May 24, 2016 - Esperanza Spalding

  • 05/24/2016

Bill Cosby is ordered to stand trial for sexual assault, and Larry examines the Washington Redskins' controversial name with Esperanza Spalding, Mike Yard and Robin Thede.

Man. Wow. Thank you very much.

Welcome to The Nightly Show!

Man, what a great crowd here!

Please. Thank you.

I appreciate that. I know.

-MAN: Larry!-Thank you. Yeah.

It started with "Larry. Larry!"

I am Larry Wilmore. Uh...

Man, such a great crowd tonight.

I'm so excitedabout tonight's show.

Before we get started though,um,

I would like to take a moment

to say a little somethingabout, um, beards.

REPORTER: Andrew Jones never made anything less than an "A"

his entire four years at Amite High School.

Jones and a group of students were told they had to shave

before they could march across the stage.

Jones shaved the sides but chose not to shave the goatee,

and he wasn't allowed to participate

in his own graduation.

Let me just say, you know,that's the same reason

why Chuck Todd couldn't walkat his kindergarten graduation.

Um...

Little-known fact.

The more you know.

Uh, and Andrew Jones wasn't justa straight-A student--

he was the valedictorian.

-Okay, here's my question.-(groaning)

Yes, I know. Guys,

why are educators cracking downon beards?

Some of the greatest menin history wore beards.

What if they were forcedto shave?

Hey, Einstein, that lawof relativity looks interesting,

but you can't publish ituntil you give Steve Harvey

his mustache back.

Right?

Or, hey, hey, hey, Jesus,

walking on water's cool, man,

but I'm not impressed until youget rid of that Galifianakis.

All right?You know what I'm s...

And, Colonel Sanders, yeah,

your recipe might befinger-lickin' good,

but... (chuckles)you won't fry another piece

of chicken in Kentuckyuntil you l... (laughing)

(laughter)

Hold up! I got it! I got this!

I got this. I got this.

But you won't fry another pieceof chicken in Kentucky

until you loseBetty White's landing strip.

Don't put that picture up!Don't put that picture up!

Don't put it up. It's a joke!

It's a joke!

Okay.

All right, so we hereat The Nightly Show

applaud Andrew Jones for holdingon to his convictions,

keeping it 100. Now,Andrew probably kept the beard

because, um, it allows himto buy beers for his friends.

Um... I get it, man.Fight the power.

And Andrew also seeminglyoverlooked the obvious fact

that beards grow backin about four days.

But, seriously, man,we salute Andrew for standing up

for his principles by notbowing down to his principal.

So, Andrew, you also learneda valuable lesson:

that your decisionshave consequences.

So in The Nightly Show's eyes,

you've graduated, man.

-(cheering and applause)-Move that tassel over.

Boom. Boom.

Congratulations.

Yeah!

(chuckles)

Oh, man. Okay.

Oh, guys, I almost forgot.

Uh, it's time for theI Haven't Forgotten about You,

Mother(bleep)er Update.

I almost... I know.I can't, uh...

(sighs)That's right!

I still haven't...Well, you get it.

It's the name of the segment.Um...

And today was a big day for us

in the "not forgetting aboutmother(bleep)ers" community.

Bill Cosby will stand trialfor sexual assault

in Pennsylvania, as today's preliminary hearing wraps up

in the single criminal case lodged against Cosby

amid dozens of accusations of sexual assault and rape.

Yep! Fat, Perverted Albert'sgoing to court, you guys.

Man, this is gonna bethe most watched trial

of a once-belovedblack celebrity since...

Yeah, I can't really thinkof one.

Coming up blank.Wait, you know what,

whenever, uh... whenever I drawa blank like this,

I pour myself...

(cheering and applause)

I pour myself a glass of O.J.,

just to help me to remember,okay?

Okay. Who's anotheronce-beloved... (laughs)

black celebrity to fallin disgrace like this? Mmm.

Mmm. Nope. O.J. didn't do it.

