The A-List
Season 1

Jimmy Aleck & Gene Pompa

  • Season 1, Ep 0138
  • 02/24/1992

I'VE WORN THIS TILL THE COWSCAME HOME AND LEFT AGAIN.

WHOA! NO PUN INTENDED.

A LITTLE ISAAC MIZRAHI NUMBER,SOMETHING SIMPLE.

I OFTEN SLEEP IN IT.

IT'S SO COMFORTABLEI JUST CRASH OUT

AND NINE HOURS LATERI'M FEELING AMAZING.

OF COURSE, YOU CAN'T GET NINEHOURS OF SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE...

I'VE JUST FALLEN IN LOVEWITH SOMEBODY, SO OF COURSE...

AND THE PERSON HAPPENSTO LIVE IN EUROPE.

IT'S A VERY CONVENIENTRELATIONSHIP, BUT IT'S EXCITING.

YOU'RE ALWAYSTALKING TO EACH OTHER

AT ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT

BECAUSE THEY CALL YOUAT 3:00 IN THE MORNING

BECAUSE IT'S NOON THERE

AND THEY'RE HAVINGA NORMAL CONVERSATION

YOU'RE LIKE, "RIGHT, HONEY,I LOVE YOU, YEAH, SURE."

THEN YOU CALL BACK-- IT'SJUST A WHOLE SCREWED-UP THING.

BUT I CAN'T BE AWAY FROM THEPHONE FOR MORE THAN TEN MINUTES.

I GET VERY NERVOUS, BECAUSEI JUST SOMETIMES NEED TO CALL.

YOU KNOW HOW IT ISWHEN YOU FALL IN LOVE

FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER?

IN YOUR MID-30s? IT'S SCARY.

HI, ARE YOU WITH THE CREW?

OH, NO, YOU'RE A GUEST, ANDYOU'RE PROUDLY DISPLAYING THAT.

DID EVERYBODY...

( laughter )

DID EVERYBODY GET THOSE?

YOU'RE JUSTSPECIAL.

( huskily: )HI, I'M A GUEST.

( laughter )

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW ME OR NOT.

I'M A WORLD-FAMOUS GUEST

IN TURQUOISE SPANDEX.

( laughter, clapping )

ARE YOU ALL TOGETHER?

ARE YOU ALL TOGETHERAT THIS TABLE?

SOMETIMES I THINK THEY JUSTTHROW PEOPLE AT THE TABLES

AND YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELYNOTHING IN COMMON

YOU'VE NEVER METEACH OTHER, BUT...

APPARENTLY IT'S TRUE.

( laughter )

WELL, IT'S GOING TO BE A GREATSHOW TONIGHT, A LOT OF FUN

IT'S THE '90s.

YOU HAVING FUN IN THE '90s?

Woman:AW.

SEE, I REMEMBER THE '70s.

WE HAD A GREAT SAYINGIN THE '70s:

"SEX, DRUGSAND ROCK AND ROLL," YEAH!

IN THE '90s, ALL YOU REALLY GOTLEFT FOR FUN IS ROCK AND ROLL.

AND LET'S FACE IT,WITHOUT SEX AND DRUGS

ROCK AND ROLL IS NOT THAT GOOD.

( clapping )

A LOT OF THE OLD ROCK STARSARE STILL PERFORMING.

HAVE YOU SEENSOME OF THESE GUYS LATELY?

CROSBY, STILLS AND NASH--HAVE YOU SEEN THEM?

WHOA, WHAT HAS HAPPENEDTO THESE GUYS?

WHAT, DID THEY HAVE THE MUNCHIESFOR THE PAST 20 YEARS?

AND IT'S SUCH A SHOCKWHEN YOU SEE THEM.

THEY SHOULD CHANGE THEIR NAME

TO PREPARE YOUFOR THE WAY THEY LOOK.

THEY SHOULD JUST CALL THEMSELVES"THE ALL-BALD FAT BAND."

( laughter )

YOU'RE NOT AS SHOCKEDWHEN YOU SEE THEM.

BUT WE'RE ALL AGING.

THE FANS ARE GETTING OLDER.

YOU GO TO A CONCERT NOW

YOU HEAR THE CROWDCHANTING THINGS LIKE

"TURN IT DOWN! TURN IT DOWN!"

