Extended - Thursday, January 8, 2015 - Uncensored

  • 01/08/2015

Sarah Silverman, Scott Aukerman and Steve Agee learn about a strange invention, #MakeAMovieSmarter and create awful BuzzFeed lists on this extended, uncensored episode.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)ALL RIGHT, CLEAN OUT YOUR FILTHY

EAR HOLES.

IT'S TIME FOR AN AUDIO QUIZ.

>> FEMALE VOICE: AUDIO QUIZ.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: WE SPENT A LOT OF

MONEY ON THE SET.

(LAUGHTER)THAT WAS...

THAT WAS PHOEBE.

SHE'S IN LEGAL.

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)UH... WE FOUND THIS CACOPHONOUS

CLIP AT THE TOP OF REDDIT'SR/VIDEO.

I'M ONLY GOING TO PLAY THESOUND, AND COMEDIANS, YOU HAVE

TO GUESS WHAT THIS IS.

READY, SET...

(WHISPERING): LISTEN!

(DISTORTED, OVERLAPPING CHATTER)OKAY, IS THAT THE SOUND OF A: A

CANADIAN ROBOT THAT CAN EMULATESOUNDS OF A POLITE RIOT?

(LAUGHTER)B: A PRETENTIOUS 90-MINUTE

PODCAST CALLED "CROWD/SOURCED?"(LAUGHTER)

C: EVERY EPISODE OF FRIENDSSEASON ONE PLAYING

SIMULTANEOUSLY, AKA "MAXIMUMCAUCASIAN?"

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

(BELL DINGS)STEVE AGEE.

>> EVERY EPISODE OF THE FRIENDSSHOW SEASON ONE PLAYING

SIMULTANE... C.

>> HARDWICK: YES.

COULD IT BE ANY MORE OF A "C?"THERE IT IS.

(OVERLAPPING, DISTORTED CHATTER)(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

THAT'S IT.

THAT'S ALL YOU NEED.

NOW, THIS WAS INEVITABLE SINCENETFLIX RECENTLY STARTED

STREAMING THE ENTIRE SERIES ONJANUARY 1.

NOW AN ENTIRE GENERATION OFGODDAMN MILLENNIALS CAN SEE THE

WILDLY-CHANGING HAIRSTYLES, '90SSHOULDER PADS AND THE

REMBRANDTS.

(LAUGHTER)UH, SO, COMEDIANS, USING

FRIENDS, "THE ONE WHERE" TITLES,WHAT WOULD YOU NAME THIS MEGA

EPISODE?

SARAH SILVERMAN.

>> UH... THE ONE WHERE IT'SPROBABLY PRETTY STRONG, YOU

SHOULD ONLY TAKE HALF.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: UH, POINTS.

UH, SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> THE ONE THAT WAS FUNNY WHENYOU WERE 13, BUT DOESN'T REALLY

HOLD UP WHEN YOU'RE AN ADULT.

>> HARDWICK: OH, OKAY, POINTS.

>> OH!

>> HARDWICK: OH, SHIT!

OH, MY GOD!

>> YEAH!

>> HARDWICK: TAKE THAT, FRIENDS!

>> TAKE THAT....

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

>>... RICH BILLIONAIRES!

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> THEY DON'T HAVE FEELINGS.

THEY'RE RICH.

>> HARDWICK: STEVE AGEE.

>> THE ONE WHERE I TASTEPENNIES.

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)>> HARDWICK: ARE YOU TASTING

PENNIES RIGHT NOW?

>> YES.

>> HARDWICK: STEVE, ARE YOUOKAY?

>> NO.

>> YOU'RE TASTING PENNY'S WHAT?

>> OH!

>> FOOT-LONG PUSSY.

>> NICE.

>> HARDWICK: THAT'S FINE.

IF HE DIES, WE CAN BURY HIM INTHAT SUIT.