I don't know. Mm-mm. There.

I don't know. Mm.

(chuckles)

So sad. Some people were like,"That's right, Larry.

He didn't do it."No. I was talking about the...

Okay, so what was this hearingabout?

REPORTER: Prosecutors claim the 2004 encounter between Cosby

and then-Temple University employee Andrea Constand

was criminal sexual assault.

Okay, now, look, we talk a lotabout the failings

of the criminal justice systemhere, but, honestly,

Bill Cosby going to trial?That's a huge victory.

There are so many womenwho have come forward

whose voiceswere never listened to.

And if he gets to experienceeven a small fraction

of the humiliation these womendid, I will be happy.

I knowit's a little Schadenfreude,

but I will be happy.I will also be happy hearing

the court reporter attempting toread back some Cosby statements.

(mimicking Cosby sounds)

"Okay, the defense rests.

We're doing great."

And, by the way, guys,

he's once again pulling outthe old Mr. Magoo defense.

REPORTER: We see he's making his way there

through the-the security, the metal detector.

-He looked like he had a bit of a... bit of an issue -Yeah.

going through there.

You got to be (bleep) me.That (bleep) can see, man.

Come on. He can see! He can see!

Trust me on this! Trust me.

Show that again, Dre!Show it again.

Show it again. Look, watch,he's gonna pull back

right before he hits it. Watch.

(stammers)See?

Even Stevie Wonder pretendshe's blind better than that,

-you guys.-(groaning)

Oh, you think he's blind?Okay. All right.

I know Stevie Wonder's blind,okay?

Well, if we can't lock up Cosbybehind bars,

at least we got himto walk into one. Fine.

But, believe it or not, thereare still people out there

who thinkCosby might be innocent.

All right. So how's that gonnago after today?

REPORTER: A 2005 deposition from the Constand case

reveals a cavalier Cosby.

When asked a graphic question

about a sexual encounter with another woman,

a young model, and the manner in which she pleased him,

the comedian answered, "Bingo."

Great. Now that asshole'sruined bingo for me.

If you're gonna bring upa board game,

why not Monopoly and just go directly to jail?

How 'bout that?

(sighs) All right. What elsefrom Leonard Part Sick?

Bill Cosby admitted to quitea bit in 2005 and 2006

during depositionsfor his civil trial.

Uh, he described giving quaaludes and alcohol

to numerous women before having sex with them.

And on the night in question in this case, he said...

REPORTER (reading):

-(audience groaning)-WOMAN: What?!

(sighs heavily)

You know what I call the area

between permissionand rejection? Rape.

-(laughter and groaning)-All right?

And, Cosby,if you're really so cavalier

about the womenwhose dignity you robbed,

then you should be somewhere

between a maximum securityprison and hell.

Bingo, mother (bleep).We'll be right back.

-(cheers and applause)-Thank you. Welcome back.

Now,a Washington Post poll says

that 90% of Native Americansare not offended

by the name of Washington'sNFL Team, the Redskins.

But on the other hand,

many non-Native Americansare offended

and callfor the removal of the name.

So, we need to debate this,and since we're on cable,

the only way is to have peopletake polar-opposite positions

and argue over each other.

So without further ado,here's another installment

of Pardon the Integration.

-Grandmother? Where you? Racial?-The black guy, the white guy.

My people had nothing to dowith that!

-Yeah, always when you think.Always. -(bell dings)

All right, please welcome Nightly Show contributors

Mike Yardand Rory Albanese, everybody.

-(cheers and applause)-Great. Welcome to our debate.

Okay, guys, tonight's topic--

is the Washington Redskinsteam name offensive?

Mike will takethe anti-Redskins side,

and Rory will behorrible, pro-racist slurs.

-Ready?-Hell, yeah.

I don't wantto be pro-horrible anything.

And... begin!

Look, the term "Redskins"is absolutely offensive.

Someone calls me a "blackskin,"that person's in the hospital.