( laughter )

BIG ISSUE IN THE '90sSEEMS TO BE SEXUAL HARASSMENT

OR "HAR-ASSMENT"--I WAS CORRECTED RECENTLY.

SOMEONE SAIDIT WAS "HAR-ASSMENT."

HEY, I SAY YOU GRAB HER ASS,IT'S HARASSMENT.

Women:AW.

THAT'S WHAT I SAY.

I COULD BE WRONG, I JUST SAY IT.

SEE, TO A WOMAN, THOUGH,SEXUAL HARASSMENT

IS WHEN A MAN MAKES ADVANCESTOWARDS HER.

IF A WOMAN MAKES ADVANCESTOWARDS A MAN

WE CALL THAT GETTING LUCKY.

( laughter )

YOU HEAR CONDOMSUSED A LOT TODAY.

CONDOM'S A BIG ISSUE, TOO.

YOU HEAR THAT BEING BANTEREDABOUT A LOT, CONDOMS

AND THERE'S SUCH A VARIETYOF CONDOMS NOW, TOO.

DID YOU HEARTHERE'S A STEALTH CONDOM?

THAT'S WHAT IT'S CALLED,IT'S CALLED THE STEALTH CONDOM.

HOW MANY GUYS ARE GOING TOGO OUT AND BUY A STEALTH CONDOM?

HOW MANY GUYS WANTTO GET IN AND OUT

WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWINGTHEY WERE THERE?

( high voice: )I'M READY.

( macho: )WELL, I'M DONE.

( laughter )

A LOT OF WOMENCARRYING CONDOMS NOW.

HOW MANY WOMEN TONIGHTHAVE THEM WITH THEM?

HOW MANY WOMEN TONIGHTHAVE A CONDOM WITH THEM?

LOOK AT THE GUYSLOOKING AROUND, THOUGH.

YOU NOTICE THE GUYS?

I'LL TELL YOU,WOMEN HAVE AN EASIER TIME

PURCHASING CONDOMS THAN MEN,BECAUSE WOMEN ARE BOLD.

WOMEN AREN'T BOTHERED BY IT.

WOMEN WALK IN THAT DRUGSTORE,"YEAH, LET ME SEE...

"GIVE ME THE LAMBSKIN LUBRICATEDONE THAT'S RIBBED

"WITH FEATHERS TWO FEET LONGAND VIBRATE.

"AND I THINK I'VE GOT A COUPON.

HOLD ON, IT'S HERE SOMEWHERE."

( laughter and applause )

( applause )

THREE YEARS GETS AN APPLAUSE.

ONLY IN L.A., THOUGH.

ALTHOUGH AFTER THREE YEARSOF MARRIAGE

THERE ARE SOME QUESTIONSI'D LIKE TO ASK MY WIFE.

LITTLE THINGS LIKE, "HONEY, WHYIS IT THAT YOU GET THREE CLOSETS

"AND I GET THE BACK OF A CHAIR?

WHY IS THAT?"

( laughter )

"HONEY, I WANT TO KNOW:WHY DO YOU WATCH TV COMMERCIALS

WHEN YOU HAVE A REMOTE CONTROL?"

YOU EVER SEEN A WOMANUSE A REMOTE CONTROL, GUYS?

LISTEN, HERE, IT'S LIKE THIS...

CLICK.

( laughter )

AND WE'RE GOING, "GIVE ME THAT!

DON'T YOU KNOWHOW TO CHANNEL SURF?"

CLICK, CLICK,CLICK, CLICK, CLICK.

"WHAT'D YOU WATCHLAST NIGHT, JIMMY?"

I WATCHED EVERYTHING.

( laughter )

HEY, WHY CAN'T WOMEN LEARNTO PUT THE TOILET SEAT BACK UP?

( laughter )

WHY? HUH?

( men applauding )

IS IT TOO HEAVY?

DO YOU EVER GET THIS INTHE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, GUYS?

( high voice: )I JUST FELL INTO THE BOWL.

( laughter )

AND I TRY TO BE SENSITIVETO MY WIFE.

I GO, "HONEY, WHY DON'T YOUTRY THIS NEXT TIME?

"TURN AROUND AND LOOKBEFORE YOU SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN.

"IT'S A NEW CONCEPT:TURN, LOOK, SIT.

THEY'RE JUST STARTING IT OUT NOW."

BATHROOMS ARE STRANGE PLACES.

