September 15, 2014 - Mindy Kaling

  • 09/15/2014

A new Miss America is crowned, The Guardian editor Matt Wells weighs in on Scottish independence, think tanks accept foreign money, and Mindy Kaling talks "The Mindy Project."

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

>> Stephen: THANK YOU,LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THANK

YOU SO MUCH.

WELCOME TO THE REPORT.

IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

FOLKS-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

FOLKS, I DON'T KNOW IF YOUKNOW IT -- FOLKS, I DON'T KNOW

IF YOU KNOW IT, BUT THAT ISCHANTING -- THAT CHANTING,

THAT INCANTATION OF MY NAMEAT THE BEGINNING OF THE SHOW

PUTS US ON A GLIDEPLATH TOGLORY.

YES, I SAID GLIDEPLATH --

IT'S MUCH BETTER THAN GLIDEPATH.

FOLKS, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.

YOU KNOW I LOVE THE LADIES.

IN MY OPINION, IT'S ONE OF THETOP FIVE SEXES OUT THERE.

AND THIS WAS A HUGE WEEKENDIN LADY NEWS.

FOR STARTERS --

FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 29008CAMPAIGN HILLARY CLINTON WAS

IN IOWA TO ANNOUNCE THAT SHEWAS THINKING ABOUT HINTING

THAT SHE WAS LEANING TOWARDSMAYBE RUNNING.

AND OF COURSE, YOU KNOW, YOUKNOW THE CLINTON MACHINE,

THEY ANNOUNCED IT PERFECTLY.

>> I'M BACK!

>> Stephen: YES, HILLARY'SBACK!

AND I THINK THERE IS NOBETTER WAY TO LAUNCH A

CAMPAIGN THAN WITH ACATCH-PHRASE FROM A 1996 MOVIE.

>> I'M BACK!

>> Stephen: THANK YOU FORYOUR SERVICE, RANDY QUAID.

YOU WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN.

THAT WAS ALMOST AS GOOD ASWHEN BILL CLINTON LAUNCHED

HIS '92 CAMPAIGN WITH ACATCH PHRASE FROM A 1986

MOVIE.

>> I [BLEEP] ANYTHING THATMOVES!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR YOURSERVICE, DENNIS HOPPER.

OF COURSE, WHILE THERE'S ALOT OF TALK THAT HILLARY

COULD BE OUR FIRST FEMALEPRESIDENT, THIS PAST WEEKEND

WE ONCE AGAIN ELECTED ASTRONG FEMALE LEADER.

>> WELCOME TO THE 2015 MISSAMERICA COMPETITION.

>> Stephen: YES, MISSAMERICA. THAT ONE MAGICAL

NIGHT A YEAR ATLANTIC CITYSHOWS THE WORLD JUST HOW

CLOSE IT COULD COME TOTURNING A PROFIT.

THE LADIES WERE LOVELY, THE HAIRWAS LOVELY, THE TEETH WERE

HIGH AND FIRM.

BUT THE HIGHLIGHT OF THENIGHT WAS THE POP-UPS

DELIVERING FACT DOESOIDSABOUT THE CONTESTANTS.

MISS VIRGINIA WAS TERRIFIEDOF FROGS.

MISS MASSACHUSETTS WASATTACKED BY A CHEETAH IN

ZAMBIA.

MISS FLORIDA SLAPPED A SHARKAS A KID.

SHARK SLAPPING?

MY GOD, WHEN DID THAT BECOMEA TALENT.

SHE COULD HAVE WON IT, FOKLS.

AND THIS YEAR'S WINNERWAS MISS NEW YORK.

SEEN HER, I BELIEVE-- SEENHERE, I BELIEVE SHE'S

PANHANDLING.

NOTHING AGAINST THE LOVELY MISSNEW YORK, BUT FOR MY MONEY

BASED ON TALENT ALONE LASTNIGHT'S WINNER WAS MISS OHIO.

>> SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALI-DOCIOUS.

SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALI-DOCIOUS ♪

SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALI-DOCIOUS ♪

SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALI-DOCIOUS ♪

THERE'S YOUR MISS AMERICA RIGHTTHERE.

