November 5, 2014 - Kirsten Gillibrand

  • 11/05/2014

Rep. Barbara Lee talks about California's 13th district, voters legalize marijuana in Washington, D.C., and Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand discusses "Off the Sidelines."

>> Stephen: TONIGHT, I PROFILEONE OF CONGRESS' LAST REMAINING

DEMOCRATS.

I'LL ASK HER HOW SHE PLANS TOREPOPULATE THE SPECIES.

THEN BIG CHANGES COME TO THESENATE.

NOW IT'S RUN BY A TOTALLYDIFFERENT OLD WHITE GUY.

( LAUGHTER )AND MY GUEST TONIGHT IS

DEMOCRATIC NEW YORK SENATORKIRSTEN GILLIBRAND.

I'LL ASK HER WHAT IT'S LIKE TOPANDER TO THE GREATEST PEOPLE IN

AMERICA!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )A NEW YORK DOCTOR INFECTED WITH

EBOLA IS REPORTEDLY NOW WELLENOUGH TO PLAY THE BANJO.

PEOPLE IMMEDIATELY STOPPEDWISHING HIM A SPEEDY RECOVERY.

( LAUGHTER )THIS IS THE "COLBERT REPORT."

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Stephen: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT, EVERYBODY.

IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU WITH US.

(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN!")

>> Stephen: THANK YOU, LADIESAND GENTLEMEN.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Stephen: THANK YOU, LADIES

AND GENTLEMEN.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEINGHERE. GOOD TO HAVE YOU

WITH US IN HERE, OUT THERE, ALLAROUND THE WORLD.

I HAVE TO TELL YOU AFTER AGREETING LIKE THAT I WOULD NOT

KICK YOU OUT OF BED FOR EATINGCRACKERS, FOLKS.

LET'S GET RIGHT TO THE BIGSTORY, LAST NIGHT'S MIDTERM

ELECTIONS.

HUGE NIGHT FOR THE REPUBLICANSACROSS THE COUNTRY.

THEY WON EVERYTHING. THE SENATEMAJORITY, THE BIGGER HOUSE

MAJORITY, TIGHT GOVERNORS' RACESAND A GIRAFFE FROM ONE OF THOSE

CLAW MACHINES.

( LAUGHTER )I MEAN, THEY WERE ON FIRE.

I DON'T KNOW WHY DEMOCRATSDIDN'T TURN OUT TO VOTE

YESTERDAY.

WHAT WITH ALL THE INSPIRINGFUND-RAISING E-MAILS THE

DEMOCRATIC CONGRESSIONALCAMPAIGN COMMITTEE SENT OUT,

LIKE "ALL HOPE IS LOST."

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

AND SURE, AS A CONSERVATIVE ITIS TEMPTING TO GLOAT, BUT I'M

GOING TO BE HUMBLE ABOUT THISFOR TWO REASONS.

ONE, BECAUSE I AM AMAZING ATBEING HUMBLE, OKAY.

( LAUGHTER )FANTASTIC.

AND, TWO, I WANT TO BE SENSITIVETO ALL MY LIBERAL VIEWERS.

I HAVE BEEN TOLD SOME LIBERALSDO WATCH THE SHOW.

I DON'T KNOW WHY.

IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.

AS HAPPY AS I AM THAT AMERICA ISNOW HEADED IN THE RIGHT

DIRECTION, I'M NOT GOING TOSPIKE THE METAPHORICAL FOOTBALL

OR EVEN THE LITERAL FOOTBALL IHAD MADE WITH OBAMA'S FACE ON IT

RIGHT THERE, OKAY. NOT WORTH IT.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

WOULDN'T BE RIGHT.

I'M ALSO NOT GOING TO HAVE ABALLOON DROP BECAUSE THAT WOULD

BE TACKY.

JIM, LET'S CANCEL THE BALLOONDROP.