YOU EVER BEEN TO SOMEONE ELSE'SHOME, USE THEIR BATHROOM

AND THEN FIND OUTTHERE'S NO TOILET PAPER?

WHAT DO YOU DO?

I MEAN, YOU CAN'T YELL.

( laughter )

YOU CAN'T SIT THEREAND GO, "HEY, SOMEBODY!"

YOU GOT NO TOILET PAPERIN HERE!"

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

SO WEIRD THINGSGO THROUGH YOUR MIND, RIGHT?

YOU EVER SIT THEREAND THINK THINGS

LIKE, "WELL, THIS IS AN OLD PAIROF UNDERWEAR I GOT ON."

( laughter )

"OH, I'D HATE TO USEALL THEIR COTTON BALLS.

THAT WOULDN'T BE..."

( laughter )

"BET YOU THOSE Q-TIPSWOULD HURT.

I WONDER IF THEY'VE READTHIS MAGAZINE BEFORE?"

( laughter )

"HERE, KITTY, KITTY.

"OH, JUST GIVE METHAT BLOW DRYER.

THAT'LL DO THE NUMBER ON ME,I THINK."

( imitates blow dryer )

MEN ARE PIGS, THOUGH.

WOMEN ARE NOT.

I GIVE WOMEN CREDIT.

THERE ARE THINGS MEN DOYOU'LL NEVER SEE WOMEN DO.

LIKE YOU'LL NEVER SEE WOMENGO UP TO A LITTLE KID:

"PULL MY FINGER--THIS'LL BE FUNNY."

YOU'LL NEVER SEE WOMENAFTER A GREAT MEAL

UNBUTTON THEIR SKIRTS AND BELCH.

THEY DON'T GO, "AH,THAT WAS A GOOD ONE, YEAH."

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'LL NEVER SEE?

YOU'LL NEVER SEE A GROUPOF WOMEN ON THE STREET CORNER

YELLING AT A GROUP OF MEN:

"HEY, HOW ABOUT SUCKINGON THESE?"

( laughter )

YOU'LL NEVER SEE WOMEN DO THAT,BECAUSE THEY KNOW WE WOULD.

( laughter )

AND NOW THAT I'M MARRIED,I'M BEING ASKED QUESTIONS

I HAVE NEVER BEEN ASKED BEFOREIN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

THE OTHER DAY,MY WIFE CAME UP TO ME

AND SAID,"DO YOU THINK I'M FAT?"

I SAID, "EXCUSE ME, SWEETHEART

"BUT DO YOU SEE 'STUPID JACKASS'WRITTEN ON MY FACE ANYWHERE?

"DO YOU SEE 'LET'S HAVE A FIGHTFOR NO APPARENT REASON'

WRITTEN ON MY FACE SOMEWHERE?"

AND GENTLEMEN, WHAT DO WE SAY

WHEN OUR WIVES ASK US,"HOW DO I LOOK"?

WHAT DO YOU TELL HER?

"FANTASTIC, GREAT, FABULOUS,"THAT'S RIGHT.

"HONEY, YOU LOOK GREAT.

LET'S GO, WE'RE LATE, COME ON."

( laughter )

BECAUSE MOST OF THE TIME,LADIES, YOU DO LOOK GREAT

BUT SOMETIMES YOU DON'T,AND GUESS WHAT?

WE'RE NOT TELLING YOU.

( laughter )

IT'S NOT OUR JOB.

THE OTHER DAY, I MADE A MISTAKE.

MY WIFE HAD ONONE OF THESE BIG BELTS.

ALL I SAID IS, "SWEETHEART,WHERE'D YOU GET THAT BELT?

"BEAT UP THE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPTO GET THAT BELT, HUH?

"HEY, WHY DON'T YOU WALKAROUND THE HOUSE

WITH THE BELT OVER YOUR HEAD?THAT'D BE KIND OF FUNNY."

SHE THOUGHT THAT WAS REAL FUNNY.

( as wife: )"SO YOU DON'T LIKE MY BELT."

"NO, I DIDN'T SAY THAT."

"NO, THEN I'LL JUST TAKE IT OFF.

"GOD FORBID I SHOULD WEARWHAT YOU DON'T LIKE.

"THEN I'LL TAKE OFF MY SHOES.

"THE SHOES GO WITH THE BELT.

