Monday, January 27, 2014

  • Season 1, Ep 01013
  • 01/27/2014

It's a reunion of The State as Michael Showalter, Kerri Kenney-Silver and Michael Ian Black of the legendary sketch group take to the podiums and battle it out.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES IT'S "RAPID REFRESH."

FIRST FOREIGN BUZZ IN THECORRECT ANSWER GETS 100 POINTS.

RAPPER PHARRELL WILLIAMS WORETHIS HAT AT LAST NIGHT'S

GRAMMYS.

(LAUGHTER)DID HE MURDER A PROSPECTER?

(LAUGHTER)THERE'S GOLD!

THIS, OF COURSE, SPARKEDPHARRELL'S HAT TWITTER HANDLE A

TWEET FROM ARBY'S ASKINGPHARRELL TO RETURN ITS HAT.

(LAUGHTER)SEEN HERE.

AND A SERIES OF DELIGHTFULMEMES.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MEMES GOTTHE MOST RETWEETS.

A)SMOKY THE BEAR'S REAL TWITTER

ACCOUNT.

B.) THIS CURIOUS GEORGE PEOPLEWITH THE CAPTION "SPRING BOOK,

2014."

OR C)A FA RELL AS TOY STORY'S WOODY

CAPTURED TO INFINITY ANDBEYONCE.

MIKE BLACK?

>> SMOKEY BEAR, A!

>> Chris: THE CORRECT ANSWER IS,A FOR 100 POINTS.

>> I WAS HOPING THE ANSWER WASGOING TO BE WOODY BECAUSE I

WANTED TO HEAR EVERYBODY SAYWOODY.

>> Chris: THE BIGGEST WINNERLAST NIGHT WASN'T ON THE GRAMMYS

IT WAS ROYAL RUMBLE WINNERBATISTA BUT IT WAS TRULY AMERICA

WHO WON BECAUSE WE WERE ALLWITNESSES TO THE EPIC W.W.E. FAN

FREAKOUT FILMED BY THISGENTLEMAN'S INCREDIBLY

UNDERSTANDING AND PATIENTGIRLFRIEND AND THEN POSTED ON

WORLD STAR HIP-HOP.

>> MICHAEL!

>> THIS LASTED FOR (BLEEP) UNTILTHE NEXT WHISTLE!

GO!

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: OKAY.

THIS GUY'S GIRLFRIEND FILMEDTHIS.

THERE IS NO REASON WHY ANYONESHOULD BE SINGLE EVER!

(LAUGHTER)THERE IS CLEARLY SOMEONE FOR

EVERYONE!

(LAUGHTER)>> I JUST -- I WOULD HAVE PUT MY

NEWS A DIFFERENT T-SHIRT IF IHAD KNOWN HE WAS GOING TO BE ALL

OVER THE U.B.S..

>> I WOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM ADIFFERENT BODY IF I'D KNOWN HE

WAS GOING TO BE ON YOUTUBE.

>> HE WAS VERY UPSET ABOUTBATISTA.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING REALCOMMENTS RECEIVED THE MOST UP

VOTES.

A)BRA GOT A BEARD AND TOYS.

B)SOME "N" WORD I CAN'T SAY WEAR

ROCK FELLA SHIRTS BECAUSE THAT'STHE ONLY BRAND THAT SELLS 6-XL.

NUTELLA, PLEASE.

(LAUGHTER)OR, C)

I HAVE A FEELING HIS HOUSESMELLS LIKE FUNYUNS, FEET AND

DIRT.

MIKE BLACK?

>> C!

>> Chris: THE CORRECT ANSWER IS,IN FACT, B!

THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!

TIME FOR TONIGHT'S HASHTAG WARS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)ALL RIGHT, "THE STATE" WAS ONE

OF THE GREATEST SKETCH COMEDYSHOWS ON MTV IN THE 1990s.

TWLERP AROUND THE SAME TIME,ALMOST.

>> BACK IN THE 1900s.

>> THE 1990s, KIDS, THAT WASBEFORE WE HAD MACHINES!

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: WELL, IN HONOR OF YOUR

GUY'S SHOW WE DECIDED TO MAKEOUR HASHTAG TONIGHT "SAD T.V.

SHOWS."

(AUDIENCE REACTS)BASICALLY MAKING A T.V. SHOW

TITLE SAD.

SO INSTANCES WOULD BE "ALL INTHE DEATH IN THE FAMILY."

OR "SLAVES BY THE BELL."

OR "RENO 9/11."

(LAUGHTER)SO I'LL PUT 60 SECOND ON THE

CLOCK STARTING NOW.

GO.

SHOWALTER?

>> "THE WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE."

>> Chris: POINTS!

KERRI KENNEY.

>> "HOW I LEFT THE GUY I THINKMIGHT BE YOUR FATHER."

