Wednesday, September 10, 2014

  • 09/10/2014

Arden Myrin, Brody Stevens and Ron Funches watch Justin Bieber strip on live television, #MakeAMovieCanadian and come up with names for some crazy high-fashion looks.

>> Chris: IT'S 11:59 AND 59SECONDS.

THIS HAPPENED ON VINE TODAY.

"FASHION ROCKS"!

THAT'S WHAT WE'VE BEEN LED TOBELIEVE BY THE FASHION-AND-MUSIC

FUNDRAISER THAT HAPPENED LASTNIGHT AT BARCLAYS CENTER AS PART

OF NEW YORK FASHION WEEK.

THE AUDIENCE WAS KNOCKED ON ITSFASHIONABLE ASS WHEN CANADIAN

FEMALE IMPERSONATOR JUSTINBIEBER EMERGED FROM HIS SIZZURP

COCOON TO MUMBLE INCOHERENTLYOFF A TELEPROMPTER WHILE

SUPERMODEL LARA STONE STOODTHERE WONDERING WHY SHE BOTHERED

TO SHOW UP THE [BLEEP] FORREHEARSAL.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF"FASHION ROCKS," PLEASE WELCOME

TO THE STANGE RITA ORA.

>> CHRIS: HE'S GOING TO( BLEEP ) HIS PANTS TRYING TO

ENGAGE HIS ABS THAT HARD.

AND MAYBE HE DID.

IN CLASSIC BIEBS STYLE, HETHOUGHT WHAT HE WAS DOING WAS

SUPER TOUGH AND COOL, EVENTHOUGH IT WAS SUPER NOT.

HE RETWEETED A FAN'SPEE-SCREAMING VINE, WHICH

CURRENTLY HAS ALMOST 57,000LIKES AND 58,000 FIRST TWEEN

OVULATIONS.

TAKE A LOOK.

>> ( SCREAMING )( LAUGHTER )

I JUST FEEL BAD ABOUT EVERYFACET OF THAT.

JUSTIN TWEETED "GRANDMA ALWAYSSAID KILL 'EM WITH KINDNESS AND

THEN STRIP ON LIVE NATIONAL TV.

LOL."

COMEDIANS, WHAT ELSE DID GRANDMATELL HIM?

ARDEY MYRIN, GO.

>> YOUR FATHER'S BALL SHOOTPOISON.

CHRIS: ALL RIGHT GREAT, BRODYSTEVENS.

>> WHEN YOU VANDALIZE ANEIGHBOR'S HOUSE, DON'T GIGGLE.

CHRIS: ALL RIGHT GOOD.

>> RON FUNCHES -- WHERE THE HELLIS RON FUNCHES?

♪ ♪ (ROCK MUSIC) ♪

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

>> CHRIS: HEY, RON, WHAT'S UP?

>> AS FIVE-TIME "@MIDNIGHT"CHAMPION, YOU KNOW I KNOW WHAT

JUSTIN BIEBER'S GRANDMA TOLDHIM.

SHE SAID SAY YOUR PRAYERS.

EAT YOUR VITAMINS AND PASS THEREEFER.

IT'S TIME FOR "@MIDNIGHT"!

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S "RAPID REFRESH."

>> COME ON, COME ONE.>> BIG MONEY!

CHRIS: ANOTHER MONTH, ANOTHERSEMI- INTERESTING BIT OF NEWS

FROM THE SET OF "BATMAN VSUPERMAN DAWN OF JUSTICE."

DIRECTOR ZACH SNYDER ALREADYGAVE US WHAT AMOUNTED TO AN

UPSKIRT PHOTO OF THE CAPEDCRUSADER'S WARES A FEW MONTHS

BACK.

>> YEAH.

IT LOOKS LIKE THE BATMOBILE ISSTILL NOT DONE PAYING FOR

COLLEGE BECAUSE IT JUST WENTFULL FRONTAL.

INSTAGRAM USER AMACRO13 POSTEDTHIS IMAGE SHOWING THE WORLD THE

CLEAREST GLIMPSE TO DATE OF THENEW CAR.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THERE IT IS.