THE FLOWING BLONDE MANE.

THE ELGANT RED GOWN.

THE LEGS.

THE WAY SHE CAN SING AWHOLE SONG WITHOUT BLINKING?

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE,MADAME.

NOW FOLKS, I HAVE BEENSTEEPED IN THE HISTORY OF

SCOTLAND EVER SINCE BRAVECAME OUT ON iTUNES.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE,MERIDA.

THAT'S WHY I'M RIVETED TOALL THE NEWS FROM THE LANDS

OF KILTS AND HAGIS WHERETHIS THURSDAY CITIZENS WILL

♪ WALK 500 MILES AND THEY WALK 500 MORE TO BE THE MAN TO

WALK A --♪(LAUGHTER)

FOLKS --

I'LL TAKE IT.

THEY'RE VOTING ON THEIRFUTURE.

>> WE ARE JUST 72 HOURS AWAYFROM A ONCE IN A LIFETIME

VOTE ON SCOTTISHINDEPENDENCE.

>> SCOTLAND WILL VOTE THISWEEK ON WHETHER TO SEVERE

100-YEAR-OLD TIES WITHBRITAIN AND BECOME AN

INDEPENDENT NATION.

>> AFTER 307 YEAR ITSSCOTLAND COULD BREAK AWAY

FROM THE REST OF BRITAIN.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT,SCOTLAND COULD ACTUALLY

SECEDE.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY HAD SLAVES.

AT ISSUE IS WHETHER SCOTLANDWILL BE ABLE TO CONTROL

THEIR OWN TAX AND SOCIALSECURITY RATES AND DECISIONS

ABOUT THE LEVEL ANDALLOCATION OF PUBLIC

SPENDING.

THIS IS AN EMOTIONALLYCHARGED STRUGGLE THAT

TRACES ITS ROOTS TO THE DAYSOF WILLIAM WALLCE.

>> THEY MAY TAKE A LIVES BUTTHEY'LL NEVER TAKE OUR

FREEDOM TO CALCULATE PENSIONBENEFITS BASED ON INFLATION

OR EARNINGS, WHICHEVER ISHIGHER!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)FREEDOM!

AND THE STAKES, AND THESTAKES GO FAR BEYOND SCOTLAND.

A VOTE FOR SEPARATION WOULDMEAN THE NEAR-CERAIN RESIGNATION

OF BRITISH PRIME MINISTER DAVIDCAMERON.

SEE, BACK IN 2012 CAMERON AGREEDTO THE INDEPENDENCE VOTE AS

A CALCULATED GAMBLE.

AND IF HE LOSES SCOTLAND,HE'LL HAVE TO MAKE IT UP BY

WINNING INDIA BACK AT THECRAPS TABLE.

FOLKS, ANY TIME PEOPLE AREANGIRLY DEMANDING SOMETHING

AND I DON'T ENTIRELYUNDERSTAND WHY --

I AM WITH THEM.

AS AN IRISH AMERICAN I KNEWALL TOO WELL, WHAT IT'S LIKE

TO SUFFER UNDER THE BOOT OFAN INDIFFERENT MONARCHY.

ANSWER MY LETTERS, PRINCE.

I WOULD DIE 4 U.

AND IT IS LOOKING GOOD FORTHE PRO INDEPENDENCE YES

SCOTLAND CAMPAIGN.

THE POLLS WERE RUNNINGAGAINST SECESSION UNTIL

RECENTLY WHEN 47% OF THOSESURVEYED SAID YES TO

INDEPENDENCE WHILE 45% SAIDNO, WHILE ANOTHER 8% SAID

SOMETHING NO ONE ELSEOUTSIDE OF GLASGOW COULD

POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND.

I'M NOT SAYING THE ROAD TOINDEPENDENCE WON'T HAVE A

WEE BUMP.

FOR INSTANCE, SCOTLAND WANTSTO KEEP USING THE BRITISH

POUND.

BUT ENGLAND'S CHANCELLOR OFTHE EXCHEQUER SAYS NO

FARTHING WAY.

