Wednesday, December 10, 2014

  • 12/10/2014

Mamrie Hart, Brooks Wheelan and Judah Friedlander come up with traditions for the Toronto Raptors' Drake Night, list #BoobieMovies and write messages for odd Christmas cards.

RIPPED FROM THE INTERNETHEADLINES IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

ALL RIGHT.

SO DRAKE OR AS I LIKE TOCALL HIM WHAT WOULD HAPPEN

IF I 7th GRADE GIRL'S MAGAZINECOLEAGE CAME TO LIFE --

IS A HUGE BASKETBALLINGFAN AND HAS BEEN CAPTURED AT

GAMES BEING ABOUT AS BALLERAS A JOANNE FABRIC'S

EMPLOYEE.

IT FIT, IT TOTALLY FITS.

>> THAT'S A DOPE LOOK.

>> CHRIS: THERE IS THE NOWCLASSIC VIDEO OF THE LINT ROLLER

INCIDENT.

I DON'T KNOW, I FEEL KIND OFLINTY.

LET ME GET THIS OFF, ALL THISBASKETBALL LINT.

>> OH MY GOSH.

>> CHRIS: BASKETBALL IS THELINTIEST SPORS OF ALL THE

SPORTS.

>> I HAVE BEEN THERE.

I'VE DONE IT.

>> CHRIS: YOU SEEM PERPLEXED,JUDAH.

>> HE SHOULD BE BANNED FROMSPORTS AFTER THIS.

>> THERE'S ALSO NUMEROUSPICTURES OF DRAKE POSING

WITH HIS FAVORITE PLAYERSLIKE THIS.

I'M A BIG BOY.

I'M A BIG BOY NOW!

I'M BIG BOY!

I'M BIG.

IN HONOR OF THIS LIVINGCUSHON SOAKED IN BUTTER MILK,

THE TORONTO RAPTORS HAVENAMED DECEMBER 17th DRAKE

NIGHT.

NOW KEEPING IN MIND THATDRAKE IS ABOUT AS HARD AS A

MARZIPAN EASTER BUNNYSMOKING A CLOVE CIGARETTE,

WHAT IS THE TIME-HONOREDTRADITION OF THIS NIGHT.

MAMRIE HART.

>> A GILMORE GIRLS QUOTEOFF.

>> CHRIS: YES, OF COURSE.

POINTS.

MOVING ON.

MATCH.COM RELEASED ITSANNUAL REPORT FEATURING THE

MOST MENTIONED WORDS AMONGTHEIR USERS DATING PROFILES.

ACCORD TOGETHER DATA, WHAT ARETHE TWO MOST MENTIONED WORDS

IN MATCH DOT COM PROFILES.

A, SELFIE AND STAYCATION.

I AM ALREADY MAD.

B, ZUMBA AND ELECTRICIAN.

OR C, SCAMPI AND SANTA.

MAM REE.

>> C, BECAUSE SUCKING GARLICSAUCE OUT OF A WHITE BEARD

IS STRANGELY EROTIC.

>> CHRIS: I DON'T KNOW IF THATIS TRUE.

>> YOU HAVE TRIED IT?

>> CHRIS: NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.

>> DON'T KNOCK MY FAMILY'STRADITION, OKAY.

>> CHRIS: I'M SO SORRY, MAMRIE.I'M AFRAID THE CORRECT ANSWER IS

IN FACT B, ZUMBA ANDELECTRICIAN.

>> OKAY.

>> CHRIS: BUT DONE TAKE IT HARD.

THESE POINTS AREN'T REALLYWORTH ANYTHING.

BUT FOR BONUS POINTS, IWOULD LIKE YOU TO GIVE US A

LINE FROM A MATCH.COMPROFILE USING ZUMBA AND

ELECTRICIAN, MAMRIE.

>> MY NAME IS ZUMBA, BUTPEOPLE CALL ME THE

ELECTRICIAN BECAUSE I'LLTURN YOU ON BUT IT WILL

COSTING YOU $200 AND I COMEWHEN IT'S REALLY INCONVENIENT.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.>> YEAH.

>> CHRIS: JUDAH FRIEDLANDER.

>> I'M SO GOOD AT GIVING ASHOCKER THEY CALL ME ZUMBA

ELECTRICIAN.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS, PERFECT.EXCELLENT.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR THE HASHTAGWARS.

OH MY GOSH, GUYS.

DO -- DO YOU FEEL THAT?

YEAH.