(LAUGHTER AND GROANING)UH... MOMMY, HE'S SO PEACEFUL

FINALLY.

UH, ACCORDING...

>> FINALLY, HE'S AT REST.

>> FINALLY.

(LAUGHTER)>> HE'S ALMOST ALWAYS AT REST.

(AUDIENCE GROANING)>> HARDWICK: ALMOST, HE IS.

HE IS, YEAH.

>> THAT'S TRUE.

>> HARDWICK: MOVING ON...

>> OH, NO, WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TOPICK ON STEVE.

>> HARDWICK: MOVING ON.

ACCORDING TO MASHABLE.COM, ASTARTUP COMPANY HAS UNVEILED A

NEW FORM OF TECHNOLOGY THAT ISCERTAIN TO CHANGE THE WAY

AMERICANS AMERICA.

WHAT IS THIS AMAZING NEWDISCOVERY?

IS IT A...

(LAUGHTER)SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> I THINK IT'S SOMETHING THATVERY FEW OF US ON THIS PANEL

WOULD NEED, UH, B.

>> HARDWICK: A BELT THATAUTOMATICALLY LOOSENS.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS IN FACT B,SMART BELT... LOOSENS BUCKLE

WHEN YOU'VE EATEN TOO MUCH.

(APPLAUSE)IT, UH... IT FREES UP YOUR HANDS

FOR MORE EATING.

(LAUGHTER)THE BELT ALSO SUPPOSEDLY

TIGHTENS AS YOU LOSE WEIGHT, AFUNCTIONALITY THAT IS AS YET

UNTESTED IN THE UNITED STATES.

(LAUGHTER)COMEDIANS, WHAT IS ANOTHER FORM

OF CLOTHING TECHNOLOGY YOU'DLIKE TO SEE IN YOUR LIFETIME?

SARAH SILVERMAN.

>> JEANS THAT MAKE MY WIFE'S ASSNOT LOOK FAT. RIGHT?

>> YEAH!

(CHEERING, SHOUTING)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

YES. HEY, HEY...

HOW IS THAT OLD BAG ANYWAY, HUH?

HUH?

>> OH. THAT REMINDS ME, I, UH, IKEEP MEANING TO... EVERY YEAR I

HAVE THE SAME RESOLUTION AND IFORGET.

UM, I WANT TO SAY THIS MOREEVERY YEAR. UM...

SOUNDS LIKE MY EX-WIFE.

(LAUGHTER)I KEEP FORGETTING.

>> HARDWICK: YOU GOT TO DO THATMORE OFTEN.

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: WAS THAT THE FIRSTTIME?

HAVE YOU BEEN DOING IT THE WHOLETIME?

>> NO, THIS IS JUST... I JUSTDID IT TWICE JUST NOW.

>> HARDWICK: OH, 2015!

GRABBING IT BY THE BALLS!

(CHEERING)SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> TOP THAT!

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, TOP THAT,SCOTT.

>> I'D LIKE A TOMMY BAHAMA SHIRTTHAT FINALLY GETS ME SOME PUSSY.

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)>> HARDWICK: POINTS. ALTHOUGH, I

WILL SAY... A TOMMY BAHAMA SHIRTWILL DO THAT-- IT JUST GETS YOU

FOOT-LONG PUSSY.

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

(LAUGHTER)>> YEAH. MY BIRTHDAY'S FEBRUARY

26.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: UH, STEVE AGEE.

>> DE-SKIDDING UNDERWEAR.

(LAUGHTER, GROANING)>> HARDWICK: CAN YOU PLEASE

EXPLAIN THE MECHANICS BEHIND HOWTHAT WOULD WORK?

>> YOU KNOW HOW WHEN MYUNDERWEAR HAS SKID MARKS ON IT,

CHRIS?

>> NO, I... I... I WOULD ASSUME,YEAH.

>> THIS WOULD GET RID OF THEM.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: AND HOW WOULD IT DO

THAT, SCIENTIFICALLY?

>> HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT...

(WHISPERS): WASHING MACHINES.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

(WHOOPING)>> HARDWICK: HUNDRED POINTS FOR

SARAH SILVERMAN.

50 POINTS TO STEVE AGEE, TOO.

UH, MOVING ON.

A COMMUTER IN THE COASTAL TOWNOF HERZLIYA, ISRAEL, RECENTLY

CAPTURED WHAT CAN ONLY BECLASSIFIED AS WACKY FOOTAGE

WHILE DRIVING.

TAKE A WACKY LOOK.

WHAT'S THAT GOING ON, NOW?

OH, MAN, THAT SHOULDN'T BE LIKETHAT.

HO... LY SHIT.

>> AAH...

>> HARDWICK: THEY'RE FUCKINGDINOSAURS, PEOPLE!

THEY'RE GODDAMN DINOSAURS ANDTHEY NEED TO BE STOPPED, EVERY

LAST ONE OF THEM!

YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE, DINOSAURS!

YOU FUCKED IT UP!

YOU COULDN'T BUILD A DOME TOPREVENT THE COMETS, SO FUCK YOU,

THE PLANET'S OURS!

>> WAIT... HAVE WE BUILT A DOME?

>> HARDWICK: YEAH! OH, MY GOD,OH, MY GOD, DINOSAURS, WE NEED

YOUR HELP!

>> HELP US BUILD THIS DOME!

>> HARDWICK: THAT, OF COURSE, ISA PANICKED EMU RECREATING A

LIVE-ACTION LOONEY TUNESCARTOON.

COMEDIANS... WHERE IS THISPANICKED EMU HEADING?

STEVE AGEE.

>> BOOTY CALL!

(LAUGHTER)(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

>> WAIT, THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TODO?

>> HARDWICK: UH... STEVE?

I'M SORRY, STEVE... DO YOU HAVEA PREHENSILE PENIS?

BECAUSE YOU'RE DOING THIS.

>> IT'S A BIRD-- THEY PECK.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR THE HASHTAGWARS.

(CHEERING, WHOOPING)(WHISTLING)

>> HARDWICK: WELL...

THE GOLDEN GLOBES ARE THISSUNDAY, AND AS ALWAYS, THE

FRONTRUNNERS ARE SMARTY PANTSFARE, LIKE THE THEORY OF

EVERYTHING AND THE IMITATIONGAME, AND PROBABLY NOT TAKEN 3.

UH, IN HONOR OF HOLLYWOOD'SINTELLECTUAL OBSESSION,

TONIGHT'S HASHTAG ISMAKEAMOVIESMARTER.

EXAMPLES M... OH!

OH, FINALLY, SOMETHING FOR ME!

>> RIGHT UP MY ALLEY!

>> HARDWICK: OH-HO-HO!

OH, I ENJOY WHEN WE GET TOGETHERWITH OUR FINGER MONOCLES AND...

DRINK FAKE TEA.

OH, NICE TO SEE YOU.

HA-HA-HA-HA.

ARE... ARE YOU VOTING FOR JEBBUSH IN THE 2016 ELECTION?

>> OH, HE'S BILINGUAL, DON'T YOUKNOW!

>> HARDWICK: YES.

UH... EXAMPLES OFMAKEAMOVIESMARTER MIGHT BE:

THE MBA GRADUATE, SMART ANDSMARTER, OR PAUL BLART: MALL

ARCHITECT.

(LAUGHTER)I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THE

CLOCK. AND GO.

SARAH SILVERMAN!

>> OH! SUMMA CUM LAUDE ANDINCREDIBLY CLOSE.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

POINTS. SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> BOOK STORY.

>> HARDWICK: YES.

>> LIKE... LIKE TOY STORY.

>> HARDWICK: BUT WITH BOOKS.

>> BOO!

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

YES. OH, SARAH.

>> MARLEY & I.