LET'S JUST CLEAR THE BALLOONSOUT OF THAT NET AND GET ALL

VICTORY MUSIC OUT OF SPEAKERS.

COME ON, GET RIT RID OF IT, GETIT OUT OF THERE.

♪ ♪( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

WHOOO!

WHOOO!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT, OKAY?

THERE'S A TIME FOR ALL THATLATER, MAYBE AFTER THE NEXT

COMMERCIAL BREAK.

, OF COURSE, THERE ARE A HANDFULL OF DEMOCRATS WHO DID KEEP

THEIR JOBS LAST NIGHT.

FOR INSTANCE, THE SUBJECT OF THE81st INSTALLMENT OF MY

434-PART SERIES, "BETTER KNOW ADISTRICT."

TONIGHT CALIFORNIA'S 13th,THE FIGHTIN' 13th!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )CALIFORNIA'S 13th COVERS A

LONG STRETCH OF CALIFORNIA'SEAST BAY, MAKING IT HOME TO BOTH

THE OAKLAND ATHLETICS, AND THEBERKELEY NON-ATHLETICS.

( LAUGHTER )FAMED CARTOONIST RUBE GOLDBERG

GRADUATED FROM U.C. BERKELEYWITH AN ENGINEERING DEGREE IN

1904, THOUGH HE DIDN'T GET ITHOWNG HIS WALL UNTIL 1932.

THE DISTRICT IS ALSO HOME TOCOMPANY HEADQUARTERS FOR CLIF

BAR AND NORTHFACE CLOTHING,ESSENTIAL PRODUCTS FOR BOTH

CALIFORNIA'S RUGGED OUTDOORSMENAND DRUGGED INDOORSMEN.

ROCKER JIM MORRISON ATTENDEDHIGH SCHOOL IN THE 13th TOWN

OF ALAMEDA.

THOUGH, LIKE MANY TEENAGERS, HISHIGH SCHOOL BAND MAINLY JUST

PLAYED DOORS COVERS.

AND WHO HAS THE SLIGIN' BERKENSTOCKS TO REPRESENT THIS

DISTRICT?

IT'S NONE OTHER THAN CONGRESSMANBARBARA LEE.

I SAT DOWN WITH REPRESENTATIVELEE IN HER WASHINGTON OFFICE.

CONGRESSWOMAN, THANK YOU SO MUCHFOR TALKING TO ME TODAY.

>> HAPPY TO BE WITH YOU.

>> Stephen: CONGRESSWOMANBARBARA LEE.

MAY I CALL YOU BABS?

>> JEANIE OR BEBE, PLEASE.>> Stephen: OK, JEANIE OR BEBE

>> OR BARBARA.

>> Stephen: BABS, TELL ME ABOUTTHE LUCKY 13th.

>> IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFULDISTRICT IN THE COUNTRY.

>> THE MOST-->> VERY CREATIVE, VERY

PROGRESSIVE PEOPLE.

>> Stephen: YOUR DISTRICTINCLUDES WHAMO TOYS, MAKERS OF

HULA HOOPS AND SILLY STRING.

IT ALSO INCLUDES OAKLAND WHICHIS ONE OF THE MOST DIVERSE

CITIES IN THE AMERICA WITHMORE THAN 125 LANGUAGES SPOKEN.

>> ISN'T THAT GREAT.

>> Stephen: THAT'S INCREDIBLE.CAN YOU TRANSLATE THIS

LOCAL EXPRESSION? IMA HITTABLEEZY AND SOME YAY

START PERKIN, GET HELLA HYPHYAND GHOST RIDE MY WHIP.

>> WHAT LANGUAGE IS THAT?

>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW. DID ISAY THAT RIGHT?

I'VE BEEN TOLD I SAID THATRIGHT.

>> GREAT, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WEREA LINGUIST.

>> I'M A CUNNING LINGUIST.(AUDIENCE REACTS)

>> THAT'S PRETTY GOOD>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: GERTRUDE STEINFAMOUSLY SAID OF OAKLAND,

"THERE IS NO THERE, THERE."

