Wednesday, October 26, 2016

  • 10/26/2016

Lauren Ash, Nico Santos and Colton Dunn of "Superstore" list meme-related lawsuits, try out awkward pickup lines and make up #NicerRap.

An Australian teenagerhas filed a lawsuit

against several publicationsthanks to this image.

The lawsuit claims that eversince this photo's publication,

the plaintiff has beenrelentlessly memed

becauseof his luxuriant haircut.

That's all businessin the front, party in the back,

Staten Island garbage manon top,

and medieval monk with leukemiaon the sides.

-(cheers and applause)-Uh...

♪ Leukemia monk.

The lawsuit specificallymentions this image,

of someone tryingto pin the mullet on the donkey.

(laughter)

(cheers and applause)

But I have to say,this one's my favorite.

This is where he looks like...

(laughter, applause)

This...

This looks like he's about to DJa dubstep rave at the Alamo.

(laughter)

But one of the defendantsfired back, quote,

"By reasonof his mullet hairstyle,

the plaintiff has justifiablyexposed himself to ridicule,"

and, quote, "The plaintiffis a ridiculous person."

-(laughter)-Uh... either way...

Sustained.

I'll allow it.

Either way, this landmark casecould open the floodgates

for other memes to sue,so, comedians, what's another

Internet celebritywho might seek legal recourse,

and what are they suing for?Nico.

That cop is suing for what thosetwo awful girls did to him.

-Yeah, all right, points.-(laughter, applause)

Yeah. Colton.

The "Chocolate Rain" guy issuing the Weather Channel

for classifying "Chocolate Rain"as climate change.

-HARDWICK: All right, points.Points. -(laughter, applause)

-Lauren. -Grumpy Cat is gonnasue for defamation,

because that cat is not grumpy.

She's just gotresting bitch face.

HARDWICK:Yeah. Points.

-(applause and cheering)-Points. She really does.

She really does.

-This is human Snapchat filter,Steven Stingray Ray. -Oh!

Stingray has a Twitter accountwith over 23,000 followers.

What does he give advice on?

A: Mustache grooming?

B: Mustache growing?

C: Picking up women,AKA mustache riding?

(laughter and groaning)

-(applause)-Aah.

Anyone got any guesses?Nico.

I want to say mustache growing.

Mustache growing?

You will be pleasantly surprised

to find out the correct answeris actually "C."

(laughter, groaning)

I thought I would lightenthe mood a little bit

-and give you my pickup linenumber four... -ASH: Oh.

...so that you guys can continueon and have a great Monday,

uh, from the pickup line thatI'm about to throw at you.

Hey, baby, is there a mirrorin your pants?

'Cause I can suresee myself in 'em.

Baby, please let me bethat mirror!

-See ya. -(laughter, groaning)-HARDWICK: See ya.

-See ya.-HARDWICK: See ya.

-(applause and cheering)-Uh...

Wait a minute.

You mean there are three other pickup lines of such quality?

So, basically Channing Taterhere sets up the...

(laughter)

...sets up the pickup line,

prepares you to hearsaid pickup line,

says it, overexplains itand then peaces out.

Uh, pickup line coming.

Heaven must be missing an angel

'cause I sure would liketo (bleep) you. So long.

(laughter and applause)

Uh...

But, but I wantto say something.

I'm not gonna bust on this guy

for being brave enoughto talk to women,

or at least being brave enough

to talk to his cell phonein a parking lot.

In fact, I'm actuallya little jealous.

I didn't have any kind of gameat all.

Uh, comedians, what are someother pickup lines

you might hear from Stingray?

Colton.

Somebody better issuean AMBER Alert,

'cause I'm gonna kidnap you.

(laughter)

(cheers and applause)

See ya!

In my basement!

(cheers and applause)

Lauren.

Ladies, make no mistake,this is not a sunburn.

My cheeks are red because I eat(bleep) all month long.

HARDWICK:All right, points.

-Straight through, straightthrough. -(cheers and applause)

-HARDWICK: Drop it, yeah.-Drop the mic.

(applause)

ASH:Buh-bye.

-It gets in there, you know?-Oh, okay.

And now it's, now it's timefor tonight's #HashtagWars.

(cheering and applause)

Reddit is being whipped upinto a frenzy today

over this anti-police,anti-profanity graffiti

that was spotted in Canada:

Darn the police.

Darn them.

Darn the police.

(applause)

Well... you want to know what,Canada?

I'm getting really gosh dangsick of you honkin' around

with popular rap lyrics

from my home country, gadnabbit.

So why don't you stick yerkeisters in a tub a' poutine,

and lick a loonie,you maple-swilling,

universal healthcare-havin'leaf-huggin', soda-pop headed,

back-bacon kerfuffle hosers!

(cheers and applause)

This got me thinking about morecordial ways to be hard, hard,

which is why tonight's hashtagis #NicerRap.

Examples might be,Notorious H-U-G.

Or (bleep) the police, then fallasleep in each other's arms.

-Uh...-(laughter)

I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock, and begin.

Nico.

Uh, Dr. Dre Medicine Woman.

HARDWICK:Points.

Colton.

Kanye's sweater vest.

HARDWICK:Points.

Lauren.

♪ My neck, my back

I'm really looking forwardto this massage.

HARDWICK:All right, points.

Nico.

Mundane clown posse.

HARDWICK:All right, points.

Lauren.

I've got Ho Hosin different area codes.

HARDWICK:All right, points.

Colton.

Nice cube.

HARDWICK:Nice. Very good.

Lauren.

Lil Wayne Newton.

HARDWICK:All right, points.

-I'm picturing it, I love it.Colton. -ASH: It's cute.

I've got 99 problemsand they're all manageable.