Dregory

  • Season 1, Ep 4
  • 11/14/2013

Adam booby-traps his mansion, and Matt Broussard, Matt Koff and Asif Ali perform.

[shrieking]

- SORRY TO INTERRUPT.- STOP IT!

OH, WHAT'S UP?

FUTURE COMEDY STARSOF TOMORROW.

- HEY, ADAM, WE WERE JUSTWONDERING ABOUT GETTING PAID.

LIKE,WHEN THAT'S HAPPENING.

- I WOULDN'T EVEN WORRYABOUT THAT, DUDE.

- AND, YO, WE LOVE THE CRIBAND EVERYTHING,

BUT WHY IS YOUR WHOLE HOUSEBOOBY TRAPPED?

- THAT'S COOL THATYOU CALLED IT A "CRIB."

I LIKE THAT.

UM, SOMETIMES WHEN I GETSUPER DRUNK AND BLACK OUT,

I HOME ALONE MY HOUSE,

WHICH IS AN ISSUETHAT I'M DEALING WITH.

AND I WANT TO DEAL WITH THISRIGHT HERE,

WHAT KOFF CAME AND SAID TO MEIN FRONT OF MY BOOS,

WHICH WAS A LITTLEINAPPROPRIATE,

TALKING MONEYIN FRONT OF BOOS.

IF IT WERE UP TO ME,I'D HAND YOU A CHECK RIGHT NOW.

BUT I HAVE AN ASSISTANT

WHO DEALS WITHALL THAT STUFF, SO...

- OH, COOL,YOU HAVE AN ASSISTANT.

- UH, YES, I HAVEA VERY POWERFUL,

VERY CAPABLE ASSISTANT--

HE WAS WARREN BEATTY'S GUYIN THE '70s.

- WHO'S WARREN BEATTY?- DICK TRACY, MOSTLY.

BULWORTH, ALSO.

- YOU HAVEN'T SEEN DICK TRACY?- GOOD MOVIE.

- IT'S SO GOOD. IT HOLDS UP.- GOOD MOVIE, YEAH.

- IT HOLDS UP.- CHECK OUT BULWORTH, THOUGH.

IT'S WORTH THE HULU PLUS.

- SURE.- YEAH.

- SO WHERE'S YOUR ASSISTANT?

WE'LL JUST GO--WE'LL JUST GO FIND HIM.

- MY ASSISTANT ISPROBABLY AROUND...THE PARTY,

HANDLING SCANDALS, 'CAUSEHE'S A SCANDAL HANDLE...ER.

- WELL, WHAT'S HIS--WHAT'S HIS NAME?

- HIS NAME IS...DREG...ORY.

DREGORY IS HIS NAME.

- OKAY, I DON'T WANTTO EMBARRASS YOU

IN FRONT OF YOUR BOOS,BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE

YOU JUST COMBINEDDREW AND GREGORY

TO MAKE THE WORLD'SDUMBEST NAME.

- YEAH.- YEAH.

- NO, DREGORY'SA VERY REAL NAME.

IT'S A GREAT NAME.IT'S CREOLE.

ANYWAYS, MATT,YOU'RE UP, BUDDY.

- HEY, MAN, WHERE'S MY CHECK?- UH, DREGORY HAS IT.

- AAH! OW!

I'M GONNA MURDER THAT KID!

FROM DOING COMEDY.

I'VE LEARNED THAT PEOPLEDON'T TRUST ME

BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A VILLAINFROM AN '80s MOVIE.

[laughter]

THIS WAS NEWS TO ME.

I ASKED MY OLDER BROTHERABOUT IT.

HE WAS LIKE,"OH, YEAH, TOTALLY."

I WAS LIKE, "WHICH ONE?"HE WAS, LIKE...

"ALL OF 'EM."

THE COCKY FIGHTER PILOT,THE UNETHICAL BANKER,

THE PREPPY BULLY,THE EVIL SKI INSTRUCTOR,

THE EVIL KARATE INSTRUCTOR,A SLYTHERIN, A WINKLEVOSS.

I DON'T REALLYGET THIS JOKE.

THE '80s WERE THE WORSTTWO YEARS OF MY LIFE.

I WORK A 9 TO 5.

I'M ACTUALLYA FINANCIAL ANALYST.

I DON'T FEEL GREATABOUT MY JOB.

MY JOB IS TO MAKERICH PEOPLE RICHER.