CONGRESSWOMAN, IS THERE, THERE,THERE?

>> THERE'S A LOT THERE.

>> Stephen: IT SAYS OAKLAND ISTHE THIRD LARGEST CONCENTRATION

OF LESBIANS IN THE COUNTRY.

ARE YOU SURE THAT'S AN ACCURATECOUNT?

SOMETIMES THEY GET ALL TANGLEDUP AND IT'S HARD TO TELL, HOW

MANY TO TELL HOW MANY LESBIANSTHERE ARE IN THAT PILE.

>> OAKLAND IS A VERY OPEN ANDBEAUTIFUL SEA.

>> Stephen: BEING JUST A FEWMILES FROM SAN FRANCISCO, WHICH

IS A HOMOSEXUAL MECCA, IS THEREA LOT OF LESBIAN SPILLOVER?

>> PEOPLE COME TO OAKLAND.

EVERYONE COMES TO OAKLANDBECAUSE THEY LOVE LIVING IN

OAKLAND.

>> Stephen: OAKLAND COLISEUMIS WHERE THE WAVE WAS INVENTED.

>> I TOLD YOU OAKLAND WAS REALLYCOOL.

>> REALLY ALTHOUGH, COOL PEOPLE.

DO YOU WANT TO GET A WAVESTARTED HERE?

>> OKAY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS )

>> Stephen: WOW.

THAT WAS EXCITING.

>> FUN.

>> Stephen: HERE'S A FUNFACT-- YOU ARE A TRAITOR BECAUSE

YOU INFAMOUSLY WERE THE LONEDISSENTING VOICE FOR THE

AUTHORIZATION OF THE USE OFMILITARY FORCE, THE UMAF, AFTER

THE TERROR ATTACKS IN 2001.

HOW COULD YOU STAND UP THERE ANDSAY I LOVE AL QAEDA?

HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT ON THEFLOOR OF CONGRESS?

>> I NEVER SAID THAT. IT WAS ABLANK CHECK.

>> Stephen: YES.

>> TO WAGE PERPETUAL WAR THATTHE CONGRESS GAVE TO ANY

PRESIDENT UNTIL WE REPEAL IT,AND I WANT TO REPEAL IT.

>> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU LOVEMOST ABOUT TERRORISM?

THE PAT-DOWNS AT THE AIRPORTS.

I DON'T EVEN WEAR UNDERWEARANYMORE.

>> WE SHOULD HAVE A DEBATE INCONGRESS SO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE

UNDERSTAND THE COSTS ANDCONSEQUENCES OF GOING TO WAR

FOREVER IF THAT'S WHAT WE'REGOING TO DO.

>> Stephen: I'LL BE EVERYONEELSE IN CONGRESS

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )I THINK WE SHOULD BOMB THE

PEOPLE WHO WANT TO KILL US.

A REBUTTAL.

>> IS IT GOING TO MAKE US SAFEROR LESS SAFE?

>> Stephen: IT'S GOING TO MAKETHEM DEADER, THAT'S GOOD

ENOUGH FOR ME. >>IN 5 YEARS, DO WE HAVE ISIS 2?

>> Stephen: WHAT IS YOURALTERNATIVE FOR STOPPING ISIS,

WRITING SOME PASSIVE AGGRESSIVENOTE.

"HEY, YOU GUYS, A LOT OF PEOPLEARE SAYING IT'S A BAD THING

YOU'RE DOING OVER THERE, NOT ME,BECAUSE I THINK YOU'RE COOL,

BUT OTHER PEOPLE THINK IT WOULDBE BETTER FOR

YOUR REPUTATION IF YOUSTOPPED.

P.S., ARE YOU GOING TO THE PARTYTOGETHER, LET'S GO TOGETHER?

>> NO WAY.>> Stephen: LET'S MOVE ON.