>> HARDWICK: OH!

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)WELL PLAYED.

POINTS.

STEVE AGEE.

>> YOUNG FRANK-EINSTEIN.

>> HARDWICK: NICE.

POINTS.

STEVE.

>> 24 MINUS 12 YEARS A SLAVE.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

OH, GOD.

POINTS.

I DON'T KNOW IF 24 MINUS 12 ISREALLY THAT SMART.

SCOTT.

>> SAVING PRIVATE RYAN 15% ONCAR INSURANCE BY SWITCHING TO

GEICO.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

FANTASTIC.

SARAH SILVERMAN.

>> SCIENTIFIC EXPLANATION ON34TH STREET.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

(LAUGHTER)STEVE AGEE.

>> ERNEST GOES TO HARVARD.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: OH, MY GOD, I WISH

THAT HAD GOTTEN MADE!

>> THAT'S SO GOOD.

>> HARDWICK: OH!

IT'S TIME TO PLAY... SWEET

EMOJI.

SWEET EMOJI.

(CHEERING, WHOOPING)IT'S THE GAME AS SIMPLE AS AN

EGGPLANT AND AS FUN AS A PAIR OFDANCING TWINS.

WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU A SERIES OFEMOJI, AND FOR 250 POINTS, YOU

TRANSLATE THEM FOR US.

FIRST ONE...

HERE'S THE FIRST ONE.

YES, SCOTT?

>> TWO IN THE PINK, ONE IN THECHIMP.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

BUT THE CHIMP DOESN'T WANT TOSEE IT COMING. NO, NO, NO.

>> HE LIKES TO BE SURPRISED.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH. STEVE.

>> I HAVE AN IDEA-- LET'S BLINDA MONKEY.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> HARDWICK: SARAH.

>> GREAT NEWS-- I'M LOOKING ATYOUR PROSTATE EXAM RESULTS AND I

SEE NO EVIL.

(LAUGHTER)>> HARDWICK: OH, NICE. POINTS.

EVERY MAN WANTS TO HEAR THAT.

(APPLAUSE, WHOOPING)>> HARDWICK: NEXT ONE.

HOW ABOUT THIS?

WHAT ABOUT THIS?

(LAUGHTER)VERY EXCITED FOR WHATEVER YOU'RE

GONNA SAY, STEVE.

>> A FAMILY THAT FISTSTOGETHER SAILS TOGETHER.

>> HARDWICK: NOT DISAPPOINTED.

POINTS.

UH, SARAH.

>> OH, UH...

IF YOU DON'T LIKE CHRISTOPHERCROSS, I'M GONNA PUNCH YOUR

FAMILY.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

YES, SINGER OF "SAILING".

"SAILING", CHRISTOPHER CROSS...

>> THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT.

>> HARDWICK: ...DID THE SONG"SAILING"...

BUT I THINK YOU MILLENIALS'LLPROBABLY REMEMBER HIM AS DOING

THE THEME SONG TO "ARTHUR".

UH...

>> ♪ THAT'S WHERE THE DOVES WANTTO BE ♪

>> HARDWICK: UH...

SCOTT.

>> THE JORAN VAN DER SLOOTSTORY.

>> WHAT?

>> HE'S A DUTCHMAN WHO, UH,KILLED A PORTUGUESE WOMAN.

>> HARDWICK: YES.

>> ON A BOAT.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, OKAY, GOOD,GOOD.

>> OH. (MOCK LAUGHS)>> (MOCK LAUGHS)

>> THANK YOU.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> I THOUGHT MINE...

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

NEXT ONE, NEXT ONE.

AH...

(BELL DINGS)STEVE.

>> I SELL HALLUCINOGENICS AT THEHOME DEPOT IN CASPER, WYOMING.

>> HARDWICK: OH, I LOVE YOU,STEVE-- POINTS.

THAT IS EXCELLENT EMOJIING.

UH, SARAH.