"THEN I'LL TAKE OFF MY DRESS

"BECAUSE IT GOES WITHTHE SHOES AND THE BELT.

"I DON'T EVEN WANT TO GO NOWBECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE ME

"YOU DON'T LIKE MY BELT,MY DRESS, MY FRIENDS, MY FAMILY

"THE WAY I DRIVE,THE WAY I COOK.

"WE NEED COUNSELING.

"WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST SPLIT UP.

WE'RE NOTGETTING ALONG ANYMORE."

( applause )

( as husband: )"WELL, BUT YOU LOOK GREAT."

( laughter )

WOMEN ARE ONE STEPAHEAD OF US, GUYS.

WE GOT TO FACE UP TO IT.

FOR EXAMPLE, YOU KNOWWOMEN LOOK AT OTHER MEN.

YOU KNOW THEY DO,BUT YOU CAN'T CATCH THEM.

WE LOOK FOR TWO SECONDS

THEY GOT SOME KIND OF RADAROF SOME SORT, DON'T THEY?

SEE, I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT.

WOMEN ARE SMART ENOUGH TO GLANCE

THEN STORE THE INFORMATIONFOR LATER, YOU SEE.

( laughter )

WHEREAS MEN, WE'RE JUST STUPID.

WE HAVE MINDS LIKE SIEVES,SO WHAT DO WE DO? WE STARE.

AND THE WORST THING WE DOIS FOLLOW AND COMMENT.

WE'RE SITTING THERE,GOING, "OH, WOW!

"I HAVE NEVER... OH, WOW...

WHAT?"

( laughter )

"WHAT?

"OH, I DON'T THINKSHE'S CUTE, NO.

"YOU SEE, HONEY, SHE HASLONG LEGS AND LARGE BREASTS.

"SOME MEN FIND THAT ATTRACTIVE.

"BUT NOT ME.

I LIKE YOU."

( laughter )

BECAUSE TODAY, MY LAST NAMEWAS MISPRONOUNCED.

AND IT'S JUST THATI'M MEXICAN-AMERICAN

AND MY GRANDPARENTSCAME OVER HERE FROM MEXICO.

THEY MADE EVERY EFFORTIN THE WORLD

TO IMMEDIATELY LEARNTO SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH.

AND I WAS JUST HOPING

THAT MAYBE THE AMERICAN PUBLICCOULD RETURN THE FAVOR

BY CORRECTLY PRONOUNCINGSOME OF THE SPANISH WORDS

THAT WE USE IN EVERYDAY ENGLISH

LIKE, FOR INSTANCE,CITY OF LOS ANGELES.

IT'S NOT LOS ANGELES,IT'S LOS ANGELES.

AND JUST SIMPLE WORDS,LIKE "MISTER."

IT'S NOT MISTER, IT'S "MEESTER."

( laughter )

OH, NEVER MIND.

( laughter )

ANYWAYS, I BOUGHT A NEW CARA COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO.

I BOUGHT A BRAND-NEWPORSCHE 944 TURBO

AND I REALLY COULDN'T AFFORD IT,BUT I FIGURED, WHAT THE HELL?

I'LL JUST PICK UP A COUPLEEXTRA HOURS A WEEK AT WORK.

( laughter )

SO I'M WORKING137 HOURS A WEEK NOW.

( applause )

IF I SEEM A LITTLEUPTIGHT RIGHT NOW

THE REASON IS I GOT INA BIG FIGHT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.

SHE'S REALLY IMMATURE.

SHE SLEEPS WITH THIS BIG,STUPID TEDDY BEAR.

AND I TOLD HER,"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE 25

AND YOU SLEEPWITH A STUPID TEDDY BEAR."

AND SHE GOES, "SO WHAT?YOU SLEEP IN YOUR PAJAMAS."

AND I GO, "A LOT OF GUYSSLEEP IN THEIR PAJAMAS."

SHE GOES, "YEAH, BUT YOU SLEEPIN YOUR BEDROOM SLIPPERS, TOO."

SEE WHAT I MEAN?

SHE'S SO STUPID.

I DON'T HAVE ANY CHOICE

BECAUSE THEY'RE SEWNINTO THE PAJAMAS.

( laughter )

I GOT INTO A BIG FIGHTWITH THIS WEIRD LADY.

SHE WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE ME

THAT NEW YORK WASFAR MORE SUPERIOR TO CALIFORNIA.

