August 17, 2015 - Donald Trump's Chopper & Amazon Work Woes

  • 08/17/2015

Donald Trump gives helicopter rides to kids at the Iowa State Fair, and Larry discusses hellish work conditions at Amazon with Paul Scheer, Robin Thede and Mike Yard.

>> Larry: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU VERY OF.

PLEASE, PLEASE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(AUDIENCE CHANTING "LARRY")

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WELCOME TO THE "THE NIGHTLYSHOW."

I'M LARRY WILMORE.

THIS AUDIENCE RIGHT HERE, MAN,RIGHT HERE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)AND EVERYBODY LOST $1,000

TONIGHT.

SO LOOK HOW ENTHUSED THEY ARE.

(LAUGHTER)SO, MAN,

THE STREETS OF IOWA WEREDESERTED THIS WEEKEND BECAUSE

EVERYONE WAS AT THE IOWA STATEFAIR.

THE BARS WERE EMPTY.

THE MALLS WERE EMPTY.

EVEN IOWA MOVIE THEATERS WEREEMPTY.

WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT WAS BECAUSE"STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON" WAS

PLAYING.

(LAUGHTER)IOWA, IOWA.

(LAUGHTER)EVERYONE, INCLUDING 18 OF THE

PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES, WAS ATTHE STATE FAIR.

SO IT'S TIME TO CHECK IN AND SEEWHAT'S HAPPENING WITH THE

UNBLACKENING.

♪♪(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

PART OF THE REASON THE IOWASTATE FAIR IS SUCH AN ATTRACTIVE

DESTINATION FOR CANDIDATES IS ITALLOWS THEM AN OPPORTUNITY TO

PRETEND THEY'RE NORMAL.

RIGHT?

(LAUGHTER)THEY DRESS FARMER CASUAL

RIGHT?

(LAUGHTER)THEY RUB ELBOWS WITH LIVESTOCK.

(LAUGHTER)AND, OF COURSE, THEY EAT FRIED

EVERYTHING.

(LAUGHTER)EVERYTHING IS FRIED.

BUT THE MOST POPULAR FOOD AT THEFAIR IS TAILOR-MADE FOR

POLITICIANS -- PORK ON A STICK.

(LAUGHTER)>> AH, IT'S SO GOOD.

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: DID SHE EVEN TASTE THE

PORK BEFORE SHE SAID IT WAS SO"AH, SO GOOD," WHICH IS

POLITICIAN-SPEAK FOR "FETCH THESPIT BUCKET."

(LAUGHTER)BUT I'VE GOT TO GIVE HILLARY

CREDIT.

SHE COMPLETELY DELETED -- I MEANSHE COMPLETELY ATE --

(LAUGHTER)THAT'S WHAT I MEANT TO SAY.

(LAUGHTER)ALL OF THE -- SHE ATE THAT PORK

ON A STICK, BAM!

SO I HAVE TO SAY ALL OF THECANDIDATES WERE DOING A PRETTY

GOOD JOB ACTING LIKE ONE OF THECOMMONERS.

AND IT'S INTERESTING THAT, INTHEIR EFFORT TO SEEM AUTHENTIC,

THEY ALL GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TOPRETEND THEY'RE SOMETHING THAT

THEY'RE NOT.

WELL, ALMOST ALL OF THEM.

>> DONALD TRUMP ARRIVED AT THEIOWA STATE FAIR BY HELICOPTER.

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Larry: HE ENTERS IOWA IN HISCHOPPER.

(LAUGHTER)THERE IS NO PRETEND IN HIS GAME.

(LAUGHTER)(IMITATING TRUMP:)

I AM NOT A COMMONER.

(LAUGHTER)I AM NOT ONE OF YOU.

(LAUGHTER)I AM ONE OF ME.

(LAUGHTER)BUILD IT AND I WILL COME -- IN A

CHOPPER.

(LAUGHTER)THAT'S WHAT I DO.

IT'S AMAZING.

IT REALLY IS AMAZING TO ME.

TRUMP DOES NOT RUN AWAY IF HISGAUDINESS.

I MEAN, HE OWNS THE FACT THAT HEOWNS EVERYTHING.

RIGHT?

(LAUGHTER)HE DOESN'T CARE WHAT HE LOOKS

LIKE.

