Fry Guys

  • Season 4, Ep 2
  • 01/29/2014

After Alice gets mad at Adam, Blake and Ders for trying to have an office fish fry, the guys go in search of a male prostitute to sex her out of her bad mood

I ALWAYS HAD ALICE PEGGEDAS A SIZE QUEEN.

- THAT'S PROBABLY WHYSHE'S ALWAYS

THROWIN' FACESAT ME LIKE...

- MM-MM, WHAT?

- THE SIZE QUEENS,THEY CAN SMELL

MY HOGA MILE AWAY, BABY.

- YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLETO BE ABLE TO SMELL YOUR PENIS.

- YEAH, ESPECIALLYIF THEY'RE MILES AWAY.

- NO, IT DOESN'T STINK.THAT'S JUST LIKE--

IT'S A EUPHEMISM.

- REGARDLESS OF WHATYOU THINK,

SHE'S NOT GONNA LET USHAVE THIS FISH FRY

'CAUSE SHE'S ALL TWISTED UPDOWN THERE, YOU KNOW?

- WELL, YOU KNOW WHY ALICEIS SO PEEVED, RIGHT?

'CAUSE THE WATER BOY TOOK AWAYHER DEEP [bleep].

SO ALL I'VE GOTTA DO ISGIVE HER MY [bleep] DEEP,

AND SHE'LL STOP BEINGSUCH A K-WORD.

- I THINKYOU MEAN C-WORD.

- ALICE HAS CANCER?- [bleep].

- ALICE HAS [bleep] CANCER?

YOU KNOW WHAT?I'LL STILL DO IT.

I DON'T CARE IF I CATCH IT.- OKAY.

- HEALING POWEROF LOVE, BABY.

- HE IS RIGHT, THOUGH.THAT COULD WORK.

YEAH, WHAT IF WE HIREA GIGOLO

TO WOMP HER ASSGANGNAM STYLE, RIGHT?

THEN, WE'LL BE FRYIN' FISHIN NO TIME.

- OH, DUDE, NICE.WE KNOW CHICKS.

[laughter]- YEAH, WELL, WE DO KNOW CHICKS.

BUT I DON'T THINK WE NEEDTO HIRE ANYONE...

- NO, WE DO.- BECAUSE I AM PACKIN' MEAT.

SERIOUS MEAT DOWN HERE.IT'S LIKE A WHOLE DELI PLATTER.

IT'S LIKE RARECOOL MEAT.

IT'S LIKE THAT ONEREALLY LONG MEAT

WITH LIKE OLIVESIN IT.

HEY, WHAT IS THAT CALLED?- DUDE.

YOU DON'T WANNA DOTHAT, MAN.

YOU CAN'T DIPYOUR PEN

IN COMPANY STINK,MY BROTHER.

- PIMENTO LOAF.

- CAN WE JUST ALLKEEP IT REAL

AT THE EXACTSAME MOMENT HERE?

YOU DON'T HAVEA LOAF,

AND THAT'S EXACTLYWHAT SHE NEEDS.

- ALL RIGHT,YOU WANNA SEE IT?

YOU KEEP TALKIN' ABOUT IT.YOU WANNA SEE IT?

- I DON'T WANNASEE IT.

BUT SURE, WHAT'S UP?

- YOU'RE WARMIN' IT UPTOO MUCH.

I DON'T WANNA SEEIT HARD.

I WANNA SEE IT SOFT.

- COME ON.OH.

- MM.

- OKAY, UH, FRANK?- YEAH.

- DO YOU HAVE A DICK PIC?- I DO INDEED.

- I'LL TAKE THAT.- LET'S SEE IT.

- OOH, HERE WE GO.

- OH, WE'LL TAKE THAT.

OH, WOW.THAT IS A WONDERFUL DONG.

- I AM REFERRED TO AS KINDOF A SABERTOOTH, HYBRID TIGER.

THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY.- OH, HOLY SMOKES.

