-You mean, uh, cod...

uh, enabling this? Is thatwhat you're talking about?

Yes, there's a lot of enabling.

And there's institutionalproblems, like, homophobia,

that you're talking about,and-and, uh, like, you know,

-gun control. -Are they sayingshe knew about it?

-Yes. -They're saying she knew,she knew where he was going.

And listen, I've beenwith my girl for four years,

I trust herwith everything I have,

but she would snitch on mein a (bleep) second.

(laughter, applause)

And that's a good...and that's a good thing.

You're gonna go do what?

How do you,like, notice and say,

"I don't trustthat mother (bleep),

they may do something"?

I don't know whyhe's buying that much ammo.

-Yeah. -The gun... the guywho sold him that ammo,

I think heshould be held responsible.

I think ammo should be regulated

-and see how much goes outto everybody. -(cheering)

-(applause)-Yeah.

Do you... Listen, listen.

Shooting guns is fun.

-It is a fun thing.-SIMONS: It's fun.

To go to... to go to a...the shooting range

and to shoot a gunis a lot of fun.

But you don't needmore than a hundred bullets

at a shooting range,and you can buy more bullets

-at a shooting range.-Yeah.

I don't understandwhy we just allow anybody

to go and haveas many bullets as they want.

-(applause) -It's (bleep) crazy.-WILMORE: Yeah, uh-huh.

You were gonna sayone more thing, or...?

I... uh, I agree.Like, I grew up in Maine,

and I am oneof those people that...

this was not the casein my house, but there were

plenty of familiesthat I went to school with

who needed to huntto have food for the winter.

-Mm-hmm. -And I'm not...-VELEZ: That's crazy.

-PARRA: That's so mean.-And that is... number one,

that's crazyand that speaks to poverty,

-and that's a whole other thing.-Right. -Right.

And it's Maine.We are talking about Maine.

-Yeah. So, but... so I'm not...-Yeah.

VELEZ:Y'all shoot lobsters?

-Yeah.-(laughter)

Just a bunch of a happy-ass deerwalking behind us,

-we're firing bullets.-All these Maine Elmer Fudds.

Hewwo?

-Mr. Wobster?-(laughter)

-PARRA: Mr. Wobster?-And I'm not gonna

take that away from a familythat lives up there.

-But you don't need an AR-15to hunt a deer. -PARRA: Yeah.

That is not... You don't needanything that powerful.

And you don't need to be able togo to Academy Sports + Outdoors

to buy guns...or to buy AR-15's, like you can.

-Yeah.-That's cr... I'm from Texas,

where guns arevery easily accessible, too,

and I agree with thatcompletely. Completely.

-Yeah.-WILMORE: Yep. All right.

-I think we got it allfigured out. -Oh, my God.

We'll be right back.

-♪ -Lot of good jokesin that segment.

-(cheering)-Lot of good jokes.

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