WHEREAS HILLARY SEEMS TO CARE SOMUCH ABOUT HER OPTICS THAT SHE

ALWAYS SEEMS TO GET THEM WRONG.

(LAUGHTER)FOR INSTANCE, ONE BIG CRITICISM

OF HILLARY IS THAT SHE'SSECRETIVE.

RIGHT?

SO IT WAS IMPERATIVE TO AT LEASTUSE HER TRIP TO IOWA TO SHOW SHE

HAS NOTHING TO HIDE.

WELL, AT ONE EVENT, HILLARY META FEW VOTERS.

BUT THEN SHE DISAPPEARED BEHINDA MAKESHIFT BLACK CURTAIN

(LAUGHTER)WALLING OFF A CORNER OF THE

BALLROOM.

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: WHEN THE KNOCK ON YOU

IS THAT YOU'RE HIDING SOMETHINGFROM US, A BLACK CURTAIN IS NOT

THE IDEAL VISUAL.

(LAUGHTER)STOP IT, HILLARY.

(LAUGHTER)I MEAN, WHEN SHE WAS PACKING FOR

THIS TRIP, WHY WAS "BLACKCURTAIN" EVEN ON THE LIST?

(LAUGHTER)RIGHT?

WHY?

NO!

JUST STOP IT.

BUT THE THING I REALLY WANT TOTALK ABOUT WITH HILLARY IS I

THINK THE THING --(HELICOPTER NOISES)

(LAUGHTER)>> HERE WE GO, BABY.

HERE WE GO.

>> Larry: HEY!

HEY!

Larry: OH, MY GOD.

HEY, BABY.

LARRY, GET BACK TO TALKING ABOUTTRUMP

>> Larry: YEAH, YEAH, IS THATDONALD TRUMP'S CHOPPER?

>> DAMN RIGHT IT IS.

I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT NOW YOUSPEND WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS

SHOW TALKING ABOUT LOSERS.

>> Larry: DONALD, YOU'REINTERRUPTING MY SHOW.

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I THOUGHT IT WAS A SHOW FOR THEBLACKS.

(LAUGHTER)I'M BELOVED BY THE BLACKS.

>> Larry: NO.

YOU ARE NOT BELOVED BY THEBLACKS, DONALD.

THIS IS NOT A SHOW FOR THEBLACKS.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RETALKING ABOUT.

>> WHATEVER, LARRY.

GET BACK TO TALKING ABOUT ME!

ENOUGH ABOUT HILLARY.

>> Larry: ALL RIGHT, FINE.

FINE.

JUST GO AWAY.

>> ALL RIGHT.

I GOTTA GO ANYWAY.

I'VE GOT JURY DUTY.

WHATEVER.

TRUMP AWAY!

TRUMP AWAY!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Larry: ALL RIGHT.

LET'S GET BACK TO TRUMP.

(LAUGHTER)AND BY THE WAY, IF I WERE HIM,

I'D BE A LITTLE NERVOUS AROUND AHELICOPTER.

(LAUGHTER)HIS HAIR IS NOT EXACTLY

IMPERVIOUS TO WIND.

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

ALL RIGHT.

OOH.

(LAUGHTER)ANYWAY, TRUMP LANDED AND THEN

OFFERED A TICKET TO RIDE THAT ISNORMALLY OFFERED BY A GUY IN A

VAN.

>> WHERE ARE THE CHILDREN?

(LAUGHTER)GET THEM OVER HERE.

DOES ANYBODY WANNA TAKE A RIDE?

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: STRANGER DANGER!

STRANGER DANGER!

(LAUGHTER)NO!

HE ALSO FINALLY GOT PAST HIS SOOVERLY

SIMPLISTIC SLOGAN"MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" TO

ACTUALLY PUTTING OUT A POSITIONPAPER ON IMMIGRATION REFORM

CALLED -- AND THIS IS THE ACTUALTITLE -- "IMMIGRATION REFORM

THAT WILL MAKE AMERICA GREATAGAIN."

(LAUGHTER)TRUMP, I HAVE TO ADMIT, HE DOES

SEEM SERIOUS ABOUT GETTING INTOTHE WHITE HOUSE.

AND IF HE DOESN'T GET IN, HE ATLEAST THINKS SERIOUS ABOUT

GETTING NEXT TO IT.

>> TRUMP'S CONSTRUCTION COMPANYIS BUILDING A LUXURY HOTEL VERY

CLOSE TO THE WHITE HOUSE INWASHINGTON, D.C.