>> HI, I'M A GROWN ADULT THATUSES EMOJIS-- DOES THIS MEAN

SOMETHING?

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

>> METATEXTUAL.

>> WHAT?

>> METATEXTUAL.

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS,BUT THANK YOU.

>> HARDWICK: SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> HELP ME HANG THIS PICTURE OFDEAD MARIO.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

POINTS.

(ITALIAN ACCENT): IT WAS-A ME,MARIO.

>> R.I.P.-A.

>> HARDWICK: R.I.P.-A.

ALL RIGHT, NEXT ONE.

HOW ABOUT THIS MESSAGE FROM...

>> I BET THAT TONGUE...

OH, SORRY.

>> HARDWICK: NO, GO AHEAD, THETONGUE WHAT?

>> NOTHING.

>> HARDWICK: SAY IT.

>> UH, I BET IT'S NO STRANGER TOA FOOT-LONG PUSSY.

>> HARDWICK: YES, POINTS.

100 POINTS TO SARAH FOR THAT.

UH, HOW ABOUT THIS MESSAGE FROMTHE NEW HIPSTER EMOJI APP?

(BELL DINGS)SCOTT.

>> MY BAE GOT DRUNK AND FUCKEDJEREMY RENNER.

>> HARDWICK: GENIUS.

WELL PLAYED.

UH, SARAH.

>> I CAN'T SPELL, I DRINK SHITTYBEER AND I HUNT.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, POINTS.

SO...

WAIT A MINUTE.

THAT WOULD MAKE YOU TED NUGENT.

>> (GASPS)RIGHT THAT...

WHAT, YOU GUYS TED NUGENT FANS?

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

>> THEY'RE REALLY BIG TED NUGENTFANS.

>> THAT'S WHERE WE DRAW THELINE, CHRIS.

>> HARDWICK: SERIOUSLY.

>> YOU HAD YOUR FUN WITHCHRISTOPHER CROSS.

BUT NOT TED.

>> HARDWICK: WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVETHE NUGE ALONE?

>> NUGE!

>> HARDWICK: NUGE!

>> WAIT, HIS... HIS NICKNAME ISBASED ON HIS LAST NAME-- I'M

FINALLY GETTING THAT.

>> HARDWICK: DID YOU JUST GETTHAT, JUST NOW?

YEAH, YEAH.

>> I GET IT NOW, HEARING IT OUTLOUD.

>> HARDWICK: UH, STEVE.

>> MY NAME'S CUPID AND I'M ANALCOHOLIC.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

WHAT ABOUT, UH, THESE SEXYSOMETHING-SOMETHINGS FROM THE

NEW FLIRTMOJIS APP?

(BELL DINGS)UH...

SCOTT.

>> HAD A GREAT WEEKEND AT BRYANSINGER'S HOUSE.

>> HARDWICK: JEEZ, POINTS.

AH, POINTS.

>> I'M SORRY.

IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME,WEIRD INDIE GAMES.

WEIRD INDIE GAMES.

IF YOUR KIDS ARE INTO VIDEOGAMES BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO

SUPPORT BIG CONSOLE, ONLINEINDIE GAMES CAN BE TRUE WORKS OF

VISIONARY ART AND SOME OF THEMARE WHACKED-OUT VIRTUAL

BONGLOADS THAT DON'T MAKE A LOTOF SENSE.

UH, GUESS WHAT KIND WE'RE GONNABE WATCHING.

I'M GONNA DESCRIBE TWO BONKERSINDIE GAMES, FOR 250 POINTS YOU

HAVE TO TELL ME WHICH ONE ISREAL.

FIRST ONE, FIRST ONE.

FIST OF JESUS, A SUPER-POWEREDJESUS DECAPITATES ZOMBIES OR

CONGRESSIONAL DEATHMATCH.

(BELL DINGS)BARACK OBAMA USES A CHAIN GUN TO

DESTROY ROBOT REPUBLICANS.

