Joe Morton weighs in on Richard Nixon's racist drug policy, and Larry discusses pro-Donald Trump graffiti at Emory University with Neal Brennan, Mike Yard and Jordan Carlos.
(laughs):Well, thank you very much.
Welcome to The Nightly Show!
-(cheering, whooping continue)-Look at this crowd! Oh, my God!
-(audience chanting "Larry")-Thank you very much.
Please have a seat.Please have a seat.
-(chanting): Larry! Larry...-Such a great crowd.
Yes. Thank you so much.
I am Larry-Larry-Larry-Larry-Larry-Larry.
Thank you very much.
Uh, man, we have a great showfor you tonight.
I'm very excited.Comedian and co-creator
of Chappelle's Show, Neal Brennan, is here tonight.
-(cheering, applause)-Very funny man.
Um... also,someone asked earlier--
we will be givinga Flat Larry update online.
So look for that, okay?
I'm very concerned aboutFlat Larry's whereabouts, okay?
I think there's some bad stuffgoing on out there, so...
Uh, oh, but first, March Madnessis back in full swing, you guys,
which means it's Boner Timeupdate time.
I... I have no ideawhat the fire means at the end.
I'm just tryingto figure that out.
But yep, as the Sweet 16 roundbegins, there are 16 dares
with my name on them. Now, every time
a team wins, that dare advances
all the wayto the championship, right?
And so, now, if Duke,the reigning champ,
if they win again this year,I'll have to host the show
dressed as a Klingon.
-Okay? Right. -(cheering, applause, whooping)
This is, uh... this is really gonna piss off
the Romulans on my staff, I'm just telling you right now.
Blerd joke! Thank you very much.
So thanks for the idea,
Uh, but if Syracuse wins,I'll get to host the show drunk.
-All right? Um...-(cheering, applause)
Although, I have to say,I don't know how that's
any different from any othernight, is all I have to say.
It'll give me an excuseto finish off
my box wine, so...
So come on, Orange Men, let's do it! You can do it!
-(whooping)-So, guys, so check out
all of the Sweet 16 dareson The Nightly Show Web site
and follow along on Twitterwith the hashtag #DareLarry
to see which wayI will embarrass myself
on national television, okay?
Now, I have to tell you,I don't know what kind of dare,
uh, President Obama lost,but, um...
look what he had to dolast night.
All right, Mr. President,not bad.
Kind of looked like she wasin charge, though, you know.
Okay, Republicans, now he's leading from behind.
-(laughter, groans)-Okay? Now I get it. Okay?
But what... is the president,like, on a spring break
world tour or something?
It's, like,baseball game in Cuba,
he's clubbing in Argentina--I mean, what's next,
beer bonging with Merkel in Germany?
He's having... he's having
a good time, you guys.
Okay, moving on to ournext story. Richard Nixon.
Now... (sighs heavily)
I have never known a dead manwho gets himself in more (bleep)
than Richard Nixon, you guys.
I just want to say thatfor the record.
Uh, check out the lateston Tricky McDick.
NEWSWOMAN: Forbes reports on a remark by a former Nixon aide
hinting that the War on Drugs had a hidden purpose--
that President Nixon saw the drug crackdown
as a way to arrest blacks and anti-war protestors.
Ehrlichman also claimed that the White House knew
they were lying about drugs.
-(audience oohing)-Now... I know, I know.
This may sound shockingto a lot of people out there,
but to most black people,this just confirms
what theyalready suspected, okay?
Now, to givehis thoughts on this,
and the black perspective,let's go out to Mike Yard
for an editionof No (bleep) News.
Okay, uh, Mike...
Mike, your thoughtson the Nixon aide's admission
that the War on Drugswas based on lies
and really aboutoppressing black people.
Yeah, no (bleep).
Sounds about right.
Mike Yard with the No (bleep)News, everybody. Thanks, Mike!
That was great.
That was great.
It's my favorite news...
It's where I getall my news, you guys.
That's the shortestnews program ever.
Now, the Nixon aide in questionis the late John Ehrlichman,
who admitted that theWar on Drugs was created in 1971
to silence Nixon'sgreatest opposition groups.
