September 4, 2014 - Doris Kearns Goodwin

  • 09/04/2014

New York City's St. Patrick's Day Parade welcomes gays, Cosmopolitan covers the midterms, Al Qaeda expands into India, and Doris Kearns Goodwin discusses "The Bully Pulpit."

(EAGLE CAW)>> STEPHEN: TONIGHT, I TAKE A

LOOK AT THE MID TERM ELECTIONS.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT -- THEY'REHAPPENING THIS YEAR.

(LAUGHTER)THEN A NEW THREAT IN THE WAR ON

TERROR.

BUT I HAVEN'T FINISHED CLEANINGMY PANTS FROM THE LAST THREAT!

(LAUGHTER)AND MY GUEST DORIS KEARNS

GOODWIN HAS WRITTEN A BOOK ABOUTTHE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TEDDY

ROOSEVELT AND WILLIAM HOWARDTAFT, SOON TO BE A FILM STARRING

JAMES FRANCO AND SETH HOWARDROGEN.

(LAUGHTER)AUTHORITIES IN CALIFORNIA ARE

SEARCHING FOR A DANGEROUSESCAPED ALBINO COBRA.

THOUGH, TO BE SAFE, POLICE HAVEARRESTED SEVEN "BLACK" COBRAS.

(LAUGHTER)THIS IS "THE COLBERT REPORT."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(AUDIENCE CHANTING "STEPHEN")

>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU, LADIESAND GENTLEMEN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: WELCOME TO THE

REPORT! THANK YOU FOR JOININGUS, FOLKS!

I HOPE EVERYONE AT HOME CAN HEARTHE PRECISION OF THAT CHANTING.

THAT IS WHAT WE CALL IN THEPUNDIT BUSINESS THE

METRONOME OF LOVE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)FOLKS, I WANT TO START OFF

WITH A RARE APOLOGY. FARTOO OFTEN, I SIT AT THIS DESK

AND YELL INTO THAT CAMERA ASTHE EPITOME OF ANANGRY AMERICAN.

YOU DESERVE MORE THAN THAT.

SO TONIGHT, I AM YELLING AS THEEPITOME OF AN

ANGRY IRISH CATHOLIC AMERICAN.

(CHEERING)TELL 'EM WHY, JIM.

>> ORGANIZERS OF THE ANNUALST. PATRICK'S DAY PARADE HERE IN

NEW YORK, THE LARGEST IN THEWORLD, SAY THEY WILL NOW ALLOW

GAYS TO MARCH NEXT YEAR UNDER

THEIR OWN BANNER FOR THE FIRSTTIME.

>> IN THE PAST, GROUPS HAD BEENPROHIBITED FROM MARCHING WITH

BANNERS IDENTIFYING THEM AS GAY.

>> STEPHEN: GAYS IN THEST. PATRICK'S DAY PARADE!

WE IRISH SHOULD HAVE SEEN THISCOMING.

FIRST THEY STOLE OUR RAINBOWS.

NEXT THEY'LL BE COMING AFTER MELUCKY CHARMS!

NEXT THEY'LL BE COMING AFTER MELUCKY CHARMS!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)I'M NOT ONLY A PROUD IRISH

CATHOLIC, I'M AS STRAIGHT ASTHEY COME.

I EVEN MADE SURE THE BLARNEYSTONE WASN'T A DUDE BEFORE I

KISSED IT.

(LAUGHTER)AND, AT FIRST, I LIKED THE IDEA

OF MAKING GAYS MARCH WITH ABANNER IDENTIFYING THEMSELVES.

(LAUGHTER)BUT LUCKILY, BEFORE I BECAME TOO

OKAY WITH THE IDEA, FOX NEWSREMINDED ME I WAS OUTRAGED.

>> THE CATHOLIC COMMUNITY UP INARMS OVER GAY GROUPS BEING

ALLOWED IN THIS YEAR'SST. PATRICK'S DAY PARADE.

>> THERE'S AN OUTCRY FROM THECATHOLIC COMMUNITY THIS MORNING.