>> Larry: REALLY?

A HOTEL NEAR THE WHITE HOUSE?

(LAUGHTER)SO IF YOU DON'T BECOME

PRESIDENT, YOU'RE JUST GOING TO"REAR WINDOW" THE WHITE HOUSE?

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WHAT ARE THEY DOING OVER THERE?

"LOOZAS!"(LAUGHTER)

AND BY THE WAY, MR. TRUMP, WHO'SYOUR CONSTRUCTION CREW FOR 1601

PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE?

(LAUGHTER)>> INTERVIEWS WITH ABOUT 15

LABORERS HELPING RENOVATE THEOLD POST OFFICE PAVILION

REVEALED THAT MANY OF THEM HADCROSSED THE U.S./MEXICO BORDER

ILLEGALLY.

[ AUDIENCE WOOs ]>> Larry: OH, I GET IT.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BUILD A WALLTO KEEP PEOPLE OUT.

YOU WANT TO BUILD A WALL TO KEEPALL YOUR WORKERS IN.

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> LARRY.

THAT IS A LIE, LARRY.

THAT'S A LIE, BABY.

THE MEXICANS LOVE ME AS MUCH ASTHE BLACKS!

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

WHEN I THINK OF AMAZON, I THINKOF A MAGICAL WEBSITE WHERE I CAN

BUY TOOTHBRUSH HEADS AND "2 FAST2 FURIOUS" ON DVD AND A

BEATLES-THEMED COMFORTER ANDSHEET SET AND HAVE IT ALL

DELIVERED RIGHT TO MY DOOR.

BUT FOR AMAZON EMPLOYEES, THEIRWORK CULTURE IS NOT SO

CONVENIENT.

>> A SCATHING PIECE ABOUT AMAZONAND THE SWIFT REACTION THIS

MORNING FROM THE COMPANY'S CEO.

OVER THE WEEKEND, "THE TIMES"EXPOSED WHAT IT CALLED A

BRUISING WORKPLACE, ONE WITH ABACK-STABBING, SOMETIMES ABUSIVE

CULTURE THAT LEFT SOME EMPLOYEESIN TEARS.

[ AUDIENCE BOOs ]>> Larry: WHAT THE [ BLEEP ],

AMAZON?

(LAUGHTER)I EXPECT TO HEAR ABOUT THIS KIND

OF BEHAVIOR FROM BANGLADESH ORSHENZHEN, BUT IN SEATTLE?

(LAUGHTER)LOOK, I'M A PRIME MEMBER.

I LOVE MY FREE TWO-DAY SHIPPINGAND ABUNDANT EPISODES OF" ALPHA

HOUSE."

ALL RIGHT?

(LAUGHTER)JOHN GOODMAN IS THE MARLON

BRANDO OF OUR AGE.

ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT ACTOR.

(LAUGHTER)HE IS.

BRILLIANT ACTOR, RIGHT?

ALL RIGHT.

SO WHAT DOES THE CEO HAVE TO SAYABOUT THESE ACCUSATIONS.

>> THE FOUNDER AND CEO OF THATCOMPANY, JEFF BEZOS, IS ISSUING

A RARE RESPONSE AND HE ISSTRONGLY DEFENDING HIS COMPANY.

BEZOS IS ACTUALLY ENCOURAGINGEMPLOYEES TO READ THAT ARTICLE

AND THEN EMAIL HIM DIRECTLY WITHANY ALLEGATIONS OF ABUSE.

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: YOU HEARD RIGHT,

FOLKS.

IT'S THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORYSOMEONE IS ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO

SEND THEM AN EMAIL ABOUT ANARTICLE THEY READ.

(LAUGHTER)COME ON, BEZOS!

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE COOLBILLIONAIRE, LIKE RICHARD

BRANSON, NOT THE EVILBILLIONAIRE, LIKE RICHARD

BRANSON.

(LAUGHTER)RIGHT?

HEY, THE GUY'S COMPLICATED.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)BUT, LOOK, I'LL BE HONEST WITH

YOU.

HERE AT "THE NIGHTLY SHOW," THEHAPPINESS OF OUR EMPLOYEES IS

OUR TOP PRIORITY.