Ehrlichman said-- and I quote...
Now, look, guys,I just got to say,
I have to formally apologizeto any conspiracy brother
who has ever put fortha conspiracy that I dismissed.
-(laughter) -Includingthe moon landing, at this point.
Yeah, which I-I just assumewas produced by Paramount.
You're right, brother,you're right.
Sorry, Buzz, that wassome good acting, okay?
But look, guys, this (bleep)is even worse than I imagined,
and it could explainwhy black people,
despite representing only 12%
of our nation's drug users make up 59%
of Americans currently in prison
for drug-related offenses.
Well, that's before Obama lets all the brothers
out of his prisonon his last day!
Payback's a bitch!
Sorry. I had a black attack.I apologize.
But seriously, I mean, no, guys,
if the man was able to pull offsuch an elaborate conspiracy
just to keep the brother down,then that must mean...
O.J. really didn't do it.
No, seriously, though,
the Nixon White Housesickens me, okay?
I mean, I just findthis behavior just so...
The word you're seekingis "detestable."
-(cheering, applause)-WILMORE: Exactly. Hey!
It's Joe Morton, everybody!
Oh, my God!
(cheering, applause continue)
How's it going, Joe?
He plays, uh,
Rowan Pope on Scandal, of course.
Now, no one understandsdetestable government acts
better than Papa Pope, right?
Okay, okay, so, what wouldhe say about this situation?
Well, he would addressthe people
who needed proofthat the War on Drugs
was a waron black people directly.
Uh... may I?
Oh, oh, yes, by all means.
-You know...-Well... thank you, Larry.
Now, I'd like to address...America.
You ignored what happened,
and you're ignoringwhat's happening.
This, dear sweet America,
is what happened.
Nixon chose to keep black folksunder control
by arresting their leaders,raiding their homes,
and vilifying themnight after night
on the evening news.
But you choseto watch reality TV,
eat fast food,
screw your spouses, or yourbattery-operated products...
-(laughter) -and only thinkabout the freedoms
that your fellow Americansdid not have
when it was convenient for you.
-(woman whoops)-AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Yeah! Yeah!
If I were you, America,
I would be afraid...
You are on the brinkof giving your country away
to a man whose only interestsare money and TV ratings.
Trump. He, like Nixon, promisesto "make America great again."
That's codefor profiling Muslims,
raiding their homesand vilifying them
night after nighton the evening news.
Trump will gut you
and leave you bleedingout of your wherevers.
That's the Trump presidencyversus America.
Maya Angelou once said, "Whensomeone shows you who they are,
believe them the first time."
We didn't believe itwhen it was Nixon,
but todayI'm telling you, America,
believe it and stay woke.
The American people need to getrid of this tiny-figured,
hate-geyser vulgarian brat,
come hell or high water.
Because, to be clear,
if Trump gets elected,
it's the American people
who are the helland the high water.
Joe Morton,ladies and gentlemen.
Papa Pope laying it down.We'll be right back.
Oh, man. Man!
-♪ -(cheering, applause)-Welcome back.
Okay, before we go any further,
I have to talk about,uh, this latest example
of intimidation and hate crimeson college campuses.
Now, of course, in the pastwe've seen incidents
at schools likeConnecticut College,
where last yearsomeone wrote "no niggers"
in the bathroomof a campus building.
Um, interestingly, "No Niggers"
was what NBC originallycalled Friends.
I don't know if you...It's just a little-known fact.
Little-known fact.I'm the messenger.
I am the messenger, okay?All right.
Uh... That's horrible.
Okay, so what hate graffitiare they dealing with now?
Well, it all started,uh, over the weekend
when there were a couple of,uh, pro-T... uh, Trump
chalk writings seen throughoutEmory University's campus.
And on Monday a handfulof students, uh, complained
when they saw those.They used terms, like,
that they were traumatizedand that they felt
this was a violent actionagainst them.
Just by seeing his namein chalk?
That's noth... How do you thinkI feel living in New York?
I got to see that (bleep)in gold every day.
