October 8, 2014 - Carol Burnett

  • 10/08/2014

John Boehner raises money for an openly gay politician, Obama faces pressure to name the war against ISIS, and Carol Burnett talks about her role in "Love Letters."

TONIGHT, A SURPRISE MOVE BY THESUPREME COURT, YOU'LL

NEVER GUESS WHAT CLARENCE THOMASDIDN'T SAY THIS TIME.

PLUS THE LATEST IN THE WARAGAINST ISIS.

THEN TO CHEER YOU UP, THE LATESTON EBOLA.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )AND MY GUEST IS COMEDY LEGEND

CAROL BURNETT WHO IS NOWSTARRING ON BROADWAY.

OOOH!

I BET SHE MAKES A GREATMUFASA.

THE NEIMAN MARCUS CATALOG ISSELLING A CUSTOM PERFUME FOR

$475,000.

IT'S THE PERFECT GIFT FOR ANYONEWHO WANTS TO SMELL LIKE AN

IDIOT.

THIS IS THE "COLBERT REPORT."

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN!")

>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU, LADIESAND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE

REPORT.

IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US,NATION.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THANK YOU, FOLKS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I NEED-- I NEED-- I NEED THESTRENGTH YOU GIVE ME, BECAUSE,

FOLKS, THIS IS A DARK DAY.

A DARK, DAY, DAY FOR CULTURALCONSERVATIVES LIKE MYSELF.

THAT DAY-- HUMP DAY.

BECAUSE GOD DECREED IN THE BIBLEHUMP DAY IS BETWEEN ONE MAN AND

ONE WOMAN.

NOW IT'S ANYTHING GOES.

ON MONDAY THE SUPREME COURTREFUSED TO HEAR FIVE GAY

MARRIAGE CASES AND AS A RESULT,MORE THAN HALF OF ALL AMERICANS

NOW LIVE IN A STATE WHERE GAYMARRIAGE IS LEGAL.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

WELL, I SAY, I SAY, BRAVO.

IS NOW AMERICA'S NUMBER ONENETWORK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )AND WHILE OUR NATION IS GOING TO

HELL IN A HANDBASKET, THEREPUBLICAN LEADERSHIP IS GOING

SOMEPLACE EVEN WORSE--CALIFORNIA.

>> HOUSE SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNERWILL VISIT CALIFORNIA THIS WEEK

TO RAISE MONEY FOR AN OPENLY GAYREPUBLICAN CANDIDATE.

>> SPEAKER BOEHNER IS TRYING TOBROADEN THE TENT.

>> HERE YOU HAVE THE TOP-RANKEDREPUBLICAN IN THE HOUSE, THE

SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE, WHO SAYS,"I'M GOING TO GO OUT THERE FOR A

GAY REPUBLICAN.

THIS IS WHAT OUR PARTY STANDSFOR."

I THINK THAT ACTUALLY IS APOWERFUL MESSAGE.

>> STEPHEN: THAT POWERFULMESSAGE, PLEASE FORGET ALL OF

OUR PREVIOUS MESSAGES.

( LAUGHTER )AND, FOLKS, THAT IS WRONG.

THAT IS JUST WRONG!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )AND I AM STUNNED.

I CAN'T BE ALONE WITH THISFEELING.

I AM ABSOLUTE STUNNED THAT JOHNBOEHNER IS RAISING MONEY FOR A

HOMOSEXUAL CANDIDATE ANDCONFESSED GAY PERSON, CARL

DEMAIO.

BECAUSE, FOLKS, THIS IS JUST ASLIPPERY FOLKS.

TODAY BOEHNER IS FUND-RAISINGFOR GAYS.

TOMORROW HE'S DOING ROBOCALLSFOR BOX TURTLES.

AND JUST LAST YEAR BOEHNER SAIDTHIS--

>> I BELIEVE THAT MARRIAGE ISTHE UNION OF ONE MAN AND ONE

WOMAN.

