November 12, 2013 - David Christian

  • 11/12/2013

HealthCare.gov glitches lead to low enrollment, France rejects a nuke deal with Iran, a luxury hotel offers poverty-themed vacations, and David Christian talks "Big History."

>> Stephen: (SCREAMING)TONIGHT, WEAPONS OF MASS

DESTRUCTION IN IRAN.

DAMN, GEORGE BUSH WAS OFF BYJUST ONE LETTER!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)A NEW VACATION SPOT FOR THE

WEALTHY.

IT'S HARD TO GET AWAY FROM ITALL WHEN YOU OWN IT ALL.

AND MY GUEST DAVID CHRISTIAN HASA NEW T.V. SHOW ABOUT THE

HISTORY OF EVERYTHING IN THEWORLD.

EVERYTHING?

WHAT ELSE YA GOT?

(LAUGHTER)LADY GAGA SAYS SHE'S ADDICTED TO

POT.

SO BE ON THE LOOKOUT IN CASE SHESTARTS EXHIBITING ANY ODD

BEHAVIOR.

(LAUGHTER)THIS IS "THE COLBERT

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE"REPORT," EVERYBODY, THANK YOU

FOR JOINING US.

FOLKS, CAN I HAVE YOURATTENTION?

PLEASE, CAN I HAVE YOURATTENTION?

(LAUGHTER)I HAVE A MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT TO

MAKE.

I DON'T LIKE BARACK OBAMA.

(LAUGHTER)THERE, I SAID IT.

WHERE DO I FIND THE COURAGE?

I TELL YOU WHY, FOLKS, THE MANIS A LIAR.

REMEMBER HOW HE SOLD USOBAMACARE?

>> IF YOU LIKE YOUR INSURANCEPLAN, YOU WILL KEEP IT.

>> Stephen: BUT NOW MILLIONSOF AMERICANS HAVE HAD THEIR

COVERAGE RIPPED FROM THEM.

I BELIEVE IT'S THE PLOT OF"TAKEN 3."

(LAUGHTER)FIRST IT WAS HIS DAUGHTER, THEN

HIS WIFE, NOW THEY'VE TAKEN HISHEALTH PLAN.

(LAUGHTER)I HAVE PARTICULAR SET OF SKILLS.

YES, I'LL HOLD.

WELL, FOLKS, WE FINALLY GOT THEHARD NUMBERS ON OBAMACARE'S

DISASTROUS FIRST MONTH.

STOP, HEMMER TIME.

>> FOX'S ALERT NOW.

WE GET OUR FIRST LOOK AT THEOBAMACARE ENROLL.

NUMBERS AND THIS HAS A LONG WAYTO GO.

"WALL STREET JOURNAL" REPORTSFEWER THAN 50,000 AMERICANS

SUCCESSFULLY SIGNED UP.

>> Stephen: 50,000!

TO PUT THAT INTO PERSPECTIVE,THAT IS FEWER PEOPLE THAN WATCH

"UP LATE" WITH ALEC BALDWIN.

(LAUGHTER)JUST LOOK AT THE NUMBERS, FOLKS.

THERE ARE 48 MILLION UNINSUREDAMERICANS.

THAT COMES OUT TO A .1%ACCEPTANCE RATE.

SO OBAMACARE IS 58 TIMES HARDERTO GET INTO THAN HARVARD!

(LAUGHTER)I MEAN, TO GET INTO OBAMACARE

YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO HAVE TOACE YOUR M.R.I.s.

(LAUGHTER)I HAD NO IDEA OBAMACARE WAS

GOING TO BE THIS EXCLUSIVE.

WHICH KIND OF MAKES ME WANT IN.

(LAUGHTER)I MEAN, I'LL JOIN ANYTHING THAT

WON'T HAVE ME.

LET ME IN, EARTH, WIND & FIRE.

I CAN BE MOISTURE!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)♪ DO YOU REMEMBER, T WORDS TO

THIS SONG, LA, LA, LA ♪(LAUGHTER)

FOLKS, OBAMACARE IS LIKE ANIMPOSSIBLY HIP CLUB THAT COVERS

YOUR RIP REPLACEMENT.