IT SAYS HERE YOU WERE ON THEADOPTION CAUCUS.

WERE YOU TEMPTED TO FIND OUTYOUR BIOLOGICAL CAUCUS?

>> I DON'T THINK WE HAVE ABIOLOGICAL CAUCUS.

>> Stephen: REALLY?

>> I DON'T THINK SO.

I'LL CHECK.

>> Stephen: YOU ARE ON THEURBAN CAUCUS.

AREN'T YOU A LIFETIME MEMBER OFTHE URBAN CAUCUS?

>> LIFETIME MEMBER OF THEURBAN-- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

>> Stephen: AREN'T YOUGRANDFATHERED INTO THE URBAN

CAUCUS?

>> GRANDFATHERED IN?

WE RUN EVERY TWO YEARS.

IN THE ELECTIONS.

>> Stephen: RIGHT, OKAY.

>> YOU CAN ONLY TAKE IT TWOYEARS AT A TIME.

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW WHAT IMEAN WHEN I SAY "URBAN."

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

>>>> Stephen: URBAN.

>> LIKE WHERE I LIVE WHERE WEHAVE SIDEWALKS.

>> Stephen: YOU KNOW, URBANPEOPLE.

>> I LIVE IN A BEAUTIFUL CITY.

>> Stephen: I DON'T SEE RACE,BUT I DO SEE URBAN.

ARE YOU URBAN?

>> I LIVE IN AN URBAN COMMUNITY.

I DON'T LIVE IN AN URBANCOMMUNITY, ALTHOUGH I LOVE RURAL

COMMUNITIES.

I LIVE IN AN URBAN COMMUNITY.

>> Stephen: YOU WERE INVOLVEDIN THE BLACK PANTHERS IN

COLLEGE.

WAS THAT ANOTHER FREE LOVEGROUP.

>> I WASN'T A MEMBER OF THEBLACK PANTHERS

>> Stephen: THEY WOULDN'T LETYOU IN?

>> I DIDN'T EVEN APPLY.

I WORKED ON COMMUNITY PROGRAMS,LIKE THE SCHOOLS

>> Stephen: SO YOU NEVEROFFICIALLY JOINED THE BLACK

PANTHERS.

>> NEVER.

>> DOES THAT MEAN YOU CAN ONLYRAISE YOUR FIST THIS HIGH?

>> THAT'S A QUESTION I CAN'TEVEN ANSWER BECAUSE IT'S SO

STUPID.>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU SPONSORED A BILL TO SUPPORTPROGRAMS FOR

COMPREHENSIVE SEX EDUCATION. HOWCOMPREHENSIVE ARE WE

TALKING ABOUT HERE BECAUSE THEREIS SOME CRAZY

STUFF ON THE INTERNET I WOULDN'TWANT KIDS TO FIND OUT ABOUT.

>> PUBLIC SCHOOLS SHOULD BE ABLETO TEACH KIDS HOW TO PREVENT

UNWANTED PREGNANCIES ANDSEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE.

>> Stephen: BUT WHEN WE WEREKIDS--

( APPLAUSE )SEX WAS SO MUCH SIMPLER.

THERE WAS THIS WAY, THAT WAY,THAT THING, LADY ON TOP, AND

YOU WERE DONE.

NOW, IT'S SO COMPLICATED.

WE DON'T WANT TO BURDEN THESEKIDS WITH COMPREHENSIVE

EDUCATION ABOUT IT.

LET'S JUST SAY, YOU KNOW, IT'SSOMETHING NOT VERY NICE THAT YOU

DO WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED, AND ALSODON'T DO IT.

AND JUST BE BE DONE RIGHT THERE.

>> KIDS NEED TO KNOW ABOUTHEALTH CARE.

>> Stephen: WHY NOTCOMPREHENSIVE ABSTINENCE

EDUCATION?

>> SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT'S THEONLY WAY.

