Less Than Hero

  • Season 4, Ep 4
  • 02/02/2003

Fry and Leela form a superhero team after a miracle cream gives them super powers.

Captioning sponsored by MTV NETWORKS

( beeping )

WOMAN:Your call is being...

ROBOT: ...connected...

WOMAN:...by SewerCom.

Reach outand touch the sewers.

Look, Morris,it's Leela calling.

Hi, Mom,hi, Dad.

Ready for your big tripto the surface?

We're excited, honey

but we don't wantto embarrass you.

I mean, your mother andI are basically monsters.

Dad, relax.

You are being so mutant.

I found thisadorable little bag

to wear over my head.

And it was on sale.

No one's wearing anythingadorable over their head.

Now, listen.

I could never, everbe ashamed of my parents.

I'll see you this weekend.

( door opening )

Hey, guess who

I just got off thevideophone with.

No.

My parents.

They're coming up from thesewers for a visit Sunday.

( all gasp )

Are you offyour rocket?

Your parents are mutants.

It's illegal for themto come above ground

'cause they're inferiorgenetic scum.

Uh, present companyexcluded, of course.

I'm getting them

a special one-day surface permitfrom CitiHall.

Ooh, while you're there

could you pick me upa license to kill?

Sure.Bare hands or weapon?

Uh, what doespiano wire count as?

Good news, anyone.

The Swedish robot from Pi-kea

is here with thesupercollider I ordered.

Enjoy your affordableSwedish crap.

( wheels squeak )

Let's see what tools we'll need.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

All right,we're all set.

Nothing likethe rustic wholesomeness

of working with one's own hands.

( grunting )

BENDER:Ah, there.Finished.

And only sixmissing pieces.

Those Swedes sure know

how to put in almosteverything you need.

Man, I'm sore all over.

I feel like I just wentten rounds with mighty Thor.

I feel like I wasmauled by Jesus.

I've gotjust the thing.

Genuine miracle cream I boughtfrom a traveling salesman.

"Come one, come all,"he said.

"Step right up."

"This sounds too goodto be true," I thought.

He said I lookedlike a smart young man.

"So, is it a deal?"I inquired.

Two hours later,he was gone

with 60 of my dollars.

But I hadthe miracle cream.

( explosion )

Bad news, nobody.

The supercollidersuper exploded.

I need you totake it back

and exchange itfor a wobbly CD rack

and some of thoserancid meatballs.

Excuse me. Hi.

Do you havea minute?

I live in Jersey Cityand my car broke down

and I need to get back'cause my aunt's real sick

and she needs this medicine,but I need money for the bus.

So I'm mugging you.

Hand over your wallets.

I don't believe thatstory for a second.

It doesn't matter,I'm mugging you.

There's no busto Jersey City.

Give me your wallets nowor my robot will shoot.

CUTE VOICE:Don't make me hurt you.

( gasping )

Uh, eeh...

I'm too scaredto find my pocket.

Here, I'll just take offmy pants and give you those.

Hey, I don't likewhat I'm seeing.

Give it to them,Andrew!

( screams )

Give it to themagain, Andrew!

Ah!

( popping explosions )

What the...?

Laser-proof shirts, huh?

I'll show you.

Huh?

Hey.

Quit it.

Hi-ya!

( Leela yells )

( grunts )

Foiled.

And after years of planning.

You're out of the gang.

LEELA:How did we manage to survive?

What gave us thosestrange powers?

Maybe we're allwearing magic rings

but they'reinvisible rings

so we don'teven realize it.

Also, you can'tfeel the rings.

Oh, Fry!

Shut up andlook at this.

"May cause superpowersin humans."

Wow.

A superpowers drug youcan just rub into your skin?

You'd think it'd be somethingyou have to freebase.

Let's see, whichpowers do we have?

"Super strength"?

Ah!

Hi-ya!

Yup.

Uh-huh.

"Lickety-speed"?

Check.Yes, sir.

"Ability to command

the loyalty of sea creatures"?

Hey, Zoidberg, get in here.

Screw you!

Ain't got that.Nope.

Wow, superpowers.

I'll be able to pack my day

with twice as manyhumdrum activities.

Leela, I think you'remissing the big picture.

When you were a kid, whatwas your biggest fantasy?