>> SCOTLAND WALKS AWAY FROMTHE U.K., IT WALKS AWAY FROM

THE POUND.

>> Stephen: MEANING THE NEWCOUNTRY WOULD HAVE TO REVERT

TO TRADITIONAL SCOTTISHCURRENCY, SLABS OF PEAT MOSS

STAMPED WITH SEAN CONNERY'SFACE.

(LAUGHTER)

FIVE [BLEEP] JOBBIES! FIVE[BLEEP] JOBBIES!

BUT SCOTLAND IS TOTALLY READY TOROCK OUT WITH ITS LOCH OUT.

THE SCOTS SHACKED UP BACK IN1706 AFTER THEY WENT BROKE

TRYING CON COLONIZE PANAMA.

BUT NOW, THE TABLES HAVE TURNED.IN THE LAST 32 YEARS, SCOTLAND

HAS GENERATED MORE TAX PERCAPITA THAN THE U.K. AS A WHOLE.

SO ON THEIR OWN, THEY WOULDBE ONE OF THE WORLD'S 20

WEALTHIEST COUNTRIES.

I NO IDEA THEY SOLD THATMUCH ADHESIVE TAPE.

SO I STAND WITH MY SECESSIONISTBROTHERS.

TODAY, I STEPHEN COLBERT, AM APROUD SCOTSMAN ICH BIN EIN

EDINBURGHER.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)NOW AND NOW

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

SCOTLAND'S ROAD TO INDEPENDENCEIS SURE TO BE A BREEZE.

HERE TO TELL ME JUST HOWBREEZY IT'S GOING TO BE IS

ASSISTANT U.S. EDITOR OF THEGUARDIAN MATT WELLS.

MATT, THANKS SO MUCH FORBEING HERE.

MATT, GUARDIAN, GREAT ENGLISHNEWSPAPER.

DO YOU THINK THAT SCOTLANDSHOULD SECEDE?

>> YES, I THINK SCOTLANDSHOULD SUCCEED AND SECEDE.

>> Stephen: WHAT'S THEDIFFERENCE?

>> LOOK, THE UNION HASLASTED 307 YEARS.

AND FOR MUCH OF THAT TIMEIT'S BRITAIN AND SCOTLAND

VERY WELL INDEED.

BUT THE TIES THAT BAND THEUNION TOGETHER THINGS LIKE

THE BRITISH EMPIRE, THE SHAREDSENSE OF BRITISH STATEHOOD THAT

WENT WITH A CENTURY OF FIGHTINGTWO WORLD WARS, THEY HAVE

FADED NOW.

AND THE INSTITUTIONS HAVEREPLACED THEM AND FEEL

DISTANT AND DISCREDITED.

>> Stephen: BUT WILL IT BE GOODFOR EVERYBODY?

FOR THEM TO SECEDE?

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: IS THAT GOING TOBE POSITIVE FOR SCOTLAND AND

ENGLAND?

>> IT WILL BE VERY GOOD FORSCOTLAND.

AND I DON'T THINK IT WILL BEBAD FOR ENGLAND.

THE GDP OF SCOTLAND IS PERCAPITA $2,300 POUNDS GREATER

THAN IT IS IN ENGLAND.

>> Stephen: IS THAT INMETRIC BECAUSE I DON'T

CONVERT.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: WHAT IS THAT ININCHES.

>> SCOTLAND IS A LOWPOPULATION, RESOURCE RICH

COUNTRY.

WE HAVE A GREAT RESOURCES NORTHSEA OIL.

THERE ARE VERY MUCH UNTAPPEDROOT RESOURCES.

>> Stephen: DO YOU WISHDAVID CAMERON HARM?

(LAUGHTER)>> NO.

I MEAN THE GUARDIAN IS APROGRESSIVE LEFT-WING

NEWSPAPER.

>> Stephen: YOU WOULD LIKETO STICK A KNIFE IN HIM.

>> AND WE HAVE -->> Stephen: THAT'S WHY YOU SEE

CHAOS. WOULD THIS BE CHAOS FORTHE PEOPLE IN ENGLAND?