>> Stephen: SOME THIS PERSON.

>> YOUNG PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ALLTHE OPTIONS SO THAT THEY CAN BE

EDUCATED.

>> Stephen: I'M PRACTICINGABSTINENCE RIGHT NOW

AS WE SPEAK.>> MORE POWER TO YOU.

>> Stephen: THAT COULD CHANGEIF YOU PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT.

>> GEEZ, MY GOD.>> Stephen: I'M JUST SAYING

>> YOU ARE REALLY CRAZY.>> Stephen: AM I THE ONLY ONE?

CAN'T BE THE ONLY ONE FEELINGTHIS RIGHT NOW.

>> GEEZ.

>> Stephen: THE TENSION INHERE IS SO THICK.

>> OH MY GOD

I MEAN IT IS-- IT HANGS LIKE ATHICK MUSK IN THE AIR RIGHT NOW.

>> YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

>> Stephen: REALLY.

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: ARE YOU SURE?

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: ARE YOU SURE.

>> I'M POSITIVE.

>> Stephen: TURN THE CAMERASOFF.

ARE YOU SURE?

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: LET ME ASK YOU ONEMORE QUESTION.

CONGRESSWOMAN, WOULD YOU LIKE TOCELEBRATE YOUR DISTRICT WITH ME?

>> SURE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪

>> Stephen: CONGRESSWOMAN,THANK YOU FOR TALKING TO ME

TODAY.

( LAUGHTER )>> Stephen: LET'S PUT

CALIFORNIA'S 13th UP ON THEBIG BOARD!

OH, IT LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE TOOKJIM MORRISON UP ON HIS OFFER TO

LIGHT HIS FIRE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK.

OH, HI!

FOLKS, YOU CAUGHT ME, YOU CAUGHTME SNACKING.

ON THIS ROASTED DONKEY LEG.

THAT I'M DEFINITELY NOT SERVINGTO MY GUEST DEMOCRATIC SENATOR

KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND, BECAUSE THATWOULD BE INSENSITIVE.

BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU FOLKS,SHE IS-- MMM-- SHE IS MISSING

OUT BECAUSE IT IS SO TENDER.

IT MUST HAVE BEEN THAT BOOTSTOMPING IT GOT LAST NIGHT.

AND I AM SURE THAT SENATORGILLIBRAND IS ALREADY FULL OF

HUMBLE PIE AFTER THE ELECTORALDEVASTATION.

>> ANGRY VOTERS GAVE THE G.O.P.

A LANDSLIDE VICTORY.

>> IT WAS SUCH A TSUNAMI LASTNIGHT.

>> THE REPUBLICAN MIDTERM TIDALWAVE WASHING OVER CONGRESS.

>> A POLITICAL EARTHQUAKE.

>> Stephen: YEAH, IT WAS ALAND SLIDE, A TSUNAMI, A TIDAL

WAVE, EARTHQUAKE-- ALL THETHINGS GOD SENDS WHEN HE'S HAPPY

WITH WHAT'S GOING ON.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

AND IT WAS A GREAT NIGHT.

IT WAS A GREAT NIGHT FOR THEFRESH NEW FACE OF THE G.O.P.,

MITCH McCONNELL.

A FACE SO FRESH IT HASN'TEVEN GROWN LIPS YET.

( LAUGHTER )MEANWHILE, LAST NIGHT, BARACK

OBAMA HAD TO WATCH HIS LEGACY GOUP IN SMOKE, BUT THANKS TO A

WASHINGTON BALLOT INITIATIVE,THAT IS NOW LEGAL.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> WASHINGTON, D.C. VOTED TOLEGALIZE POT USE AND POSSESSION

IN SMALL AMOUNTS.

>> WASHINGTON, D.C., THENATION'S CAPITAL, LEGALIZING

MARIJUANA.

, POSSESSING UP TO TWO OUNCES OFMARIJUANA FOR PERSONAL USE IS

NOW LEGAL.