IT'S WHAT MY CHURCH TEACHES ME,AND I CAN'T IMAGINE THAT

POSITION WOULD EVER CHANGE.

>> STEPHEN: NO, NO, IT WON'TCHANGE, WON'T CHANGE AT ALL.

THAT'S WHAT BEING STRAIGHT ISALL ABOUT.

YOU PICK ONE POSITION AND YOUSTICK WITH IT FOR THE REST OF

YOUR LIFE.

OKAY.

FACE TO FACE, LIGHTS ON, NO EYECONTACT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )LUCKILY, FOLKS, THE FAMILY

RESEARCH COUNCIL AND THENATIONAL ORGANIZATION FOR

MARRIAGE HAVE STOOD UP WITH ANOPENLY ANTIGAY LETTER SAYING WE

CANNOT IN GOOD CONGRESS URGE OURMEMBERS AND FELLOW CITIZENS TO

SUPPORT CANDIDATES LIKE DEMAIO.

THEY WILL SECURE A PLATFORM INTHE MEDIA TO ADVANCE THEIR

FLAWED IDOL AND SERVE ASTERRIBLE ROLE MODELS FOR YOUNG

PEOPLE WHO WILL INEVITABLY BEENCOURAGED TO EMULATE THEM.

( LAUGHTER )OH, YES, IT'S INEVITABLE.

TEENAGERS DEFINITELY COPYWHATEVER CONGRESS DOES.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THAT'S WHY--

( APPLAUSE )YOU KNOW-- THAT'S WHY ALL--

THAT'S WHY THE COOL KIDS AREALWAYS HANGING OUT AT THE MALL

REFUSING TO PASS AN AGRICULTUREBILL.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

AND BOEHNER HERE IS BETRAYINGCORE CONSERVATIVE BELIEFS FOR

THE WORST POSSIBLE REASON-- IT'SWHAT THE MAJORITY OF VOTERS

WANT.

>> REPUBLICANS ARE GRAPPLINGWITH THE POLITICAL REALITY THAT

THE COUNTRY, ESPECIALLY YOUNGPEOPLE, ARE MOVING TOWARD GAY

MARRIAGE ACCEPTANCE, EVENSUPPORT.

61%-- THAT'S MORE THAN THREE INFIVE-- OF REPUBLICANS AGED 18-29

FAVOR ALLOWING GAYS AND LESBIANSTO MARRY LEGALLY.

>> STEPHEN: REALLY!

THREE IN FIVE?

THAT IS SHOCKING.

THAT THERE ARE STILL FIVEREPUBLICANS BETWEEN THE AGES OF

18 AND 29.

( LAUGHTER )I JUST-- WHERE ARE THEY?

I DON'T--( APPLAUSE )

I GOTTA GO TO DIFFERENT CLUBS. IFEEL LIKE

THE LAST MAN ON EARTH WHOOPPOSES MAN-MAN MARRIAGE.

AND ACCORDING TO GEORGE WILL,PRETTY SOON I MIGHT BE.

>> QUITE LITERALLY, THEOPPOSITION TO GAY MARRIAGE IS

DYING.

IT'S OLD PEOPLE.

>> STEPHEN: I'M NOT OLD,GEORGE!

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

I'M NOT OLD!

I'M JUST-- I'M JUST TIRED, OKAY.

I'M JUST-- I'VE BEEN DOING THESHOW FOR NINE YEARS, FOR PETE'S

SAKE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

THESE RIGHT HERE, THESE-- THESERIGHT HERE, THESE ARE JUST--

THESE ARE JUST FIGHTING GAYMARRIAGE LINES.

I'M JUST AS YOUNG AND AS NEW ASMY IDEAS.

( LAUGHTER )BESIDE, THE SANCTITY

OF TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE IS NOTSOME FAD, GEORGE.

YOU CAN'T PRAY AWAY YOUR GAY.