THIS LED FANS TO DO WHAT THEY DOBEST ON THE INTERNET-- WILDLY

SPECULATE WITH LITTLE TO NOINFORMATION.

NOW I KNOW THE QUALITY OF PHOTOIS NOT AMAZING, BUT WHAT WE CAN

SEE IS THE COLOR IS A LITTLEDIFFERENT AND THE DOORS OPEN

VERTICALLY, WHICH IS GREAT FORGETTING INTO THOSE

TIGHT SPOTS AT THE GROCERYSTORE.

IF BATMAN'S LIKE, I NEEDWHEATCHECKS, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

COMEDIANS, WILDLY SPECULATE ANDTELL US WHAT OTHER FEATURES ARE

IN THIS NEW BATMOBILE.

ARDEN MYRIN GO.

>> A BUMPER STICKER SAT THATSAYS "ASK ME ABOUT MY DEAD

PARENTS."

>> CHRIS: YEAH, POINTS, POINTS.BRODY.

>> A BOOSTER SEAT FOR ROBIN.

CHRIS: OK, CUTE. POINTS.

( APPLAUSE )RON?

WHO ARE YOU SALUTING?

>> HELLO, ARIZONA.

>> CHRIS: RON FUNCHES.

>> A LITERAL PUSSY MAGNET.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

ALL RIGHT, TODAY WAS INTERNETSLOWDOWN DAY, AS SITES SUCH AS

REDDIT AND TWITTER SLOWED DOWNIN SUPPORT OF NET NEUTRALITY.

NOW, IF YOU'RE NOT FOLLOWING NETNEUTRALITY, YOU SHOULD!

BECAUSE BASICALLY IT MEANS THATTHE F.C.C. WOULD NO LONGER

FORCE INTERNET SERVICE PROVIDERSTO TREAT ALL TRAFFIC EQUALLY AND

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY MOREFOR FASTER SERVICE.

THAT IS WAY DOUBLE ( BLEEP )-UP.

AND IF YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S ABIG DEAL, LET ME ILLUSTRATE WHAT

SLOW INTERNET IS GONNA LOOKLIKE, GUYS.

NO!

MAKE IT HAPPEN FASTER!

FASTER, PLEASE.

>> HE'S PRETTY RIPPED.>> HE IS RIPPED.

CHRIS: DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM.

COMEDIANS, IF WE EXPERIENCE AMAD MAX-LIKE FUTURE OF DIAL UP

SPEED INTERNET, HOW WILL ITCHANGE YOUR LIFE? BRODY,

>> I'LL NOW HAVE TO PLEASUREMYSELF IN THE LIBRARY?

>> CHRIS: OKAY, YEAH, POINTS,YOU WOULD, YEAH.

YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE THE DECIMALSYSTEM ALL DEWY.

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

RON FUNCHES.

>> IT MEANS MY NIGERIAN PRINCECOUSIN WILL ACTUALLY HAVE TO

CALL ME WHEN HE WANTS TO BORROWMONEY.

IT'S NOW TIME FOR TONIGHT'S#HASHTAGWARS.

ALL RIGHT.

THE TORONTO FILM FESTIVAL ISWRAPPING UP THIS WEEKEND, BUT

BEFORE IT DOES, WE WANTED TO GETIN ON THE FUN, YOU HOSERS!

SO TONIGHT'S HASHTAG IS#MAKEAMOVIECANADIAN.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BE:POUTINE WOLF, BROKEBACK MOUNTIE,

QUEBEC TO THE FUTURE.

OR MY FAVORITE, THE NEVER ENDING"SOARRY."

I'M GONNA PUT 60 SECONDS ON THECLOCK AND GO. RON FUNCHES.

>> MILLION LOONY BABIES.

CHRIS: YES, EXCELLENT. BRODY.

>> CANADIAN PIE.

>> CHRIS: YES. POINTS.

ARDEN.

>> DOON AND ET IN BEVERLYHILLS.

CHRIS: YES POINTS. RON.

>> MILLION LOONY ARM.