THAT PALPABLE ELECTRICITYYOU ARE SENSING MEANS THAT

IN JUST A FEW HOURS THEGOLDEN GLOBE NOMINATIONS

WILL BE ANNOUNCED.

AND AT HEART I'M JUST A13-YEAR-OLD BOY, WHENEVER I

HEAR GOLDEN GLOBE, YEAH,YOU'RE RIGHT, YEAH. YEAH.

SO IN HONOR OF MY OWNARRESTED DEVELOPMENT,

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS -- ASHAME -- I'M ASHSAMED.

(APPLAUSE)

THIS MAYBING OUR WORST OR BESTEVER DEPENDING ON WHERE YOU

FALL.

EXAMPLES MICE BE THE GOOD,THE BAD AND THE JUGGLEY.

OR THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACKPAIN.

I'M GOING TO PUT 60 SECONDSON THE CLOCK AND GO.

MAMRIE.

>> A GLAND BEFORE TIME.

>> CHRIS: POINTS. BROOKS.

>> WILD, WILD TITS.

>> CHRIS: YEAH, POINTS.

MAMRIE.

>> DOUBLE JEOPAR-Ds.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS.

JUDAH.

>> HOW STELLA GOT HER TITSBACK.

>> CHRIS: YEAH, POINTS.

MAMRIE.

>> NEW JACK TITY.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS. JUDAH.

>> MOTOR BOAT TRIP.

>> CHRIS: POINTS. BROOKS.

>> IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFEBECAUSE OF MY WIFE'S TITS.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

I'LL TELL YOU, SOMETIMES I WISHTHESE TITS WERE NEVER BORN,

CLARENCE.

MAMRIE.

>> NIPLASH.

>> CHRIS: YES.

JUDAH.

>> THE CURIOUS CASE OFBENJAMIN BUTT-TITS.

>> CHRIS: YES.

MAMRIE.

>> FAPPY GILMORE.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS.

NOW IT'S TIME TO PLAY MERRYCHRISTMAS FROM THE SHUT-INS.

NOW GUYS, I DID NOT WANT TODO THIS ALONE SO HERE THOP

US WITH YOU ARE NEXT GAMEFROM THE MOVIE THE INTERVIEW,

SETH REGULAREN AND JAMESFRANCO!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

WELCOME, WELCOME. MR. FRANCO,WELCOME, WELCOME.

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR DROPPING BY,REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

>> YEAH, OUR PLEASURE, CHRIS.'TIS THE SEASON.

>> CHRIS: YES, FOR PROMOTINGMOVIES.

>> YEAH, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER.

>> SURE. SPEAKING OF OUR MOVIETHE INTERVIEW, IT COMES OUT

CHRISTMAS DAY, EVERYBODY.

>> CHRIS: NICE, NICE. THAT'S ANICE TO THING TO DO.

YEAH.

>> AND WHAT A PERFECTCOINCIDENCE, GUYS THIS JUST

HAPPENS TO BE WHAT OUR NEXTGAME IS ALL ABOUT.

CHRISTMAS.

>> YAY! THAT IS AMAZING HOWTHAT WORKED OUT.

I'M VERY EXCITED.

>> IT IS LIKE IT'S FATE.

>> CHRIS: IT'S FATED. IT'S FATEDTHAT YOU WERE HERE, THAT YOU

MADE A MOVIE AND IT'S GOING TOCOME ON OUT ON CHRISTMAS,

AND IT'S CHRISTMASTIME.

I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW.

SO THERE THIS GAME ARE YOUGOING TO BE SHOWING US

PEOPLE AWKWARD FAMILYCHRISTMAS PHOTOS AND THE

COMICS HAVE TO GIVE A LINEIN THE CHRISTMAS CARD.

DOES THAT ABOUT SUM IT UP?

>> THAT SOUNDS EXACTLYCORRECT.

AND WE FIGURED A GOOD WAY TOSTART THAT GAME WAS TO SHOW MINE

AND FRANCO'S CHRISTMAS CARD THATWE MADE.

>> CHRIS: OH, THAT'S SO NICE.

LET'S SEE IT. LET'S SEE IT.

FANTASTIC.

SO NICE.

>> IT IS NICE.

>> CHRIS: WHAT WOULD BE A LINEFOR THIS CHRISTMAS CARD.

>> I JUST WANT TO SAY THATWHOEVER WE HIRED TO PLAY

THAT SANTA CLAUS WAS NOTNEARLY AS BUMMED OUT ABOUT

THIS PICTURE AS HE SHOULDHAVE BEEN.