IT SAYS HERE YOU HAD SEXWITH A CHICK AT JUILLIARD?

- OOH, IMPRESSIVE.- NOT THAT IMPRESSIVE.

I'VE HAD SEX WITH A GIRLNAMED JULIE IN A YARD.

- THIS ISA STELLAR PRICK.

- AND IF IT'S WILD,I'LL GRAB IT.

BOOM, TARZAN.

- HAVE YOU EVER HAD SEXWITH TWO WOMEN AT ONCE?

- YEAH.- AND HAVE YOU EVER BUTT[bleep]?

- YEAH.- WHAT YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND

IS THAT WE KNOW CHICKS.

- WE KNOW CHICKS.

- YOU OBVIOUSLYDON'T KNOW CHICKS.

I KNOW CHICKS, OKAY?THEY LIKE TO BE--

[grunting]

COLLECTIVELY, WE'VE HAD SEX

WITH 17 DIFFERENT WOMEN.

SIX OF THOSE WOMENARE ALL MINE,

BAGGED AND TAGGED.

- YEAH, DOUBLE DIGITSOVER HERE, SO...

- 11,000.- UH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I CAN ALREADY TELL THAT THISISN'T GONNA BE A GREAT THING.

- THANKS FOR COMIN' IN,BUT NO THANKS

'CAUSE WE KNOW CHICKS.- WAIT, NOT YOU.

WE'LL LET YOU KNOW.

- AND YOU'RE GOIN' FOR IT,AND YOU'RE GOIN' FOR IT.

AND THEN, YOU JUSTFIGURE-EIGHT IT.

- WELL, TODAY'S BEENA WHOLE WASTE OF TIME.

- FINE, I'LL DO IT.

I'LL BE THE ONE THAT SEXESALICE BACK TO NORMAL

SO BLAKE CAN HAVEHIS FISH FRY.

- I APPRECIATE THAT, MAN, BUT...- I'M JUST A GOOD FRIEND.

- WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.- I JUST SAID, "I'LL DO IT."

[knock at door]- IS THIS THE--HI.

SORRY, I'M LATE,I-THE FREEWAY IS JUST

A DARN PARKING LOTOUT THERE.

GIRTHQUAKE'S THE NAME.

- OKAY, UM,WHAT ARE YOU,

FRESH OFFYOUR GARBAGE ROUTE, GIRTHQUAKE?

[laughter]- 'CAUSE HE HAS A GARBAGE BAG.

- OH.[laughs]

NO, I-I JUST--I BROUGHT SOME OUTFITS.

I WAS A STRIPPER, SO I HAVEA LOT OF DIFFERENT LOOKS

I CAN TRY OUT FOR YOU, AND--

- YOU'RE NOT EVENA PRO.

GET LOST.

- THE AD CLEARLY STATED

PROFESSIONAL MAN-WHORES ONLY.

- OKAY, I'M SORRYTO WASTE YOUR TIME.

IT WAS STUPID FOR METO COME ANYWAY.

- JESUS.- BYE-BYE.

HAVE A GOOD ONE.

OH, AND, UH,YOU FORGOT YOUR, UH--

SOMEBODY CALL HEAVEN.

THEY'RE MISSIN'AN ANGEL'S DICK.

WHO IS NOT AFRAIDOF COMMITMENT.

- YOU'RE GOING TO.ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

ALICE, YOU AREA DYNAMIC,

INDEPENDENT BUSINESS BABE.

YOU'RE LIKE THE STEPHANIEMCMAHON OF TELAMERICORP.

- I'M ON THE WRONG SIDEOF 35, ANDERS.

CLOCK'S TICKIN'.

- COME ON.YOU'RE STILL--

YOU'RE STILL HOT.- [sighs]

I'M--I'M JUST SAYING.- [scoffs]

- SORRY.

- ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S HER, RIGHT?- YEAH.

- OKAY. ARE YOU SURE?SHE LOOKS KINDA--

- HORNY. SHE'S HORNY.THEY ALL ARE.