SHE TOLD ME THEY HADTHE MUSEUM OF MODERN ART

AND THEY HAD BROADWAY

AND I SAID,"CALIFORNIA HAS JUST AS MUCH.

YOU HAVE THE BEACHES AND YOU HAVE THE FILM INDUSTRY."

AND SHE GOT REALLY FLUSTEREDAND SHE GOES, "YOU KNOW WHAT?"

SHE GOES, "I DON'T CAREWHAT YOU SAY.

NEW YORK RULES."

AND I THOUGHT, "OH, MY GOSH.

"HOW COULD A WOMANAS SOPHISTICATED AS THIS LADY

"NOT COME UP WITH ANYTHINGMORE INTELLIGENT TO SAY

TO MAKE A POINTTHAN 'NEW YORK RULES'"?

IT JUST SOUNDED SO JUVENILE.

I LOOKED AT HERAND I GO, "NEW YORK RULES?

"THAT IS SO STUPID.

"YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?

"YOU THINK YOU'RE THE BOSSOF THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD

AND YOU'RE NOT."

( laughter )

I HAD PROBLEMSCOMMUNICATING WITH MY DAD

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE KID.

I'D COME IN THE HOUSEON A SATURDAY

AND I YANKED THE NEWSPAPEROUT OF HIS HAND

AND I'D SAY,"HEY, IDIOT, I'M BORED."

( laughter )

AND HE'D GET REALLY SARCASTIC.

HE'D SAY, "HEY THERE,LITTLE BEAR, WHY THE LONG FACE?"

AND I'D SAY, "THERE'S NOTHINGTO DO, YOU BIG FAT STUPID."

( laughter )

HE GOES, "YEAH,WHY DON'T YOU GO IN THE KITCHEN

AND BRING OUT THE OLD MAN ALARGE CUP OF PIPING HOT COFFEE?"

SO I BRING HIM OUTSOME PIPING HOT COFFEE.

THEN I TOSS IT OVER TO HIM.

I SAY, "THINK FAST, DAD!"

( laughter )

AND HE'D START SCREAMINGAT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS

AND HE'D GET PISSED.

AND I'D SAY, "HEY, THERE,LITTLE BEAR, WHY THE LONG FACE?"

( laughter )

SOMETIMES WHEN I GETREALLY BORED

I LIKE TO CALL INFORMATIONAND ASK A BUNCH OF QUESTIONS

THAT DON'T HAVE ANYTHINGTO DO WITH PHONE NUMBERS.

( laughter )

I'D CALL THEM UP AND THEY GO,"WHAT CITY, PLEASE?"

AND I'D SAY, "NO CITY.

"THIS IS INFORMATION, RIGHT?

"OKAY, CATS LIKE FISH.

"THERE'S SHRIMP-FLAVOREDCAT FOOD

"AND THERE'S TUNA-FLAVOREDCAT FOOD.

"CATS LIKE MOUSES, RIGHT?

"HOW COME THERE'S NOMICE-FLAVORED CAT FOOD?

AND HOW COME THERE'SNO CAT-FLAVORED DOG FOOD?"

( laughter )

YOU EVER DIAL THE WRONG NUMBER

AND INSTEAD OF HANGING UPTHE PHONE

YOU TRY TO SCARE THE PERSONON THE OTHER END OF THE LINE?

I WAS CALLING THIS FRIENDOF MINE THE OTHER DAY.

I GO, "HI, IS JANE THERE?"

HE GOES, "NO,FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

YOU DIALED THE WRONG NUMBER."

I GO, "I DIDN'T DIALTHE WRONG NUMBER.

( laughter )

YOU JUST PICKED UPTHE WRONG DAMN PHONE."

( laughter )

WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDOR YOUR WIFE

AND IN THE HEAT OF ANGER,YOU SAY SOMETHING REALLY NASTY

THAT YOU KNOWYOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID

SO YOU TRY TO ACTLIKE YOU SAID SOMETHING ELSE?

ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND GOTIN THIS REALLY HAIRY ARGUMENT.

SHE'S JUST GOING OFF ON ME, MAN,SHE JUST LOST IT.

FINALLY, I GO,"MAN, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?

BOY, YOU MUST HAVEA GNARLY YEAST INFECTION."

( laughter )

SHE GOES, "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

I SAID, "BY GOLLY,IT'S ALMOST EASTER VACATION."