>> THERE IS OUTRAGE THIS MORNINGFROM SOME CATHOLIC LEADERS

BECAUSE A GAY GROUP WILL MARCHIN THE ST. PATRICK'S VALEN --

UH -- ST. PATRICK'S DAY PARADE.

>> STEPHEN: SEE?

STEVE DOOCY'S SO MAD, HE CAN'TEVEN SAY A COHERENT SENTENCE ON

CAMERA.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

HE'S CLEARLY BEEN FURIOUS ABOUTTHIS FOR YEARS!

AND REMEMBER, AND REMEMBER, THEYSAID

CATHOLIC LEADERS.

HE PROBABLY MEANS BILL DONOHUE,HEAD OF THE ULTRA-CONSERVATIVE

CATHOLIC LEAGUE, WHO SAID THEREWAS "NO CONTROVERSY."

(LAUGHTER)OKAY.

THAT OUTRAGE WAS MORE NUANCEDTHAN I EXPECTED, BUT HE'S NOT AN

OFFICIAL LEADER OF THE CHURCH.

YOU KNOW, CARDINAL TIMOTHYDOLAN HAS PROBABLY GOT

HIS CHAUSABLE IN A BUNCH.

BLESS 'EM A NEW ONE, TIMMY!

>> I THINK THE DECISION THEY'VEMADE IS A WISE ONE.

I HAVE NO TROUBLE WITH THEDECISION AT ALL.

>> STEPHEN: HUH!

I GUESS HE'S SO ANGRY HE FORGOTTO BE MAD.

(LAUGHTER)OKAY.

WELL, I SUPPOSE YOU'RE IN, GAYS.

BUT WE CATHOLICS HAVE ONE FIRMDEMAND.

>> THE CATHOLIC LEAGUE SAYS ITHOPES NEW ENTRIES TO THE PARADE

WILL CONDUCT THEMSELVES IN AMANNER THAT STILL HONORS

ST. PATRICK.

>> STEPHEN: YOU LISTENING,GAYS?

THIS ISN'T ONE OF YOURDEGENERATE PRIDE PARADES.

KEEP IT DIGNIFIED.

YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS!

(GUYS YELLING)>> ST. PADDY'S DAY, A DAY TO GET

(BLEEP) TRASHED.

>> STEPHEN: AHH, I LOVERIVERDANCE!

(LAUGHTER)FOLKS, IT'S OFFICIALLY FALL,

WHICH MEANS WE ARE IN THEHOMESTRETCH TO THE 2014 MID TERM

ELECTIONS, AND I AM BURSTINGWITH MID-THUSIASM.

(LAUGHTER)IN JUST 62 DAYS, AMERICANS

NATIONWIDE WILL WAKE UP AND SAY,"DAMMIT.

I FORGOT TO VOTE YESTERDAY ."

(LAUGHTER)SO TONIGHT, WE CELEBRATE THE

"LAUNCH" OF OUR MIDTERM COVERAGEBY BRINGING OUT THE U.S.S.

DEMOCRACY 2014 AND CHRISTENINGHER WITH A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)THOUGH AMERICA BE ROCKED BY

TROUBLED WATERS, SHE IS YETSTURDY AND PROUD.

LONG MAY SHE SAIL!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(CHANTING "U.S.A. " )

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)(CHANTING "U.S.A. " )

>> STEPHEN: THANK YOU.

IT'S TIME FOR "THE COLBERTREPORT" MID-TERM ROUNDUP!

>> YEE-HAW!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: AS ALWAYS, A

HEARTY THANKS TO MYGOOD FRIEND STEVE CARELL FOR

LETTING US REUSE THAT FOOTAGEWITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE OR

CONSENT.

FIRST UP, FOLKS, THIS IS THEMOST IMPORTANT MID-TERM IN

MID-MEMORY, AND NOT JUST BECAUSEI CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST ONE.

AND YOU CAN TELL THE DEMOCRATSARE RUNNING SCARED BECAUSE

THEY'VE BEGUN ACTIVATING THEIRBASE.

THE LADY VOTERS.