SO COME ON, OBAMA, THERE'S GOTTO BE A V.I.P. LIST.

I TRIED SHOWING UP TO THE WEBSITE WITH TWO MODELS AND A BAG

OF COKE.

BUT ALL I GOT WAS TWO COKED UPMODELS!

(LAUGHTER)GOD, THEY NEED SOME HEALTH CARE.

I'LL JUST KEEP TRYING, BUT INTHE MEANTIME, MR. PRESIDENT,

PLEASE DO NOT FIX THE WEB SITE.

I WOULDN'T WANT THIS EXCLUSIVECLUB TO BE RUINED BY A BUNCH

(LAUGHTER)AND, FOLKS, I BELIEVE THE ONLY

THING WORSE THAN OBAMA'S WEBSITE IS HIS LACK OF FORESIGHT.

NOW, OUR NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN INCHIEF LOVES SURRENDERING TO

AMERICA'S ENEMIES AND THISWEEKEND HE SENT SECRETARIAT OF

STATE JOHN KERRY TO WAVE THEWHITE FLAG AT IRAN.

>> SECRETARY OF STATE JOHN KERRYIS IN SWITZERLAND TO NEGOTIATE A

POSSIBLE BREAK THROUGH TO FREEZEIRAN'S NUCLEAR PROGRAM.

>> THE UNITED STATES IS LARGELYLOOKING FOR IRAN TO TAKE THE

FIRST STEP IN CURBING ITSNUCLEAR ACTIVITY.

>> THE WHITE HOUSE HASREPORTEDLY PREPARED TO OFFER THE

IRANIANS LIMITED RELIEF FROMCRIPPLING ECONOMIC SANCTIONS IF

THEY AGREE TO TEMPORARILY HALTTHEIR NUCLEAR PROGRAM FOR A

PERIOD OF SIX MONTHS.

>> Stephen: SIX MONTHS!

YOU DON'T NEGOTIATE A DEAL WITHTERRORISTS THAT LAST SIX

MONTHS-- UNLESS YOU'RE RAISINGTHE DEBT CEILING.

(LAUGHTER)FOLKS, IRAN IS A NATION OF

RADICAL MUSLIMS HELL BENT ONACQUIRING NUCLEAR WEAPONS.

WE CAN'T HAVE NUKES IN THEMIDDLE EAST.

SOMEONE MIGHT BOMB ISRAEL ANDTHEN THEY'D HAVE TO USE THEIR

NUKES!

(LAUGHTER)FORTUNATELY, THE DEAL WAS

STOPPED BY OUR CLOSEST ALLY.

>> FRANCE SAYS FORGET IT, NODEAL.

>> THE FRENCH JUST SAID LOOK,PAUSE, FORGET IT.

WE WANT TO HALT THE ENTIREPROGRAM.

>> FRANCE WAS THE COUNTRY TOSTAND UP AND SAY NO TO THIS.

THEY SAID THE DEAL WAS TOO EASYON TEHRAN.

>> Stephen: YES, FRANCE!

THE COUNTRY THAT PUT THE OUI IN"WE GIVE UP."

(LAUGHTER).

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)FOLKS, OF THE SIX-NATION TEAM --

WE LOVE IT.

WE LOVE FRANCE.

(LAUGHTER)OF THE SIX-NATION TEAM

NEGOTIATING WITH IRAN, ONLYFRANCE HAD THE ESCARGOTS TO SAY

NON AND YOU KNOW IT WAS A BANDDEAL IF FRANCE IS TURNING DOWN A

SIX-WAY.

(LAUGHTER)FRENCH FOREIGN MINISTER AND

BUTLER IN A GREY POUPON ADLAURIENT FABIUS SAID "THE

AGREEMENT WAS TOO EASY ONTEHRAN.

ONE WANTS A DEAL BUT NOT ASUCKER'S DEAL."