>> SO SETH AND JAMES AREGOING TO STICK AROUND BUT

LET'S LOOK AT MORE WEIRDOCHRISTMAS PHOTOS.

FIRST UP THIS HUMANSANTA-PEDE.

>> OH.

>> THE RUDOLPH IN THISSCENARIO DOES NOT LOOK VERY

HAPPY.

JUDAH, YOU LOOK SUPERBUMMEDOUT BY THIS.

>> I WOULD SAY LAST ONE BUTT[BLEEP] SAY ROTTEN EGG.

>> CHRIS: POINTS. POINTS.

>> GREAT JOB.

>> YOU DON'T WANT TO HEARHIM SAY ALL RIGHT, LOWER THE

ANTLERS, EVERYBODY.

(LAUGHTER)

>> CHRIS: DOES THIS MEANANYTHING TO YOU, FRANCO?

>> I GOT NOTHING.

>> FRANCO WAS ACTUALLY PHOTOSHOPPED OUT OF THIS PHOTO.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE, THESEGHOSTS OF BOY BAND PAST.

>> CHRIS: SNOW-OH OH OH.

JUDAH.

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S BEENALMOST A YEAR SINCE OUR

SNOWMAN KILLED HIMSELF.

>> CHRIS: YEAH, OKAY, POINTS.100 POINTS FOR THAT ONE.

>> I WANT TO COMMENT ON THESCOPE OF THIS [BLEEP]

SNOWMAN.

>> THAT IS THE MOSTIMPRESSIVE.

>> WE CAN MOCK THESE GUYSALL WE WANT, THAT'S IS THE

BEST SNOWMAN I HAVE SEEN INMY ENTIRE [BLEEP] LIFE.

>> CHRIS: NO, YOU'RE RIGHT,YOU'RE RIGHT, THESE GUYS GOT IT

DONE.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE, THECHRISTMAS MORNING LIBERATION

FRONT.

WHAT?

KIDS CAN'T HAVE ASSAULTRIFLES ANY MORE? JUDAH.

>> I CONDITION BELIEVE IT'SBEEN ALMOST A YEAR SINCE WE

KILLED SANTA CLAUS.

>> CHRIS: POINTS. SURE.

>> I'M JUST GENUINELYTHINKING WHAT THE LEAST

JEWISH THING ABOUT THISPICTURE IS.

IT'S THE CHRISTMAS, THEBLOND HAIR OR ITS GUNS.

I REALLY CAN'T TELL.

>> CHRIS: ALL RIGHT.

LAST ONE, THIS NONTRADITIONALFAMILY, IS A VERY --

>> OH MY GOSH.

>> CHRIS: YES, BROOKS.

>> THINGS AREN'T GOING GREAT.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

>> FOR ANY OF US.

ALL THREE OF US, THIS IS ALOW POINT.

>> YEAH -- >> CHRIS: JUDAH.

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVEN'TKILLED MYSELF YET.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS.

>> MERRY CHRISTMAS.

HAPPY HANUKKAH.

>> MR. FRANCO DO YOU HAVE ACOMMENT FOR THIS?

OR ARE YOU --

>> I THINK HE'S MAKING THE BESTOF IT.

>> CHRIS: HE IS. WE'RE[BLEEP]ING ON THIS GUY --

>> FRANCO, POINT.

>> CHRIS: THAT EAT END OF MERRYCHRISTMAS FOR THE SHUT-INS.

WATCH THE INTERVIEW,CHRISTMAS DAY, SETH

REGULAREN AND JAMES FRANCO,EVERYBODY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> THANK YOU SO MUCH, THANK YOU,SO MUCH.

THANK YOU.

AND THERE THEY GO!

IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME,TOILET SELFIES.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

YOU MAY NOT BE SURPRISED TO FINDOUT THERE IS AN ENTIRE

SUBREDDIT DEVOTED TO PEOPLETAKING SELFIES ON THE CAN.

SO COMEDIANS, I'M GOING TO SHOWYOU A PICUTRE, AND FOR 250

POINTS, YOU HAVE TO TELL MEIS IT A SELFIE OF A GUY ON

THE JOHN OR JUST A GUY NAMEDJOHN.

ALL RIGHT.

FIRST UP: THIS BEARDED PRO.

SELFIE ON THE JOHN OR GUY NAMEDJOHN. MAMRIE.

>> I GUY NAMED JOHN BUT ICALL HIM ZUMBA THE ELECTRAIN.