All right, Mike.Sure, Mike,

The "R" word is offensiveto you, okay?

But if Native Americansdon't feel that way,

it doesn't matter!

They're not even protesting.

That's 'cause the white peoplekilled them all!

-(laughter and groaning)-Ooh.

Look, "Redskins" is a relicof our shameful past,

and it should be...

We should remove it,like the words "Negro,"

"oriental," and "Bill Cosby."

-(laughter and groaning)-All right, all right.

It's a word, Mike.

Okay, look, Native American fansof the team suffer enough!

They have to watch the Redskinsplay football! Come on!

When the Redskinstake the field,

that's the realtrail of tears, man.

-You know what I'm talkingabout. -(audience groaning)

Those are the facts, people.

Those are the football facts.

It's a terrible franchise.

Rory, as a Giants fan,I appreciate the diss.

-Right. Go, Big Blue.-(laughter)

But you are gettingyour blindside worked, Rory,

if you don't thinkthe NFL needs to take action!

Really, Mike? You think the NFLis gonna do the right thing?

'Cause you know what?

I think they're too busypretending to give a (bleep)

about domestic abuse to "wowwy"about "name-cawwing," all right?

Look, the team should dothe right thing!

St. John's usedto be the Redmen.

Now they're the Red Storm.

Syracuse to be the Orangemen,and now they're just the Orange.

Orangemen?That's not even an insult!

Who's gonna be mad about thatbesides Trump? Come on!

-(bell dings)-Okay, gentlemen.

-(applause and cheering)-Very good.

That noise meansit's time to switch sides

and arguethe opposite perspective,

because, remember, this isa mindless, cable argument.

-Nah, I'm not doing this.-What?

-What? -Every time we switchsides, you do me dirty.

-Mike. -Mike, Mike, I know.Every time we screw you over.

It's not gonna happen, man.Come on, this...

-Come on, Mike. It's all good.-You can trust us, man.

-Get over there!-Switch sides, Mike.

-I love you!-All right, fine. Fine!

-(laughter)-There you go.

All right, great. Perfect.

Now, Rory will beagainst the name "Redskins,"

and Mike will add to centuriesof pain and suffering

of these beautifulindigenous people.

-(laughter) -Sounds...That sounds great. -Jesus!

-Perfect.-And... begin!

-Fine, because I have to.-Mm-hmm.

Let me say we needto stop putting our own feelings

on another culture.

If they don't think it's a slur,

then maybewe should just drop it!

Wow. Ladies and gentlemen,meet Mike Yard--

professional hatemonger!There he is!

-(laughter) -What the...?-Whoa!

You just prop...

How can you be for such a terrible word?

Let me ask you this, Yard.

When you go shoppingat Bed Bath & Beyond,

do you ever like, "Hmm, you knowwhat these blankets need?

More smallpox!"? Come on!

-Well, are you insane?!-(laughter and groaning)

Of course not! Look, I'm saying,

instead of focusingon a team name,

maybe we should do moreto help these people

who have been treatedso horribly

ever since the European settlerscame to America!

-Here we go. -That's why theyhave to deal with so many

problems such as drug addiction,poverty, alcoholism.

-(applause) -Oh, really, Mike?Oh. oh, yeah.

Going for the claps.I get it, buddy.

So now you're saying all NativeAmericans are alcoholics? Wow.

-What the (bleep)!-(laughter)

You know what, Mike

I-don't-know-your-middle-nameYard?

I don't know where you get theseoutdated racist stereotypes.

-I really don't know. -Yeah,Mike, what the (bleep), man?!

-(laughter)-Thank you, Larry. Thank you.

Why you gotto bring up alcohol?

-I agree. -I only brought it upas an example of the struggle!

-Aah! Ooh!-Sounds like you're struggling

with your own racism, buddy.I don't know.

-Yeah, I agree. -What? No...-(laughter and groaning)

-Look, look, I am not the racistone here, okay? -Looks like it.