To have parents.

Whatever.

The correct answeris to be a superhero.

We have superpowers,and we're Americans.

This is our chance.

Hmm.

I have been looking fora way to serve the community

that incorporatesmy violence.

Let's do it.

You'll barelyregret this.

Hey, a friendof mine said

he muggedyou today

and you hadsuperpowers.

It's true, thanksto this funky-fresh cream.

Now me and Leelaare forming

an awesomecrime-fighting duo.

Wow, crime fighting.Cool.

And you say you're a duo?

Yeah, duos are good.

Course, sometimes they'rea little short-handed.

See ya.

With two humans

you'd think there'dbe a robot in there

to balance things out.

But... whatever.

I have these threecostumes you could use,

but I guessI'll just throw one away.

We'd love to have youon the team, Bender,

but aren't you more onthe supply side of crime?

Plus, the cream won'tgive you superpowers.

You're a robot.

So?

I'm already super-strong.

And my arms do this.

( grunts )

Also, I got this going.

( squeaking )

Listen up, New New York!

There's a new groupof superheroes in town,

and we're...

WOMAN:Quiet!

It's 4:00 AM

and I justfell asleep

for the firsttime in 30 years!

Sorry!

( whispering ):A new era of justice has begun.

What?!

Do yourselves a favor and crawl back

into your filthy tenements, you human cockroaches

or get your ugly face punched to custard by...

The New Justice Team!

Captain Yesterday!

Clobberella!

( grunts )

And SuperKing,the best one of the three!

Ow!

( jangly '60s guitar theme )

♪ Go, go, go,New Justice Team ♪

♪ Go, team, go, team,team, team, team ♪

♪ Who's the newestjustice team? ♪

♪ The New Justice Team ♪

♪ Captain Yesterday is fast ♪

♪ Also he is from the past ♪

♪ Not just fast,but from the past ♪

♪ Captain Yesterday ♪

♪ SuperKing hasall the powers ♪

♪ Of a king,plus all the powers ♪

♪ Of Superman ♪

♪ Also he's a robot ♪

♪ Ain't it cool, SuperKing? ♪

♪ You rule! ♪

♪ Clobberella beats you up ♪

♪ Clobberellabeats you up ♪

♪ Who does she beat up? You! ♪

♪ Clobberella ♪

♪ Citizens, never fear ♪

♪ Crazy, do-good freaksare here ♪

♪ Until they run out of steam ♪

♪ Miracle cream, miracle cream ♪

♪ Gives the powerto the team ♪

♪ Its effects wear off,for sure ♪

♪ So they just slop onsome more ♪

♪ The New Justice Team. ♪

Ta-da!

( applause and cheering )

Captain Yesterday,

I find yourskintight high-waters

incredibly sexy.

Let's get togethersometime.

Sure. I'm listedin the phone book.

So once I revealmy real name to you,

along with myhome address

and a copy of mybirth certificate...

Are you crazy?

We have tokeep our secretidentities secret.

From everybody?

Especiallyfrom everybody.

Give several reasons why.

For one, superheroes cause a lotof collateral damage

and we don't want to getour butts sued.

Or do we?

No, I guess not.

Also, if ouridentities get out

every crook in the citywill be after us

or, God forbid,our loved ones.

SuperKing hasno need forloved ones.

How you doing, kid?

There you go--

two one-daymutant surface passes.

Thank you, MayorPoopenmeyer.

( phone rings )

Mayor here. What's that?

A horrible crime in the works?Ruthless villain?

Citizens in danger?

That's fantastic news!

Because I get to summonThe New Justice Team!

( beeps )

Oh!

( buzzing )Shh.

Huh... They're usually hereby now.

Well, so long.Keep in touch.

Wait, stay and meetthe superheroes.

There's three of youand three of them

so it'll be perfect.

( beeping )( buzzing )

( beeping and buzzing )

Is this clown on?

Where arethose daring crime-stoppers?

Oh, I completely forgot--

I left my apartmenton fire.

As for me, I'm latefor my LSATs.

And I can't take lifeanymore!

( grunts )

( glass shattering )

( grunting )

Clobberella!Captain Yesterday! My liege!

You're just in time.