STEVE AGEE.

>> CONGRESSIONAL DEATH MATCH?

>> HARDWICK: UH, NO, COME ON,WHEN IN DOUBT, FIST OF JESUS.

>> WOW.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH.

THERE IS NO SALVATION FOR YOU!

>> YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: NEXT ONE: TRY NOTTO FART-- HOLD IN YOUR

FLATULENCE DURING BUSINESSMEETINGS AND FIRST DATES.

(BELL DINGS)OR HIDE YOUR MANHOOD-- YOU PLAY

AS A 13-YEAR-OLD BOY WHO HAS TOCONCEAL HIS ERECTION DURING GYM.

SCOTT.

>> I'VE DONE BOTH OF THESE, ANDI THINK THE ANSWER...

I'VE DONE BOTH OF THEM AT THESAME TIME, AS A MATTER OF FACT.

TRY NOT TO FART.

>> HARDWICK: UH, THE CORRECTANSWER IS, OF COURSE...

>> I DON'T THINK I'LL DRINKANYMORE.

>> WHY DO ALL THE LOSERS COME TOTHIS BAR?

(FART)>> NOT AGAIN.

>> HARDWICK: COULDN'T DO IT.

COULDN'T DO IT.

>> THAT'S AWESOME.

>> I DON'T GET IT, BUT I LOVEIT.

>> HARDWICK: UH, SOMEONE'S ASOUTH PARK FAN.

NEXT ONE: NO LUCA NO!-- PREVENTA CAT FROM EATING YOUR CEREAL OR

NAUGHTY SHELDON!-- PREVENT A PUGFROM HUMPING YOUR LEG.

(BELL DINGS)STEVE AGEE.

>> NAUGHTY SHELDON.

>> HARDWICK: THAT SOUNDS...

THAT SOUNDS LIKE, UH, WHENYOU'RE... WHEN SOMEONE SHITS ON

YOUR CHEST DURING BIG BANGTHEORY.

>> I THINK YOU MEAN "IF" SOMEONESHITS ON YOUR CHEST.

>> HARDWICK: OH, RIGHT, I'MSPEAKING HYPOTHETICALLY, OF

COURSE.

>> PAGING DR. FREUD.

>> HARDWICK: I'M SORRY, SORRY,SORRY, SORRY.

THE TV DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ON.

UH, THE CORRECT ANSWER IS...

>> NO.

>> HARDWICK: NO LUCA NO!

>> NO.

PLEASE, LUCA.

>> WOW.

>> STOP.

>> THAT'S REAL?

>> HARDWICK: WHAT A GREAT GAME.

UH, NEXT ONE: TACO TUESDAY-- GETHIGH AND EAT AS MANY DOLLAR

TACOS AS YOU CAN BEFORE YOURBUZZ WEARS OFF...

(CROWD WHOOPS)OH, STOP IT, STOP IT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHEER EVERYTIME I MENTION MARIJUANA.

(CHEERING, WHOOPING)NO, STOP IT, YOU'RE DOING IT

AGAIN.

ALL I SAID WAS "MARIJUANA", STOPCHEERING...

>> YEAH!

YEAH!

>> HARDWICK: OR MY VIRTUALGIRLFRIEND-- A VIRTUAL

GIRLFRIEND THAT WILL TAKE OFFHER CLOTHES IF YOU GIVE HER

ENOUGH PRESENTS.

(BELL DINGS)SARAH SILVERMAN.

>> I WANT IT TO BE TACO TUESDAY.

>> HARDWICK: OKAY, UH...

LET'S-LET'S FIND OUT.

THE CORRECT ANSWER IS,UNFORTUNATELY, MY VIRTUAL

GIRLFRIEND.

>> PRESENTS.

>> HARDWICK: WHICH, I THINK,ALSO COULD HAVE BEEN CALLED TACO

TUESDAY.

BUT...

>> OR...

OH, NICE.