AND, FOLKS, FRANCE KNOW'S ASUCKER'S DEAL.

THEY'RE THE ONES WHO SOLD USLOUISIANA.

(LAUGHTER)WE SHOULD HAVE SAVED THE

RECEIPT.

NOW OUR PRESIDENT'S BEENOUTTOUGHED BUT THE FRENCH.

THAT'S LIKE BEING OUTSOBERRED BYTORONTO MAYOR ROB FORD.

AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.

WE STAND WITH YOU, MR. MAYOR.

I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE PRAISINGTHE FRENCH HERE.

ARIZONA SENATOR AND "BOMB, BOMBIRAN" LEAD VOCALIST JOHN

McCAIN TWEETED "FRANCE HAD THECOURAGE TO PREVENT A BAD NUCLEAR

AGREEMENT WITH IRAN.

VIVE LA FRANCE."

UNFORTUNATELY, DUE TO HISINEXPERIENCE WITH TWITTER HE

ACCIDENTALLY TYPED THIS INTO HISMICROWAVE.

(LAUGHTER)NATION, YOU KNOW IF YOU WATCH

THE SHOW I'VE BEEN TOUGH ONFRANCE IN THE PAST.

IT'S A MIRACLE THEY SURVIVED THEHUMILIATION THAT WAS FREEDOM

FRIES.

I DON'T THINK THEY'RE GOING TOCOME BACK FROM THAT ONE BUT I

THINK IT'S TIME TO SHOW THEM OURGRATITUDE SO PEOPLE OF FRANCE IN

HONOR OF YOUR BRAVERY FROM NOWON THIS SHALL BE NOBODY AS

FRENCH CHEESE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)YOU'RE WELCOME, FRANCE.

IT AGES --(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

IT AGES BEAUTIFULLY, A THOUSANDYEARS FROM NOW IT WILL

(LAUGHTER)AND NOW THAT FRANCE HAS SAVED

THE WORLD, WE MUST NEVER, EVERGO BACK TO THE NEGOTIATING TABLE

WITH IRAN.

HERE TO TELL ME WHY WE MUST GOBACK TO THE NEGOTIATING TABLE

WITH IRAN IS THE PRESIDENT OFTHE NATIONAL IRANIAN AMERICAN

COUNCIL TRITA PARSI.

MR. PARSI, THANK YOU SO MUCH FORCOMING.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THANKS SO MUCH.

ALL RIGHT, OKAY.

SIR, YOU ARE THE AUTHOR OF "ASINGLE ROLL OF THE DICE."

ABOUT WHY AMERICA MUST GET BACKTO THE BARGAINING TABLE WITH

IRAN.

BUT WHY, SIR, HAVEN'T WE DODGEDA BULLET BY WALKING AWAY FROM

THE POWER-MAD MULLAHS WHO WANTTO BOMB ISRAEL AND WIPE IT OFF

THE MAP?

>> ACTUALLY, WHAT PRESIDENTOBAMA WAS DOING IN THESE

NEGOTIATIONS WAS A HUGE FAVOR TOISRAEL BECAUSE IF THE DEAL HAD

GONE THROUGH, IF THE FRENCH HADNOT CHANGED TO GO FORTH IN THE

LAST MINUTE THERE WOULD BE ACLOSING OF THE OPPORTUNITY FOR

THE IRANIANS TO BUILD A NUCLEARWEAPON AND THAT WOULD HELP

ISRAEL'S SECURITY AND MANY OTHERPEOPLE'S SECURITY AND MOST

IMPORTANTLY AMERICA'S SECURITY.

>> Stephen: I'M GOING TO CALLBULL (BLEEP) ON YOU TWO WAYS

HERE.

(LAUGHTER)FIRST OF ALL, THE FRENCH CAN'T

MOVE GOALPOSTS, THEY DON'T PLAYFOOTBALL.

THEY PLAY WHAT THEY CALL F,TBOL.

ANYWAYS, THE SECOND SOMETHINGHOW ARE WE HELPING ISRAEL?

