In Da Club

  • Season 3, Ep 2
  • 09/23/2014

When Denzel gets accepted into an elite country club, a slighted Steve befriends a group of lesbians.

- AROUND THE RUBBER,OFF THE AIDS NEEDLE, AND...

HOLE IN ONE.[laughs]

EAT THAT, STEVE.

- NO WAY.

THAT IS NOT GUM.

TRUST ME, I COULDN'T EVENBLOW BUBBLES WITH IT.

- STEVE, YOU KNOW I LOVE PLAYINGMINI-GOLF WITH YOU,

BUT DON'T YOU EVER WISHWE COULD PLAY AT A BETTER PLACE?

- ARE YOU KIDDING?

WHAT ELSE COULD YOUPOSSIBLY WANT?

- HOW ABOUT A REAL WINDMILL?

- [humming][horn honking]

- STOP TRYING TO DISTRACT ME.

YOU'RE JUST WORRIED THATI'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS

LIKE I DO EVERY WEEK.

- WANT TO BET?- I ALWAYS DO.

IF I SINK THIS NEXT PUTT,YOU OWE ME FIVE BUCKS.

SWEET, THERE'S A NEW BUM HOLE.

- [gargling]

- COME ON.COME ON.

- [breathing heavily]

[farts]

- YES.PAY UP.

- UH, I DON'T THINKTHAT'S YOUR BALL, STEVE.

[dramatic music]

EVERYONE AT THE COUNTRY CLUBIS GOING TO BE SO IMPRESSED

BY MY BLACK DRIVER.

- NOT AS IMPRESSED AS THEY'LL BE

BY MY BLACK FOOTUP YOUR WHITE ASS.

- JUST BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR.

I NEED YOU TO ACT BLACK--

BUT NOT UPPITY,SPIKE LEE KIND OF BLACK

OR QUESTIONABLY GAYTYLER PERRY KIND OF BLACK.

MORE LIKE, UH, UNCLE REMUSZIP-A-DEE-DO-DAH BLACK.

- SAY BLACK AGAIN,MOTHER [bleep].

- NO, NO, NO.THAT'S SAMUEL L. JACKSON BLACK.

- OH, WHATEVER, MAN.

WHY ARE YOU SO EXCITED ABOUTTHIS STUPID CLUB ANYWAY?

- OH, IT'S ONLY THE GREATESTCOUNTRY CLUB IN THE WORLD.

HAS THE BEST GOLF COURSE,THE FINEST CUBAN CIGARS,

30-YEAR-OLD SCOTCH.

- DAMN, THAT DOES SOUNDPRETTY AWESOME.

- PLUS ONCE A YEAR

AT THEIR ANNUALFOUNDER'S DAY GOLF TOURNAMENT,

THEY MAKE A LEGENDARYCLUB SANDWICH.

- ONLY AN ANDY REID-LOOKINGTUB OF SHIT LIKE YOU

WOULD GET EXCITEDABOUT A SANDWICH.

- DENZEL, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

AFTER THE WAR,I WAS A HOMELESS VET

HOOKED ON SMACKAND THAI LADY BOYS.

THAT SANDWICH TURNEDMY LIFE AROUND.

[angelic music]

ONCE I TASTED THAT SANDWICH,

I REALIZED I HAD SOMETHINGTO LIVE FOR.

- MR. WOODY,TIME FOR DINGALING TUG TUG?

- CHANGE OF PLANS, PU YANG.

I AM MOVING OUT.