COME ON,I KNOW CHICKS.

- HI THERE, LITTLE LADY.YOU EXPECTING ANYONE?

OH, MY GOSH.ARE YOU OKAY?

- STOP TALKING.SHOW HER YOUR DICK.

- UH, YOU OKAY THERE?

- YEAH, I'M SORRY.I...

- [whispers indistinctly]

- I'M SORRY.I--OKAY.

- WHOA.WHOA, WHOA.

WHAT...

- SO ARE YOU AROUND--FROM AROUND HERE, OR--

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING,YOU FREAK?

GET AWAY FROM ME.

- YEAH, GO POURYOUR BEER

ON SOMEONE ELSE'S PENIS.

- WHAT THE--FREAKS OUT THERE.

- THEY'RE CRAZY.

- SURE, YEAH.

- YOU KNOW, YOU WERE ACTUALLYKINDA SWEET TONIGHT.

- I KNOW, IT JUST SEEMED LIKEYOU COULD USE A FRIEND.

- [sighs]

- OH.UH, WHAT ARE YOU--

- I COULD USE A LITTLE BIT MORETHAN THAT.

- LIKE--WAIT,WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

- I WANNA GETMY ROCKS OFF, STRETCH.

- [laughs]OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, YEAH,ALL RIGHT, LET'S--

LET'S GET OUR ROCKS OFFWITH OUR SOCKS OFF.

- NO, KEEPYOUR SOCKS ON.

PULL YOUR PRICKTHROUGH YOUR ZIPPER,

AND DON'T YOU DAREKISS ME.

- IS--OKAY.

ALWAYS KNEW THIS WASGONNA HAPPEN.

[clears throat]

WHAT?WHOA.

OH.

I DON'T UNDERS--DON'T BEND IT.

[groans]- WHERE ARE YOU?

I LOST YOU.- OH.

WAIT, WHAT?IT'S IN THERE.

IT'S JUST YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSEDTO BEND DOWN.

OW!OH, OH.

- JESUS, YOU BETTER ADDA FINGER.

- A LITTLE RUB-A-DUBON THE OUTSIDE.

- ON THE INSIDE,LITTLE FELLA.

- OKAY, LIKE THAT?

- MAKE IT TWO. DO IT.- OKAY.

- DO SOMETHING TO ME.- OKAY.

- WHOA.OKAY.

- IS THAT AWESOMEOR WHAT?

- THAT ALMOST FEELS NORMAL.- YEAH.

- ALL RIGHT, HANG ON.- OKAY.

- OH--WAIT, NO.[groans]

OH, GAH.THAT WAS, LIKE, WOW.

DID YOU--YOU DID TOO, RIGHT?

- [sighs]- OH, WHOA.

A LITTLE AFTERSHOCKWHEN YOU JUST PULL AWAY SO FAST.

- HERE, CLEAN YOURSELF OFF.

AND ANDERS,THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN.

- WHAT DIDN'T HAPPEN?- THE SEX WE JUST HAD.

- NO, I KNOW,WE JUST DID IT.

- NO, WE DIDN'T.

- DIDN'T WHAT?

- [sighs]

I'M GONNA GO CATCHTHE BUS.

- [sighs]

- [sniffles]

[wheezing]

DERS!HEY.

HEY, YOU BITCH-ASS TRAITOR.- DUDE, WHAT'S ON YOUR DICK?

- IT'S A BOX.

STEP ONE:I CUT A HOLE IN A BOX.

STEP TWO, I SUPERGLUEDMY DICK IN A BOX

'CAUSE I WAS ASLEEPIN ALICE'S OFFICE

READY TO GIFT HER MY PENISIN THE MORNING.

"HOW 'BOUT YOU PUTAN EXTRA FINGER

"IN MY [bleep]BECAUSE YOUR PENIS IS SO SMALL?

I NEED MORE."- NOPE.

- YOU TOOK A BEAUTIFUL,PURE FLOWER,

AND TURNED HER INTOA DISGUSTING, WHORE FLOWER.

