Bender's Game Pt. 4

  • Season 5, Ep 12
  • 04/26/2009

The Planet Express team goes on a mission to defeat Momon and her control on the world's power.

(all screaming)

The Tunneling Horror!



(all screaming)


Why aren't youkilling it, Leela?

You love killing!

No! No more killing.

Oh, so suddenly MissGoody Four Shoes

over here doesn'tkill anymore?

She killed me notfive minutes ago!

What am I,chopped liver?

Shut up!Ow!

Stop choppingmy liver!

You're on your own!

I refuse to hurtanother living thing!




All right.

I may be weak, andI may be small,

but I don't see how I canpossibly destroy that monster.

Guess I'll just huck whatever'sin my pockets at him.

At least I can say I tried.

Any time now!



The Die of Power!

I forgot to remember to roll it!

(all gasp)

(die rolling)

♪ Three. ♪


I don't see anything growing.

Everything's getting smaller.


Wait a second.I'm big!

In your face, everyonefrom middle school,

especially Jeremy!







Wow, that wasintense!

You guys got to trythe Die of Power.

I'll take a hit.

Hands offthe dodecalicious!


Beware, Frydo!

Don't be seduced!

Hang on a second.


Resist the allureof the Die!

For to defeat Momon,

we must melt it in the superbombastic bubbling plastic

from whence it came!

PROFESSOR: We must melt it in the super bombastic

bubbling plasticfrom whence it came!

I send youto kill them,

and they're noteven maimed?

That's what I getfor sending boys

to do a mom's job.

Sorry, Mom.

"Sorry" doesn't putheads on my table!



You're up.

I like this part,but I don't like...

(pained grunting)

(both growling,sputtering)

You are an ableopponent, Hermafroditee,

but hear me well when I posit

that we must abhor violencein all its forms.

(crowd cheering)

I offer a dissenting opinion.

(crowd gasps)

For abhorring violenceis itself an act of violence,

and therefore to be abhorred!


All bow beforemighty Hermafroditee!

Ah! Don't hurt me.

I'm not here to hurt you

or anything ever again.

Please teach me the Centaurs'ways of wimpiness.

What do you offer in return?


♪ Ah, chewy, chewy,chewy, chewy ♪

♪ Chewy, chewy, chewy, baby ♪

♪ Always got a mouthfulof such sweet things to say ♪

♪ Do-do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Do-do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Ooh-ee, little chewy ♪

♪ Don't knowwhat you're doing to me ♪

♪ But you're doing to mewhat I wt you to... ♪


We made it outof that godforsaken cave.

Now, what's thefastest way home,

back through the cave?





PROFESSOR:We're close now, my friends.

So close I canpractically feel the heat

of the fierymolten plastic.

You're standingin the fire!

Oh, my.


Alas, our pathis blocked

by Momon's armyof evil,

as well as her navyof moral dubiousness.

Mayhaps we might raisean army of our own.

We're but an hour's ridefrom Wipecastle.

Of course, Wipecastle!

And while we're there,we can get some

of those greasy littledwarf burgers!

Ooh, I love those!

You can eat likeeight of them

without gainingany weight,

'cause of allthe diarrhea.

Sleep deep,fair snoozles.

At dawn, we ridefor Wipecastle.


PROFESSOR:Quiet, Frydo!

(howling quietly)

We've got them now.

Send all our forcesagainst Wipecastle!

Right away, Mother.

I'll just leave a smallcontingent behind in case...

I said everything!

Peaches!I'm in the tub!


you and Larius shalllead the assault.

What about Ignus?

I'm afraid hecan't be trusted

on this mission.

You see, there isa terrible secret

about Ignus I'venever told anyone.

And here it is.


It's a good day to be evil.





Oh, put a towel on,for crap's sake!

(crickets chirping)

They all wants it.They wants the dodecalicious.

Tell you what,you want

to defend a magic artifact,and I mean defend it good,

then what you needis a top quality knife.

Me's listening.

