Eminem & Jeff Goldblum

  • Season 2, Ep 28
  • 03/16/2004

Eminem wants a tattoo for his 10-year-old daughter, and Jeff plans a surprise birthday party.

( phone ringing )

>> Hello?

>> Hi, my name is Cammie.

>> Hi.

>> And I am calling...

Do you have a moment so I can

ask you a quick question?

>> Sure.

>> Okay.

This is totally random.

I just picked your name out of

the phone book.

I just started dating a Jewish

man and I don't know any Jewish

people and I'm calling you to

just ask you a few questions

because I'm meeting his parents

tonight and I have no idea how

to act.

>> Oh, okay.

Are his parents, like, ultra

religious or are they...?

>> They're... they're pretty

religious, yeah.

>> So, they may not even wear,

like, hats or little hats and

things.

Are you going to, like, a Friday

service at their house?

>> It's not a service, I guess.

It's some kind of a dinner or

something.

>> So, this is just going to be

a regular meal, like a family

meal.

>> Okay, let me just write this

down: "no funny hats."

>> No, I mean... I mean, they

don't wear hats.

>> Oh!

>> So, if the men don't wear

hats, then they're not very

orthodox.

>> Then they're not that Jewy.

Now, I think I've heard them

speak in tongues and I don't

know, is that something that

they're going to make me do?

>> Jews don't speak in tongues.

That's the Pentecostal.

They may speak in Hebrew.

>> Oh, Hebrew.

>> They may pray in... say a

prayer in a different language.

>> Okay, I heard a lot of ...

( guttural hacking )

>> Yeah, that's Hebrew.

>> Okay.

I've heard, like, people refer

to Jewish noses are schnozes.

Is that complimentary?

>> You wouldn't use it.

It's like an in-group joke among

themselves, you know?

>> Okay.

>> You wouldn't.

>> Okay, so, it's, like, okay,

so they can say it, but I can't.

>> Pretty much.

Yeah, I wouldn't.

>> Okay. All right.

>> Especially first meeting.

>> Okay.

What's a putz?

>> I don't know.

>> Okay.

Have you ever...

I haven't-- this is really

personal-- but we haven't, like,

been really physical yet and I

heard that they get...

"circumvised," or something.

>> Yes.

Jewish men get circumcised, but

most men do.

>> Really?

>> In the hospital, if you were

to have a boy baby, the

pediatrician does it.

>> Okay, so, it's not like he's

missing half his penis?

>> No, no, no.

>> Okay.

And do they have horns?

Because I haven't found any on

my boyfriend.

>> Now, what do you think?

This is ridiculous.

How old are you?

>> I'm 24.

>> Well, come on.

( laughs )

>> I've never met a Jew in my

life.

I know it sound ridiculous.

I literally...

>> Yes, you have, you just

didn't know that.

>> Huh.

So, like, they're just living

around us? Just...?

>> All around you.

>> I swear to God, 'cause I see

so few people with big noses and

beady eyes that I just never

would've known.

>> Not all Jews have large

noses.

>> He does-- he has a honker.

But I like it.

I think it's sexy.

>> Mmm.

>> I know he doesn't mix meat

and dairy-- is it wrong to put

whipped cream on his penis?

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