>> I THINK WILL BE DIFFICULT.

>> Stephen: IS THAT ANENGLISH WORD FOR FIREBOMBING

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

DIFFICULT, WHAT DOESDIFFICULT MEAN IN ENGLAND.

>> FRANKLU IT WILL BECATACLYSMIC FOR THEM.

>> Stephen: CATACLYSMIC FORTHEM. SO WANT THIS BECAUSE IT IS

A GOOD STORY FOR YOU.

>> IT WILL BE A GREAT STORY.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE OPEN TOTHE SES SESSION THE SAME

REASON PEOPLE WATCH NASCAR.

>> DAVID CAMERON--

>> Stephen: HOPING THAT THE CARWILL JUST SLAM INTO THE WALL.

YOU'RE CUTTING THE BRABLINGCABLES OF SCOTLAND.

>> DAVID CAMERON STAKED HISREPUTATION ON SAVING THE

UNION.

HE WAS THE ONE WHO GRANTEDTHE REFERENDUM IN THE FIRST

PLACE IT WAS HIS DECISION TOMAKE THE SLATE YES OR NO

QUESTION.

>> Stephen: WHY DID HE DOTHAT?

WHY DID HE DO THAT?

>> -- A MASSIVE POLITICALMISCALCULATION WHICH NOW

LOOKS AS IF IT MIGHTBACKFIRE IN HIS FACE.

>> Stephen: WHY DID HE DOIT?

>> BECAUSE AT THE POLLS ATTHE TIME SUGGESTED THAT ONLY

30% OF PEOPLE IN SCOTLANDSUPPORTED INDEPENDENCE.

DAVID CAMERON, IN WHAT SOMEPEOPLE MIGHT SAY WAS

POLITICAL ARROGANCE, THOUGHTTHAT HE COULD EASILY WIN.

THAT THE MASS SERADE RANKS OFTHE THREE POLITICLA PARTIES

WOULD BE UNITED AGAINST THEUPSTART NATIONALISTS.

THEY WOULD BE EASILYDEFEATED.

>> Stephen: COULD THE QUEENHAVE DONE SOMETHING TO STOP

IT?

WHAT IF SHE HAD WORN ADIFFERENT HAT?

>> YES.

>> Stephen: OR WAVEDSLIGHTLY DIFFERENTLY OR

SOMETHING.

>> THE ROLE OF THE QUEEN ISREALLY INTERESTING AND

WHETHER, AN HER VIEWS ASWELL.

>> Stephen: WHERE DOES SHEFALL ON THIS.

>> SHE DID INTERVENE IN THEDEBATE ON SUNDAY COMING OUT

OF CHURCH NEAR HER ESTATE INSCOTLAND WHERE SHE SPENDS

THE SUMMER, BALMORAL.

SHE SAID TO A WELL WISHERWHO ASKED HER WHAT SHE

THOUGHT OF THE SCOTISHREFERENDUM -- A MEMBER OF THE

PUBLIC, OVERHEARD BY THE PRESS-- SHE SAID THAT SHE THOUGHT

THAT SCOTS VOTING ON THURSDAYSHOULD THINK VERY CAREFULLY

INDEED ABOUT THEIR FUTURE.

>> Stephen: OH MY GOD.

(LAUGHTER)>> Stephen: THAT IS A SMACKDOWN

FROM THE QUEEN.

THAT IS THE EQUIVALENT OFSAYING WELL, DO YOU FEEL

LUCKY, PUNK?

MATT, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

MATT WELLS FROM THEGUARDIAN.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY, THANK YOU SO

MUCH.

NATION, NATION, FOLKS, YOUKNOW, I HAVE ALWAYS, I'VE

SAID THIS BEFORE, I HAVEALWAYS BEEN SUSPICIOUS OF

WASHINGTON THINK TANKS.

TOO MUCH THINK, NOT ENOUGHTANK.

(LAUGHTER)BUT THIS WEEK I LEARNED THAT

THERE IS SOMETHING EVENWORSE THAN BEING A

CHIN-STROKING INTELLICTU-NERD --AND THAT'S BEING A TRADER.