( laughter )

( applause )

MY FIRST YEAR OF COLLEGE,I MET THIS GIRL

AND I WANTED TO GO OUT WITH HER

AND SHE GOES, "GENE,WHAT ARE YOU ANYWAYS?"

AND I GO, "I'M MEXICAN."

SHE GOES, "I DON'T KNOWIF YOU SHOULD GO OUT WITH ME

"BECAUSE MY DAD'S REALLYPREJUDICED AGAINST MEXICANS

"BUT MAYBE IF YOU CALLED HIM UPAND YOU COULD IMPRESS HIM

"AND OFFER SOME INTELLECTUALLYSTIMULATING CONVERSATION

"HE'LL MAKE AN EXCEPTION

AND THEN YOU COULD QUALIFYTO GO OUT WITH ME."

( laughter )

SO I SAID, "ALL RIGHT,"BECAUSE I REALLY LIKED HER.

SO I CALLED HIM UP, I SAID

( thick Mexican accent: )"'ALLO, MR. ANDERSON?

"I CALL ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER.

SHE NICE."

IN ALL SERIOUSNESS

I'VE BEEN HAVINGA LOT OF HANG-UPS LATELY

ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY.

I DON'T KNOW WHY,I JUST HAVE THEM.

FOR A LONG TIME I THOUGHT MAYBEONE OF MY ROOMMATES WAS GAY.

SO FINALLY LAST NIGHT

WHEN HE ASKED METO SLOW DANCE NAKED WITH HIM

IN THE STROBE LIGHT,I SAID, "HEY, MAN, ARE YOU GAY?"

( laughter )

AND HE SAID, "NO."

I SAID, "LET'S DANCE."

( laughter )

AND I HAD THESE TWO SHOPPINGCARTS FULL OF GROCERIES

AND I WAS WAITING IN LINE, ANDTHIS GUY GOT IN LINE BEHIND ME

AND ALL HE HADWAS A JAR OF SPAGHETTI SAUCE

AND SOME SPAGHETTI,AND HE KEPT CHECKING HIS WATCH

AND LOOKINGAT MY TWO FULL CARTS

TRYING TO HINT FOR METO LET HIM GO AHEAD OF ME

AND I JUST TOTALLY IGNORED HIM.

AND THEN FINALLYI TURNED AROUND.

I SAID, "HEY, MAN,IF THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE

"IS THAT SPAGHETTI SAUCEAND THAT SPAGHETTI

"THEN YOU SHOULD JUST GO AHEADAND DO SOME MORE SHOPPING

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO BEA LITTLE BIT OF A WHILE."

( laughter, applause )

"I HAVE TO WRITE A CHECK."

( laughter )

"I DON'T HAVE ANY I.D."

( laughter )

"I GOT A LOT OF COUPONS."

( laughter )

"ALL I GOT TO DOIS CUT THEM OUT."

( laughter )

SO I JUST GOT OUT OF JAIL.

I WAS IN THEREFOR CONTEMPT OF COURT

AND WHAT HAPPENED WASI GOT CALLED INTO JURY DUTY

AND THE JUDGE WENT AROUNDTHE JURY BOX

AND HE WANTED USTO INTRODUCE OURSELVES

TELL HIM WHAT WE DIDFOR A LIVING AND WHERE WE LIVED.

AND THE FIRST GUY GOES,"YEAH, MY NAME IS ANDY ANDERSON.

"I LIVE IN LOS ANGELES,CALIFORNIA

"AND I WORK AS A FOREMANFOR GENERAL TELEPHONE.

I'VE NEVER SERVEDON JURY DUTY BEFORE."

AND THEY GOT TO ME, AND I SAID

"YEAH, MY NAME'S GENE POMPAAND I LIVE IN HOLLYWOOD.

"I WORK AS A HOUSEBOYFOR THIS OLDER GENTLEMAN

"AND BASICALLY, WHAT I DO

IS I SERVE HORS D'OEUVRES AT HISPARTIES IN A LITTLE SUNDRESS."

( laughter )

THE JUDGE GOT REALLY MAD,HE GOT PISSED.

AND I SAID, "HEY THERE,LITTLE BEAR, WHY THE LONG FACE?"

IT'S ALL THE SAMETO GENE POMPA-- THANKS A LOT.

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