I TAKE THEIR MONEYAND I MAKE IT INTO MORE MONEY

USING...JEW MAGIC.[laughter]

I ACTUALLY WORK FORA REALLY SMALL COMPANY,

AND I'M THE ONLY PERSONUNDER 50.

AND WHAT SUCKS ABOUT BEINGTHE YOUNGEST GUY IN THE OFFICE

IS THAT THEY ASSUME YOUCAN DO ANYTHING WITH COMPUTERS.

THEY'LL BE, LIKE, "HEY, MATTHEW,YOU WERE BORN RECENTLY.

CAN YOU FIX THIS?"

AND I DON'T MIND HELPING OUTWITH TECHNOLOGY AND STUFF,

BUT LIKE, MOST OF THE TIMETHEY ASK ME TO FIX SOMETHING,

IT WAS NEVER NOT WORKING.

LIKE, THE SECRETARYALWAYS CALLS ME OVER,

AND I'LL JUST BE LIKE, "YEAH,YEAH, IT'S JUST LIKE LAST TIME.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DOIS CLICK HERE."

- SHE'S LIKE, "I TRIED THATAND IT DIDN'T WORK.

IT ONLY WORKSWHEN YOU DO IT."

YEAH, IT'S 'CAUSEI WENT UNDER "SETTINGS"

AND CHANGED ITTO "[bleep] WITH SHARON."

[laughter and applause]

WE ALSO HAVE A LOTOF OLDER CLIENTS,

AND WHAT'S REALLY COOLABOUT THAT IS

I'M 25 AND I'M SINGLE,

SO THEY'RE ALWAYS TRYINGTO SET ME UP WITH GIRLS MY AGE,

WHICH I REALLY APPRECIATE,

BUT I NEVER KNOWWHAT THEY EXPECT OF IT.

THEY'RE ALWAYS LIKE, "MATTHEW,YOU NEED TO MEET MY NIECE.

"SHE'S CUTE, SHE'S SINGLE,

"BUT SHE'S ONLY IN TOWNTHIS WEEKEND.

WHY DON'T YOU SHOW HERA GOOD TIME?"

"ARE YOU ASKING METO BANG YOUR NIECE?

[laughter]

"'CAUSE I CAN DO THAT,YOU KNOW?

I CAN DO THAT."

CHILDBIRTH FREAKS ME OUT.

I WAS A--I WAS A 9-POUND,11-OUNCE BABY.

MOSTLY IN MY HEAD.I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THAT.

I WISH I COULD FINDA MOTHER'S DAY CARD

THAT SAYS,"SORRY I TOTALED YOUR VAGINA."

OR A FATHER'S DAY CARDTHAT SAYS,

"SORRY I TOTALEDYOUR VAGINA."

[cheers and applause]

MY PARENTS PUT OFF HAVING KIDSTILL LATER IN LIFE.

GROWING UP, I ALWAYSTHOUGHT THAT, LIKE,

WHEN OLD COUPLESPICK ON EACH OTHER,

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE, LIKE,CUTE AND PLAYFUL.

BUT WHEN MY PARENTS DO IT,IT'S JUST KIND OF MEAN.

LIKE, MY DADHAS PARKINSON'S DISEASE,

AND ASIDE FROM THE TREMORS,SOME OTHER SIDE EFFECTS ARE THAT

HE'S VERY HUNCHED OVER,

AND HE ALSO DRIBBLES A LOT.

YOU KNOW, HE CAN'T CONTROLHIS SALIVARY GLANDS.

AND I COME HOME TO VISITMY PARENTS IN ATLANTA,

AND MY MOM'S JUST LIKE,"UGH, LOOK AT HIM.

LOOK AT HIS POSTUREAND THE WAY HE DROOLS."

I'M LIKE, "YEAH, MA,IT'S THE PARKINSON'S."

SHE'S LIKE,"I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK HE'S JUSTNOT TRYING."

[laughter]

MY DAD'S HAD PARKINSON'SSINCE I WAS 12.

HE'S HAD ITFOR MOST OF MY LIFE.

AND THAT'S THE THINGABOUT LIVING WITH SOMEONE

WITH A DISABILITY LIKE THAT,

IS THAT YOU TRY TO BEVERY UNDERSTANDING

AND CONSIDERATEOF THEIR LIMITATIONS,

BUT SOMETIMES YOU JUSTLOSE YOUR PATIENCE

AND END UP SNAPPINGAND LOOKING LIKE A TOTAL DICK.