WELL, YOU CAN'T GAY AWAY MYPRAY.

FOR CHRISTIANS LIKE ME THIS IS ACIVIL RIGHTS ISSUE IN I DON'T

LIKE GAY PEOPLE GETTING CIVILRIGHTS.

AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHOFEELS THAT WAY, NATIONAL REVIEW

WRITER AND SKINNY GEORGE LUCASMATTHEW J. FRANCK, RECENTLY

WRITE AGO HE WROTE THAT THECOURT'S NONDECISION IS A

SLOW-MOTION DRED SCOTT FOR THE21ST CENTURY.

WHICH IS EERILY SIMILAR TO MYSCIENCE FICTION SERIES "SLOW

MAGAZINE DRED SCOTT IN THE 21ST CENTURY."

( APPLAUSE )DRED SCOTT, OF COURSE, WAS THE

ENSLAVED PLAINTIFF IN THESUPREME COURT CASE THAT FOUND

AFRICAN AMERICAN HAD NO RIGHTS,WHICH THE WHITE MAN WAS BOUND TO

RESPECT, WHICH, COINCIDENTALLY,IS ALSO THE CITY MOTTO OF

FERGUSON, MISSOURI.

JUST LIKE THE DRED SCOTTDECISION, THESE GAY MARRIAGE

CASES WILL INEVITABLY LEAD TO ACIVIL WAR.

AND I'VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY TOPREDICT WHAT IT WILL BE LIKE TO

REMEMBER THAT WAR IN MY NEWLANDMARK DOCUMENTARY, "THE GAY

CIVIL WAR."

JIMMY.

( APPLAUSE )JIMMY, LET'S--

( CHEERS )JIMMY, LET'S BREAK THEIR HEARTS.

MY DEAREST SARA, INDICATIONS ARETHAT WE WILL SOON MOVE OUT

AGAINST OUR VAST AND FABULOUSENEMY.

I DO BELIEVE IN OUR CAUSE.

AS JEFFERSON HIMSELF SAID, "IT'SADAM AND EVE, NOT ADAM AND

STEVE.

AND I LOVES ME THE BROWN SUGAR.

THOUGH DEATH MAY COME, I'MWILLING TO LAY DOWN MY LIFE TO

MAKE SURE LESBIANS CAN'TREGISTER AT BED, BATH, &

BEYOND."

SARAH, MY LOVE FOR YOU ISDEPTHLESS.

IT BINDS ME WITH MIGHTY CABLESTHAT NOTHING BUT OMNIPOTENCE

COULD BREAK-- OR IF TWO DUDESGET MARRIED.

IN THAT CASE, I AM OUT OF HERE,BECAUSE ICK.

AND YES, AND YES--( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

AND, YES, WE ANTIGAY MARRIAGECRUSADERS MAY BE FIGHTING A LOST

CAUSE BUT WE STILL HAVE OURHONOR.

AND 20 YEARS FROM NOW, WE'LLSWEAR WE FOUGHT ON THE OTHER

SIDE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

FOLKS, I GOTTA GET OFF MY CHESTHERE AND I HOPE THIS DOESN'T

COME AS A SURPRISE TO ANY OF YOUPEOPLE.

BARACK OBAMA IS A COMPLETEFAILURE.

IF HE IS SO COMMITTED TOFIGHTING TERROR WHY AM I NOW

SEEING POP-UP STORIES FILLEDWITH THINGS THAT SCARE ME.

WHEN IT COMES TO NATIONALSECURITY, WHEN IT COMES TO

NATIONAL SECURITY, THIS GUY'SWORSE THAN JIMMY CARTER.

DON'T BELIEVE ME?

JUST ASK JIMMY CARTER.

>> EVEN JIMMY CARTER ON THEATTACK TELLING A TEXAS NEWSPAPER

THE PRESIDENT WAITED TOO LONG TODEAL WITH ISIS.