-I...-All I'm saying is,

if we removeNative American team names,

-all with we'll have is teamsnamed after white people. -Aah.

-Like the Vikings and the Irish.-Oh, so now you hate the Irish?

-Oh! -Good to know. Good toknow. -(bell dings, laughter)

-Okay. And the winneris Rory... -Yeah!

...because Mike hatesNative Americans and the Irish.

All right, Larry, don't forgetabout the Vikings.

-He hates them.-Oh, that's right, the Vikings.

-Yup. -Thanks, Rory.-What the (bleep), Rory?!

-You just promised. -Oh, I know,but you know, I'm a white dude,

and we're talkingabout racial stuff.

I'm always gonna lie. That'skind of my thing, you know.

-(audience groaning)-Whoa. -You know what?

-Look it up, people. It's in thebook. -(bleep) all of y'all.

-Okay. -That's fair.That's a fair point.

This has been anotherpointless episode

of Pardon the Integration.

Mike Yard and Rory Albanese,everybody! We'll be right back.

-I quit. I quit. I quit.-(cheers and applause)

Welcome back.I'm here with my panel.

First up, Nightly Show contributor Mike Yard.

(applause and cheering)

And Nightly Show contributorRobin Thede.

(applause and cheering)

And her new album Emily's D+ Evolution is out now--

Grammy award-winning musicianEsperanza Spalding.

-(cheers and applause)-Yeah!

And for everyone at home,join our conversation right now

on Twitter @NightlyShowusing the hashtag #Tonightly.

-YARD: Ooh...-I know, I know.

A new Washington Post pollsays that

nine out of ten Native Americansdo not have a problem

with the name Redskins,so we talked about this earlier.

Uh, so my question is, if mostNative Americans ain't mad,

why should we be mad?

If you read the specifics,they polled, uh,

-500 Native Americans...Native Americans, -YARD: Yeah.

-but only 44% of them claimed-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

that they were enrolledin a tribe,

-Mm-hmm.-so 56% of them were just like,

"I think I got Indianin my family," like...

-SPALDING: Right, right, right.-That's who they called,

a bunch of... a bunchof black chicks from Brooklyn.

-I got... Look at my baby hair.-Yeah, look at my hair.

-Look at my baby hair, though.-Look at my hair...

WILMORE (laughing):My baby hair!

THEDE:You see this? You see this?

It's Cher... Cher-uh-kee.

I'm gonna tell you something,if that... if that poll

is really true, I am very upset,because I've spent a lot of time

-yelling at my car radio.-WILMORE: Really?

When they talkabout this Redskin thing,

I'm, like, pissed off, like,"Change the (bleep) name!"

-That's right, that's right.-And then they don't care?

I wasted my yelling?

SPALDING: Yeah. Your precious...your precious, precious yelling.

-You only get so much.-Right, right.

WILMORE: Who gets to determinewhen a word is okay?

Is it just the group, or shouldthe society determine together?

-I mean, 'cause... -I guessyou can find out the hard way.

-Yeah. That's true. -You couldtry it to somebody's face,

and if you get slapped,then it's not good.

-WILMORE: Then you know.-THEDE: That's a good test.

-Then you know.-The slap test. I like that.

I'm gonna say...I'm gonna say this.

I don't know.Um, I would say the group.

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.-But as far as the N-word, uh,

yeah, white people, we controlwhat happens with that.

-Right. -Don't touch it.Leave it alone. Leave it alone.

-SPALDING: Yes. Tell 'em.-Not even in a rap song.

-WILMORE: Yeah. Yeah.-SPALDING: No. No.

Are you one of those, like,don't sing along on the radio?

No. When that N-word come on,just go ♪ Mm, mm, mm...

(laughter)

-Whenever you knowit's coming up, -That's right.

-you go ♪ Ah... -♪ Ah...

You're sayingdon't even think it, right?

Don't even think it!Don't even...

