Kabir Singh & Lance Patrick

  • Season 3, Ep 1
  • 10/04/2014

Comedians Kabir Singh and Lance Patrick perform, and Gabriel Iglesias explains his fashion sense in an all-new "Hey It's Fluffy!" animated short.

this is the new homefor Stand-Up Revolution,

season three.

And the cool part is that,you know, the show's changed.

We're in a-a new location,but things...

some things are still the same.

Of course, my right hand man,

the man, the myth,the legend.

Give it up, ladiesand gentlemen, for Martin!

And, of course,

three-time Grammy awardwinners, Ozomatli!

How cool is this, Martin?We're back for another season.

Season three!

Dude, everybody's back,this is awesome.

We're all back,I'm back,

you're back, Ozo's back.

MARTIN: Hey.(Iglesias laughs)

Somebody's missing,though, bro.

What-What do you mean,someone's missing?

Looks like one ofthem's missing.Who's missing?

Uh, the bass player, Wil-Dog.

MARTIN: Wil-Dog.IGLESIAS: Whathappened to Wil-Dog?

He... got married.

No!

Are you kidding me?

He got married?This last weekend,

he just got married.MARTIN: Dude, welost another one.

Aw. Hey, hey,hold on, hold on.

How about a moment of silence?

Ladies and gentlemen,a moment

a moment of silencefor our friend, Wil-Dog.

He will be missed.

(trumpet playing "Taps")

(exhales)

(trumpet plays upbeat riff)

MARTIN: Wow.IGLESIAS: We'll miss you,Wil-Dog.

It's-It's only appropriate wesay a few words about Wil-Dog.

I still love Obama.I don't care.

Yeah. I rememberwhen Obama was first elected.

My friend was way too excited.

Like, right whenObama got elected,

my friend came over to my houseat 1:00 a.m., bust in my room.

"We did it, bro.We did it.

"We finally did it.

"After all the nonsenseof people holding us down,

we rose up, and we did it."

I was like,"Dude, you're Vietnamese."

(laughter)

I'm Indian.We didn't do anything.

We didn't even vote.

I want an Indian president, butI know that's not gonna happen,

'cause we still got to dealwith a lot of,

uh, you know racism, right?

Like, I got the new iPhonewith Siri on it.

Siri is racist.

Yeah, Siri only understandswhite people.

That's why you only see whitepeople use Siri on commercials.

Right? Every commercial'sthe same thing.

It's just white people.

Beep, beep. "Siri,could you tell Michael and Jason

that me and Ben are on the way,please?"

Beep, beep. Message sent.No problem there.

Then I use itwith my Indian cousins' names,

and all hell breaks loose,right?

Yeah. Then I use it.I'm like...

Beep, beep."Siri, could you tell Rajinder,

"Padinder and Satinder...

...that me and Priyaare on our way, please?"

Beep, beep. "We've locatedfive 7-Elevens in your area."

Oh, isn't that nice?

That's nice.

We got a lotof beautiful girls here.

I'm gonna do a magic trickthat my uncle taught me

when I was just a little kidif that's cool with you guys.

Is it cool?

(crowd cheers)Hell, yeah.

Sir, can I get your help?Can I get you

to stand right here?

No. Trust me.You're gonna love it.

All right? I've gota quarter here.

Put it in your hand, grip itas tight as you can, okay?

Now, what I'm gonna do is,I'm gonna make this quarter

disappear from his hand,end up in his mouth.

Sorry, bro. It's justhow the trick goes.

(laughter)You cool?

Now, I need twothings from you.

Okay, I need you to gripit tight, and then just

imagine it goingin your mouth.

(crowd cheering)

Stop.

Guys, my uncletaught me this trick.

Geez.

Ozo, can I get some musicfor this?

(band playing upbeat music)Yeah.

All right, you ready?

You guys ready?

Here we go.

Yeah!

Just gripit tighter.

Grip it tight. Yeah.

Why won't you look mein the eyes?

Come on, buddy.

Now just imagine itgoing in your mouth.

Yeah! Just imagine it.

Oh, there you go.

There you go.

Okay, now open yourmouth. Open...

Whoa!

You're the first personthat's ever opened his mouth.

You know what? At leastjust open your hand

and show 'em thatit disappeared.

(bleep)

How was that tricksupposed to go again?

why you wear them shorts?

Aw, come on, dude,that's really embarrassing.

♪ This is the Fluffy Show

♪ Hey! It's Fluffy! ♪

(drumroll plays)

(fanfare plays)

(man speaking Spanish over TV)

(chuckles)It is true! I dosay that.

(laughs)Ms. Iglesias,

I believe Gabrielwould benefit greatly

from my scientifically designedMedicina Fantastica

diet pills with... Flacismo!

Ooh...Ooh...

He can eat all he wants,

as much as he wants,

whenever he wants,and still lose the weight.

What do you say,my little gordito?

I say yeah!

That will be $500.

What insurancewill you be using?

Gabriel, baby,you wait outside.

I'm going to talk tothe doctor in private.

Here goes nothing.

(stomach grumbling)

(fanfare plays)

Holy crap! It worked!

I'm telling you, guys,

Dr. Fenfenito is notonly a great scientist,

he's a saint!

He's like Superman plusJesus plus CM Punk, man.

Plus your mom'snew boyfriend.

What?!

Open your eyes, bro.

If your mom doesn'thave enough money,

some of the guys around herebecome her boyfriend.

My mom's never had a boyfriend.

She's like a nun.

A hotnun.

Don't feel bad, Fluffy.

I always thought your momhas an active social life

because she cares about you.

Nobody talks that wayabout mymother.

(laughs)

Ooh!

Hey! Girl.

Right, right.(blows raspberry)

Fenfenito!

I need to seethe doctor!

He is in with a patientright now.

Excuse me? Excuse me!

Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Mom! Those diet pills--they're worm eggs!

Wait. What areyou doing here?

And why are youdressed so sexy?

Those diet pillswere worm eggs?

Yeah.

Then I am here to seethat my baby is safe.

(whistles)How dare you!

Giving worm eggsto a boy!

Your son isa big fat liar.

Hey! Stand back, fools.

(hissing)

(screeches)

They are onto us.

Don't you havea cousin in Tijuana

who is a tequila worm?

Sí.

(tires squeal)

(screams)

Mom, my friends said that youwere gonna be his girlfriend

so that I could get diet pills.Is that true?

Gabriel, baby, I am a woman.

Your dad lefta long time ago.

So I want youto listen very closely.

Okay, Mom.

Your friends aredisgusting perverts

with filthy, twisted minds!

I knew it!

Come on, let's go

to the Huge & Big AssMen's Shop.

We need to get youa new pair of pants.

Man! Ha-ha!Those look tore-up!

You better make thoseinto shorts.

(crowd cheering)All right, you guys,that's our show.