>> HE SAYS YOU HAVE TO HAVESOMEBODY ON THE GROUND TO DIRECT

OUR MISSILES, AND TO BE SURE YOUHAVE THE RIGHT TARGETS.

THEN YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOMEBODYTO MOVE IN AND BE WILLING TO

FIGHT ISIS AFTER THE STRIKE.

>> THAT'S PRESIDENT CARTER.

HOLY SMOKES.

>> IT IS JAW-DROPPING.

THERE IS SIMPLY NO OTHER WAY TOPUT IT.

>> STEPHEN: I HAVE ANOTHER WAYTO PUT IT-- JIMMY CARTER JUST

KICKED OBAMA FROM THE PEANUTPOUCH.

OH, SNAP, OBAMA. YOU JUST GOTMALAISED!

BEING CALLED A WUSS BY JIMMYCARTER?

THAT'S LIKE F.D.R. BEATING YOUAT KICK BALL.

AND NOWHERE, NOWHERE, LADIES ANDGENTLEMEN, NOWHERE HAS OBAMA

BEEN WEAKER THAN IN THE REALM OFSTRATEGIC NOMENCLATURE.

>> PAST PRESIDENTS WHEN THEY'REAT WAR GIVE THE WAR A NAME.

THEY CALL IS OPERATION DESERTSHIELD, OPERATION DESERT STORM.

>> HE HASN'T NAMED THE WAR YET.

TO ME THAT'S ASTOUNDING.

>> WE HAVEN'T NAMED THE WAR YET,THE NON-WAR WAR.

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S RIGHT,OBAMA HAS REFUSED TO NAME THIS

OPERATION EVEN THOUGH WE HAVEBEEN LAUNCHING AIRSTRIKES FOR

TWO MONTHS. IN HIS HEY DAY, P.DIDDY COULD COME UP WITH FOUR

NEW NAMES IN THAT TIME. I'MSORRY, I'M BEING TOLD THAT HE IS

NOW DUFF PADDY. AND EVERYBODYKNOWS

WHY OBAMA REFUSES TO PICK ANOM-DE-BOOM.

>> THEIR MISSION REMAINSNAMELESS.

IS IT BECAUSE THE WHITE HOUSEDOESN'T WANT TO ADMIT AMERICA

IS, INDEED, AT WAR.

>> PRESIDENT HAS NOT GIVEN NAMESTO THE SYRIA OR IRAQ OPERATIONS

AND THAT'S UNUSUAL AND MAYREFLECT THE PRESIDENT'S OWN

AMBIVALENCE OVER A WAR HE DOESNOT WANT FIGHT.

>> UNNAMED QUOTE FROM THE WALLSTREET JOURNAL, ACCORDING TO

A SOURCE, "IF YOU NAME IT YOUOWN IT."

AND THEY DON'T WANT TO OWN IT.WHO'S "THEY?"

>> YES WHO'S THE THEY WHO WON'TOWN THE WHAT ACCORDING TO

WHOEVER AT THE "WALL STREETJOURNAL" WON'T NAME.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, ANSWER ME,OBAMA.

BECAUSE BILL HEMMER IS NOTCONVEYING INFORMATION OF ANY

KIND.

AND A REAL LEADER-- A REALLEADER WOULD STEP UP AND GIVE

THIS MISSION A TITLE THAT WOULDRALLY THE PUBLIC, LIKE WHEN

COLIN POWELL NAMED THE 1989INVASION OF PANAMA, OPERATION

JUST CAUSE.

NOT-- NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITHHIS TITLE FOR THE 2003 INVASION

OF IRAQ, OPERATION JUST CUZ.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THEN THE FIRST MILITARY

INTERVENTION IN 25 YEARS WITHOUTA CODE NAME.