HOW ARE WE STOPPING IRAN FROMGETTING A BOMB BECAUSE ALL

QUESTION IS IS FOR A REDUCTIONIN THEIR NUCLEAR CAPABILITIES.

IN EXCHANGE WE GIVE THEM SIXMONTHS OF CASH, SELL THEIR OIL,

UNFREEZE THEIR ACCOUNTS.

SIX MONTHS FROM NOW THEY SAY,HEY, THANKS FOR THE CASH WE'RE

GOING TO GO BACK TO BUILDING OURBOMB.

ISRAEL, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, THEYGET TO BLAME US.

>> NOT AT ALL.

HERE'S WHY YOU'RE WRONG.

>> NO, ABSOLUTELY YES.

(LAUGHTER)>> HERE'S WHAT IS GOING TO

HAPPEN.

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ANINTERIM DEAL IN ORDER TO REACH A

LATER DEAL WHEN THE FINALAGREEMENT WERE TO BE NEGOTIATED.

>> Stephen: BUT THAT THAT'STRUSTING ROUHANI, RIGHT?

>> YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S TRUSTING?

IT'S TRUSTING THE AGREEMENT.

THE AGREEMENT THAT VERIFY IT ISOTHER SIDE IS NOT CHEATING.

IT'S NOT ABOUT TRUSTING THEOTHER SIDE OF THIS ONE.

MORE IMPORTANTLY -->> Stephen: HOW CAN WE TRUST

ANY AGREEMENT WITH THESE PEOPLE.

THEY HAVEN'T EVEN RELEASED THEHOSTAGES YET.

IT'S DAY 12,428.

LET BEN AFFLECK GO!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THE SANCTIONS ARE WORKING.

THE POINT IS THE SANCTIONS AREWORKING AREN'T THEY?

>> I WOULD SAY NO, THE SANCTIONSARE WORKING IN THE SENSE OF

DESTROYING THE ECONOMY OF THEIRANIANS.

>> Stephen: BUT THEY WOULDN'TBE COMING TO THE BARGAINING

TABLE IF THEY DIDN'T HAVE THESANCTIONS!

>> THIS WAS THE SAME TEAM THATIN 2005 OFFERED TO CAP THE

NUCLEAR PROGRAM AT 3,000CENTRIFUGES.

TODAY THEY HAVE 19,000.

WHAT THE DEAL WOULD HAVEACHIEVED IS REMARKABLE BECAUSE

THIS WOULD BE THE FIRST TIME INEIGHT YEARS THAT THE PROGRAM--

ESSENTIAL PARTS OF IT-- WOULDHAVE BEEN FROZEN.

THAT'S CRITICAL.

>> Stephen: ARE THE SANCTIONSHURTING THEM?

>> THEY ARE.

>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT YOUWANT.

YOU HAVE TO HAVE ACARROT-AND-STICK APPROACH.

YOU HAVE TO, YOU KNOW, SAY WE'LLSTOP HITTING YOU WITH THE STOCK

AND WHEN THEY LEAST EXPECT ITYOU STAB THEM WITH THE CARROT!

(LAUGHTER)SO -- BUT THEY WANT A BOMB,

RIGHT?

WE KNOW THEY WANT A BOMB.

>> ACTUALLY, U.S. INTELLIGENCEIS SAYING THAT THEY ARE

PREPARING TO PUT EVERYTHINGTOGETHER IN ORDER TO HAVE THE

OPTION OF BUILDING A BOMB.

BUT THEY HAVE NOT MADE ADECISION TO GO THERE TO BUILD A

BOMB AND THERE'S A LOT THAT WECAN DO AND A LOT THAT THIS DEAL

WOULD HAVE DONE TO MAKE SURETHAT THAT OPTION ALSO WOULD HAVE

BEEN ELIMINATED.

UNTIL THE FRENCH SHOWED UP.

>> Stephen: OKAY, NOW LISTEN.

YOU ARE IRANIAN OR AN AMERICANCITIZEN.