JUST LOOK AT COSMO, WHICHANNOUNCED THEY WILL BE COVERING

THE MID-TERM ELECTIONS WITH "ANEW EFFORT THAT WILL INCLUDE

CANDIDATE ENDORSEMENTS" IN ANATTEMPT "TO GET READERS TO THE

POLLS AND BE PART OF" THE PARTYOF THE YEAR ."

I JUST HOPE COSMO'S ELECTIONADVICE IS JUST AS MISGUIDED AS

THEIR SEX ADVICE -- ENTER THEBOOTH, WRAP ONE LEG BEHIND YOUR

HEAD, RUB SOME HOT SAUCE ON THELEVER AND THEN...

(WHISTLE)PINKY UP HIS BUTT.

(CHEERING)NOW, THIS IS CLEARLY GOING TO

INCREASE VOTER TURNOUT, SO I'VEGOT SOME COSMO ADVICE OF MY OWN.

HELLO, LADIES.

I KNOW YOU ARE BEING ENCOURAGEDTO BECOME POLITICALLY ENGAGED,

BUT LET ME TELL YOU, GIRLFRIEND,THOSE CURTAINS DON'T LOOK GOOD

ON ANYONE.

IT'S BASICALLY LIKE WEARING ABOOTH MUUMUU.

PLUS, ALL ANYONE'S GONNA BEDOING IS LOOKING AT YOUR CALVES.

WHAT IF YOU HAVE CANKLES? AND IFYOU DON'T KNOW

WHETHER YOU HAVE CANKLES, YOUHAVE CANKLES

(CHEERING)DON'T VOTE.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE FIRSTRACE YOU SHOULD NOT VOTE IN --

THE HOUSE RACE IN GEORGIA'STENTH DISTRICT, WHERE RIGHT-WING

PASTOR AND RADIO HOST JODY HICEHAS ALL BUT GUARANTEED A WIN BY

BUILDING A DIVERSE COALITION OFPEOPLE HE DOESN'T WANT IN HIS

COALITION.

SO FAR, HE'S "COMPARED BEING GAYTO ALCOHOLISM, DRUG ADDICTION,

TENDENCIES TO LIE AND TO BEVIOLENT," HE HAS SAID A WOMAN

CAN ENTER POLITICS AS LONG ASSHE'S "WITHIN THE AUTHORITY OF

HER HUSBAND," AND SAID MUSLIMSDON'T DESERVE FIRST AMENDMENT

RIGHTS.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)I AGREE.

MUSLIMS DO NOT DESERVE FREEDOMOF SPEECH.

THEY WOULD JUST USE IT TO OFFENDWOMEN AND GAY PEOPLE, AND HICE

ALREADY HAS THAT COVERED.

AND JODY HICE KNOWS A THING ORTWO ABOUT THE CONSTITUTION, AND

HE ISN'T AFRAID TO TELL YOUABOUT IT WHILE HOLDING A SCROLL

IN A FOYER.

>> WHEN OUR FOUNDERS CONVENED ATTHE CONSTITUTIONAL CONVENTION IN

PHILADELPHIA IN 1787, THEYCRAFTED, I BELIEVE WITH GOD'S

HELP, THE MOST BRILLIANTGOVERNING DOCUMENT IN THE

HISTORY OF HUMANITY ."

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S RIGHT.

THE FOUNDERS GOT THEIR IDEASDIRECTLY FROM GOD.

(LAUGHTER)I BELIEVE IT WAS YAWHEH WHO

WROTE THOMAS JEFFERSON'S FAMOUSLINE, "I LOVES ME SOME BROWN

SUGAR!"(CHEERING)

BUT NOW HICE IS UNDER ATTACK BYTHE BUZZ-KILLS AT BUZZ-FEED WHO

HAVE DISCOVERED THAT MANY OF THEINSPIRATIONAL QUOTES FROM

FOUNDING FATHERS ON HISFACEBOOK PAGE" ARE FAKE."