NOW, IT MIGHT BE BECAUSE OUR"CHIN-STROKER-IN-CHIEF" WANTS TO

AVOID AN EMBARRASSING ACRONYMHERE, LIKE PAST REJECTED CODE

NAMES, OPERATION AFGHANISTANFREEDOM, WHICH SPELLED OAF, BY

ACCIDENT.

OR OPERATION IRAQ LIBERATION,WHICH SPELLED OIL.

( APPLAUSE )BUT SO FAR, THE ONLY ACTUAL NAME

MILITARY PLANNERS HAVE SUGGESTEDTO THE PENTAGON WAS OPERATION

INHERENT RESOLVE.

WHICH WAS REJECTED BECAUSE, ASONE MILITARY OFFICER PUT IT, IT

WAS JUST KIND OF BLEH.

( APPLAUSE )I AGREE.

I AGREE.

ALTHOUGH, GIVEN THE MOOD OF THECOUNTRY RIGHT NOW, I MIGHT GO

WITH OPERATION KIND OF BLEH.

I MEAN, HOW HARD CAN THIS BE?

JUST LOOK AT THE GREAT NAMESWE'VE COME UP WITH IN THE PAST.

OPERATION SHARP EDGE, OROPERATION VIGILANT RESOLVE.

EITHER ONE OF WHICH COULD BE AGREAT SLOGAN FOR VIAGRA.

SO IF BARACK OBAMA WON'T STEP UPAND NAME THIS MISSION, I WILL.

I HOPE THAT HISTORY WILLREMEMBER STEPHEN COLBERT AS THE

MAN WHO HAD THE COURAGE TO NAMETHE WAR HE WAS NOT WILLING TO

FIGHT IN.

SO LET'S HEAD OVER TO THE NAMECHAMBER 5,000.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )WELCOME.

WELCOME TO THE NAME CHAMBER.

WELCOME TO THE NAME CHAMBER5,000, A NAME WE GOT OUT OF THE

NAME CHAMBER 4,000.

HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.

OKAY I HAVE TWO TYPES OF SLIPSOF PAPER IN THERE.

THE RED SLIPS HAVE DESCRIPTIVEWORDS LIKE "JUST," "SWIFT" OR

"PAISLEY."

THE BLUE SLIPS HAVE POWERFULNOUNS LIKE "EAGLE," OR "LIBERTY"

OR "EMMA," WHICH IS THE MOSTPOPULAR GIRL'S NAME OF 2014.

I'M GOING TO GET IN THERE, GRABONE OF EACH AND FINALLY SETTLE

THE DEBATE OVER THE NAME OF THEWAR WE HAVE NEVER DEBATED.

JIMMY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> BLOW ME!

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, BARACK OBAMA.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

BARACK OBAMA, I KNOW YOU'REWATCHING.

FROM NOW ON, WE'RE FIGHTINGOPERATION SWOLLEN PANTHER

FROM NOW ON, WE'RE FIGHTINGOPERATION SWOLLEN PANTHER

OR OPERATION TURGID HAMMER.

OR RECKLESS CHAINSAW.

OR WE COULD STRIKE FEAR IN THEHEART OF OUR ENEMIES WITH

OPERATION LUXURIOUS PULL TAB.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THERE.

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN!")

>> STEPHEN: YOU'RE WELCOME.

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN!")

>> STEPHEN: THERE'S A BUNCH OFGOOD NAMES, MR. PRESIDENT.

OKAY, SO PLEASE LET'S PUT SOMESACK IN THIS TACK.

THERE'S ANOTHER GOOD ONE,OPERATION SACK ATTACK.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK.

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A COMEDYLEGEND NOW STARRING IN THE

BROADWAY SHOW "LOVE LETTERS."

OR AS THE KIDS CALL IT, SEXTING.

PLEASE WELCOME CAROL BURNETT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )CAROL, MISS BURNETT, THANK YOU

SO MUCH FOR COMING ON.

CAROL, CAROL, CAROL, THANK YOUSO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.