>> I WAS BORN IN IRAN, I'M ASWEDISH CITIZEN.

>> Stephen: YOU'RE A SWEDISHCITIZEN.

WELL, I DON'T TRUST THOSEBASTARDS, EITHER.

(LAUGHTER)SO YOU'RE NOT AN AMERICAN

CITIZEN.

>> I'M A GREEN CARD HOLDER.

>> Stephen: OKAY, I'VE SEEN"HOMELAND."

SPOILER ALERT: THERE'S NO REASONTO TRUST YOU.

>> YOU QUESTION LOYALTY AT THESAME TIME YOU'RE PRAISE THE

FRENCH WHEN THEY'RE CELEBRATINGA SETBACK IN AMERICAN FOREIGN

POLICY.

>> NO, THEY'RE HOLDING THE LINEAGAINST THE MULLAHS -- ANYONE

WHOSE FLAG HAS RED WHITE ANDBLUE ON IT, MY FRIEND.

(LAUGHTER)WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR

JOINING ME.

TRITA PARSI, THE NATIONALIRANIAN AMERICAN COUNCIL.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,EVERYBODY.

FOLKS, YOU KNOW, AS A MEMBER OFTHE UPPER MIDDLE STINKING RICH I

SAY IN ONLY THE WORLD'S FINESTHOTELS.

BUT AT A CERTAIN POINT LUXURYFAMILIARITY BREEDS RAREFIED

CONTEMPT.

(LAUGHTER)I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN ONE CIGAR

HUMIDOR YOU'VE SEEN THEM ALL.

THAT'S WHY I LIKE TO MIX IT UPSOMETIMES AND GO GLAMOUR

CAMPING.

OR GLAMPING.

(LAUGHTER)THERE'S NO BETTER TRY ENJOY THE

GREAT OUTDOORS WITHOUT GIVING UP600 THREAD COUNT SHEETS, GOURMET

MEALS AND BUTLER SERVICE.

AT THE FINEST ESTABLISHMENTS,EVEN THE WILDLIFE ARE TRAINED IN

SHIATSU MASSAGE.

ALTHOUGH I'M ALWAYS A LILTUNCOMFORTABLE WHEN IT'S A DUDE.

BUT NOW I'VE DISCOVERED AN EVENMORE EXOTIC HYBRID OF LUXURY AND

ROUGHING IT.

IT'S CALLED SHANTYTOWN, ALODGING OPTION AVAILABLE AT THE

EMOYA HOTEL AND SPA INBLOEMFONTEIN IN SOUTH AFRICA.

IT'S MODELED ON THE HOVELS OFSOUTH AFRICA'S TOWNSHIPS.

THE WHOLE FAMILY CAN STAY IN ANAUTHENTIC CORRUGATED TIN SHACK,

EACH WITH ITS OWN BLACK SMOKESPEWING FIRE, BEEF TALLOW CANDLE

AND SQUATTER'S KITCHEN.

LIKE A SANDALS RESORT IF SANDALSWERE MADE FOR AN OLD TIRE.

IT'S GOT NOTHING ON GLAMOURSLUMMING, OR GLUMMING.

NOW YOU CAN EXPERIENCE WHAT IT'SLIKE TO BE TRAPPED IN A

SHANTYTOWN, RESENDING RICHPEOPLE WHO DO THINGS LIKE STAY

IN A PRETEND SHANTYTOWN.

PLUS, IN ADDITION TO DESTITUTIONINSPIRED AMENITIES LIKE OUTSIDE

LONG DROP TOILETS AND SOMETHINGCALLED A DONKEY GEYSER, THERE

ARE ALSO MODERN COMFORTS LIKEUNDERFLOOR HEATING AND WIRELESS

INTERNET ACCESS.

I ASSUME REAL SHANTYTOWNS STILLUSE DIALUP.

AND SINCE THESE HOOVER VILLASACCOMMODATE UP TO 52 GUESTS, THE

SHANTYTOWN IS IDEAL FOR TEAMBUILDING AND FANCY THEME

PARTIES.