FOR EXAMPLE, HICE'S PAGE SAYSJEFFERSON WROTE, "THAT

GOVERNMENT IS BEST WHICH GOVERNSTHE LEAST BECAUSE ITS PEOPLE

DISCIPLINE THEMSELVES," EVENTHOUGH IT WAS ACTUALLY HENRY

DAVID THOREAU, WHO LIVED ALONEAT WALDEN POND, SO I'M SURE HE

ENGAGED IN FURIOUS"SELF-DISCIPLINE."

AND HICE ALSO ATTRIBUTED THEINSPIRATIONAL QUOTE "IF YOUR

ACTIONS INSPIRE OTHERS TO DREAMMORE, LEARN MORE, DO MORE, AND

BECOME MORE, YOU ARE A LEADER"TO JOHN QUINCY ADAMS, ALTHOUGH

IT'S ACTUALLY FROM DOLLY PARTON.

(LAUGHTER)IT'S EASY TO MISTAKE THOSE TWO,

ESPECIALLY AFTER JOHN QUINCYADAMS GOT THOSE IMPLANTS.

(LAUGHTER)HICE HAS USED SO MANY

MISATTRIBUTIONS THAT BUZZFEEDFOUND EIGHT EXAMPLES OF THE

FRAUDULENT QUOTES BEFORE THEY"STOPPED LOOKING."

(LAUGHTER)WOW.

THERE'S YOUR HEADLINE --BUZZFEED STOPPED LOOKING FOR

EXAMPLES OF SOMETHING?

THAT RAISES A TROUBLINGQUESTION -- COULD THERE ALSO BE

MORE THAN "13 POTATOES THAT LOOKLIKE CHANNING TATUM?"

(LAUGHTER)NATION, I "LIKE" WHAT HICE IS

DOING ON FACEBOOK, AND NOTJUST BECAUSE "LIKING" IS THE

ONLY OPTION ON FACEBOOK.

THOSE QUOTES MAY NOT HAVE COMEFROM OUR FOUNDING FATHERS, BUT

DOES IT REALLY MATTER?

IT'S LIKE GEORGE WASHINGTON SAIDAT VALLEY FORGE,

"CLOSE ENOUGH FOR JAZZ.

VOTE HICE 2014 ."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

♪♪>> STEPHEN: WELCOME BACK,

EVERYBODY!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)NATION, THERE ARE SO MANY AWFUL

STORIES IN THE NEWS RIGHT NOW,AND WITH CHAOS AND VIOLENCE

RAGING IN EVERY CORNER OF THEGLOBE, IT MAKES YOU WONDER,

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO AL QAEDA?

(LAUGHTER)TODAY, WE GOT AN ANSWER.

>> BREAKING OVERNIGHT, A NEWVIDEO FROM THE LEADER OF

AL QUAIDA.

>> ACCORDING TO THE VIDEOANNOUNCEMENT, AL QUAIDA IS

VOWING TO BRING ISLAMIC LAW TOINDIA.

>> THE HEAD OF AL QUAIDA SAYSHE'S OPENING A NEW BRANCH IN

INDIA.

>> STEPHEN: YES, AL QUAIDA'SOPENING A FRANCHISE IN INDIA.

(LAUGHTER)THEY'RE LIKE STARBUCKS, ONLY

WITH LESS AMBITIOUS PLANS FORGLOBAL DOMINATION.

(LAUGHTER)THE ANNOUNCEMENT CAME FROM

LONGTIME AL QUAIDA LEADER ANDJIHADI SMURF AYMAN AL-ZAWAHIRI,

WHO RELEASED A VIDEO CALLING ONMUSLIMS ACROSS THE INDIAN

SUBCONTINENT TO JOIN THE"CARAVAN OF JIHAD."

THAT CARAVAN IS EASY TO SPOT --JUST LOOK FOR THE TRUCKS WITH 72

VIRGINS ON THE MUDFLAPS.

(LAUGHTER)LOOK, I GET WHY AL QUAIDA IS

OUTSOURCING TO INDIA -- THEY'REA GLOBAL TERROR ORGANIZATION.

