The Cyber House Rules

  • Season 3, Ep 11
  • 01/28/2008

A trip to the orphanarium leads Leela to get cosmetic surgery and Bender to adopt 12 orphans.

She's leading a perfectlynormal life.

She's not gussied up,duded-out, getting down

or where it's at.

Now run along.

Thanks, Adlai.

I guess you neverreally outgrowbeing an eyeball.



You're a space captain.

That's a fine,conventional profession.

Well, you know, it's justfor a package delivery service.


A package is just a boxuntil it's delivered.

Huh. I'd never thought of itthat way.

So what do youdo these days?

Oh, I'm a doctor.

A tall doctor, you say.

( gulping )

( giggling )

Sir, you seem pretty stable.

Have you thought about adoptingone of our kids?

Sure haven't.

Well, keep adoptionin mind.

It's a great way to have a kidwithout having sex.



the governmentwill help out

with a small stipendof $100 a week.

A hundred dollarsa week!

( spitting )

I'm so sorryI teased you back then.

Let me make it up to you.

I can fix it so no one evermakes fun of you again.

You mean by beating them up.

Because I've brokenthat blind kid's nose

like ten times, and it doesn'tmake any difference.

No. I specializein phaser eye surgery.

I can build youa paraffin eye

and graft it onwith skin from your foot.

It won't be able to see,

but you'll look like a perfectlynormal, two-eyed person.

Me? Perfectly normal?



( children cheering )

Sons, daughters,meet Uncle Fry.

Hey, why are those kidsfollowing you?

Do you have candy stuckto your ass?

No. It's called parenting.

Come on, dumplings.

We've got 12 governmentstipends to collect.


BOY:Our daddy'sa giant toy!

Hello, Imperial DragonRestaurant?

I've got a herdof you-know-whats for sale.

Let me check.

Oh, aren't you a cutie?

About 35 pounds.



Hi, Bender.

We'd like toadopt a child.

Well, you've cometo the right place

because Honest Bender'sOrphanarium

means discount orphans.

Now, little lady

what do I have to do

to send you homewith 12 orphans today?

Uh, I'm afraidwe only want one.

Whatever you say, Chief.

I'll show youwhat I got in stock.

I remember thisfrom when we were kids.

The wardenwould trot you out

in front ofprospective parents

and they'd judge youlike a piece of meat.

I'm Albert.

Kind of fatty.

Then how aboutthis little number?

Purebred human.

No vampire in there.



If you're strapped for cash

you might want to considerthis irregular unit.

Cursed with a third ear

but so full of that emotionI understand is called love.

One time, I did100 jump ropes.

Oh... I can't decide.

We're going to haveto think about it.

Okay, kids,grown-ups got to talk now.

Time for bed.

But it's 10:00in the morning.

I said hit the hay!

( kids yelling and giggling )

LEELA:Oh, they're all so adorable.


You know,it's times like this

I can hardly bearto let them go.

Good night,you princes of Maine,

you kingsof New New England.

You're under arrestfor child cruelty,

child endangerment,

depriving childrenof food,

selling children as food

and misrepresentingthe weight of livestock.

If you had kids of your own,you'd understand.

Officer, wouldit be all right

if we adoptedone of the kids?

Might as well,they're just gonna rotin the evidence locker.