Start thinking about yogurtor some other (bleep).

-THEDE: Yogurt?! -Whatever.Whatever makes you happy.

Are you trying to think of thewhitest thing you can think of?

Yeah, the whitest thing!

Uh, if it had beenanother ethnic group,

do you thinkit would have changed sooner?

Do you think they would havechanged that name, you know?

-Yeah. -I mean, you did thejoke, the Washington Blackskins.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, look, if...let me tell you something.

Of course it would have.

There's, like,12 Native Americans left.

That's why they...it took so long.

WILMORE:Well, that's an exaggeration.

No, I mean,it's an exaggeration,

but there'snot many of them left.

-There's not equivalent.-Exactly.

There's not equivalentof the term that's like...

offensive enoughthat somebody would care,

-WILMORE: Mm-hmm.-but not so offensive

that you couldactually name a team.

-Yeah. -Right.-Like what?

What other ethnic groupis there a word like that?

Yeah.Where it's still offensive?

-Yeah, that is a good question.-But, like, you can somehow

be like, "We're the Red..."I-I can't...

YARD: We're the CaliforniaDay Laborers!

-You know... Yeah, you can't...-(laughter)

it doesn't really...

WILMORE: You can't bethe San Diego Sambos.

-(audience groans)-Exactly. -No.

What? I said you can't.I didn't say you can.

Well, and that's a good point.Like, they're not gonna make...

uh, there's never been, like,a professional sports team that

was named after a derogatoryterm for black people,

because black peopleare 90% of sports teams.

-SPALDING: Whoa...!-Like, they're not gonna have...

they're not gonna playfor the Denver Darkies.

-Not when they started.-Or the San Francisco Sambos.

-I like how...-You know, like, in modern term,

-in modern terms. -I know.-I like how they "ooh."

What, do y'alljust watch hockey?

-(laughter)-Black people run every sport.

Yeah, black people...black people run every sport.

Well, remember the Clippershad all that stuff, because...

because the owner wascaught saying some (bleep).

It wasn't evenabout the name of the team.

THEDE:But was he wrong, though?

-What?!-I'm just kidding.

-(laughter) -Just wanted to seeif you guys were listening.

Here comes the hate tweets.

It was a joke!

This upset me, though.Okay, so the Thunder--

remember that Steven Adams,he got in trouble

for saying he waschasing around some monkeys?

I don't thinkhe meant any harm by it.

But here's the Phoenix Sunshave this mascot.

Okay, this is their mascot.

-Okay. -(Thede laughing)-(audience groans)

WILMORE:Thank you! Okay.

I got a problem with this.

-Yeah! -Okay. Am I wrongfor having a problem with this?

First of all,what does a gorilla have to do

-with the Suns? -Yes.-(laughter)

-WILMORE: Yes.-Well, depends on who you ask.

-Depends on who you ask.-Why was that...

I don't... I don't like allthe non-verbal communication

going on in that mascot.

-(bleep), what the hell?-That's (bleep) up to me.

It's like, Phoenix,what are you trying to say?

Exactly. The sun turns...

Oh. Right. Right?

-Mm-hmm.-(overlapping)

I don't... I don't like it'cause it's not...

zoologically correct.

When did a gorillawear a T-shirt?

-SPALDING: Right, they don't.They don't. -WILMORE: Mm-hmm.

YARD: And how does a gorillaknow how to dribble?

The gorilla gota hell of a handle?

He got mad hops.He got a trampoline?

What gorilla has a trampoline?That is not realistic.

-It doesn't make sense to me.-No, it doesn't.

I-I do have a problemwith that, though,

'cause it's the blackestprimate they could find.

-SPALDING: Right.-It is literally

the blackest primatethey could find.

I... I-It's...it's offensive. What...

You wouldn't have been offendedif it was, like, a chimpanzee,

is that what you're saying?Or, like, an orangutan

if it had an orange butt?You'd say,

-"Okay, well, it's got an orangebutt." -No, that'd be cute.