>> Chris: VERY SAD TALE.

POINTS.

MIKE BLACK?

>> THE BRAIDSY BUNCH.

>> Chris: WHY IS THAT SAD?

>> IT'S GOT "AIDS" IN THE MIDDLEOF IT.

>> Chris: POINTS.

I HAVE TO GIVE HIM POINTS.

SHOW WALTER?

>> "DOWNER ABBEY."

>> Chris: KERRI KENNEY?

>> THE BIG GANG BANG THEORY.

>> Chris: NOT SO SAD!

>> IT IS IF IT'S HAPPENING TOYOU.

>> Chris: MIKE BLACK?

>> FULL HOUSE OF CHILDREN ORPHANBID THE EARTHQUAKE IN HAITI.

>> Chris: POINTS!

THAT'S VERY SAD.

KERRI KENNY?

>> ">> "AMERICA'S GOT CRABS."

>> Chris: TRAU STATEMENT.

MIKE BLACK?

>> DORA THE BICURIOUS EXPLORER.

>> Chris: POINTS.

THE MIKE SHOW WALTER?

>> CHERNOBYL 5-0.

>> Chris: KERRI?

>> LAW AND ORDER SPECIALOLYMPICS UNIT.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)>> Chris: POINTS!

MIKE?

>> THE "TONIGHT SHOW" WITH CONANO'BRIEN!

>> Chris: POINTS!

THAT WAS A SAD THING THATHAPPENED.

DEFINITELY.

IT'S TIME TO PLAY "SPECIALSKILLS."

(APPLAUSE)ACTORS ALL OVER THE WORLD GOES

TO SITES LIKE www.backstage.comTHAT INCLUDE REALLY SPECIFIC

ENTRIES LIKE THE SPECIAL SKILLSCATEGORY.

THAT'S BASICALLY WHERE YOU SAYYOU CAN DO A LOT OF STUFF AND

YOU CAN SAY "?

F SOMEONE EVER ASKS ME I'LL(BLEEP)ING FIGURE IT OUT."

LIKE FOR INSTANCE THIS ACTRESS,DANCER, MODEL, ARTIST TYPE

PERSON.

SO IF YOU GUYS NEED AN ATHLETICPOET YOGI WHO CAN ROLLERBLADE

CROSS EYED WITH A CARIBBEANACCENT ADDIE BANKS IS YOUR GAL.

COMEDIANS, I'M GOING TO SHOW YOUAN ACTOR'S HEAD SHOT WE FOUND ON

www.backstage.com.

YOU BUZZ IN WITH A FUNNY SPECIALSKILL YOU THINK THEY'D POE SAYS.

HERE'S THE FIRST ONE.

THAT LADY.

SHOW WALTER?

>> CAN ROTATE HEAD 360 DEGREESLIKE THE EXORCIST.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)ALSO SPEAKING IN TONGUES AND DOE

MONIC POSSESSION.

>> Chris: POINTS.

YES, MIKE BLACK?

>> NO LEFT SIDE.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: HOW IS THAT A SPECIAL

SKILL?

>> YOU TRY NOT HAVING A LEFTSIDE.

>> Chris: WELL, I DON'T WANT TOTRY NOT HAVING A LEFT SIDE.

I'M SORRY.

OKAY, POINTS.

I'M SORRY.

NEXT ONE?

NEXT.

THAT GUY.

MIKE BLACK?

>> HOGWARTS CUSTODIAN.

>> Chris: YES!

HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE FILCH!

SHOW WALTER?

IT'S SO GREAT TO HAVE YOU HERE

AND IT'S UNFORTUNATE THE REST OFTHE CAST COULDN'T BE HERE

THERE'S SO MANY MEMBERS OF "THESTATE" AND IT WAS SUCH A GREAT

ENSEMBLE CAST.

>> THANK YOU, CHRIS.

PEOPLE ASK US ALL THE TIME, ISTHE STATE GOING TO GET BACK

TOGETHER?

IT'S HARD TO GET US TOGETHERBECAUSE THERE'S SO MANY PEOPLE

THAT FRANKLY WE DON'T SEE EACHOTHER AS OFTEN AS WE'D LIKE TO.

>> LET'S FACE IT, AT LEAST JOELO TRUGLIO ISN'T HERE.

NOBODY'S MISSING HIM!

(LAUGHS)>> GUYS!

GUYS, I'M HERE.

>> Chris: HEY!

IT'S JOE LO TRUGLIO!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)YOU ALL LOOK TERRIFIC.

YOU LOOK GREAT.

I DRESS LIKE THIS NOW SINCEGLOBES.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO

DON'T KNOW, JOE IS ON A SHOWNOBODY WATCHES CALLED "BROOKLYN

NINE-NINE."

>> IT'S SO GREAT TO SEE YOUGUYS.