THEY HAVE THEIR ONE TRUE PROPHETMARGINS TO THINK ABOUT, AND THEY

HAVE BEEN RUNNING ON ASHOESTRING BUDGET FOR SO LONG,

THEY'VE NEVER EVEN HAD ACHRISTMAS PARTY.

(LAUGHTER)BUT I THINK I KNOW WHAT'S REALLY

GOING ON HERE.

>> I THINK THEY'RE TRYING TORECLAIM SOME MANTEL OF

LEADERSHIP HERE.

I.S.I.S. WAS KICKED OUT OFAL QAEDA FOR BEING TOO BRUTAL,

AND THEY'VE SORT OF TAKENTHE WORLD STAGE, AND EVERYONE'S

TALKING ABOUT THEM AND NO ONE'STALKING ABOUT AL QUAIDA, SO

THIS IS PROBABLY AT AN ATTEMPTTO REGAIN SOME NOTORIETY.

>> STEPHEN: OOH OOH, SOMEONE'SJEAL-OUS OF I.S.I.S.!

THEY'RE THE MYSTERIOUS NEW KIDIN TOWN AND EVERYONE'S TALKING

ABOUT HIM.

JUST LIKE KEVIN BACON INFOOTLOOSE.

ONLY I.S.I.S. WANTS TO OUTLAWDANCING -- AND BACON.

(LAUGHTER)I.S.I.S. IS THE "IT" JIHADY

GROUP RIGHT NOW.

THEY'VE GOT AN ENTIRE CALIPHATE,WHILE ALL OF AYMAN'S GUYS ARE

STILL DOING MONKEY BARS IN THEDESERT.

THAT'S NOT A LONG-TERM PLAN!

WHAT IF YOU TAKE OVER A CITYWITHOUT A JUNGLE GYM?

HOW WILL YOU GET AROUND?

WORSE, I.S.I.S. HAS TAKEN THELEAD IN THE ARENA MOST

ASSOCIATED WITH THE OPPRESSIVE17TH-CENTURY IDEOLOGUES,

YOUTUBE.

>> WE ALL REMEMBER THOSE GRAINYAMATEURISH VIDEOS THAT BIN LADEN

MADE THAT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS SETUP BY SOMEBODY WHO DIDN'T KNOW

WHAT THEY WERE DOING INLONG-WINDED ARABIC THAT NOBODY

IN THE WEST COULD UNDERSTAND.

NOW WE HAVE I.S.I.S. ON TWITTER,ON INSTAGRAM, ON WHAT'S APP,

THEY PRODUCE SLICK VIDEOS.

>> THEY'RE HIGHLY PRODUCED,THEY'VE GOT MUSIC, GRAPHICS, ALL

SORTS OF THINGS PUT INTO THESCREEN THAT ARE SOPHISTICATED

AND TECHNICAL.

>> THEY'VE GOT YOUNG TECH-SAVVYGUYS DOING IT.

>> STEPHEN: YES, I.S.I.S. ISCRANKING OUT MORE VIRAL HITS

THAN FUNNY OR DIE.

(LAUGHTER)MINUS THE FIRST PART.

(LAUGHTER)MEANWHILE, AL QUAIDA'S STILL

MAILING OUT VHS TAPES OF"GRANDPA KILL-'EM-ALL" DRONING

ON ABOUT "A FATWA ON PUDDINGSKIN!

"AND" DEATH TO WHOEVER CANCELEDMATLOCK!"

(LAUGHTER)YES!

YES!

THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON, BUTIT'S NOT YOU.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)MY GUEST TONIGHT IS A PULITZER

PRIZE-WINNING PRESIDENTIALHISTORIAN WHOSE BOOK IS "THE

BULLY PULPIT."

I'LL INTRODUCE HER TO THE BULLYPUNDIT.

PLEASE WELCOME DORIS KEARNSGOODWIN!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)DORIS, GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

ALWAYS A PLEASURE.

A WORLD RENOWN HISTORIAN ANDPULITZER PRIZE-WINNING AUTHOR.

YOUR MOST RECENT BOOK IS THEBULLY PULPIT.