No, no, no, I would havea problem with any primate

that's on a team that's notnamed after primates.

I don't think black peopleget upset at orangutans.

-But we... uh, gorillas, yeah.-Yeah, 'cause they're red.

We... we draw the distinctionbetween orangutan and gorilla?

I'm just saying, I've never...But that's not even a slur.

If someone said "Youorangutan!"-- Oh, thank you.

-Thank you very much.-But, look, nobody's ever cursed

a black people out and beenlike, "You (bleep) orangutan".

-But they have called us apes.-Yeah. No, I think they have.

Let me ask you something--do you think black people

are too sensitiveabout monkey terms?

I... This is a real question.

-YARD: No. -Are you sayingbecause monkeys are adorable?

No, 'cause monkeys are adorableand, like, I know people

that call their kids, like,"Oh, they're little monkeys."

-No, that... Okay.-But you know what I mean?

It's-it's alludingto this evolution argument

that used to be used to say thatblack people were inferior

-'cause they were less evolved.-THEDE: That's right.

-Totally agree. -So, whensomebody talks about "monkey",

I think it's roping into that,"Oh, you're less evolved.

I'm the...I'm the improved version

-of you, you're closer..."-WILMORE: Right.

That's why it's offensive.

And I don't know even knowif people understand that...

-They don't.-(applause)

-...that subtle connection.-Uh, they understand it.

-YARD: That's why they do it.-They understand it.

And I think most peopleuse it out of ignorance.

They're not eventhat educated to know that

-that's why they're doing it.-No, they've heard it...

heard it somewhere in the worldand it's... Ugh. Ugh.

-Like that.-How do... I mean... -Go ahead.

How do they come up with theseteam names or mascots anyway?

Like, is there, like,a group that co...

Like, did people sit aroundin Phoenix and go,

-"You know what we need?"-Mm-hmm.

"To really spice things upin this (bleep) stadium?

"A goddamn gorilla.

"Doing flips in the airand dunking.

Like the guys on the team--just dunking."

He had just been to the zoohigh, and he was like...

-Yeah.-WILMORE: It's like...

-Where do they get...-(bleep) a gorilla...

Okay, give me a name of a team

that just gets up to the lineand pulls back.

-Just make one up.-Make one up?

-Yeah.-Um...

uh... uh, I don't know,the Kansas City Coonhawks.

-I don't know.-WILMORE: What... Coonhawks?

-(audience exclaims)-WILMORE: Whoa.

I don't know. Is that a team?You said make one up.

-I just made that up.-I know. You're so racist.

Is that not on the line?Do we get a...

Horrible.

All right, well,I guess we proved Mike Yard

-is racist again. All right.-Like Pardon the Integration.

-Nice. -You set me up,Larry. You set me up.

Okay, we'll be right back,right after this. So racist.

-You set me up.-♪ -(cheering, applause)

ANNOUNCER: If you live in the New York City area

or are planning to visit, grab some free tickets

to attend an upcoming taping of The Nightly Show.

Go to the thenightlyshow.com/tickets.

Thanks to my panelistsMike Yard, Robin Thede

and Esperanza Spalding.Uh, we're almost out of time,

but before we go, I'm gonnakeep it 100, all right?

Tonight's question is from anaudience member named Samantha.

All right, let's take a look.

Hey, Larry,what would be the name

of your Ben & Jerry's flavor?Keep it 100.

-(chuckles)-Whoa.

Oh, man, that's a good one.

Uh... okay, I got two.I got two. How about this?

Uh, Black Walnut Matters.

Huh? Pretty good.

Oh, and how about Nilla, Please.

-Okay. -That's a good one.-That's good.

-That's pretty good, right?That's pretty... -Okay, yeah.

Thanks for watching.Good Nightly, everyone.

Nilla, Please.That's the one I want.

Esperanza, thank you so much.

-♪ -(cheering, applause)