We've received a tip

that the Museumof Natural History

will be robbed tomorrowat exactly 9:00 a.m.

The target-- the pricelessQuantum Gemerald.

Who's the perp?

A dangerous villain

known as the Zookeeper,who commits crimes

aided by a packof highly-trained animals.

Pack of highly. Got it.

His crew includes a badgerwith a troubled past

and nothing left to lose,

an elephant who never forgets...to kill

and a seldom-used crab namedLucky, AKA, "Citizen Snips."

You can count on us, Mr. Mayor.Justice away!

( panting ):Hold the elevator!

( flushing )

We're in here, too.

Uh, Leela,how are you

going to meetyour folks tomorrow?

We've already scheduledthe Zookeeper

for a 9:00 a.m. foilingat the museum.

Not a problem.

I've cleverly arranged

to meet my parents right there

at the same museum at 10:00.

Nine, ten, a big fat hen.

( exhales )

The name's Bender.

I can't believe theZookeeper is this late

for his own heist.

It's just... rude.

( clock chimes )

Total hell--it's 10:00!

I'm supposed tomeet my parents

and I'm still inmy secret costume.

( gasps )

There they are!

How could Leelanot be here?

Do you thinkshe forgot?

Relax-- I'm sureshe's just ashamed of us.

Yo, freakjobs--

hit the nearestmanhole, pronto-like.

But we have passesthat allow us to be up here--

from the Mayor himself.

I don't know. I neverheard of no mayor.

( panting and grunting )

The Zookeeper!

Sorry I'm late. Long story.

Now, everybodyhit the deck!

( gasping )

I'm cutting the entire line

and stealing the exhibit.

You're notstealing anything.

Nobody hitthe deck!

Ah, the superheroes...

Or should I say, "super zeroes?"

That was uncalled for.

Animals, attack.

( whistle doesn't blow )

( growls )( all gasping )

( screams )

( growls )

( shrieks )

( grunting )

( patrons screaming )

Please do not feed the animals.

( screaming continues )

( grunting )

( snorting and grunting )

( buffalo squeals )

You're going down,my friend--

Down Under!

( laughs )

( Bender screaming )

A man boxing a kangaroois a peculiar spectacle,

but a kangaroo boxing a robot?

Now I'm afraid you've lost me.

( splashing )

Citizen Snips!

( screaming continues )

Nice job, Fingers.

( kissing )

I'm scaredand confused.

I think we'vewandered into anoff-Broadway play.

No, there are waytoo many people here.

( panting )

Later, if anyone asks whenI got away, tell them right now.

( both grunting )

Forget it, Zookeeper.

You're going into captivity.

Fool!

A quip about puttingme behind bars

would have beenfar more delicious.

Here, catch.

No, Fry, you can'tfall fast enough!

( groaning )

I got it, I got it.

( screams ):I don't got it!

( grunts )

( groans )

( applause and cheering )

You savedthe Gemerald!

Yet the Zookeeper escaped...

thus proving that the deadliestanimal of all is the Zookeeper.

You can get offme anytime.

Oh, no.

My parents are leaving.

I've got to go changeback into street Leela.

REPORTER:It's The New Justice Team.( cameras clicking )

Thank you,mysterious heroes.

The value of the Gemerald

you saved is slightly greater

than the cost of the damageyou caused to this museum.

A net gain for our great city.

( applause and cheering )

( cheering )

It's good that Leeladoesn't love us.

She'll be lesssad when we die.

( grunts )

Mom, Dad?

I showed up

and I got the audio tour

for "Treasuresof Liberace's Tomb."

( sobbing )

( groaning )

Sweetie,it's okay.

You don't haveto apologize forstanding us up

on the only visitto the surfacewe'll ever have.

I want to tell you whyI didn't show up, but I can't.

Just please believe methat it was a very good reason.

I'm sorryI disappointed you.

Leela, you could neverdisappoint us.

We're so proudof everythingthat you are.

And we alwayswill be.

Because you'reour baby girl.

Oh...

I can't take it.

Mom, Dad...

I'm Clobberella!

( ripping )

( gasps )Gallopinggators!

You're a superhero?

( laughing ):Well, that's wonderful.

But did you have to makethe costume so revealing?

Look at me--proud dad of a superhero.

We shouldprint up T-shirts.