LIKE, I'M JUST SITTING THEREON BOARD GAME NIGHT, LIKE,

"GOD, HE SUCKS AT PICTIONARY.[laughter]

"EARTHQUAKE? EARTHQUAKE?EARTHQUAKE?

IS IT AN EARTHQUAKE?"

EVERY TIME.

AND JENGA...

[laughter and groans]

[cheers and applause]

- YO, KILLER SHOWSO FAR, GUYS.

- WHERE ARE OUR CHECKS SO WECAN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE?

- DREGORY HAS PROBABLYALREADY DEPOSITED THEM

IN YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNTS.

- NO, HE HASN'T.THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

- NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLEWITH THE DREGMEISTER.

THAT'S WHAT I'M CALLING HIM NOW,"THE DREGMEISTER."

SO THAT'S A THING.

VERY SORRY ABOUT YOUR FACE.

LOOKS LIKE IT GOT SMASHEDBY A HOT IRON.

- YEAH, IT DID.

- DIDN'T EVEN KNOWI OWNED AN IRON.

- YOU DO.- I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER

SETTING THAT ONE UP.

- YOU REMEMBER HOW I WENT

TO GO GET A BEERIN THE BASEMENT

AND A BLOWTORCHLIT MY HEAD ON FIRE?

- YES, ACTUALLY,I SET THAT UP,

LIKE, FIVE DAYS AGOWHEN I WAS SOBER.

I JUST HATE PEOPLEGOING IN MY BASEMENT.

I'VE GOT A LOT OF PER--PERSONAL ITEMS DOWN THERE.

- YOU'RE, LIKE, A SOCIOPATH.- YEAH.

BUT ENJOY THE PARTY.

I HAVE A STAND-UP SHOWTO HOST.

- I HATE YOU.

- HEY, MAN,YOU GET HOME ALONE -ED?

- OH, NO, NO.THIS IS JUST MY JACKET.

[imitates bird cooing]

AS OF TODAY, I AM OFFICIALLYIN A RELATIONSHIP.

[cheers and applause]YEP.

THANKS. AND I DON'T KNOWIF ANY OF YOU DO COMEDY,

BUT WE COMEDIANS HAVE THIS FEARTHAT IF WE FIND SOMEBODY

WHO MAKES US HAPPY,MAYBE WE'LL STOP BEING FUNNY.

SO I'M GONNA TESTTHAT THEORY OUT RIGHT NOW.

I WROTE SOME JOKESBACKSTAGE.

I WANT TO SEE IF THEY WORK.

SO BEAR WITH ME.[cheers]

THANKS.

EVER NOTICE HOW EACH DAYIS BETTER THAN THE LAST?

WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?

BUT SERIOUSLY, FOLKS,

YOU DON'T WANT TO BEAROUND ME IN THE MORNING.

THAT IS, UNLESSYOU LIKE PANCAKES.

THIS HOMELESS GUYCAME UP TO ME ON THE TRAIN

AND ASKED ME FOR CHANGE.

I WAS LIKE, "NO WAY...

BUT HOW DOESA DOLLAR SOUND?"

I JUST FLEW IN FROM L.A.,AND BOY, ARE MY ARMS TIRED

FROM HUGGINGMY NEW GIRLFRIEND.

THIS GUY KNOWSWHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

[cheers and applause]

I WAS AT THE DMVTHE OTHER DAY,

AND THE LINE WAS SO LONG...

all: HOW LONG?- WHO GIVES A CRAP?

I HAD SEX THREE TIMESLAST NIGHT!

UP TOP!

[cheers and applause]

WHOO! YEAH! WHOO! YEAH!

WHOO!I'LL GET YOU LATER.

THANKS, GUYS.SO THAT WAS A BIT.

I ACTUALLYDON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

BUT NOWFOR MY REGULAR SET.

EVER NOTICE HOWYOU COULD JUST VANISH,

AND NOBODY WOULD CARE?[laughter]

WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT?

BUT SERIOUSLY, FOLKS,

YOU DON'T WANT TO BEAROUND ME IN THE MORNING.

I MASTURBATE CONSTANTLY.

THIS HOMELESS GUYCAME UP TO ME ON THE TRAIN

AND ASKED ME FOR CHANGE.