The Evisceratoris one of the finest,

if not the finest tacticalfolder on the market today.

We're talking 440 stainless,quick release,

and--now, I don't believe this--

Is this the staghorn handleat this price?

It is, yep-- it'sthe staghorn.

At this price?

You have gotto be kidding me.

That's got to be some kindof mistake right there.

Now, you folksat home,

I know what you'rethinking.

You're thinkingthat can't be staghorn.

It's got to be thecheaper manticore horn.

But I've got thespecs right here,

and I'll tell you what,this is the real deal.


It is unbelievable.That's exactly what it is.

I mean, this...this is...

I have no words todescribe this deal.

Honestly, have you ever seenstaghorn at this price?

No, no.

I don't believeI ever have.

1101-1816 is the itemnumber on this one.

We... you know what,we're gonna have

to put a clock on this deal,folks-- two minutes.

Can I get a clock

of two minutesup there?Two minutes at most.

Honestly, I'd be surprisedif they last that long.

Oh, I'd be very surprised--shocked, really.

Now, I know the linesare busy, people,

but keep dialing in if youwant a truly exceptional knife

to slice up your friendsin their sleep.



(both gasping)

He tried to murder me!

He tried to-- whoa, cool!Is that the staghorn?


(clunks, shrieks)


Alas, Frydo's weakness

was no matchfor the Die's strength.

We can only hope he forgeson alone to the geysers.

I can hope my assis made of ice cream,

but that don't make mea hot fudge sundae.

As for us, we mustpress on to Wipecastle,

though the journey be long,

and I fear I may notlive to see it.

There it is!

♪ ♪

They's following usses.

You know,you talk like that,

it's gonna cost you pointsat a job interview.

What does it wants?

I thought I could help youdestroy the Die, maybe?

Yes! Yes, please, help me!

The Die istearing me apart!

No, it's not.We're having a nice time.

Shut up!You shut up!


Help me!

(trumpets playingbright fanfare)

(jazzy solo)


Now before your audiencewith the king,

there's a shocking factyou'd best know about him.

Enough blabbety-blab!Open the doors!

What ho?!

We bring ill tidings,O, Fanciest of Men.

Momon's reachnears the Die of Power,

and should she obtain it,

she will then havethe entire basic set!

Rivers will runred with blood,

and yellow with urine!

And a dog will be seeneating cat food in the land.

O, great king,

your army is the lasthope of Cornwood.

Let us join forces,

before the light of goodis extinguished forever.

You calling me crazy?

Just 'cause I gota hotel in my foot

don't make me aBoogalymoogalymoogaly!


Stop laughing at me,flying avocado!

(screams, grunts)

Moving along then...

As the only noblemanpresent who's not... (gibbering)

I hereby place myselfin command of the royal army!

What royal armywould that be?


King went insane

and declared waron the scallops.

Tied his army to a boulderand pushed them into the sea.

They never returned.

Scallops must've got them.

Ah, well, there'll beno epic battle today.

(horn sounds)


Methinks we be boned.

(army growling)

Where's their army?

Maybe they didn't hearthe horn.

Blow it again.

(blows horn)

(inhales, blows horn)

Man, I'll show that cathow to blow.

(plays bright blast)

(deep bleat)

(all growling)

(all growling)

(snarling amorously)


(grunts, laughs)


(ogres growling)Huh?

What the...?

You're not madeof Tuesday.

My's back.

At last, I can livethe life I always--




(ogres growling)





(arrow splats)Aah!

(traditionalIrish music playing)

(annoyed grumbling)

(needle slides off record,all gasp)

What doesit mean?

Evil will soon triumphover good.

Your friends facecertain death,

followed by a disrespectfulmarionette show

performed with their corpses.

No, we've gotto do something.

Believe me, we will.

We have taken outa sternly worded ad

in tomorrow's Cornwood Times.


(all neighing and gasping)

What a load of man-horse manure.

Well, Leegola,if you have a better idea,

perhaps you'd liketo challenge me to...