That's a hate crime.
REPORTER: The school's president, now vowing
to hunt down whomever wrote, uh, "Trump 2016"
on a sidewalk in chalk.
Uh, the student government is now releasing some funds
and the school is now offering emergency counseling.
How was counseling, honey?
I don't know, my therapistjust laughed at me.
I don't know what happened.
Look, guys, I agree that a lotof what Donald Trump says
is hateful, but not his name.
I mean, he's not Voldemort.
All right. You guyswere genuinely afraid for me.
Okay, now, here nowto discuss this story
are two students currentlyenrolled at Emory University,
Justice Davenportand Piper Lydon.
Okay, you guys,I want to ask you...
I'm just gonnacut right to the chase.
Don't you thinkthis whole thing, come on,
is a bit of an overreaction?
No! I'm scared.
I had no idea that I wentto school with-with people
who had differentopinions than me.
It is terrifying.
-Yeah, look, I'm personallyopen-minded. -Yeah.
I'll hear any ideaon the political spectrum
from liberal all the wayto progressive.
Um... Okay, look,
I understandnot liking Donald Trump.
-Oh! Oh!-Aah! Aah!
-Trigger word! Trigger word!-Hate speech! Hate speech!
-Trigger word. Oh!-Aah!
Guys, calm down,guys, guys, guys!
Wh-What the hell just happened?
You just used our trigger word.
Yeah, you have to warn peoplebefore saying upsetting things
like "the T-word".
Hold on, let me getmy grief counselor on FaceTime.
-Yes, do that, do that.-Wait, stop, hold it.
Don't FaceTime anybody.Listen to me, guys.
See, this is what I mean.This feels like an overreaction.
I mean, I understand like...not liking Don...
(both shrieking, whimpering)
All right-- DT.
Okay, but why iswriting his name in chalk
tantamount to an assault?
-It was written in all caps.-Yeah.
That's like screamingon the Internet.
We can't be virtuallyscreamed at, Larry.
Yeah. And the chalkwas white, Larry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-I mean, a little obvious.-It was white, yeah.
Guys, trust me, you'reblowing this whole thing
out of proportion. You needto stop being so sensitive.
-How dare you? This was supposedto be a safe space. -No, look...
-Help! Help! -Okay...-Yeah, you-you're attacking us
-you far right-wing radical.-I didn't attack...
Wait, hold on, I'm nota far right-wing radical.
I just don't know where you guysget all the time to do this.
Especially with it being Marchand mid-terms coming u...
Oh, wait a second.
Why do these things alwayshappen around mid-terms?
Yeah. Well, one thingwe can all agree on
is that due to this trauma,
we won't be able to takeour mid-terms. Yeah. -No.
I don't thinkwe're agreeing to that.
I don't think we're agreeing.
Sorry, Larry, got to goto another protest.
Somebody saw the word "slave"in a history book.
-It's a history book!-Stop oppressing us!
-Break the chains! -All right,two Emory students, everybody.
-Stop it. -We'll be right back.-Break off.
That... I don't agree--it's a history book.
-♪ -(cheering, applause)
All right, welcome back.I'm here with my panel.
First up, Nightly Show contributor Mike Yard.
And Nightly Show contributorJordan Carlos.
And he's a writer and director
and you can see himin his new show, 3 Mics
at the Lynn Redgrave Theaterright here in New York City,
comedian Neal Brennan.
And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now
on Twitter-- @NightlyShow,using the hashtag #Tonightly.
Okay, so, we mentioned thisearlier in the show.
Uh, that the group of studentsat Emory University
said they werefrightened for their lives
after someone wrote "Trump 2016"
in chalk on the sidewalk.
One student askedif Emory would send out
a university-wide e-mailto deny supporting Trump.
-The university said no.-Mm-hmm.
And then a protest took placewith students chanting,
"You are not listening, comespeak to us, we are in pain."
Do they know what "pain" means?
Um... is this a real problem
or an overreaction?I'm not too sure.
Uh, I-I think you are sure.Um...
(Yard and Carlos laughing)
-I'm on the fence on this one.-No, I don't... Uh...