>> "THE NEW YORK TIMES"NEWSPAPER IS NOW REPORTS THAT

MORE THAN A DOZEN PROMINENTWASHINGTON RESEARCH GROUPS,

THINK TANKS, TOOK TENS OFMILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN

FOREIGN GOVERNMENT MONEY INRECENT YEARS.

SOME FOREIGN COUNTRIES WEREESSENTIALLY TRYING TO BUY

INFLUENCE, PAYING THOSETHINK TANKS TO PUT THEIR

POSITION IN A POSITIVELIGHT.

OR TO GAIN INFLUENCE WITHLAWMAKERS.

>> Stephen: YES, FOREIGNGOVERNMENTERS ARE BUYING

INFLUENCE. SO GOOD NEWS,AMERICA HAS AN EXPORT.

AND FOLKS, THE CORRUPTION BYSUPPOSEDLY INDEPENDENT THINK

TANKS LIKE THE BROOKINGSINSTITUTION GOES DEEP.

FOR INSTANCE, AFTER QATAR AGREEDTO MAKE A $14.8 BILLION DONATION

TO BROOKINGS, A VISITING FELLOWSAID HE HAS BEEN TOLD DURING

HIS JOB INTERVIEW THAT HECOULD NOT TAKE POSITIONS

CRITICAL OF THE QATARIGOVERNMENT.

AND HIS ONLY ACCEPTEDPRONUNCIATIONS OF THE

COUNTRY.

LIKE CUTTER, GUTTER, CUH-TAROR QUISNOS.

AND ACCORDING TO THE REPORT,JAPAN GAVE THE CENTER FOR

STATEGIC INTERNATIONAL STUDIESGAVE AT LEAST 1.1 MILLION FOR,

QUOTE, RESEARCH AND CONSULTINGFOR TRADE AND DIRECT INVESTMENT

BETWEEN JAPAN AND THE UNITEDSTATES.

WHEN ASKED WHY, A JAPANESEEMBASSY SPOKESMAN EXPLAINED

JAPAN IS NOT NECESSARILY THEMOST INTERESTING SUBJECT

AROUND THE WORLD.

NOTHING INTERESTING ABOUTJAPAN.

TAKE AWAY THE WHALING, THESEX ROBOTS AND STRAPPING

MEATS TO THE HEADS OFTEENAGE GIRLS--

OTHER THAN THAT, IT'S BASICALLYOHIO.

BUT THE NUMBER ONE FOREIGNINFLUENCE BUYER IS, SAY IT

WITH ME, NORWAY.

WHY DIDN'T YOU-- THE DAMNNOROUIES COMMITTED AT LEAST

$24 MILLION TO AN ARRAY OFWASHINGTON THINK TANKS OVER

THE PAST FOUR YEARS TO RAISENORWAY'S PROFILE.

INCLUDING DONATIONS TO THECENTER FOR GLOBAL

DEVELOPMENT, THE ATLANTICCOUNCIL AND THE BROOKINGS

INSTITUTION.

WHICH EXPLAINS THIS FOOTAGEFROM BROOKINGS RECENT

SYMPOSIUM ON ERADICATING GLOBALHUNGER.

I'M SORRY, I'M BEING TOLDTHAT THAT CHEF IS ACTUALLY

SWEDISH.

WHICH IS APPARENTLY NOT THESAME THING AS NORWEGIAN?

OKAY, MY MISTAKE.

NORWAY SHOULD REALLY DOSOMETHING TO RAISE ITS

PROFILE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY, MY GUEST TONIGHT

PLAYS A GUY OG/GYN ON HERSITCOM THE MINDY PROJECT.

I'LL ASK HER WHERE BABIESCOME FROM.

PLEASE WELCOME MINDY KALING.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HEY, MISS KALING, THANK YOUSO MUCH FOR COMING ON.

>> I'M FLATTERED TO BE HERE.

>> Stephen: I AM SO GLAD WEDIDN'T WEAR THE SAME SKIRT.