(both grunting)

(Fry panting)


I-I'm too exhausted.

I can't go on.

I'm here foryou, my friend.

Grab onto mytesticles.

You know, I thinkmaybe I can walk after all.

That's not Wipecastle.


(Fry straining)

What are youwaiting for, Frydo?

Throw it alreadyin the boiling plastic.

I would,'s enjoys owning it.

Stop talking like that.

It gives me anxiety.


Ow!(Mom gasps)



DIE:♪ Twelve... ♪

(surprised grunting)


So it's all comedown to this--

a dungeon...and dragons.

I didn't see it coming.



(both roaring)

(frightened warbling)

(deep thudding)

(ogres grunting)

ALL (chanting):Eat the wizard, eat the slut,eat the robot's shiny butt.

Well, at leastwe'll be remembered in song.

Wait a second.

I have an idea.

I surrender.

Here, eat my friends.

Just give me one more secondof sweet, sweet life.

(all groaning)

(Bender clears throat)

Well, that worked outpretty good, eh, fellas?

Prepare to fire again,brave cowards.

I still sayI won the debate.

(both grunt)



(all groaning)



Leegola, you saved us.

Oh, how can Iever repay you?

(both moaning)

(purrs amorously)


(both gasp)

Frydo is fightingfor his life.

Quickly, tothe geysers.

Uh, can it waita couple minutes?

Yes, yes,it can.

(both snarling,growling)

You are no matchfor my dragon style.



I guess you are a matchfor my dragon style.

Tell me, Frydo,are you aware

that a dragon's one weaknessis its soft underbelly?

No, why do you--


LEELA:Get my friend outof your mouth.

BENDER:'Tis all over, Momon.

We'll soon be downthere defeating you,

and it's all thanksto the existence

of this fragilestaircase.

(Bender laughs, rumbling)


Quick, get on the magic bug.

It's not a magic bug,you dope,

it's a magic arachnid.

Can't you countthe legs?

No.Six, seven, eight.

Not six-- eight.

I'll kill you, you imbecile.

(both grunting)




My underbelly.

My one weakness.



(both moaning)

I got it.

Now I can throw itin the hot thing over there

and be the hero.

On the other hand,infinite power might be nice.

(both grunting)

Please, I'm tryingto help you.

Then why are you hitting mewith a stick?

How stupid are youthat you think that's helping?

Mommy never told youabout my father.

She said he wasa foul he-demon.


You are my father.

No... no, that's impossible.

Search your feelings.

You know it to be true.



Yuh-huh,I heard Mommy say so.

(weak, whimpering moan)


(all gasp)

I have all the dice.

I am the dungeon master!

I know all and see...

(pained grunt)Ow!

Game over.

(evil laughter)

(laughter continues)


(evil laughter)


No... No!

(all screaming)

(all yelling)

Mom...?What happened?

(confused chatter)

My God, we're out ofthat weird crazy world

and back in ourregular crazy world!

Uh, did we all just havesome kind of freaky dream?

Or was it ghosts?

Neither, Fry.

It was science.

Bender's mighty imagination,

amplified by adark matter resonance,

created an alternate realitythat very nearly blew our minds!


You can't make thatkind of stuff up.

Quit trying to explaineverything!

I defeated you in that worldand I'll defeat you in this one.

Boys, the crystal'sstill in his stomach.

Commencing intestinalflash flood.


Before my moment of shame,can I...


Yes, speak up.


Can I give my boy a hug?

All right, fine.

I've never done it.I guess somebody should.


Like father,like son, eh, boy?

We both eated the cryssles.

(both laughing)

No... No!


(loud belch)(loud belch)

My dark matter!

It's worthless!

That's right, Mom!

But fear not, fancy folk,

for I've just thunk up analternative energy source.

Nibbler power!


Wait, what?


(lips smacking)

Mush! Mush!

Whip harder,Professor!

(groaning and cheering)


(whip cracks)Faster!

Slower!(whip cracking)