>> CHRIS: OKAY. GOODCALLBACK, LET'S FIND OUT.

HE IS ON THE JOHN.

>> THAT DUDE IS DOPE. THAT GUYIS PRETTY SCHOOL.

>> CHRIS: I MEAN-- LOOK AT APICTURE LIKE THAT AND I GO WHY

ANY OF IT.

NEXT ONE THIS FROWNIE FELLOW,SELFIE OR -- YES, BROOKS.

>> THAT IS MY FRIEND JOHN.

>> CHRIS: LET'S FIND OUT.

YEAH, HE'S ON THE CAN.

>> IS THAT THE SAME GUY?

DIFFERENT SHIRT, SAME GUY.

>>CHRIS: YOU KNOW T DOES KINDOF LOOK LIKE THE SAME GUY.

>> IT DOES.

>> I THINK WE'RE REALIZINGPEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE THIS

TAKE THESE TYPES OF PHOTOS.

>>CHRIS: IF YOU HAVE A BEARDAND LUXURIOUS LOCKS, THEN ARE

YOU BOUND TO

>> AND A HAT.

>> ARE YOU GUYS TRYING TOSAY SOMETHING--

THAT'S NOT ME.

>> JUDAH?

JUDAH.

SERIOUSLY, JUDAH.

HOW MANY OF THESE DO YOUHAVE ON YOUR PHONE?

>> I STARTED THIS WHOLETHING.

>> CHRIS: ALL RIGHT, GOOD --

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE.

THIS HORSE FACE HERO: SELFIEON THE JOHN OR GUY NAMED

JOHN. BROOKS.

>> THAT IS DEFINITELY A GUYON THE TOILET.

GUY ON THE JOHN.

>> CHRIS: I WOULD LIKE TO THINKSO BUT LET'S FIND OUT.

YES.

>> OH MY GOD.

>> WORKING IT OUT.

>> DARE I SAY HE HAS THE TROTS.

>> CHRIS: YES! SO GOOD.

AS WE JUMP TO OUR NEXT GAME,HOPPY HOPPY JOY, JOY.

HOPPY HOPPY JOY JOY.

WHEN IT COMES TO NAMINGTHINGS NO ONE HAS MORE FUN

THAT CRAFT BEERMANUFACTURERS, PROBABLY

BECAUSE THEY ARESUPER [BLEEP] UP AT ALL

TIMES.

BUZZFEED RECENTLY BROUGHT TOOUR ATTENTION A COMPILED LIST

OF THE MOST AMAZING CRAFTBEER NAMES LIKE YEASTUS

CHRIST.

OR, OR -- I ENJOY THIS ONE,SMOOTH HOPERATER.

AND ACTUAL HANSON BROTHERSBEER CALLED MMM HOPS.

>> IT'S THE SECOND-BEST THINGTHEY'VE DONE.

>> CHRIS: SO PLEASE GIVE ME ASMANY DUMB NAME FORCE CRAFT BEERS

AS YOU CAN.

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND GO.

MAMRIE.

>> BREW PAUL'S DRAG RACE.

>> CHRIS: YES, BREWPAUL'SPERFECT. JUDAH.

>> RELAPSE BLUE RIBBON.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS.

MAMRIE.

>> SCHMAY BE LEGAL.

>> CHRIS: YES, OH SO GOOD.

YES, NICE. POINTS.

JUDAH.

>> OVERDOSE EQUIS.

>> CHRIS: POINTS. BROOKSWHEELAN.

>> MILLER HIGH AS [BLEEP].

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS. MAMRIE

>> SAM ADAMS LEVINE.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS. JUDAHFRIEDLANDER.

>> BIRTH CONTROL PILLSNER.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

THAT IS WHY I GOT TO DRINK ITEVERY DAY.

POINTS. MAMRIE.

>> HUGH HEFNERWEISEN.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

BROOKS WHEELAN.

>> ZEEMA, WE FIXED IT.

>> CHRIS: YEAH, POINTS. MAMRIE.

>> SHINER LaBEOUF.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS.

BROOKS.

>> MIKE AWAY HARDERLEMONADE.

>> CHRIS: YEAH, POINTS. JUDAH.

>> CIRRHO-SIPS.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

YEAH, JUDAH AGAIN.

>> JOCK-DOBERFEST.

>> CHRIS: YEAH, POINTS. MAMRIE.

>> ST. PAULIE SHORE.

>> CHRIS YES, POINTS.