I WAS LIKE, "NO WAY.

"ALL RIGHT, FINE.BUT WILL YOU HANG OUT WITH ME?

ALL MY FRIENDSARE MARRIED."

I JUST FLEW IN FROM L.A.,

AND BOY, ARE MY ARMS TIREDFROM MASTURBATING CONSTANTLY.

THIS GUY KNOWSWHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

[laughter]

I WAS AT THE DMVTHE OTHER DAY,

AND THE LINE WAS SO LONG--

all: HOW LO--- I'M LONELY.

[laughter]

I'M ACTUALLYGOING THROUGH A BREAKUP.

I WOULD SAY THE WORST PARTABOUT BREAKING UP

IS WHEN YOU CATCH YOURSELFUSING LITTLE PHRASES

THAT YOUR EX USED TO USE.

LIKE, I WAS IN OFFICEMAXTHE OTHER DAY,

AND I SAID TO THE CASHIER,"I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE."

[laughter]

IT WAS REALLY EMBARRASSING.

I INVENTEDA SEXUAL POSITION.

IT'S CALLEDTHE "STURDY SANCHEZ."

IT'S WHERE YOU BASEA LONG-LASTING MARRIAGE

ON A FOUNDATIONOF LOVE AND RESPECT

FOR THE OTHER PERSON,

AND THEN YOU RUB SHITON THEIR FACE.

YOU GOTTA TRY IT.

GUYS, IT'S 2013.

WE CAN PUT A MANON THE MOON,

SO WHY CAN'T WE PUT ONEON MY LONELY GAY UNCLE?

SERIOUS QUESTION.

SO MY LAST JOB,I WAS A QUESTION WRITER

FOR THE NEWLYWED GAMEON THE GAME SHOW NETWORK.

AND THEY'RE LIKE,"MATT, WE LIKE YOUR QUESTIONS,

BUT THEY'RE A LITTLE DARK."

SO I ACTUALLY BROUGHTA COUPLE of REJECTED ONES.

YOU GUYS CAN TELL MEWHAT YOU THINK.

I THINK THEY'RE FINE.

UH, HERE GOES.

"YOUR HUSBAND'S BODYWASHES UP ON THE SHORE, DEAD.

WHAT'S THE NUMBER ONE THINGYOU'LL MISS MOST ABOUT IT?"

HERE'S ONE.

"YOUR HUSBAND'S BODYWASHES UP ON THE SHORE, DEAD.

"WHAT ONE HORS D'OEUVREWOULD HE WANT SERVED

AT HIS FUNERAL?"

THAT'S, LIKE, A FOOD QUESTION.UH, HERE'S ONE.

"YOUR HUSBAND'S BODYWASHES UP ON THE SHORE, DEAD.

WHAT KIND OF GODWOULD ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN?"

IT'S LIKE A PHILOSOPHYQUESTION.

THIS ONE'S A LITTLE BITDIFFERENT.

"YOU AND YOUR HUSBANDARE OUT FOR A WALK

"ALONG THE SHORE.

"A DEAD BODY WASHES UP--IT'S HIM.

"YOU SAY, 'OH, NO,I'VE BEEN HAVING SEX

"'WITH MY HUSBAND'S GHOSTTHIS WHOLE TIME.

AAH!'"

[laughter]

GRANTED, THAT'S MOREOF A SHORT STORY IDEA

THAN A QUESTION,BUT I THINK IT'S PRETTY COOL.

WE ARE DOING THIS INTHE BACK OF A HOUSE

IN A PARTY THAT I WOULD NEVERGET INVITED TO IN REAL LIFE.

YEAH!

I WANT TO APOLOGIZE UP TOPFOR LOOKING LIKE

AN INDIAN ELLEN DEGENERES.

[laughter]

GUYS, I LIVE IN LOS ANGELES.WE ALL LIVE IN LOS ANGELES.

AND IT IS A DELIGHT!

SOME OF MY FRIENDSHAVE BEEN MOVING TO L.A.

THE ONE PERSON THAT'S DOINGREALLY, REALLY WELL

IS MY FRIEND KYLIE.

AND SHE'S, LIKE,SUPER, SUPER HOT.

LIKE, WAY--LIKE, SHE'S A DISTRACTION.

AND SHE GETS THE JOB IN L.A.

THAT ALL REALLY,REALLY HOT GIRLS GET.

