War Is the H-Word

  • 11/26/2000

When Bender and Fry volunteer for military duty, Leela also joins the all-male ranks, as Lee Lemon.

( beeping )

Zapp ( lasciviously ):Hello.

( slurping )

Mmm. Now that'sa nice rosé.

So, anyway, we open upthe panda crate

and wouldn't you know it,the damn thing's dead.

Upchucked it's bamboo.

True story.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

That'swhatever-you-were-talking-aboutfor you.

Mind if we sit with you?

Uh, hey. Why the hell would I?

We're all guys here.

Sweaty, hairy, gassy guys.

Good point. I guess.

You're my kind ofsoldier, Lemon--

A foul-mouthed, barrel-chested,beer-belly pile of ugly muscle.

So, any of you fellas gota special lady back home?

Well, I sort have a thingfor this girl I work with.

Really?

What type is she?

You know, blonde, or Chinese,or Cyclops?

Cyclops.

Aw.

She sounds sweet.

But sweet girlsaren't for you, eh?

You hard-fightin',hard-fartin'

ugly, ugly son of a...

Stop! Stop flattering me.

Zapp:Ten hut!

Well, well, well,if it isn't Lee Lemon

the flaming starof Brannigan's Rough Rangers.

Say, uh, Lemon,do you like to read?

I just got a great bookon tape.

It's about lifein ancient Greece and...

( alarm blaring )

Sir, the alarm.

I think I' better...Shh!

Don't talk. Just go.

We are now in positionabove Sphereon One.

This is the momentwe were training for

all yesterday afternoon.

And now for the battle plan.

As you all know

the key to victory isthe element of surprise.

Surprise!

( all yelling )

( doors slam shut )

Okay. I got tobreak down that gate

beat up those three guards,steal that chopper

and rescue Bender.

( grunting )

( karate yell )

Hey, I did it.

Wait, that's not me.

Come on, we gotto save Bender.

You want to save him,too, Lemon?

You barely know him.

Fry, don't yourecognize me?

Hermes?

Lee... when willI see you again?

( gasps )

The two of you are...good friends?

But I thought we would be...good friends.

Well, let's seehow friendly you get

when you're sharinga prison cell.

( karate yell )

( grunting )

Hey, Zapp.Huh?

Leela!Leela.

So it's youI've been attracted to.

Oh, God,I have never been so happy

to be beaten up by a woman.

Let's do it again sometime.

We elders tell of a youngball much like you.

He bounced threemeters in the air.

Then he bounced1.8 meters in the air.

Then he bounced four metersin the air.

Do I make myself clear?

Mr. Ambassador,our people tell the same story.

Oy.

( groans )

These balls aremaking me testy!

If they don't stopbouncing and jiggling,

I swear I'm going to shovethis treaty up their...

Wait a second.

Where do you shove thingsup a ball?

This isn't a productive areaof discussion.

We're here.

I followed the bouncing balls.

I'll keep the chopperat a safe altitude

while you parachute down.

Okay.

My best friend's lifeis at stake.

I can finally provethat I'm not a coward.

( sighs )

Will you push me?

I already did.

Thank you!

( groans )

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