And F-shirts for ourfriends with two armson the same side.

No, listen. It's very important

that you never, ever tellanyone.

Under any circumstance.

What if I've had a few?

Dad? You drink?

No, not even then.

All right. My sucker is sealed.

In fact, I shouldn't evenbe wearing this around here.

( ripping )

It was brisk.

I dressed in layers.

That's my girl.

So, uh... anyway,my daughter's Clobberella.

Leela is Clobberella?!

You're pulling me.

Shh! Keep it under your sock.

It's a big secret.

That's why I'm only tellingyou two.

Oh, my God.

That guy's daughter isClobberella.

But don't tell anyone.

Gotcha!

Greeting, superheroes.

Remember me?

( all gasping )I don't remember much, buddy,

and you're no looker.

Uh, Professor,isn't it time for your nap?

Yes, damn it!

( snoring )

Zookeeper, how did you knowour real identities?

Let's just saya little bird told me.

( clapping )( squawking )

Leela told her parents.

Leela's parentsblabbed... ( squawks )

( munching )

Leela? Is the personthat parrot is mimicking

telling the truth by proxy?

Yes.

My parents were so hurt,I couldn't help it.

But I distinctly told themnot to tell anyone.

We are not amused.

And here's something you mayor may not find interesting.

( gorilla grunting )

( gasps ):Mom! Dad!

Leela,please forgive us.

Especially your father,who's the one who told--

thank you very much,Morris.

Are you all right?Has he hurt you?

No, but my allergiesare going nuts.

( sneezes )Oh, God!

Every couch and tablehas animal fur all over it.

He lets them climbon everything.

All right, Zookeeper,what do you want?

Why, the Quantum Gemerald,of course.

You must steal it for meby midnight

or your parents will be devouredby piranhas that I have--

shall we say-- persuaded to walk on dry land.

( laughing wickedly )

Save us, Leela!

I mean, if-if you don't haveanything better to do.

We're out of options.

We have to stealthe Gemerald.

But... should superheroes commita crime, even to save lives?

I need moral guidance.

Bender?Hmm...

The thoughtof stealing anything

fills SuperKingwith disgust.

But if it must be so

than let a museum heistbe pulled!

( dramatic music plays )

Oh, no. Our superpower creamis out of itself.

Check inside the cap.

There might bea caked-in gold mine.

El zilcho.

I'm afraid we're boned.

El Zilcho...

Hey, is it too lateto change my superhero name?

Just be cool.

Nobody knowswe're superpowerly challenged.

( panting )

Man, this costumeis so damn heavy.

Hey,Captain Yesterday.

Can I, like, whale on youwith this two-by-four

and it doesn'thurt you?

( smacking )Oww...!

( weakly ):...that didn't hurt.

Hi, superheroes.

Everything okay?

Big "O", little "k",my friend.

Just checkingif everything's all right.

It's okay, all right.

Okay, then.

Grab it!

( glass shattering )

( people gasping )

Yo, the superheroes haveturned evil. Most uncool.

Get 'em!

Stay back!

Or we'll beat the tar outof you, using superpowers!

( eerie moaning )

( all panting and groaning )

FRY:So, this is your lair?

Of course not.

You think I'd show you my lair?

My lair's a million times nicerthan this.

Okay, take it easy.

Well, here's your usyGemerald.

( clapping )Hawk, fetch.

That seemedunnecessary.

( grunting )

Our transaction is complete.

Come, Solomon, to the lair.

( gorilla grunting )

Mom, Dad.

Oh, I'm so sorry I got youkidnapped by a crazy madman

who tried to feed youto piranhas.

We're just happy to be involvedin your life.

No, no. It's my fault fortelling you I was a superhero.

That's true.

I just couldn't stand

to have you thinkI was ashamed of you.

That's sweet, honey.

But it's naturalfor children

to be a little ashamedof their parents.

Oh, yeah.

Just like it's natural

for parents to bea little disappointed

in their children.

N-Not that we are.

But you could calla little more often.

Okay.

And would it kill youto use some mouthwash?

Hey, Fry, we stillgot our costumes on.

Want to stealsome more stuff?

I guess.

As long as you thinkit's right.

Superheroes away...!

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBHaccess.wgbh.org

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