ALL RIGHT, THANKS FOR COMINGHERE.

I AM AN ENORMOUS FAN, MYWHOLE FAMILY IS.

WE LOVE WATCHING THE SHOW, IDON'T THINK THERE IS

ANYTHING ON TV LIKE IT ANDONE OF THE THINGS I LIKE

ABOUT THE SHOW -->> THANK YOU, BY THE WAY.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME.

WE CAN PAUSE AND COMPLIMENT EACHOTHER IF YOU WANT TO SAY

SOMETHING NICE ABOUT ME.

>> I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOURLEGS BEFORE.

>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOUTHINK?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> THEY'RE VERY BECOMING.

>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERYMUCH.

THAT'S VERY NICE, A LOVELYDRESS YOU'RE WEARING.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE WELCOME.

I THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD STOPNOW.

>> OKAY.

>> Stephen: YOU GET A LOT OFPROPS, OKAY, FOR-- FOR, YOU

WRITE THIS SHOW.

YOU PRODUCE THIS SHOW.

YOU STAR IN THIS SHOW.

AND YOU'RE A POWERFUL WOMANMAKING IT HAPPEN FOR

HERSELF.

IS THAT THE LANGUAGE THAT ISHOULD USE ABOUT YOU?

>> YEAH, I LOVE THAT.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE A SISTERDOING IT FOR HERSELF.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

DO YOU ENJOY SPEAKING FOR ALLWOMEN OR FOR ALL PEOPLE OF

COLOR?

(LAUGHTER)>> THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION.

I DO FEEL SOMERESPONSIBILITY THAT I LIKE

BEING, BEING ABLE TO DOTHAT.

AND I THINK PEOPLE WHO HAVEA REALLY COOL JOB LIKE MINE

IT'S LAME TO SAY YOU DON'TWANT TO BE A ROLE MODEL.

BUT IT CAN BE A LOT IT CANFEEL OVERWHELMING AT TIMES

TOO.

>> Stephen: YOU PLAY ANOG/GYN ON THIS SHOW.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANYMEDICAL TRAINING?

>> NO, NO. AND THANK GOD, NO.

>> Stephen: DID YOU ALWAYSWANT TO BE A TV DOCTOR OR

DID YOU HOPE TO GROW UP ANDBE A TV LAWYER OR SOMETHING

LIKE THAT?

DID YOUR PARENTS WANT YOU TOBE AN ACTRESS?

>> THEY WANTED TO BE ABLE TOBRAG ABOUT ME TO THE PEOPLE

WHERE THEY WORK. SO--

>> Stephen: AT WHAT POINTCOULD THEY DO THAT?

BECAUSE YOU'RE ALSO,YOU'RE ALSO EMMY NOMINATED

ACTRESS, WRITER AND EIGHTYEARS ON THE OFFICE, WROTE

24 EPISODES AND DIRECTED TWOOF THOSE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> THAT WAS VERY NICE,

THANKS.

>> Stephen: IS THAT THETIPPING POINT FOR YOU?

DOES THE PARENT BRAG TIPPINGPOINT?

>> YOU KNOW, I THINK WHENTHE OFFICE WAS ON BECAUSE

THEY LOVED THE SHOW SOME OFAND THEY WERE OBSESSED WITH

STEVE CARELL, SO THEY GOT TOCOME AND BE ON THE SHOW AS

ACTORS, WHICH WAS REALLY NICE.

>> Stephen: THAT'S INCREDIBLE.YOU GOT TO CAST YOUR FOLKS?

>> YEAH, THAT'S NEPOTISM.

THAT'S WHAT LIKE I-- I DIDTHAT AND SO THEY-- .

>> Jon: JON STEWART IS MYUNCLE.

THAT'S HOW I GOT STARTED.

(APPLAUSE)I LOVE IT.

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: NOW YOU GOT ALITTLE CONTROVERSY LATELY.

BECAUSE SOME PEOPLECRITICIZED YOU BECAUSE YOU

SAID THAT PERHAPS AS AN OB/GYNYOU DON'T DO LIKE THE

TRANSVAGINAL ULTRASOUNDS ONTHE SHOW, YOU DON'T DEAL

WITH THE QUESTION OFABORTION ON YOUR SHOW.