- EXCUSE ME?- YEAH.

- YOU BETTER WATCHYOUR TONGUE.

YOU ARE PROBABLY TALKIN' ABOUTMY FUTURE WIFE.

- I KNOW HOWTO SETTLE THIS.

WE FIGHT TO THE DEATHIN THE POOL.

IT'S A POOL-MITE!

- I WOULD LOVE TO FIGHTTO YOUR DEATH.

- NO, IT'S GONNA BE YOUR DEATH.

- [laughs]YOUR DEATH, BUDDY.

- HO, HO, HO,YOUR DEATH, BUDDY.

- BE CAREFUL,I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE

BEFORE WE FIGHTTO YOUR DEATH.

- IT'S GONNA BEYOUR DEATH.

- THIS IS GONNA GET

MY BOSS' BASEMENT FLOODED.[laughs]

- ARE YOU SURE SHE'S GONNAWANT ME TO LOOK LIKE THIS?

- YOU DON'T WANNA GET MEALL WORKED UP AGAIN, DO YOU?

- THAT WAS A JOKE.I WAS JOKING.

- YOU WANNA KNOW WHYI PICKED YOU?

'CAUSE YOU AND I,WE GOT THE SAME PROBLEM.

- YOU HAVE A BIG ONE TOO?- NO--NO.

NO, NO, NO, NO,UPWARDS OF FOUR TIMES SMALLER.

IT'S LIKE THE SIZEOF A LITTLE LEGO MAN.

[chuckles]

BUT YOU SEE,I'M WALKING HAIR.

PEOPLE SEE MEFOR MY MOP.

AND I EMBRACE THAT.IT'S FINE.

AND YOU, YOU HAVETHIS CRAZY-HUGE DONG.

YOU COULD TIE ITIN A KNOT TWICE,

AND IT WOULD STILL BE LONGERTHAN WHAT I'VE GOT.

- YEAH.- THAT'S YOU, MAN.

- I GUESSI ALWAYS BELIEVED

THAT I WAS MEANTFOR SOMETHING MORE

THAN JUSTMY BIG PACKAGE.

- YOU'RE NOT,AND THAT'S A STUPID ATTITUDE.

YOU'RE NOTHINGBUT A WALKING, TALKING PENIS.

- THAT'S PRETTY GOODLIGHTIN', RIGHT?

- YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

THERE'S A LITTLE BLIND SPOTOVER THERE, THOUGH.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?IT MIGHT ACTUALLY BE BETTER

'CAUSE THE SHADOWS WILL LIKEPLAY OFF OUR ABS AND STUFF.

- THAT'S TRUE.YEAH, A LITTLE SHADOW PLAY.

- OH, YEAH.- VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.

I'LL LOOK PRETTY CUTWHEN I'M KNOCKIN' YOU OUT.

- KNOCKIN' ME OUT?ARE YOU KIDDING?

WE BETTER EMPTYOUR POCKETS, MAN.

- GOOD CALL.VERY TRUE.

I DON'T WANNA BREAKMY PHONE.

- DUDE, IF I LANDON MY KEYS, YOWZA.

- VERY SMART, VERY SMART.- OH, MAN.

- I LIKE THAT CASE TOO.THAT'S A COOL NEW CASE.

THAT'S FUN.- KEEP CALM, BAZINGA.

- BAZINGA!- WHOA!

[groaning]

- GOOD KNEE.- THANKS.

YOU DID ITTO ME EARLIER.

THAT'S HOW I GOT THE IDEATO DO IT TO YOU!

[groaning]

- OW.- YOU ARE SO DEAD.

[groaning]

- YOU HAD ENOUGH?- YEAH.

YOU GOT ME.

[groans]

- [groans]- YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?

I'M GONNA GIVEYOU SOME.

- GIVE IT TO ME, PAL.

[groaning]

[gagging and coughing]

[groaning][gagging and coughing]

[groaning]

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