ALSO IN KEN BURNS NEW 14-HOURDOCUMENTARY ABOUT THE

ROOSEVELTS, OKAY?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)OKAY.

>> YOU'RE GOING TO TEASE MEABOUT SOMETHING, I HAVE A

FEELING.

>> STEPHEN: I'M GOING TOINTERVIEW YOU, ALL RIGHT?

(LAUGHTER)YOU GET TO INTERVIEW PEOPLE, NOW

THE TABLES HAVE TURNED.

YOU CAN'T TELL BECAUSE IT'S AROUND TABLE.

(LAUGHTER)ALL RIGHT.

WHY, TODAY, SHOULD WE CARE ABOUTTEDDY ROOSEVELT AND WILLIAM

HOWARD TAFT?

WHAT DOES THEIR STORY HAVE TO DOWITH US TODAY?

THEY'RE COMING FROM A TIME WHERETHERE WERE VERY, VERY RICH

PEOPLE WHO CONTROLLED POLITICS,AND LOTS OF PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T

HAVE A LOT OF POWER AND WHOSEWORKER RIGHTS WERE BEING TAKEN

AWAY.

WHAT DOES THAT SAY TO US?

>> NOTHING(LAUGHTER)

NO, THINK ABOUT IT.

THERE'S A GAP BETWEEN THE RICHAND POOR, PEOPLE WORKING 12

HOURS A DAY, UNSANITARYMEAT-PACKING PLANTS AND MY GUY

TEDDY TAKES IT ON.

HE REALIZES THE RICH WON'T STAYRICH.

THERE WILL BE SOCIALISTS ANDANARCHISTS.

>> STEPHEN: BUT HE WAS ARICH GUY

HE WAS A RICH GUY.

>> STEPHEN: WHY WOULD HE TURNON HIS OWN CLASS LIKE THAT?

>> BECAUSE HE UNDERSTOOD IF HEDIDN'T DO SOMETHING TO SOFTEN

THE IMPACT OF THE INDUSTRIALORDER, THE WHOLE THING WOULD

FALL APART.

>> STEPHEN: HE WAS FRIGHTENEDOF THE POOR PEOPLE WITH PITCH

FORKS.

>> HE WAS FRIGHTENED OF THE RICHPEOPLE THAT THEY WOULD

BE SO BLOATED THAT MONOPOLIESWERE GOING TO SWALLOW EVERYTHING

AND THERE WOULD BE NO SMALLBUSINESSES, PEOPLE ARE IN SLUMS,

HE KNEW FOR THE SAKE OF THECOUNTRY THE ROCK OF

CLASS HATRED WOULD BE THE WORSTTHING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO THE

COUNTRY.

SO HE WANTED A SQUARE DEAL, NOTA ROUND TABLE, A SQUARE DEAL,

AND IT WAS GREAT.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: OKAY.

SPEAKING OF BLOATED RICH PEOPLE,WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT.

ALL RIGHT?

(LAUGHTER)TEDDY ROOSEVELT DID A FEW

THINGS -- GAVE US NATIONALPARKS, RIGHT, LIKE YELLOW STONE,

YOSEMITE, THAT KIND OF STUFF.

WHAT DID TAFT DO I SHOULD EVERCARE ABOUT.

WAS HE ALL FOR THAT CLASSWARFARE STUFF?

>> YES AT THE BEGINNING HE WASFOR MAKING THE RICH PAY, IF THEY

DID SOMETHING UNETHICAL, THEYSHOULD HAVE A FINE, BE PUT

IN JAIL. POOR PEOPLE, IF THEYDIDN'T WORK, THAT'S A PROBLEM,

BUT GIVE THEM A CHANCE, GIVETHEM AN EDUCATION.

HE AND HE WERE BEST FRIENDS

>> STEPHEN: THEY WEREREPUBLICANS, RIGHT?

>> THEY WERE.

TODAY, CONSERVATIVES WOULD SAYTHEY'RE REPUBLICANS IN NAME

ONLY. RINOS, RIGHT?

>> STEPHEN: RINOS? WHY, BECAUSETAFT WAS FAT?