OF COURSE THE THEME IS UP TOYOU.

MAYBE A MASQUERADE BALL CALLED"EYES WIDE SHUT TO OTHER

PEOPLE'S SUFFERING."

(LAUGHTER)THE ONLY PROBLEM, IS SOUTH

AFRICA IS REALLY FAR AWAY,FOLKS.

I MEAN IT'S SOUTH OF AFRICA.

THAT'S WHY I'M BRINGING THEGLUMMING EXPERIENCE HOME TO THE

STATES WITH MY NEW RESORT"FRIGIDAIRE LODGE AT OVERPASS

MEADOWS."

(LAUGHTER)JUST MINUTES FROM THE SUMPTUOUS

DECAY OF DOWNTOWN (IN A FRENCHACCENT)

DETROIT.

YOU'LL SAY IN A CARDBOARDREFRIGERATOR BOX FITTED OUT WITH

JAPANESE SATIN MOVING BLANKETSAND MOST OF A PAIR OF SLIPPERS.

ENJOY AN EVENING STROLL OF OURABANDONED LOT, LOVINGLY

LANDSCAPED WITH VINTAGE TRUCKERBOMBS.

JUST DON'T FORGET TO BE BACK INTIME FOR THE NIGHTLY WINE AND

CHEESE STABBING.

ONE LOOK AND YOU'LL KNOW WHYTRIP ADVISOR SAID "AAHH!

RACCOONS!"WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACKEVERYBODY.

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS THE HOST OFA HISTORY SHOW THAT CONNECTS

EVERY EVENT IN THE HISTORY OFTHE WORLD-- I ASSUME TO KEVIN

BACON.

PLEASE WELCOME DAVID CHRISTIAN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)HEY, MR. CHRISTIAN, SO NICE TO

HAVE YOU ON.

NOW, SIR, YOU ARE THE HOST OF ANEW SHOW THAT'S REALLY MORE THAN

A SHOW ON H2 WHICH IS HISTORYCHANNEL 2, I ASSUME.

>> YUP.

YUP.

>> OKAY.

NO ROOM ON THE ACTUAL HISTORYCHANNEL BECAUSE THAT'S FULL OF

LIKE PAWN STARS AND AMERICANPICKERS, I ASSUME.

(LAUGHTER)THE SERIES ATTEMPTS TO CONNECT

WIDELY DIVERSE THINGS THROUGHOUTHISTORY AND REALLY LET US GET TO

KNOW THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THEUNIVERSE.

>> THAT'S ABSOLUTELY WHAT WE TRYTO DO.

>> Stephen: FROM THE BIG BANGTO NOW IN TEN HOURS.

>> THAT'S IT.

>> Stephen: WHY NOT SOMETHINGMORE AMBITIOUS.

(LAUGHTER)WHAT'S THE PURPOSE OF THE

SERIES?

>> THE SERIES AND THE COURSE ITEACH AND THE COURSE THAT'S

AVAILABLE ON THE BIG HISTORYPROJECT --

>> Stephen: YOU CAN GO TOBIGHISTORY.COM AND ONE OF YOUR

BACKERS IS BILL GATES IS YOURPARTNER IN THIS.

HE WANTS EVERYONE TO LEARNEVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING.

(LAUGHTER).

>> Stephen: .

>> WHAT THE COURSE DOES ISTEACHES YOU THE WHOLE HISTORY OF

TIME.

SO IT GIVES YOU A SORT OF MAP OFTIME AND SPACE LIKE AN ORIGIN

STORY AND THAT MEANS YOU CANPLACE YOURSELF IN THE UNIVERSE

AND IN THE WHOLE OF TIME ANDSPACE.

>> I ALWAYS ASSUMED I'M AT THECENTER OF THE UNIVERSE AND

EVERYTHING IS TURNING AROUND ME.

I BELIEVE GALILEO DISCOVEREDTHAT.

(LAUGHTER)>> OF COURSE YOU'RE AT THE

CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE.