IN FACT, WE'RE SO COMMITTED TOMAKING SURE OUR WORKPLACE

CULTURE IS NOTHING LIKEAMAZON'S, WE'VE MADE A LOT OF

CHANGES.

FOR INSTANCE, WE RECENTLY HIREDPLATINUM HIP-HOP RECORDING

ARTIST CAM'RON TO MANAGE OURHUMAN RESOURCES DEPARTMENT.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

>> I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE[ BLEEP ] THIS MEANS.

I'M GOING TO GOOGLE THIS[ BLEEP ].

(KNOCKING)LET ME CALL YOU BACK.

CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTEABOUT SOMETHING?

>> OF COURSE.

MY OFFICE IS SU OFFICE.

>> THANK YOU.

JOYCE FROM TALENT KEEPSHITTING ON ME.

SHE KEEPS SENDING MEINAPPROPRIATE EMAILS AND PUTTING

SUGGESTIVE PICTURES ON MY DESK.

I'M MARRIED.

WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO?

>> NUT UP AND RUN WITH IT.

OKAY. NUT UP. THANK YOU.

(LAUGHTER).

THANK YOU.

>> TYPE, TYPE, TYPE.

(LAUGHTER)♪♪

>> HEY.

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUTSOMETHING.

>> OF COURSE, I'M NOTHING IF NOTAN EAR TO BEND

>> OK, GREAT.

BECAUSE I THINK COLLEEN ISSTEALING FROM THE OFFICE.

SHE STOLE 8 REAMS OF PAPER THEOTHER DAY AND --

>> STOP SNITCHIN, MOTHER[ BLEEP]!

OKAY.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> KNOCK-KNOCK.

WHAT'S UP, CAM'RON?

GOING ON?

E GOT A LITTLE BIT OF APERSONNEL SITUATION HERE THE

HEAD OF H.R.

WE'RE LOOKING TO GET RID OF OURWRITER'S ASSISTANT.

I WAS HOPING WOULD YOU HELP MEOUT WITH THE PAPERWORK

OFFICIALLY.

>> PAPERWORK IS A LITTLE TOOMUCH.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.

>> GREAT, I GOT A TON ON MYPLATE

(APPLAUSE)>> HEY, CAM'RON, WHEN YOU SAY

"TAKE CARE OF IT," CAN YOUCLARIFY EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN BY

"TAKE CARE OF IT."

>> I KNOW A GUY WHO'LL DO IT FORUS

DO WHAT EXACTLY?

TAKE CARE OF WHAT [ BLEEP ]NEEDS TO BE DONE.

I NEED AN INTERN WHO WILL GET 20LARGE OUT OF PETTY CASH FOR ME

AND TAKE IT TO A MAILBOXIN FLATBUSH.

>> I THINK MAYBE JUST -- I'LLTALK TO HIM.

I KNOW YOU GOT A LOT ON YOURPLATE.

>> YOU'RE THE BOSS.

THANKS, MAN.

COOL.

>> HELLO?

TELL THAT INTERN TO TAKE THAT20 LARGE TO MY CRIB.

>> Larry: THANKS, CAM'RON

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

I'M HERE WITH MY PANEL.

"THE NIGHTLY SHOW" CONTRIBUTORMIKE YARD.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)AND OUR OWN

"THE NIGHTLY SHOW" HEAD WRITERROBIN THEDE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)AND HIS NEW SPECIAL "CRASH TEST"

IS AVAILABLE ON VIMEOAUGUST 18th, COMEDIAN AND

ACTOR PAUL SCHEER.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)OKAY.

SO WE TALKED ABOUT THIS ALITTLE.

"NEW YORK TIMES" PUBLISHED THISSCATHING

ARTICLE ABOUT AMAZON'S WORKPLACECULTURE.

LONG HOURS, FEW PERKS, AND THEFEAR OF BEING FIRED IS ALWAYS

HANGING OVER YOUR HEAD.

IS THIS A GOOD WAY TO DOBUSINESS, PAUL?

>> YES!

IT IS.

(LAUGHTER)BECAUSE AMAZON IS AWESOME,

RIGHT?

>> IT IS.

CAN GET TOILET PAPER THENEXT DAY.

SOMETHING'S WORKING.

>> RIGHT.

(LAUGHTER).

>> I DON'T CARE IF SOMEONE'S GOTTO WORK 80 HOURS.

>> YOU DON'T CARE.