>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT, D.C.

NOW STANDS FOR DANK CHRONIC.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

AND THANKS TO THIS NEW LAW, WEARE NEVER GOING TO GET LINCOLN

OFF THAT DAMN COUCH.

( APPLAUSE )AND IF ANYONE NEEDS TO TAKE THE

EDGE OFF AFTER LAST NIGHT, IT ISTHIS GUY.

SO I SAY, GO FOR IT SIR.

APPOINT YOURSELF COMMANDER INSPLEEF.

YOU'RE LOOKING AT TWO YEARS OFTHE REPUBLICAN HOUSE AND SENATE.

WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULDHAPPEN?

YOU GET HIGH AND NOTHING GETSDONE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )YOU GET HIGH, AND MAYBE GET

PARANOID THAT CONGRESS IS OUT TOGET YOU?

YOU KNOW, THE WHITE HOUSE HAS AMOVIE THEATER AND A BOWLING

ALLEY.

I SAY IT'S TIME TO TEAR UPMICHELLE'S ORGANIC KALE PATCH

AND PLANT SOME SKUNK FORCE ONE.

AND SIR, IF YOU EVER GET THEMUNCHIES,

THE SECRET SERVICE HAS PROVENTHAT THE DOMINO'S GUY CAN JUST

JUMP OVER THE FENCE.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A DEMOCRATICSENATOR, I PLAN TO RECORD HER

LANGUAGE BEFORE HER TRIBEDISAPPEARS FOREVER.

PLEASE WELCOME KIRSTENGILLIBRAND!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )SENATOR, THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR BEING HERE.

NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

MADAM, ARE YOU A DEMOCRATICSENATOR FROM THE GREAT STATE OF

NEW YORK, AND YOU'VE GOT A NEWBOOK, AND IT IS CALLED "OFF THE

SIDELINES-- RAISE YOUR VOICE,CHANGE THE WORLD."

THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

I KNOW YOU GOT A BOOK TO PUSH.

( LAUGHTER )BUT IT MUST HAVE BEEN HARD TO

GET OUT OF BED THIS MORNING.

KNOWING THAT THE DEMOCRATS HAVEBEEN RELEGATED TO THE DUST BIN

OF HISTORY.

AFTER LAST NIGHT'S ELECTIONS,THE LAST ELECTION, I UNDERSTAND,

THERE EVER WILL BE.

( LAUGHTER )HOW DOES IT FEEL?

WAS IT HARD TO GET UP THISMORNING?

>> YOU KNOW, I WAS A LITTLEDISAPPOINTED, OF COURSE.

BUT, YOU KNOW, IT REMAINS TO BESEEN TO SEE IF MITCH MdCONNELL

SAYS-- IS GOING TO DO WHAT HESAYS HE'S GOING TO DO WHICH IS

ACTUALLY TRY BRING PEOPLETOGETHER AND GET THINGS DONE.

>> Stephen: ARE YOU DEMOCRATSARE FINALLY GOING TO GET OUT OF

THE WAY, STOP BEING SUCHOBSTRUCTIONIST OF THE

REPUBLICANS' AGENDA?

I MEAN, ALL THE THINGS THEY RANON,

ARE YOU GOING TO HELP THEMACHIEVE THOSE PLANS FOR

AMERICA'S BETTER FUTURE?

>> WE'RE GOING TO TRY TO FINDCOMMON GROUND, AND THAT'S

SOMETHING I HAVE DONE IN THEPAST, AND DOING SOMETHING LIKE

MAKING SURE STUDENTS CANREFINANCE THEIR FEDERAL LOANS

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )YOU KNOW, WORKING ON ENDING

SEXUAL ASSAULT ON COLLEGECAMPUSES--

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THAT'S THE KIND OF COMMON GROUND

I HOPE WE CAN GET DONE, AND ITHINK WHAT THE ELECTION WAS

REALLY ABOUT IS PEOPLE AREANGRY.