THE PERSON WHO TELLS THE STORYIS THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE

ALWAYS.

BUT YOU NEED TO PLACE YOURSELFIN THAT LARGE MAP AND IF YOU CAN

PLACE YOURSELF IN THAT MAP THATGIVES YOU A SENSE OF MEANING, OF

WHERE YOU ARE, OF HOW YOU CAMETO BE AND WHAT THINGS YOU CAN

DO.

WHAT POSSIBILITIES ARE AVAILABLETO YOU.

>> Stephen: WE ALREADY HAVETHIS KIND OF MAP THAT TELLS US

OUR PLACE AND PURPOSE IN THEUNIVERSE.

IT'S CALLED THE BIBLE.

(LAUGHTER)HAVE YOU READ IT?

HAVE YOU READ THE BIBLE?

(APPLAUSE)>> I HAVE READ IT.

>> Stephen: NOTHING IN THISSERIES WILL CONTRADICT WHAT I

BELIEVE, CORRECT?

>> WELL --(LAUGHTER).

THERE ARE MANY ORIGIN STORIESAND THE BIBLE IS ONE.

>> Stephen: IT'S THE TRUE ONE.

>> MANY, MANY COUNTRIES ANDDIFFERENT SOCIETIES HAVE THEIR

OWN ORIGIN STORIES AND MODERNSCIENCIST CONTAINS AN ORIGIN

STORY.

SO WHAT WE'RE TELLING IS THE ORGIN STORY PRESENT IN MODERN

SCIENCE.

>> ONE OF THE THINGS THATCONFUSES ME ABOUT THE SHOW IS IT

CONNECTS WIDELY DISPARATETHINGS.

LIKE -- GIVE AN EXAMPLE OF ONEOF THE THINGS.

YOUR FIRST EPISODE IS ABOUTSALT.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> Stephen: THE WHOLE EPISODEJUST ABOUT SALT.

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY THAT'SJUST A RATINGS GRAB BECAUSE

PEOPLE --(LAUGHTER).

NEXT WEEK IT'S SWEET.

SALT AND SWEET.

>> BUT IF YOU'LL REMEMBER THATTHE EARLY EARTH FOUR BILLION

YEARS AGO THE FIRST LIVINGORGANISMS WERE FORMED IN SALTY

WATER SO ALL LIVING ORGANISMS ONEARTH WERE FORMED IN THE SORT OF

SALT SOLUTION.

WE NEED TO CARRY IT AROUNDINSIDE OUR BODIES SO THE STORY

OF SALT -->> Stephen: WAIT, THERE'S A

SALT SOLUTION IN MY BODY.

>> YOU NEED SALT.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE SALT I HATE TOSAY IT BUT YOU WILL DIE

EVENTUALLY:(LAUGHTER).

>> Stephen: DON'T EVEN JOKEABOUT THAT.

HAVE WE FOUGHT WARS OVER SALT?

>> I THINK WARS PROBABLY HAVEBEEN FOUGHT OVER SALT, YEAH.

IT'S A CRUCIAL COMMODITY, HUGEAMOUNTS OF MONEY HAVE BEEN

TRADING.

>> Stephen: WE PEDRO MANSOLDIERS IN SALT.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT SALARYCOMES FROM.

>> ABSOLUTELY.

E YOU ENJOYINGMY HISTORY COURSE?

>> ABSOLUTELY.

>> THIS ISN'T LIKE DATE SPACEHISTORY.

I DON'T HAVE TO KNOW 1066 OR 476OR 1492 OR THAT STUFF, DO ANY.

>> YOU NEED TO KNOW A FEW DATES.

I CAN GIVE YOU A FEW.

>> Stephen: I JUST GAVE YOU ATHREE.

>> 13. BILLION YEARS.

>> Stephen: WHAT HAPPENEDTHEN?

>> THE ORIGINS OF THE UNIVERSE.

>> Stephen: SAYS YOU, BUT GOAHEAD, YEAH.