Here's what I think--I... You know how black people,
you guys have beenlooking for a racial epithet
-for white people?-Mm-hmm. -Yes, yes.
That's as powerfulas the N-word?
CARLOS:Go on. Continue.
Trump.I think we have it.
YARD: Scaring the hellout of white people.
-WILMORE: Interesting. -Yeah.-That does... Yeah.
-That stirs up a lotof emotions, apparently. -I-I...
People are like, "I feel unsafe,I need my inhaler,
I need someoneto wrap a blanket around me."
-WILMORE: Right. -Here's myproblem: the thing was written
in chalk. If you'rethat offended, just do this.
-Yeah.-That is true, that is true.
You could also...you could also write
(bleep) above itor "sucks" below it.
-Exactly. -I like that.-I mean, either way.
That's nice.What happened to creativity?
I don't know whatthey're teaching at Emory.
Pour your la...pour your latte on it.
-That'll get rid of it. -That'sfunny-- write "sucks" below it.
-That's a waste of a latte.-Why do you think
people think it's hate speech?Why do... Why is that term used?
Have you seenDonald Trump's rallies?
Yeah, but-but his name, just...
I mean,he is running for president.
Yeah, I don't knowwhat their case is.
-It's just the n...-Yes, you do, Neal. Come on.
The-the... So they just...It's just offens...
The idea of him is offensiveor...
Like, what do they dowhen it's on the news?
-Like, when...-I think... -I don't...
When it's, like, graphic,do they just, like, "Ah."
-Just do like that. -I mean,I get it. He's a hateful dude.
But, I mean, reading his name?
Like, really, dude? You knowwhat I mean? Like, come on, man.
-I wish I could call my dadwhen I was younger, -Yeah.
when I was in college, andbe like, "They wrote something
on the wall. I can't handle it."
My dad would drive tothat school, come to my class,
-and slap the (bleep) out of me,and then go home. -No, I...
-I agree! I agree. -Yeah.-That's what he would do.
It's a poor reaction. I do findit kind of funny though that...
Okay, college kids, you know,we-we don't take them seriously
'cause they drink too muchand they just...
they want... they want to puttheir noodle in everything.
-You know? But-but we holdthem... -(laughs)
Yeah. Yeah.But we hold them accountable.
-I have some... I have somethingto say! -Is that... is that...
You said "their noodle" though.That's what you just said.
If it's a noodle, you'reprobably not doing it right.
-Exactly. It's not gonna work.-Yeah. -Yeah.
You got to boil it.But-but I'm just saying...
-So it's al dente. But-but-Probably shouldn't boil it.
-I'm just saying this.But we hold... -This went to
the 19th centuryall of a sudden.
But we hold them...we hold them accountable
for their political views.You know?
-Mm... -Everything else...Yeah, that's true.
-We hold them accountable?-Yes, we do. I mean,
that's what we're doing.We're like, "Get it together,
college kids."They can barely... I mean,
th-they barely...They wouldn't be anywhere
without their parents,you know what I'm saying?
-Like, they... -That'swho I blame. -Your paragraph
-made no sense at all from whereyou started. -I know. -Yeah.
-Are there... are there...-You started with "noodle"
-and ended with their parents.-But are there any college...
I mean, I don't know. I'mjust... I'm just saying this.
-Like, I-I feel like... -You'resaying we're too hard on them.
-I say... Yes! Yes, you're waytoo hard on them. -Is there...
I blame the parents for that.Yes. I blame the parents.
Yes, this is what happenswhen you grow up in a society
where they give outparticipation trophies
and (bleep). Okay?That's what happens, okay?
"There are no winners.There are no losers."
Yes, there's a winner.The guy that blew past you
and crossed the finish linefirst, he won.
-Well, then blame...-You lost. So slow.
-So is this an entitlement issuefor you? -Of course it is.
-Of course it is.-Without a doubt. -Uh-huh.
Ain't no kids in the hood mad'cause somebody wrote
-I wish he would come-comeinto my barbershop. -Listen...