>> OH, MY SO THRILLED TO BEHERE.

I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

>> STEPHEN: OH, WELL-- THEFEELING IS MUTUAL, CAROL.

AND I ALSO LIKE YOU.

( LAUGHTER )EVERYBODY KNOWS WHO CAROL

BURNETT IS.

YOU'RE A LIVING LEGEND OFENTERTAINMENT.

LET'S SEE YOU HAD A SHOW WHICHRAN FROM 1967-1978, THE CAROL

BURNETT SHOW.

YOU AVERAGED 30 MILLION VIEWERS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> AT THAT TIME THERE WAS ONLYONE CHANNEL.

>> STEPHEN: RIGHT.

AND ALL OF THE TELEVISIONS WERECOAL FIRED, RIGHT, EXACTLY.

BUT THOSE ARE SUPER BOWLNUMBERS.

THAT'S THE KIND OF FAME PEOPLEON TELEVISION TODAY CAN'T

UNDERSTAND.

WHAT WAS IT LIKE BEING ON OURTVS EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT,

10:00?

>> 10:00 ON SATURDAY NIGHT.

WELL, I LOVED IT VERY MUCH.

WE HAD A GOOD TIME.

WE-- WE DIDN'T WORK THAT HARD.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE ).

>> STEPHEN: REALLY?

YOU DIDN'T WORK THAT HARD?

>> NO, WE DIDN'T, NO.

IT WAS LIKE A SCHOOL SCHEDULE.

I WORKED IN THE MORNING, LIKE,FROM 10:00 TO 3:00, PICKED THE

KIDS UP, HOME FROM SCHOOL, WENTTO WORK THE NEXT DAY.

I AVERAGED ABOUT 25 HOURS A WEEKWORKING.

( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )

>> STEPHEN: NICE WORK IF YOUCAN GET IT.

>> YUP.

>> STEPHEN: WHAT DO YOU THINKIS DIFFERENT ABOUT AMERICA NOW?

IN THE HEYDAY OF YOUR SHOW, YOUWERE ON SATURDAY NIGHTS.

AT ONE POINT IT "ARCHIE BUNKERMASH, MARY TYLER MOORE, BOB

NEWHART AND YOU ON ONE SATURDAYNIGHT.

IT WAS THE GREATEST NIGHT OFTELEVISION, GREATEST LINEUP EVER

ON TELEVISION.

>> IT WAS ONE OF THEM,DEFINITELY, YEAH.

>> STEPHEN: WHY DO PEOPLE NOTWATCH TV ON SATURDAYS ANYMORE?

WHAT'S DIFFERENT?

WAS IT A SIMPLER TIME WHEN WEDIDN'T GO OUT WITH OUR HIP-HOP

AND SAGGY JEANS ON SATURDAYNIGHT.

>> IT WAS APPOINTMENTTELEVISION.

THAT'S WHEN THE FAMILIES GOTTOGETHER.

TODAY, I DON'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW, I'VE SEEN SOME OF THESITCOMS TODAY, AND WHAT I THINK

IS THEY'RE WRITTEN BY TEENAGEDBOYS IN A LOCKER ROOM.

( LAUGHTER )>> STEPHEN: YOU'RE TALKING

ABOUT THE F-BOMB.

>> EXACTLY.

TOTALLY, TOTALLY, TOTALLY.

AND IT'S SO EASY TO GET A LAUGHTHAT WAY.

>> STEPHEN: I KNOW, ( BLEEP )THOSE PEOPLE.

>> THAT'S WHAT I SAY.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> STEPHEN: ASIDE FROM,OBVIOUSLY, YOUR LEGENDARY CAREER

ON TELEVISION, YOU'RE ALSO--YOU'RE ALSO STAR OF THE STAGE,

AND YOU'RE GOING BACK TO THESTAGE RIGHT NOW, AS YOU HAVE FOR

DECADES NOW.