>> 4.56 BILLION YEARS AGO THEEARTH WAS CREATED.

GREAT THING.

65 MILLION YEARS AGO AN ASSROEUTD LANDED ON EARTH, WIPED

OUT THE DINOSAURS.

IF THE DINOSAURS HADN'T BEENWIPED OUT WE WOULD NOT BE HERE.

>> Stephen: BECAUSE WE'D BEFIGHTING THEM.

(LAUGHTER)WE'D BE FIGHTING THEM, RIGHT!

THIS SHOULD BE WOULD BEGLADIATORS FIGHTING DINOSAURS

AND ITS RATINGS WOULD BEENORMOUS.

WHAT'S BILL GATES GET OUT OFTHIS?

WHERE IS HE GETTING HIS BEAKWET?

HE LOVES THE CASH.

>> HE'S NOT GETTING CASH, HELOVES THE EDUCATIONAL IDEA OF

THE COURSE THAT BRINGS THEDIFFERENT SUBJECTS TOGETHER.

I MEAN, I REMEMBER GOING TOSCHOOL WANTING TO A STORY ABOUT

THE MEANING OF LIFE AND MYTEACHERS SAY TO ME THINGS LIKE

-- AND THIS IS THEIR JOB.

THEY SAY "SHUT UP ABOUT THEMEANING OF LIFE.

LEARN ABOUT CALCULUS OR YOURFRENCH VERBS OR SOMETHING LIKE

THIS."

NEVER COULD I STUDY OR ASK ABOUTTHE MEANING OF LIFE IN SCHOOL OR

UNIVERSITY.

WITH A COURSE LIKE THIS, YOU CANPUT ALL THIS KNOWLEDGE TOGETHER,

YOU CAN SEE A COHERENT STORY OFTHE WHOLE OF THE PAST AND IT'S

FULL OF MEANING.

>> Stephen: WELL, DAVID, WHATIS THE MEANING OF LIFE?

>> THE MEANING OF LIFE -- OKAY.

UM --(LAUGHTER).

HERE'S THE QUICK VERSION.

>> Stephen: I KIND OF DO NEEDTHE QUICK VERSION.

>> 13.8 BILLION YEARS AGO THEUNIVERSE APPEARS.

IT'S THAT SMALL, EVERYTHING INTHE UNIVERSE IS IN THAT TINY

THING.

IT'S INCREDIBLY SIMPLE, NOHUMANS, NO PLANETS, NO ELEMENTS.

THEN OVER 13.8 BILLION YEARS ONEBY ONE NEW MORE COMPLEX THINGS

APPEAR.

STARS APPEAR.

PLANETS APPEAR.

LIVING ORGANISMS-- AT LEAST ONTHIS PLANET-- AND THEN

EVENTUALLY US.

THE WEIRDEST ORGANISMS OF ALL.

SO THAT'S A WONDERFUL STORYABOUT HOW WE GOT TO BE HERE.

>> Stephen: THAT'S THE EVENTSOF LIFE, THAT'S NOT THE MEANING

OF LIFE.

>> THE MEANING IS LIKE A MAP.

IF YOU HAVE A MAP IT TELLS YOUWHERE YOU ARE.

>> RIGHT.

>> Stephen: IF YOU KNOW WHEREYOU ARE YOU KNOW WHERE YOU CAN

GO.

>> Stephen: IF YOU KNOW WHATTHE KEY SAYS IN THE CORNER OF

THE MAP!

(LAUGHTER)TO TELL YOU DISTANCE AND

EVERYTHING.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

THAT'S WHAT THE BIBLE IS.

THE BIBLE IS THE KEY IN THECORNER.

>> THE BIBLE IS A MAP.

IT'S A WONDERFUL MAP, FULL OFMEANING.

>> Stephen: IT'S THE MAP,MR. CHRISTIAN.

(LAUGHTER)DAVID CHRISTIAN, "BIG HISTORY"

ON H2 AND ONLINE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT B

>> Stephen: GOODNIGHT(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)