Wednesday, March 26, 2014

  • 03/26/2014

Michelle Buteau, Neal Brennan and Dan Levy list #SchlongSongs, name weird Japanese technology and battle for a Nic Cage pillowcase.

>> HASHTAG WARS.

>> I LOVE YOU SO MUCH,CRAIGSLIST AND THE REASON IS

BECAUSE YOU POSTED THIS ADFOR THE WANGCASTER.

>> NO!

>> THE BEST WAY TO PLAY A D FLAT>> I KNOW, I KNOW.

THEY'RE NOT ALL GOLD.

THE BIGGEST DICK IN THE ROOMIS NOW NO LONGER THE GUY

PLAYING STAIRWAY TO HEAVENIN THE GUITAR CENTER.

IN HONOR OF THIS BRAVE NEWINVENTION TONIGHT'S HASHTAG

IS SCHLONG SONGS.

SOMETIMES I HAVE TO EXPLAINTO MY MOM WHAT IT IS I GET

PAID TO DO.

SO EXAMPLES OF SCHLONGSONGSWOULD BE GLORY HOLE DAYS,

TAIN'T NOTHING LIKE THE REALTHING, HELLS BALLS. I WANT

TO PUT 60 SECOND OS ON THECLOCK, AND GO.

>> NEAL.

>> PURPLE VEIN.

>> BY PRINCE ALBERT, POINTS.

MICHELLE.

>> [BLEEP] MY WINDOW.

YES, POINTS.

>> MAMA SAID SUCK YOU OUT.

POINTS.

NEAL BRENNAN.

>> THEME FROM SHAFT.

POINTS.

>> CAN'T TOUCH PISS.

>> POINTS.

>> NEEL.

>> TANGLE UP IN PUBES.

>> SO GROSS.

>> WRECKING BALLS IN MY MOUTH.

>> YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED ATWRECKING BALLS, BUT I WILL

GIVE YOU POINTS ANYWAY.

GOING THAT EXTRA MILE.

>> STAR-SPANGLED BONER.

KONICHIWHAT!

JAPAN HOME OF GODZILLA,SUSHI AND EVERYTHING THAT I

ADORE. JAPAN HASAN AMAZING ABILITY TO MAKE

EVERYTHING LOOK [BLEEP],LIKE.

>> HELLO KITTY.

HOTTEST [BLEEP]. KAREOKE,ALL DAY EVERY DAY.

>> SUSHI.

>> I MEAN SERIOUSLY.

JACKIE CHAN.

>> NO, NEAL, SORRY,.

>> HE'S NOT FROM THERE, HE'SFROM A DIFFERENT-- THAT'S

GOT NOTHING TO DO, I JUSTWANTED TO SAY JACKIE CHAN.

>> YOU JUST WANTED TO GIVE ASHOUT OUT.

I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU A CLIPFROM A YOUTUBE VIDEO WITH

WONDERFULLY INSANE JAPANESETECHNOLOGY AND YOU HAVE TO

COME UP WITH THE AMERICANNAME FOR THE PRODUCT.

FIRST ONE.

THIS STRANGE FACE BANK.

>> OH GOD.

>> OH JUST EAT THE [BLEEP]ALREADY.

>> YES, NEAL.

>> YOU KNOW TO GET THE MONEYOUT YOU HAVE TO, LIKE, POUR

WINE COOLERS INTO THE MOUTHAND GO IN THROUGH THE BUTT.

>> IS THERE A NAME FOR THAT.

>> NO NAME.

>> POINTS.

I WILL GIVE YOU POINTS FORTHE DESCRIPTION ALONE.

>> THANK YOU.

>> NEXT, THIS HUMAN VOICETUBE THING.

>> I WANTED TO DO ONE FORTHAT.

>> ALL RIGHT, OKAY, STOP,STOP THE VOICE TUBE.

>> THE VOICE TUBE.

>> DAN LEVY WANTS US TOTURN THE SHOW AROUND FOR HIM.

SO WE'RE GOING GO BACK TOTHE MOUTH BANK AND WHATEVER

DAN LEVY SAYS BECAUSE WEHAD TO GO BACK BETTER BE

[BLEEP] AMAZING!

>> OKAY.

>> IT WILL BE.

AND THEY TOLD ME I COULDTOTALLY DO THIS.

OKAY.

FINALLY A BANK YOU CAN[BLEEP]

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> ALL RIGHT, EXCELLENT.

THIS HUMAN VOICE TUBE THING,THIS HUMAN VOICE TUBE --

>> YES, MICHELLE.

>> MILEY CYRUS 20 YEARS FROMNOW.

>> WHICH PART OF HER?

>> YEAH.