THEY'RE FRUSTRATED.

THEY LOOK AT WASHINGTON AND THEYKNOW IT'S BROKEN, AND THEY WANT

US TO LISTEN TO THEM AND DOTHEIR JOB.

AND I'M AS FRUSTRATED AS THEYARE.

>> Stephen: ARE YOU GOING TOHELP THE REPUBLICANS ACHIEVE

THEIR NUMBER ONE GOAL-- BUILD ATIME MACHINE AND MAKE BARACK

OBAMA NEVER HAVING EXISTED?

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE ).

>> WELL, I HOPE THAT THEY ARESINCERE AND ACTUALLY WANT TO DO

THE BUSINESS OF THE AMERICANPEOPLE, FOCUS ON THE ECONOMY,

FOCUSING ON GETTING THINGS DONE.

>> Stephen: YOU ACTUALLY AREON AN INTERESTING COMMITTEE.

YOU'RE ON THE ENVIRONMENT ANDPUBLIC WORKS COMMITTEE.

AND NOW YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE ANEW CHAIRMAN, JAMES INHOFE.

YOU AND HE DIFFER SLIGHTLY ONGLOBAL WARMING.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: HE'S GOT SOMEINTERESTING IDEAS.

HE BELIEVES IT IS NOT HAPPENING.

( LAUGHTER )AND THAT IT IS A HOAX.

OKAY?

WHERE IS THE MIDDLE GROUND FORTHE TWO OF YOU?

ARE YOU GOING TO COME OVER TOHIS SIDE?

ARE YOU GOING TO COMPROMISE ONTHAT ONE AND JUST SAY IT'S NOT

HAPPENING AND I'M SURE HE'LLAGREE WITH YOU.

>> I THINK THERE ARE SOME COMMONSENSE THINGS WE CAN WORK ON

ANY NEW YORKER KNOWS HOWCRUSHING SUPERSTORM SANDY WAS,

SO YOU HAVE THESE VIOLENTSUPERSTORMS COMING NOT ONCE

EVERY 100 YEARS BUT ONCE EVERYTWO YEARS.

WE HAVE TO BE ABLE TO COMETOGETHER TO WORK ON THINGS AND

ACTUALLY ADDRESS IT.

>> Stephen: BUT HE'S FROMOKLAHOMA AND THEY DON'T HAVE

HURRICANES.

>> BUT THEY HAVE TORNADOES ANDTHERE ARE WILDFIRES IN THE WEST.

>> Stephen: AND THEY'REPREPARED TO ALLOW OKLAHOMA TO

BECOME ETHIOPIA, AND THAT IS THEOPPOSITE OF OUR PROBLEM, WHICH

WILL BE TOO MUCH WATER.

OKAY.

MAYBE YOU COULD MEET TOGETHERSOMEWHERE IN APPALACHA WHERE THE

WATERS WON'T RISE?

>> I WILL TRY TO WORK TOGETHERTO FIND COMMON GROUND TO ADDRESS

THESE REAL CHALLENGES OURCOMMUNITIES ARE FACING.

>> Stephen: DO YOU THINK THATWASHINGTON WILL GET ANY MORE...

FRIENDLY NOW THAT Y'ALL CANSMOKE POT WITH EACH OTHER?

( LAUGHTER )LEGALLY.

DO YOU SMOKE POT?

>> NO.

BUT I THINK IT'S INTERESTINGTHAT A LOT OF STATES ARE TAKING

IT UP AS A REFERENDUM.

I THINK IT'S SOMETHING THAT ISVERY RIPE FOR REVIEW.

AND I THINK FOR OUR STATE, IT'SREALLY IMPORTANT THAT ANY PERSON

WHO IS PRESCRIBED MEDICALMARIJUANA GETS ACCESS TO IT.

IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: BUT LEGALLY,LEGALLY, WHEN YOU'RE DOWN DOING

YOUR JOB, YOU KNOW, AND AFTERHOURS, LEGALLY, YOU GUYS COULD

ALL GET TOGETHER AND SMOKE POT.

>> WE COULD.

>> Stephen: YOU COULD.

>> WE COULD.

>> Stephen: MAYBE THAT WOULDHELP, MAYBE AND YOU MITCH

MdCONNELL GET TOGETHER-- I'MNOT SAYING, I DON'T SMOKE POT,

BUT MAYBE YOU GUYS COULD SMOKEPOT AND BE LIKE, "WHAT ARE WE

TALKING ABOUT?

YOU'RE COOL, I LOVE YOU."

YOU KNOW.

HE CAN CATCH HIS REFLECTION INSOMETHING AND GO,

"I DO LOOK LIKE A TURTLE.THAT'S HILARIOUS."

YOU KNOW? THINK ABOUT IT.

IT COULD TURN THE CAPITOL INTOONE BIG BONG, IT WOULD BE

FANTASTIC.

WHAT DO YOU HOPE-- IF YOU COULDBRING LEGISLATION TO THE

REPUBLICANS, WHAT WOULD YOU--WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, "GUYS, LET'S

DO THIS TOGETHER?"WHAT WOULD YOU BRING TO THE

FLOOR FIRST?

>> I WOULD FOCUS ON ECONOMICAGENDA AND SPECIFICALLY PAID

FAMILY LEAVE. WE ARE THE ONLYINDUSTRIAL COUNTRY IN THE WORLD

THAT DOESN'T CREATE PAID LEAVEFOR FAMILY EMERGENCIES

WHETHER IT'S A NEW BABY, A SICKFAMILY MEMBER,

AGING AND DYING PARENT.

>> Stephen: BUT WE DO ALLOW THEMTO LEAVE

PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO LEAVETHEIR JOBS. THAT'S A STEP

YOU CAN LEAVE.

YOU JUST CAN'T COME BACK.

>> MOST PEOPLE CAN'T AFFORD TOLEAVE.

THE WOMAN WHO IS IT GOING TOCLEAN THE STUDIO TONIGHT CAN'T

AFFORD TO TAKE DAYS UNPAID.

WE HAVE TO MAKE SURE ALLWORKERS, PARTICULARLY WOMEN, WHO

ARE OFTEN DEALING WITH A LOT OFFAMILY EMERGENCIES CAN GET THE

SUPPORT THEY NEED TO BE IN THEWORKPLACE AND ACHIEVE THEIR FULL

POTENTIAL.

AND I WOULD FOCUS ON SOMETHINGAS SIMPLE AS EQUAL PAY FOR EQUAL

WORK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: I RECENTLY, IDIDN'T KNOW THIS, I RECENTLY

FOUND OUT I WAS A FEMINIST SO IHAVE TO AGREE WITH YOU.

WHEN YOU SAY "OFF THE SIDELINES"ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THE

DEMOCRATS OR ARE YOU TALKINGABOUT WOMEN OR ANYBODY?

WHO IS ON THE SIDELINES THAT YOUHAVE TO GET OFF THEM?

>> IT'S ABOUT WOMEN.

>> Stephen: I CAN INTERESTED?

>> YOU CAN READ IT.

IF YOU DO YOU WILL LEARN A LOTABOUT-- YOU WILL LEARN A LOT

ABOUT YOUR WIFE.

>> Stephen: ONE THING IUNDERSTAND ABOUT MY WIFE, SHE

DOESN'T LIKE IT WHEN I HOLDHANDS WITH WOMEN.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

SENATOR KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THANK YOU.

THE BOOK IS "OFF THE SIDELINES."

READ IT, MALE, FEMALE, GO GETIT.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> Stephen: THAT'S IT FOR THEREPORT, EVERYBODY.

GOOD NIGHT.