The One with the Little Girl Named Lucy

  • Season 2, Ep 3
  • 07/14/2015

Jonah Ray and Kumail Nanjiani apologize to a young audience member and welcome John Mulaney, Brent Weinbach and Brett Gelman for a night of stand-up.

The Jinx is my favorite show

ever that I hope doesn'twin an Emmy.

Because no, for real, 'causewho's gonna win the Emmy?

That Andrew Jareckiand the HBO people?

I don't have this muchvenom for 'em...

but all those people are gonnaget up there and get an Emmy.

And who should get an Emmy?

Our little friend, our dearfriend Bobby the Jinx.

Should win every Emmy that'sever been invented.

He has been more-- this guyis so good at being on TV.

Did you see The Jinx?

Did you see it, young girl?Did you see The Jinx?

This guy-- this guy--

This guy killed three peopleand yet you'll watch it,young lady...

and you'll go,"I like this guy."

Why do I like this guy?How old are you?

I'm 13.You're 13? Perfect age.

You'll be sitting there,and you'll go, "Look at me,I'm 13, and I love this guy."

Can I ask, what's your name?Lucy.

Lucy, that's great.

So I ask my wife, I was like,"Why do people keep marryingThe Jinx?"

And she went, "Oh, I get it."

She said-- she goes,"He's so confidant."

And Lucy, he is, confidenceis the biggest currency we have,you know?

None of this is preparedmaterial, Lucy.

Good evening,ladies and gentlemen.

We are Gelmania.

Give a round of applausefor yourselves.

You've been a wonderful audiencethis evening.

So much laughter,so much support...

and I hope, oh, I hope,for your sake...

you keep that laughterand support going for us.

Because if you don't...

myself and my friend here...

will see that as an actof disrespect.

And you'll leave hereand you'll say...

"Oh, Kumail and Jonahwere great.

"John Mulaney was great,Brent Weinbach was great...

"but that Gelmania,I don't know about that!"

And you'll get in your nice car,and you'll drive home.

And we'll be driving behind you.

And you'll go into your nice,comfy home...

turn the heat on,because this is a desert...

and it gets cold at night.

You'll wash your face...

and you'll snuggle upinto your beds.

And then, you'll feel likesomeone's in the room with you.

And you'll wake up...

and it'll be this face...

staring right into yours.

And I'll do my whole set again.

And then... I'll kill you.

So keep the laughs coming,people!

Keep 'em coming for your ownvery existences.

Okay, so, usually we hostthe show...Yes.

but we don't reallydo anything filthy.No.

Also, there are always justgrown-ups at the show.

It was-- don't look in thatdirection.

What are you trying to say?

It was brought to my attentionafter we did...

the filthiest thing we'veever done...Yeah.

where we comprehensivelycovered ever sex thing.

Yeah, but--

We covered every sex thing,beginning to end.Yeah, huh?

That there is... very closeto the front...No.

a very young audience member.

In fact, some people would thinkthat we saw a young audiencemember...

and were like,"Let's break her brain."

Oh, fuck.

I'm sorry, I am.

If we had seen you...

we would not have done thatand I'm really sorry.

If we had seen you, we wouldn'thave broken the law!

This child--There is a child.

She'll be fine, she's alreadyheard some real filthy shit.

This-- this is disturbing,though.

Good.That was mean.

Whatever.

She lives in the world.

World's disturbing, right?