I RARELY SEE ANY OF THE OTHERGUYS, LIKE THAT GUY GLEN GARANT.

>> Chris: BEN GARANT.

>> I STOOD RIGHT IN LINE INFRONT OF HIM FOR 45 MINUTES.

>> JOE!

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)DID GLOBE'S CHANGE YOU?

AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY.

(LAUGHTER)>> YEAH, I WORK HERE NOW.

I'M HERE EVERYDAY.

>> OH, YOU DO CRAFTS SERVICE IN>> I BROUGHT YOU YOUR COFFEE,

YES.

>> IT NEEDED MORE CREAM.

(LAUGHTER)>> TOM IS HERE, TOO, BUT I

HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN YEARS.

>> OH, I HEARD HE PASSED.

>> I THINK THAT MIGHT BE TRUE.

>> HI DID PASS.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> TOM LENNON.

TOM LENNON.

>> TOM LENNON WAS SUCH A GOODBEATLE.

>> HE WAS ONE OF THE BESTBEATLES.

>> I PRETEND TO LOSE THIS SHOWTWO NIGHTS A WEEK.

>> PRETEND REALLY PRETEND ORLOSING FOR REAL?

>> NOTE YOT YOU'LL NEVER KNOW ♪>> I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE NOT DEAD!

>> I WOULD LOVE TO GET "THESTATE" TOGETHER.

I'M A HUGE FAN OF A COUPLE OFYOU GUYS.

(LAUGHTER)AND I WOULD LOVE -- I MEAN WE'LL

NEVER GET -- SOME PEOPLE -- LIKEWE'D NEVER GET DAVID WAIN FOR

EXAMPLE.

>> HE'S BUSY.

HE'S GOT ALL THE INDEPENDENTSPIRIT AWAR, DIRECTING STUFF AND

-->> I'M RIGHT HERE, YOU GUYS.

RIGHT HERE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)I'M SUBBING FOR MY FRIEND BRUCE

ON CAMERA TWO TODAY SO --(LAUGHTER)

I'M ALSO DIRECTING THE SHOW.

OKAY LET'S GET ANOTHER SHOT OFTHE THREE PANELISTS, READY

CAMERA 1 AND GO.

(LAUGHTER)>> YOU KNOW WHO I REMEMBER FROM

"THE STATE" -->> WHO WAS THAT?

>> HE LOOKED LIKE A PEDOPHILE,HE USED TO WRECK A LOT OF STUFF.

>> SHORT GUY?

>> NO, TALLER GUY.

>> GAY GUY?

>> NO.

>> BLACK GUY?

>> IT WAS NEVER A BLACK GUY.

MICHAEL JANN.

WE'LL NEVER SEE THAT GUY AGAIN.

>> (COUGHING)I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU GUYS IN LIKE

THREE TO FIVE YEARS.

(LAUGHTER)I'M NOT GOO INTO GAY OR

PEDOPHILIA ANYMORE.

>> CONGRATULATIONS.

>> THANK YOU.

THE GUY WHO'D BE REALLY HARD TOGET IS KEN MARINO.

I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE ISTOPPED GOING TO MEETINGS.

>> I WANT TO DIP MY BALLS INTOIT!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Chris: KEN MARINO!

THANK YOU!

ANOTHER HUGE HAND FOR "THESTATE"!

(APPLAUSE)A REDDITOR RECENTLY ASKED

USING ONLY THREE WORDSHOW MUCH CAN YOU MAKE ME

CRINGE?"WE TURNED IT INTO A GAME.

JOE LO TRUGLIO, GET ON UP HERE!

JOE LO TRUGLIO, EVERYONE!

SO I'M GOING TO PUT YOU RIGHTHERE.

NORMALLY YOU'D GET POINTS IF YOUCOULD MAKE ME CRINGE WITH THREE

WORDS BUT NOW YOU CAN MAKE JOELO TRUGLIO CRINGE, THAT'S HOW

YOU GET POINTS.

EVERY TIME HE CRINGES YOU GET250 POINTS.

GO.

MIKE BLACK?

>> KE$HA'S PUBE BIG STUBBLE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

KERRI KENNEY?

>> GRANDMA'S ANAL BEADS

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: I SAW AN EYEBROW

TWIST.

SHOW WALTER?

>> DUNGEONEST CRAB POOP.

>> Chris: NO POINTS?

OKAY, POINTS POINTS.

NEXT ONE?

MIKE BLACK?

>> SAMBERG'S SLOPPY SECONDS.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)>> Chris: POINTS!

KERRI KENNEY?

>> BIEBER'S BED STAINS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

SHOWALTER?

>> TURKEY GRAVY BRAIN FART.

>> Chris: TOO MANY WORDS!

NO POINTS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH, JOE LOTRUGLIO.

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