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: YOU SAIDSOMETHING VERY INTERESTING.

>> WELL, I SAID THAT YOUKNOW, MY SHOW IS AS MUCH

ABOUT GYNECOLOGY AS THEOFFICE WAS ABOUT PAPER.

AND I THINK THAT A LOT OFWOMEN, LIKE LOOK TO ME AND

LOOK TO THE SHOW AS -- THEYWANT ME TO BE A SPOKESPERSON

FOR A LOT OF ISSUES.

AND I ACTUALLY THINK THATTHAT IS A RESPONSIBILITY

THAT I THINK IS COOL.

LIKE I WANT TO LIVE UP TOTHAT.

AT THE SAME TIME, ABORTIONIS NOT A HILARIOUS SUBJECT.

AND-- .

>> Stephen: A FUNNY WORD.

>> IT'S A FUNNY WORD.

>> Stephen: LIKE GUACOMOLE.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> BUT I GUESS-- .

>> Stephen: I CANUNDERSTAND.

>> NO, BUT I MEAN LIKE IWANT TO-- I WANT TO BE ABLE

TO TALK PLAINLY ABOUT THINGSBUT I ALSO WANT TO CREATE AN

ENTERTAINING SHOW.

WE HAVEN'T FOUND A HILARIOUSTAKE ON ABORTION THAT IS

SAYING SOMETHING NEW YET.

BUT WE MIGHT.

>> Stephen: WITHOUT ANYSPOILERS, THIS YEAR TELL ME

WHAT HAPPENS?

(LAUGHTER)I MEAN, DO YOU-- DO YOU-- I

UNDERSTAND THIS SEASON GETSA LITTLE SEXY.

>> IT DOES.

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ASEXY TIME THIS YEAR?

>> I DO.

THERE'S A LOT OF SEXINESS. MYCO-STAR, CHRIS MESSINA AND I,

OUR CHARACTERS START DATING THISYEAR.

AND IT WAS FUNNY BECAUSEWHEN WE FIRST DID IT I USED

TO HAVE A REVOLVING DOOR OFGOOD LOOKING BOYFRIENDS ON

THE SHOW.

>> Stephen: WHY WOULDN'TYOU.

YOU ARE THE EXECUTIVEPRODUCER, WHY WOULDN'T YOU

DO THAT.

>> I'M A CROOK, I HIRE PARENTS,I HAVE ACTORS COME ON THE SHOW

AND MAKE OUT WITH ME. WE CANTALK ABOUT THAT THE NEXT TIME

I'M ON. BUT I-- SO THIS YEARWE'RE LIKE OH, WILL IT BE

BORING, LIKE I'VE NEVER BEENMARRIED.

SO OH, IS MONOGAMY LIKE ABORING THING BECAUSE YOU'RE

JUST LIKE WITH THIS AND IT'SNOT.

>> Stephen: NO, IT'SSUPEREXCITING ALL THE TIME.

>> IN OUR SHOW-- (LAUGHS)

>> I'M GOING TO TAKE THAT ATFACE VALUE.

>> Stephen: HONEST TO GOD TIS.

>> AS IT TURNS OUT THECHARACTER IS KIND OF A

PERVERT AND SO IS MINE SOIT'S KIND OF FUNNY AND SEXY.

>> Stephen: WOW.

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: I THINK I MIGHTWATCH THAT.

>> OKAY.

>> Stephen: THE NEW SEASONSTARTS TOMORROW NIGHT.

>> TOMORROW NIGHT.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

WELL, THANK YOU FOR BEINGHERE.

AND AGAIN, SPEAKING FOR ALLWOMEN AND PEOPLE OF COLOR, I

LOOK FORWARD TO IT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

>> THANK YOU.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Stephen: MINDY KALING,

THE MINDY PROJECT AIRSTUESDAYS 9:30 ON FOX.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FORTHE REPORT, EVERYBODY.

GOOD NIGHT.