THAT'S A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY.

(LAUGHTER)>> STEPHEN: YOU ALSO CALL

THIS THE GOLDEN AGE OFJOURNALISM.

YOU MEAN LIKE HEARST WHOSINGLE-HANDEDLY STARTED THE

SPANISH WAR AND ALLOWED SOMEONELIKE T.R. TO BE WITH HIS

ROUGH RIDERS GOING UP SAN JUANHILL TO BECOME A HERO

>> HE WAS, BUT THERE ARE OTHERPEOPLE I LOVE.

IDA TARBELL, RAY BAKER, LINCOLNSTEPHENS

WHAT THEY DO IS INVESTIGATIVEREPORTING THAT REALLY EXPOSES

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE COUNTRY.

THE COUNTRY GETS EXCITED, PUSHTHE OLD GUARD IN CONGRESS TO DO

SOMETHING, THEY MOBILIZE ACTION.

>> STEPHEN: CONGRESS DOESSOMETHING?

>> CONGRESS FINALLY DOESSOMETHING!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: WE'RE TALKING

ABOUT MASSIVE 50,000 WORDARTICLES.

>> AND PEOPLE READ THEM AND TALKABOUT THEM AND PUSH CONGRESS AND

SAY YOU'VE GOT TO ACT.

>> STEPHEN: WHY WOULD THEYREAD A 50,000 WORD ARTICLE?

COULDN'T THEY JUST CLICK ON THE13 POTATOES THAT LOOK LIKE

CHANNING TATUM?(LAUGHTER)

DORIS, YOU KNOW I SPENT THE PASTNINE YEARS TRYING

TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTERPLACE.

>> I DO, I DO.

>> STEPHEN: AND I REALIZE THISIS PROBABLY THE LAST TIME YOU'RE

ON THE SHOW AND I I'VEAPOLOGIZED TO YOU BEFORE.

>> I KNOW.

MY PICTURE IS UP THERE AND YOUSAY SOMETHING SEXUAL --

(LAUGHTER)>> STEPHEN: I DON'T REMEMBER

THAT!

>> YOU DO SAY, MY APOLOGIZE TODORIS KEARNS GOODWIN.

>> STEPHEN: APOLOGY ACCEPTED?

ABSOLUTELY, I'LL MISS IT IF YOUDON'T KEEP DOING IT.

>> STEPHEN: I'LL TELL YOUWHAT I'LL CALL YOU UP

AND APOLOGIZE IN THE MIDDLEOF THE NIGHT. SINCE YOU

ARE THE PREEMINENT PRESIDENTIALHISTORIAN OF OUR TIME, I'LL

ASK YOU THE QUESTION I'VE WANTEDTO ASK YOU FROM THE BEGINNING --

>> UH-OH.

>> STEPHEN: -- GEORGE W. BUSH,GREAT PRESIDENT...

OR THE GREATEST PRESIDENT?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> I REMEMBER ONE OTHER TIME I

WAS ON AND YOU SAID, WHYCOULDN'T ABRAHAM LINCOLN UNIFY

THE COUNTRY THE WAY GEORGE W.

BUSH HAS DONE?

AND I SAID, HE DID UNIFY THECOUNTRY, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING

ABOUT?

AND YOU SAID, MA'AM, I'M FROMSOUTH CAROLINA, HE DIDN'T UNIFY

ME.

(LAUGHTER)>> STEPHEN: GREAT OR GREATEST?

I ONLY HAVE THOSE TWO OVALS

THIS GETS GRADED BY A COMPUTER,I HAVE TO PUT ONE OF THOSE.

>> I TAKE THE FIFTH AMENDMENT.

>> STEPHEN: ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

I'LL SEE YOU IN GUANTANAMO.

(LAUGHTER)DORIS, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

DORIS KEARNS GOODWIN! THE BULLYPULPIT, PBS,

THE ROOSEVELTS, KENBURNS, I APOLOGIZE

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!

♪♪>> STEPHEN: THAT'S IT FOR "THE

REPORT," EVERYBODY!

GOOD NIGHT!