SHE WORKS AT A NIGHTCLUB,

WHICH, I DON'T KNOWIF YOU GUYS KNOW,

BASICALLY,WHAT THAT JOB ENTAILS

IS YOU BE SUPER HOT,WEAR A LOW-CUT SHIRT,

AND MAKE MORE THAN AN ENGINEERIN ONE NIGHT.

SHE SHOWED MEONE OF THE RECEIPTS.

TWO DUDES SPENT $10,000ON BOTTLES.

AND I NEVER GO TO CLUBSSO I WAS, LIKE,

"SO WHAT WERE THEYCELEBRATING?

"WAS IT--WAS IT SOME SORTOF ANNIVERSARY?

A QUINCEANERA, PERHAPS,HUH?"

AND SHE WAS LIKE,"NO, YOU IDIOT.

"THEY'RE BALLERS,IT'S A TUESDAY.

THAT'S WHAT THEY DO."

AND I WAS, LIKE,WE HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME

TRYING TO RAISE MONEYIN THIS COUNTRY.

EVERY TIME A DISASTER HAPPENS,WE HAVE TO PUT TOGETHER

SOME SHITTY CONCERT WHERESOME TERRIBLE BAND YOU HATE

RUINS SOME SONGYOU DO LIKE,

AND IT MAKES YOULIKE THE TSUNAMI.

AND IT'S LIKE, WHY DON'T WETAKE ADVANTAGE OF THESE DUDES?

'CAUSE THE ONLY TIME DUDESARE JUST GIVING MONEY AWAY

EXTEMPORANEOUSLYIS WHEN THEY'RE BALLERS

AND THEY'RE AROUNDHOT CHICKS.

AND I, FOR ONE,WOULD LIKE TO LIVE IN A WORLD

WHERE I WALK INTO A BAR,AND AS I'M BEING KICKED OUT

FOR WEARING A FANNY PACK,

I SEE THREE DUDESUP IN THE MEZZANINE,

AND THEY'RE LIKE,"HEY, YO,

"LET ME GET EIGHT BOTTLESOF CIROC

"AND $10,000TO AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL.

SHAKE THAT ASS, BITCH!"

AND THERE'S JUST A GIRLJUST, LIKE...

[moaning, groaning]

"YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD PERSON.

POUR YOUR HUMANITARIANISMON ME."

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE EVER HADTHE UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT

OF MEETING YOUR GIRLFRIEND'SFRIENDS FOR THE FIRST TIME.

THEY FEEL LIKE THEY DISCOVEREDTHE DA VINCI CODE.

THEY COME UP TO YOU,THEY'RE LIKE,

"OH...SO YOU'RE DATING SUSAN.

"OK. WOW.YOU SEE, THIS IS THE GUY.

WOW. HERE WE GO."

THAT'S FINE.

I DON'T THINK WE'RE DATINGBASED OFF OF TIME.

WE'RE REALLY DATINGAS A UNIT

WHEN I CAN'T AFFORDTO BUY YOU DINNER ANYMORE.

THAT'S WHENWE'RE REALLY DATING.

BECAUSE WHAT IS ITUP UNTIL THEN?

IT'S JUST TWO PEOPLEHANGING OUT,

AND THEN ONE PERSON'SLOSING ALL OF HIS SAVINGS.

THAT'S ALL IT IS.[cheers and applause]

WE'RE REALLY DATING WHENWE HAVE TO SIT IN MY APARTMENT

AND THEN YOU TELL ME IDEASON WHAT YOU WANT TO DO TONIGHT

AND THEN I SAY NOTO ALL OF THEM.

AND TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,

THAT'S WHY GIRLSDON'T DATE POOR GUYS.

IT GETS TOO REALTOO QUICKLY.

COUPONS ON THE FIRST DATE?GET THE [bleep] OUTTA HERE.

YOU KNOW WHY?IT RUINS THE ONE THING

ALL GIRLS LIKE:SPONTANEOUS.

GIRLS LOVE SPONTANEOUS!

AND THE SAD PART IS

WHEN THEY WANT SOMETHINGSPONTANEOUS TO HAPPEN,

THEY DON'T EVEN WANT ITFOR THE EXPERIENCE

THAT WE'RE HAVING AS A COUPLE,THEY JUST WANT IT

SO THEY COULDHAVE A BETTER STORY

THAN THEIR [bleep]ING FRIENDS.