>> OH, A LITTLE STRAIGHTENING OFTHE TIE.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, IT'S, UH...

IT WAS ITCHING.

>> THESE DON'T SEEM LIKE INDIEGAMES, THEY SEEM LIKE BIG, UH,

BIG STUDIO GAMES.

>> NO, THEY'RE NOT.

>> THESE-THESE DON'T SEEM LIKEQUALITY GIRLS.

>> I... I THOUGHT YOU MEANTINDIANA JONES GAMES.

>> HARDWICK: NO, NO, NO.

NO.

LAST ONE: TATTOO ASSASSIN, WHERETATTOOED PEOPLE BATTLE WITH EACH

OTHER WITH THEIR TATTOOS, ORSUPREME COURT FIGHTER 2: TURBO.

ALL THE TOUGHEST JUSTICES BATTLEOUT FOR PRECEDENT.

UH, STEVE AGEE.

>> SUPREME COURT FIGHTER 2:TURBO.

>> HARDWICK: UH...

WHILE I ENJOYED YOUR READ ONTHAT, THE CORRECT ANSWER WAS

TATTOO ASSASSIN.

>> UGH.

>> OOH, YEAH.

>> HARDWICK: THAT WAS PRETTYRAD.

I GOT TO SAY.

>> THAT LOOKED AS MISOGYNISTICAS EVERY COMMERCIAL THAT WILL

HAPPEN DURING THIS SHOW.

>> HARDWICK: HEY, SOMEBODY GOT APANTIES IN A BUNCH.

HEY.

>> HEY, TRY TO RELAX.

>> HARDWICK: WHO SAYS THAT ALLTHE TIME, SARAH?

>> SOUNDS LIKE MY EX-WIFE.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, THERE YOU GO!

BUZZSPEED.

BUZZSPEED.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)BUZZFEED IS FULL OF RIDICULOUS

LISTS LIKE 22 CARTOON DADS WHOARE MOST DEFINITELY DILFS.

OR 11 CATS WHO DON'T GIVE A FUCKYOU'RE HUNG OVER.

COMEDIANS, I WANT YOU TO COME UPWITH BUZZFEED LISTS THAT ARE

SOMEHOW MORE RIDICULOUS THAN THEONES THAT ARE ACTUALLY ON

BUZZFEED.

I WILL GIVE YOU 60 SECONDS ONTHE CLOCK.

AND BEGIN.

(BELL DINGS)STEVE AGEE.

>> 87 BARS THAT ALLOW YOU TOBREASTFEED YOUR DOG.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)SCOTT.

>> 26 LETTERS YOU SIMPLY MUSTARRANGE INTO WORDS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)SARAH.

>> 12 OBSCURE STAR WARSCHARACTERS THAT ARE MAYBE PAUL

GIAMATTI.

>> HUTTON: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)UH, SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> FIVE QUOTES FROM SHREK YOUCAN USE AT YOUR NEXT PAROLE

HEARING.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS. POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)STEVE AGEE.

>> 20 TITS THAT DON'T MATCH.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)SCOTT.

>> TWO PEOPLE THAT GOT DIVORCEDBECAUSE YOU WERE BORN.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)UH, SARAH.

>> TWO... KOREAS.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.

(BELL DINGS)SCOTT AUKERMAN.

>> 250 REASONS WHY KIRSTIE ALLEYSHOULD HAVE A SALAD.

(GROANING)OOH. OOH.

>> HARDWICK: HEY. YOU KNOW WHOTHAT SOUNDS LIKE, SARAH.

>> SOUNDS LIKE MY EX-WIFE.

>> HARDWICK: YEAH, THERE YOU GO.

>> YEAH!

>> OH!

(BELL DINGS)>> HARDWICK: SARAH.

>> EIGHT LINDSAYS THAT WERE AREAL BITCH AT DINNER LAST NIGHT.

>> HARDWICK: POINTS.