Monday, April 21, 2014

  • Season 1, Ep 01051
  • 04/21/2014

Kerri Kenney-Silver, Nick Swardson and Marlon Wayans name the band behind a song about poop, guess which horrible chest tattoos are real and list matured video game titles.

IT IS 11:59 AND 59SECONDS, THIS HAPPENED ON

YOUTUBE TODAY.

THAT IS WHAT IT LOOKSLIKE. THIS IS A STEAMING HOT

MUSIC VIDEO THAT UNICEF INDIAPOSTED, ARE YOU READY,

ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO NOT POOPIN THE STREET! WE HAVE STREETS

FOR WALKING, MEETING PEOPLE ANDNOT A POOPING, AND I AM GLAD

THEY PUT THIS VIDEO ON YOUTUBEBECAUSE THE SAME PEOPLE WHO

WOULD (BLEEP) IN THE STREET,WOULD BE LIKE, WELL I HAVE TO

CHECK MY YOUTUBE FEED NOW.

NOW THAT I HAVE POOPED IN THESTREET.

THIS IS THE LIGHT ENTERTAINMENTI HAVE WHILE STREET POOPING.

>> IT MAKES ME WANT TO TAKE A(BLEEP).

>> Chris: IT'S HARD NOT TO!

>> ALSO, WHY DOES THE POO LOOKDELICIOUS?

>> Chris: IS THAT THE FIRSTTIME YOU'VE EVER SAID THAT

SENTENCE BEFORE?

>> IF MY (BLEEP) WAS THATHAPPY I WOULD PLAY WITH IT.

>> Chris: OKAY.

THIS IS THE PERFECT CHALLENGEFOR YOU GUYS AT THE TOP OF THE

SHOW, BECAUSE THIS WAS A FULLSONG THAT THEY PUT ON YOUTUBE,

AND I WOULD LIKE YOU GUYS TOCOME UP WITH THE NAME OF THE

BAND THAT WOULD RELEASE THIS,LET'S CALL IT A NUMBER 2 HIT.

KERRI KENNEY-SILVER.

>> RED-HOT CHILLY POOPERS!

>> Chris: POINTS! THAT'SADORABLE.

>> STINK FLOYD, DARK SIDE OF MYMOON.

[ APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: MARLON WAYANS

>> THE POO-TANG CLAN.

IT IS NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'SHASHTAG WARS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: SUNDAY WAS THE

HIGHEST OF HIGH HOLIDAYS, YES,I'M OF COURSE REFERRING TO THE

4/20.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: IN DENVER, WHERE

CANNABIS IS NOW LEGAL, THEYCELEBRATED WITH A MASSIVE 420

RALLY THAT IF I MAY BE SO BLUNT-- HA, HA -- GAVE NEW MEANING TO

THE PHRASE MILE HIGH CITY.

MUST HAVE BEEN HIGH, MUST HAVEBEEN HIGH.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE WATCHANCHORMAN TEN TIMES FOR THE

POLITICAL SUBTEXT.

HASHTAG MUST HAVE BEEN HIGH ORFOUND OUT I AM THE MAYOR OF

TORONTO, MUST HAVE BEEN HIGH.

60-SECONDS ON THE CLOCK AND GOKERRI KENNEY-SILVER.

>> I THOUGHT MY SON'S SAXOPHONERECITAL WAS TOO SHORT.

>> IF YOU SPEND MORE MONEY ONFROOT LOOPS THAN RENT.

>> I HAVE BEEN WATCHING A HONEYBOOBOO MARATHON.

THAT (BLEEP) IS DEEP.

>> Chris: KERRI.

>> MY MOM'S FORTY MINUTE STORYABOUT HER CAT WAS FASCINATING.

>> THOUGHT AVATOR WAS ADOCUMENTARY.

>> Chris: MARLON.

>> MY FINGERS TASTE LIKECHICKEN.

BUT MY THUMB TASTES (BLEEP).

>> Chris: POINTS.

I WISH WE HAD MORE TIME TO GETTHE DETAILS OF THAT STORY.

POINTS.

IF YOU HAVE HOTPOCKETS FORTHANKSGIVING DINNER.

YOU GOTTA BE TRIPPIN

>> ARCHIVE.ORG IS A NONPROFITDIGITAL LIBRARY WHERE YOU CAN

WATCH VIDEOS FROM REAL LIFEHISTORICAL FOOTAGE OR JUST

INSANELY OUTDATED DRUG PSA'S.

>> WE FOUND ONE FROM 1968 SIMPLYTITLED MARIJUANA. IT TELLS OF

THE DANGERS OF SMOKING POT ANDIS NARRATED FOR SOME REASON BY

SONNY BONO.

>> I WILL SHOW YOU A CLIP FROMTHIS PSA AND I WANT YOU TO TELL

ME HOW YOU THINK IT ENDS.

>> SHE WAS DRIVING A CAR ANDTRIPPED OUT ON A BACK ROAD

NATURE TRIP.

>> Chris: THIS WEED, NOT LSD.

>> YEAH.

>> Chris: WHAT DOES POT MAKETHIS LADY DO.

>> DRIVE OFF A CLIFF OR RUNOVER AN ELDERLY COUPLE? MARLON.

>> RUN OVER AN ELDERLY COUPLE.

>> Chris: NO, NO.

LET'S FIND OUT.

>>WHAT IS SHE DOING? >>THERE IS AN ELDERLY COUPLE AT

THE END OF THE HILL.

YOU JUST HAVEN'T SEEN IT.

WOULDN'T YOU BE SCARED WHEN YOUCRASH.

>> Chris: NO, MAN HE IS SOHIGH ON THIS WONDER WEED THAT

YOU FORGET YOU ARE OPERATINGMACHINERY.