SO THEY'LL JUST BEHANGING OUT AT BRUNCH

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT,

AND THE GIRL THAT KNOWSSHE HAS A GOOD STORY

IS LIKE--SHE KNOWS.

SHE'S TELLING EVERYONETO SHUT UP.

YOU KNOW, SHE'S LIKE,

"NANCY, PUT--PUT YOUR MENU DOWN.

"SUSAN, PUT YOURMIMOSA DOWN, 'KAY?

"THIS STORY'S GONNAEXPLODE YOUR BRAINS, 'KAY?

"SO I'VE BEEN DATING MIKE FOR,LIKE, TWO WEEKS, RIGHT?

"HE TELLS ME, 'LET'S GOTO THE GROCERY STORE.'

"I SAY, 'WAIT, LET ME PUT ONMY YOGA PANTS,' OKAY?

"WE GET IN THE CAR, WE DON'TGO TO THE GROCERY STORE.

"WE GO TOSANTA MONICA AIRPORT,

"GET ON A TINY BIPLANE,

GO TO WINE COUNTRY,RIDE HORSES."

SPONTANEOUS!

NOW, AT THIS POINT,EVERY OTHER GIRL AT THIS TABLE--

THEIR BRAIN HAS EXPLODED.

THEY'RE JUST LIKE,"AAH! GOD DAMN IT!

SO SPONTANEOUS!"

THEY'RE, LIKE,PUSHING EACH OTHER,

THROWING CREPESIN THE AIR.

IT'S MADNESS.

THE WORST PART ABOUT THATIS ALL THE GIRLS WHO DID NOT

HAVE THAT SPONTANEOUS THINGHAPPEN TO THEM--

THEY ALL LEAVE,BUT NOW WITH THIS AMMUNITION

FOR A FIGHTWITH THEIR BOYFRIEND

WHO DOES NOT EVEN KNOWTHIS EXISTS.

SO THERE'S JUST A GUYLIKE ME, JUST AT HOME.

AND MY GIRLFRIEND COMES IN,I'M LIKE,

[tiny voice]"HEY, HONEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?"

"HOW AM I DOING?

I'M NOT IN A [bleep]ING BIPLANE,IS HOW I'M DOING!"

[dance music playing]

- WHERE IS OUR MONEY, ADAM?- WHERE'S THE MONEY?

- JUST [bleep]ING PAY US!- WE NEED THE MONEY.

- I DON'T KNOW, OKAY?

DREGORY'S NEVERFAILED ME BEFORE, HE'S--

- STOP LYING ABOUT [bleep]INGDREGORY BEFORE I KILL YOU!

- WHAT ARE THOSE?- WHAT ARE WHAT?

OH, THESE ARE JUSTMY REMEMBRANCES.

DREGORYATTACHES LITTLE YARN

TO MY FINGERS IN CASEI WERE TO FORGET SOMETHING.

LET'S SEE, PERHAPSI'VE FORGOTTEN SOMETHING.

WHO KNOW--YEAH,WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS?

WOW. YOUR CHECKS.

I BET YOU GUYS FEEL LIKEREAL NINCOMPOOPS RIGHT NOW, HUH?

LITTLE BIT?LITTLE BIT YOU DO?

- THIS IS WEIRD, OKAY?

WE'RE GOINGTO JEFF ROSS'S HOUSE

'CAUSE HE'S HAVINGA REAL PARTY.

- YEAH, THE ROASTMASTER GENERAL.- THAT'S RIGHT.

THERE'S A PIRATE SHIPIN THE BACKYARD

AND KELLY CLARKSON'S GONNASING ABOUT IT, YOU [bleep].

- COOL.[chuckles]

THAT SOUNDS AWESOME.

DO YOU THINK I COULD GO?

- [screaming][bleep]

YOOOU!

THANKS FOR LETTING MEDO THE SHOW.

- NO PROBLEM, DUDE.YOU HAD A GREAT SET.

[dreamy choral music]

- ALL RIGHT NOW,MY LITTLE "SO FINE" DEVINE,

YOU JUST REST EASY,

AND I WILL BE STANDING HEREAND WATCHING YOU TILL YOU WAKE.

- THANK YOU, DREGORY.YOU'RE THE BEST.

- MM-HMM.

GOOD NIGHT,MY SWEET PRINCE.

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