-(whimpering) -All-allI'm saying is, by the time
they graduate, they'll probablybe... I mean, th-these kids
are so young.They'll get it right. I mean,
like, I-I used to drinkNatty Ice in college.
-I don't do that (bleep)anymore. -Yeah.
You know? Now I drink PBR,like a real man, you know?
Where do... uh, where do youthink this energy's coming from
on college campusesthat want to clamp down speech?
I don't... I-I mean,
obviously, it's, like, thetrigger warning sort of thing.
I think it's just from... I-Ithink there is a genuine thing
when people say, like,politically correct speech,
it's basicallyjust giving respect to people
-that haven't gotten respectin the past. -Right, right.
But I think nowthere's an overcorrection
to the point where I hearda story of kids getting upset
that there was "Trump"written in chalk on the street.
-Did you see this story?-It's ridiculous.
It's so bad, Larry. I did a showat a col... UNC Wilmington.
-And I cursed onstage.-Shout it out. -Uh-huh.
And everybo...(gasps) That's what...
-That's the response. (gasps)-Yeah.
And I was like,"What... what the (bleep)?"
And the nun who booked you said,
"Uh, this isa Christian school."
-I wish it wasa Catholic school! -Yeah.
I got... I got bannedfrom a school because I asked...
I did a show during BlackHistory Month, and I asked...
The-the... I found outthat the president
-of the Black Student Unionwas a white girl. -Uh-huh.
-Right? True story.I'm not making this up. -Right.
-She was a white girl. Andso onstage, I... -That sounds
-like hate speech already.-You know what I'm saying?
But there was black peoplein the audience, so I asked
the black people,"So none of y'all...
"could've took this job?
-None-none of y'all?"-And you're doing stand-up.
-You're doing a comedy show.-And I'm doing... Yeah.
And so... and so what happenedwas they said...
they wrote a letter to my agentsaying that I was banned from
-the school. Yes, they bannedme. -No. You were banned?!
They banned me because they saidI didn't promote racial harmony.
Well, how did you say it? Didyou say, "How come you (bleep)
-aren't president?"Did you say it like that? -No.
No! I just... I looked aroundthe room and I was like,
"But there's black peoplein here."
And I was like, "So none of...not one of y'all..."
Mike, you did not createa safe space in that college.
-I guess not. -And it wasn't...It was a white woman in charge
-and it was not... -In chargeof the Black Student Union.
-not Rachel Dolezal. -Dolezal.-Yes. No, it was not...
-This was pre-Rachel Dolezal.-She was not incog-Negro
-is what you were saying.-And she... and she...
And here's the thing, she wasn'teven trying to blend in.
-No. She didn't have-She didn't have, like,
-curly hair. She had long,-curly hair? Nothing?
-blonde hair. -She didn't do,like... She didn't do
-the-the wrap? Nothing? -She hadblue eyes. Her name was Hannah.
-Right?-Ugh. -You just put...
She didn't even change itto Shakiva or something.
-I think... I-I think-I mean, come on.
that all makes a lot of sense.
All right, we'll be right backright after this.
YARD: If you live in New York City or are planning to visit,
grab tickets to The Nightly Show.
Thanks to my panel, Mike Yard,Jordan Carlos, and Neal Brennan.
A special thanks to Joe Mortonfor being here tonight.
Yeah. We're almost out of time.
Before we go, I'm gonnakeep it 100 for you guys.
Tonight's questionis from an audience member.
-Let's take a look.-Hey, Larry. Keep it 100.
If you could haveany useless superpower,
what would you pick?For example,
I would want to toast breadjust by looking at it.
I would wantto make unicorns fake.
How did you get in there?
Uh, a useless superpower.
Oh. Is thata Keep It 100 question?
Let's see, uh...Um, I would be Laundry Man.
Yeah. Then I could just lookat my laundry and it's done.
-How 'bout that?-That's good. -There you go.
I would look at it. Look at it.
Thanks for watching.Don't forget to ask me
your Keep It 100 questionson Twitter!
Challenge me, you guys!Challenge me!
Good Nightly, everyone!Happy Easter!
-Happy Easter, everybody!-(cheering and applause)