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> AND IF YOU LOOK SHE ISDRIVING WITH HER VAGINA.

>> YOU CAN ONLY DO THAT WHEN YOUARE STONED.

>> Chris: YOU CAN -->> BELIEVE ME I TRIED IT ON THE

101.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

NEXT ONE.

YOU MAY TELL YOURSELF WHAT YOUWANT TO KNOW, IF YOU ARE LUCKY

ENOUGH NOT TO BE ON A BAD TRIP.

> IS THAT RITCHEY FROMHAPPY DAYS?

YES, THAT'S RON HOWARD.

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT HAPPENS TO THIS GUY ON POT? HE GETS PULLED INTO A CLOSET BY

A NEON SKELETON OR A FEMALEVERSION OF HIMSELF SHOOTS HIM.

>> A FEMALE VERSION OF HIMSELFSHOOTS HIM.

>> Chris: OH, MAN.

YOU BETTER BE RIGHT!

[ APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

LADY RITCHEY CUNNINGHAM SHOOTTHIS MOTHER (BLEEP)!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> YES!

>> BAM! BAM!

TAT-SCREWED! TAT-SCREWED!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: KIDS LOVE TATTOOS,

THEY ARE MORE POPULAR THAN EVER,AND IF MY MATH CHECKS OUT, THAT

MEANS THE AMOUNT OF TERRIBLETATTOOS IS AT AN ALL-TIME HIGH.

COMEDIANS, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOUAN INDIVIDUAL WITH A TAT

FEATURED ON THE TUMBLR WORSTTATTOO EVER AND GIVE YOU TWO

OPTIONS GUESS THE RIGHT ONE ANDPOINTS. DOES HER CHEST FEATURE A

JOINT ASHING DOWN HER CLEAVAGEOR SKITTLES POURING DOWN HER

CLEAVAGE.

>> A BAG OF SPITTLES --SKITTLES.

>> IT MAKES MY MOUTH WATER.

SKITTLES GOING DOWN HER BREAST.

MAN, THAT'S TITTY AND CANDY ATTHE SAME TIME. MAKES ME

SALIVATE.

>> THAT IS A GREAT NEW CANDY,TITTLES.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: AND NEXT TIME A LADY

PULLS HER CANS OUT, JUST GO,TASTE THE RAINBOW.

SHE'LL LOVE IT. YOU GOING TO SAYSOMETHING?

>> NO, NO.

>> Chris: LET'S FIND OUT WHATTHE CORRECT ANSWER IS.

SKITTLES!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> DAMN!, DAMN!

>> WHY THE CLEVAGE, ARE THOSELANDING SOMEWHERE?

>> I THINK BECAUSE GOING INTOTHE BUTT HOLE WOULD JUST BE

WEIRD.

>> Chris: BY THE WAY --[ APPLAUSE ]

>> Chris: I DON'T KNOW IF YOUCAN SEE BUT APPROPRIATELY HER

DRESS BASICALLY JUST HAS POTLEAVES ALL OVER IT.

ALL RIGHT.

NEXT ONE.

HOW ABOUT THIS WOMAN, WHAT IS ONHER CHEST? A UFO BEAMING DOWN

ON HER CLEAVAGE OR A THREEPERSON HUMAN CENTIPEDE

>> THREE PERSON CENTIPEDE.>> EATING SKITTLES.

>> LET US ALL STEEL OURSELVESAND FIND OUT TOGETHER.

IT IS IN FACT A --[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> AND THEY ARE EATING SKITTLES.

>> Chris: OH, MY GOSH.

>> THEY ARE ALL CONNECTED BY THEASS.

>> Chris: YES.

BUT WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?

>> NOT THAT!

>> ALL I CAN THINK IS THAT ISSOMEBODY'S DAUGHTER.

>> Chris: WHICH ONE? THE ONEIN THE END?

>> Chris: I AM GOING TO GIVE100 POINTS EVERYONE FOR PLAYING

[ APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: NOW IT IS TIME FOR

GAME MAN, GAME MAN.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>> Chris: THE INTERNET

CONTINUES ITS NOBLE QUEST TOREMEMBER EVERYTHING FROM THE 80S

AND 90S BY CELEBRATING THE25TH ANNIVERSARY OF THE NINTENDO

GAME BOY.

OH, NO! GAME BOY IS 25 TODAY,IN THE OLD DAYS WE DIDN'T HAVE

CELLPHONES ON ROAD TRIPS WE HADTO LOOK AT TWO-TONE GAMES.

WE HAD IT ROUGH.

WE WERE THE PIONEERS.

WE HAD A PUKE GREEN, TWO PIXELHIGH MARIO THAT DIDN'T REALLY

LOOK LIKE MARIO AND THAT'S THEWAY WE LIKED IT! GET OFF MY

CASE! THIS IS HOW PEOPLE, CAVEPEOPLE PLAYED VIDEO GAMES.

NOW THAT THE GAME BOY IS THEGAME MAN, I WANT YOU TO

GIVE ME SOME MORE AGEAPPROPRIATE GAME BOY GAME

TITLES.

60-SECONDS ON THE CLOCK, GO.

>> KERRI KENNEY-SILVER.

>> ZELDA GETS A NEW HIP.

>> THE X MRS. PAC MAN.

>> Chris: YES.

NICK.

>> SUPER MARIO GREATGRANDFATHERS.

>> Chris: I WILL GIVE YOUPOINTS FOR THAT, SURE.

NICK.

>> NBA 401(K).

>> Chris: SO GOOD.

POINTS.

YES.

EXCELLENT.

>> MARIO FILES FOR WORKERS'COMP, YES.

GOOD.

>> Chris: NICK.

>> VERY MORTAL COMBAT.

>> Chris: MARLON.

>> OLD ASS NINJA TURTLES.

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