RAPPERS DELIGHT - MAGIC ORCEREAL

TUMBLR IS A VASTWONDERLAND. A FEW OF OUR

FAVORITES ARE RAPPERSPOSING LIKE MAGICIANS AND

RAPPERS AND CEREAL, WHICHEXPERTLY PHOTOSHOPS

RAPPERS REPPIN CEREAL.

YOU TELL ME IF THE RAPPERIS DOING MAGIC OR

ENJOYING A CEREAL.

LET US BEGIN.

LUDA-CRISS ANGEL ORLUDICRISP.

>> LUDICRIS --P>> LET'S FIND OUT.

>> LUDICRISP.

>> WHAT?

(APPLAUSE)>> THAT'S AMAZING.

BY I WAY YOU CAN'T SEE THISBUT IT SAYS I WANT TO I WILL,

LI- LI- LICK YOU FROM YOUR SPOONTO YOUR TOES.

>> SMITH ANGEL OR FRESH TRIXOF BEL-AIR.

>> FRESH TRIX.

>> LET'S FIND OUT.

I'M SORRY, WILL SMITH IS INFACT A MAGICIAN.

JADA PINKETT SMITH YOUDIDN'T SEE THE LAST PICTURE,

SHE WASN'T THERE A SECONDAGO.

>> THE ILLUSION IS THEIRMARRIAGE.

>> COME ON.

BEFORE THE BREAK I SHOWED ANITEM FOR SALE FOR ON AMAZON.

A NIC CAGE PILLOW THAT SAYS SEEYOU IN MY DREAMS WHICH

DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, IS THEPILLOW DREAMING ABOUT YOU OR

ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO SEEHIM-- WHO IS DREAMING ABOUT

WHO, NICK CAGE, ANSWER METHAT I ASKED YOU GUYS TO

WRITE A MORE APPROPRIATESAYING FOR THE PILLOW AND IN

THIS CHALLENGE YOU WILL NOTONLY WIN POINTS WILL YOU

ACTUALLY WIN THIS PILLOW.

>> NO!

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU WROTE,LET'S START WITH MICHELLE.

>> DON'T MAKE THE SAMEMISTAKE I DID.

>> EVERY NIGHT.

>> KEEP YOUR ORIGINAL FACE.

>> DAN LEVY.

>> IN MY DREAMS I DON'T OWEANY MONEY TO THE GOVERNMENT.

>> GOOD.

>> #SEASON OF THE WITCH.

NEAL BRENNAN.

>> FLIP THIS FOR MY BONER.

(APPLAUSE)>> I THINK I GOT TO GIVE A

THOUSAND POINTS TO NEAL, 500EACH TO DAN AND MICHELLE.

I THINK NEAL BRENNAN, ISHALL NOW PRESENT YOU WITH

THE CAGE PILLOW!

>> CONSCIOUS UNCOUPLING

HOPE YOU GUYS ARE OKAY.

I KNOW A LOT ARE STILLREELING FROM THE

ANNOUNCEMENT THAT GWYNETHPALTROW SET LOOSE, HER

SEPARATION FROM CHRIS MARTINON GOOP.COM. IT'S GWYNETH.

IT HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH HERGWYNETH DOES NOT WANT TO

REFER TO THEIRSEPARATION-- DO YOU

UNDERSTAND, SHE ANNOUNCEDTHEIR DIVORCE ON HER

NEWSLETTER.

SHE HOWEVER DOESN'T WANT TOREFER TO THEIR SEPARATION AS

A DIVORCE, INSTEAD JUSTCALLING IT A CONSCIOUS

UNCOUPLING.

WHICH IS BETTER THAN ANUNCONSCIOUS COUPLING, I

SUPPOSE.

ALSO VERY ILLEGAL.

COMEDIANS, I WOULD LIKE YOUTO COME UP WITH BETTER TERMS

FOR DIVORCE THAN CONSCIOUSUNCOUPLING.

AND MAYBE GWYNETH WILL HEARYOU.

60 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK, GO.

>> DAN LEVY.

>> HE CHEATED ON ME A BUNCH.

>> A BUNCH.

>> TARGETED CHILDHOODRUINER.

>> POINTS.

>> ALL COLD WORK AND NOCOLD PLAY MAKES CHRIS

MARTIN A DIVORCEE.

>> BEAUTIFULLY DONE.

>> IF BEING NAMED APPLEWASN'T ALREADY [BLEEP] UP

YOUR CHILDHOOD.

>> I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS.

>> A BUYOUT.

>> POINTS FOR SURE.

>> NEAL.

>> A COGNIZANT INTENTIONTO [BLEEP] OTHER PEOPLE.

>> MICHELLE.

>> FAIL-TROW.

Loading...