>> I'M ( BLEEP ) THRILLED ABOUTIT.

( LAUGHTER )( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> STEPHEN: YOU'LL BE STARRINGIN "LOVE LETTERS" STARTING THIS

SATURDAY AND THE NEXT MONTH.

"LOVE LETTERS" IS A SWEET ANDSIMPLE STORY.

RATHER, A SIMPLY TOLD COMPLEXSTORY OF PEOPLE'S LOVE EXPRESSED

IN LETTERS.

>> YES, I'M FORTUNATE ENOUGH TOBE WORKING WITH A WONDERFUL

ACTOR WHOM I ADORE, BRIANDENNEHY.

>> STEPHEN: BRIAN DENNEHY.

THAT'S A GREAT GUY.

VERY FORCEFUL.

VERY POWERFUL.

HE HAS A HEAD LIKE A SHOULDER OFBEEF.

>> HE'S GOT SHOULDERS LIKE JOANCRAWFORD USED TO HAVE.

ANYWAY, IT'S A STORY OF THISCOUPLE AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP

THAT SPANS ABOUT A 50-YEARPERIOD.

IT STARTS WHEN THEY'RE FIVEYEARS OLD --

>> STEPHEN: SO YOU PLAY AFIVE-YEAR-OLD WHEN IT STARTS?

YOU'VE GOT RANGE.

>> I'VE GOT A LOT OF RANGE.

>> STEPHEN: IT STARTS-->> IT STARTS WHEN THEY HAVE

CORRESPONDENCE.

HE GOES TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY THATSHE'S INVITED HIM TO.

AND IT SPANS THEIR RELATIONSHIPOVER A 50-YEAR PERIOD.

AND IT'S JUST A BEAUTIFUL STORYABOUT THESE TWO PEOPLE.

>> STEPHEN: PEOPLE DON'T WRITEEACH OTHER LETTERS.

SHOULDN'T YOU UPDATE A PLAY LIKETHIS TO ALL JUST BE TEXTING?

>> NO, NO.

>> STEPHEN: THE PLAY WOULD BEOVER IN EIGHT MINUTES.

>> NO, NO, WE WOULDN'T DO THAT.

BUT IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT WRITINGLETTERS.

IT'S ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP.

NOW, I DO GET LETTERS.

BECAUSE WE'RE ON YOUTUBE, SO OURSHOW-- I'M GETTING LETTERS FROM

KIDS-- YOU KNOW, THREE-HOLE,LINED PAPER FROM SCHOOL AND

THEY'RE JUST ADORABLE.

>> STEPHEN: DO YOU WRITE THEMBACK?

>> YEAH.

SOMETIMES IF THEY LEAVE A PHONENUMBER AND I LIKE THE LETTER,

I'LL CALL THEM.

( APPLAUSE )ONLY FOR KIDS, YOU KNOW.

NOT-- I GO OUT ON THE ROADSOMETIMES, AND I DO Q & A.

>> STEPHEN: JUST LIKE THEBEGINNING OF THE SHOW.

YOU STILL DO THE QUESTIONS?

>> I NEVER KNOW WHAT THEY'REGOING TO ASK.

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

AND NOT TOO LONG AGO THIS LITTLEBOY WAS IN THE SECOND ROW AND HE

WAS RAISING HIS HAND.

AND I SAID, HI, YES.

HE SAID I HAVE A QUESTION.

FIRST, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

ANDREW.

I SAID HOW OLD ARE YOU ANDREW?

AND HE SAID NINE.

AND I SAID YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

AND HE SAID, SURPRISINGLY, YES.

( LAUGHTER )>> STEPHEN: WELL, CAROL, THANK

YOU SO MUCH.

CAROL BURNETT, "LOVE LETTERS,"BEGINNING THIS SATURDAY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THAT'S IT FOR THE REPORT,

EVERYBODY.

GOOD NIGHT.