MORE SEASONS OF TRANSPARENT,PLEASE

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: I THINK THE DISCUSSION

IS OVER.

(LAUGHTER)>> DON'T THESE PEOPLE MAKE A LOT

OF MONEY, THOUGH?

AREN'T THEY LIKE THE PEOPLE THATCOME UP WITH THE PRODUCTS AND

ALL THAT STUFF?

>> SOME OF THE REPORTS PEOPLEARE CRYING ON THE JOB.

>> WHO DOESN'T CRY AT WORK?

IT'S WORK! WORK IS TERRIBLE

>> Larry: PEGGY DID CRY A LOT ON"MAD MEN."

>> IT'S THE PUSSIFICATION OFAMERICA, LARRY.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

WHAT IT IS IS THAT WE HAVERAISED KIDS THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN

YELL AT.

THEY START [ BLEEP ] CRYING.

(LAUGHTER)WORK HARD, DO YOUR JOB.

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: OKAY.

HOLD ON.

BUT HERE'S THE THING.

THEY HAVE POLICIES WHERE THEIREMPLOYEES ARE ENCOURAGED TO TELL

ON EACH OTHER.

AND ALSO TO TEAR EACH OTHER'SIDEAS APART.

>> I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITHTHAT.

>> Larry: YOU DON'T HAVE APROBLEM WITH THAT.

>> NO.

IF YOU TEAR APART MY IDEA ANDCOME UP WITH ANOTHER IDEA, IT'S

FINE.

IT'S SNITCHING I DON'T LIKE.

>> Larry: WHAT IF THEY SAYMIKE'S IDEA IS A [ BLEEP ]?

>> THAT'S JUST CRITICIZING.

>> SNITCHING IS KIND OFLIKE PRISON STYLE --

>> AT AMAZON?

LIKE IN JAIL.

I'M SAYING IT'S GOOD.

PRISONS WORK.

AMAZON WORKS.

TIE THEM TOGETHER.

(LAUGHTER)>> WHY NOT?

IF PEOPLE ARE SCARED, RIGHT?

IF YOU'RE SCARED, YOU'RE GOINGTO KEEP WORKING HARDER, RIGHT?

>> WHETHER YOU OVERTLY SNITCH ORDRY SNITCH, THAT'S WHEN YOU COME

BACK AND YOUR CO-WORKER GOES, IDIDN'T KNOW WE HAVE TWO-HOUR

LUNCHES.

(LAUGHTER)[ BLEEP ] [ BLEEP ] THAT'S

WORSE.

>> THAT'S WORSE.

I DID IT ONE TIME AND NOW YOUTELL EVERYONE.

>> I FEEL LIKE EVERYBODY IS DRYSNITCHING.

>> IT'S -- IT'S -- IT'SPROMOTING THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE

WORK ENVIRONMENT.

BUT YOU QUOTED FROM MAD MENEARLIER.

>> YEAH.

DRAPER SAID THAT'S WHAT THEMONEY'S FOR.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

I JUST FEEL --Larry: WHAT DO YOU THINK IS

BETTER CARROT OR STICK?

WHAT GIVES YOU BETTERPRODUCTION?

>> WHICH ONE IS PRIME ELIGIBLE?

(LAUGHTER).

>> Larry: I DON'T KNOW THOSEWORDS.

>> I THINK YOU LURE THEM OVERWITH THE CARROT AND WHEN THEY

GET CLOSE, YOU HIT THEM WITH ASTICK.

(LAUGHTER)>> COME HERE.

Larry: WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLEMAKING THE PRODUCTS THAT AMAZON

SELL?

THEY SURELY HAVE IT WORSE,RIGHT?

THEY'RE IN A FACTORY STITCHINGUP SHOES.

NO ONE'S COMPLAINING THERE.

(LAUGHTER)>> FAST DELIVERY AND GOOD

PRODUCTS -->> Larry: DO YOU SEE ANY PROBLEM

WITH THE A COMPANY WORKS AS LONGAS YOU GET YOUR BLOOD DIAMONDS.

(LAUGHTER)BLOOD DIAMONDS COME QUICK IN A

NICE PACKAGING, FINE.

(LAUGHTER)THE THING IS --

>> WHAT THE [ BLEEP ]?

(LAUGHTER)>> WHEN IT COMES TO AMAZON, I GO

ALL THE WAY TRUMP.

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: DO YOU HAVE STOCK IN

AMAZON?

>> SERIOUSLY DO NOT LET THATAMAZON STOCK DROP.

I NEED THAT AMAZON.

(LAUGHTER)I HAVE NEVER BOUGHT ANYTHING

FROM AMAZON.

>> Larry: REALLY?

NEVER.

LET ME TELL WHAT I DO.

THIS IS CRAZY.

I GO TO STORES!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)HOW ABOUT THAT?

>> Larry: ROBIN, TELL ME WHATYOU DO.

>> YOU ARE TOTALLY MISSINGEVERYTHING.

YOU KNOW I WAS SO LAZY.

I HAD THE LAST ROLL OF TOILETPAPER IN THE BATHROOM.

I WENT ON MY PHONE AND GOT ITSAME DAY.

>> OH, MY GOD!

IT CAME IN AN HOUR.

(LAUGHTER).

>> THIS COMES THAT QUICK.

Larry: AMERICA'S LAZY.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

>> OH, MY GOD.

I WILL SAY ON THIS SHOW, YES,LET'S BOYCOTT AMAZON.

(LAUGHTER)>> LISTEN, AND I DON'T THINK

THIS IS LIKE A CHICK-FIL-ASITCH WHERE THEY'RE SAYING

HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT GAY PEOPLEOR A HORRIBLE SOCIAL STATEMENT.

>> Larry: THEY'RE JUST TREATINGTHE WORKERS HORRIBLE.

>> THE WORKERS NEED TO HAVE MOREOF A WORK-WORK BALANCE.

(LAUGHTER).

>> YEAH.

THEY NEED TO FIGURE IT OUT.

Larry: LET ME ASK YOU THIS,BECAUSE YOU'RE THE MOST

SUSPICIOUS ALWAYS ON THE PANEL.

(LAUGHTER)THE CEO ENCOURAGED PEOPLE TO

EMAIL HIM DIRECTLY.

WOULD YOU DO [ BLEEP ] LIKETHAT?

>> HELL [ BLEEP ] NO. I KNOW ASETUP WHEN I SEE ONE

THAT'S A TRAP, ALL DAY

I DON'T LIKE THAT YOU DO THIS.

ALL RIGHT.

WE YOU DON'T WORK HERE NO MORE[ BLEEP ].

(LAUGHTER).

>> Larry: YOU SNITCH ONYOURSELF.

>> IT'S LIKE A NEW VERSION OFTHE COMMENT BOX.

THOSE COMMENT BOXES ARE AT EVERYJOB BUT NO ONE PUTS IT IN THERE

UNLESS YOU'RE A JERK.

(LAUGHTER).

>> EXACTLY.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT MIKEDOES NOT USE AMAZON.

YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE NEVER USED -->> I CAN'T BUY SOMETHING BECAUSE

OF A PICTURE.

I'M SORRY.

I NEED TO TOUCH IT.

I NEED TO FEEL IT.

IF I'M BUYING A COUCH, I NEED TOSIT ON IT.

I NEED TO LAY ON IT. MY NAPS AREIMPORTANT

>> Larry: WHAT ABOUT TOILETPAPER?

>> TOILET PAPER IS SOLD ON EVERYCORNER ON THE BLOCK.

YOU CAN'T WALK TO THE CORNERTO BUY TOILET PAPER?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)NO!

NO!

>> THE WEATHER'S TERRIBLE.

I'M NOT GOING TO GO --(LAUGHTER)

>> NO!

I WOULD USE A WASH RAG AND WASHIT OUT.

(LAUGHTER).

>> IF THERE WAS AN OPTION TO GETA PERSON TO USE THE TOILET PAPER

ON ME, I WOULD TAKE THAT OPTION.

(LAUGHTER)>> Larry: AMAZON PRIME PLUS.

>> NO MATTER HOW BAD AMAZON IS,IT

DOESN'T MATTER.

WE NEED AMAZON.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Larry: IF YOU LIVE IN THE

NEW YORK CITY AREA OR PLANNINGTO VISIT, GRAB SOME FREE TICKETS

TO ATTEND AN UPCOMING TAPING OFTHE "THE NIGHTLY SHOW,"

THE SHOW TAPES MONDAY THROUGHTHURSDAY.

FOR COMPLETE DETAILS GO TO THETHENIGHTLYSHOW.COM/TICKETS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)