CHRIS: YES, ARDEN MYRIN.

>> HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS INTHE HALL.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS, GOOD.

YES, BRO -- ARDEN AGAIN.

>> OH, GOD. OH, GOD.

ROB FORD, QUEEN OF THE DESERT.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS!

RON FUNCHES.

>> FOR A FEW LOONIES MORE.

CHRIS: YOU SON OF A BITCH,POINTS. ARDEN.

>> FAST AND FURIOUS OTTAWADRIFT.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS.

RON?>> YOU GET --

CHRIS: RON!

>> FIST FULL OF LOONIES.

>> CHRIS: YES. POINTS.

GODDAMN IT, POINTS.

ALL RIGHT, BRODY.( LAUGHTER )

>> DIARY OF ANNE FRANK-- WAIT,WAIT, WRONG ONE.

DIARY OF ANNE MURRAY.

( BUZZER )

>> YES!

( APPLAUSE )YEAH.

>> CHRIS: I WANT YOU TO KNOWTHAT I'M GIVING YOU POINTS

BECAUSE YOU ( BLEEP ) UP ANDTHEN YOU "YESSED" YOURSELF.

SUPER HIGH FASHION.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

IT'S NEW YORK FASHION WEEK,WHERE THE WORLD'S MOST

PRESTIGIOUS DESIGNERS GATHER TOMAKE THE WORLD'S MOST GLAMOROUS

MODELS DRESS UP LIKE 70s SCI-FIMOVIE EXTRAS AND STEAMPUNK

HOBOS.

THE HASHTAG #NYFW HAS BEEN ALLOVER TWITTER AS A RESULT.

WELL, WE ROUNDED UP SOME OF THEDOUCHIEST RUNWAY PHOTOS.

COMEDIANS, I'LL SHOW YOU A PICOF FASHION WEEK AND I WANT TO

YOU NAME THE MODEL'S LOOK, OKAY.

FIRST ONE, THIS BEAUTIFULBOTANICAL.

YES, RON.

>> THIS ONE I LOVE--

CHRIS: WELL, YOU LOOK EXACTLYTHESAME.

>> THAT'S WHY I LOVE IT.

THIS ONE IS CALLED BUSINESSMANWHO STILL DOES ACID ON THE

WEEKENDS.

>> CHRIS: YES, POINTS. GOOD.

BRODY.

>> POISON IVY LEAGUE DROPOUT.

>> CHRIS: OKAY, YEAH, I LIKE IT.

POINTS.

NEXT ONE, THIS ANIMAL LOVER.

THIS ANIMAL LOVER.

LOOK AT THAT.

ARDEN.

>> MARM-A-DICK.

>> CHRIS: POINTS, POINTS.

YUP.

( APPLAUSE )RON.

>> HOW TO EMBARRASS YOUR DOGWITHOUT RUBBING HIS NOSE IN

POOP.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

( APPLAUSE )THE DOG DOES LOOK THOROUGHLY

HUMILIATED.

OKAY, I WON'T ( BLEEP ) METHOUSE ANYMORE.

PLEASE, CAN I GO BACK INSIDE.

NEXT ONE, LOOK AT THIS CHILLBRO, YEAH. HEY.

YES, ARDEN.

>>MATTHEW MCCONAUG-HEY!

CHRIS: YES, POINS. MM HMM.

>> ALL WRONG, ALL WRONG.CHRIS: RON.

EVERYDAY CASUAL.

>> CHRIS: HOW DARE YOU!

HOW DARE YOU!

HOW DARE YOU EMPLOY YET ANOTHERPROP.

>> HE IS LIKE A PROP COMICTONIGHT.

>> CHRIS: THEY DON'T CALL HIM"THE BLACK CARROT TOP" FOR

NOTHING.

>> THEY DO!

CHRIS: I GIVE YOU POINTS, RONRON FUNCHES, WELL PLAYED.

LAST ONE -- YOU ARE GODDAMNADORABLE, RON FUNCHES.

THIS SEXY SPECTOR, WHAT ABOUTTHIS SEXY-- OH GOD. YEAH, ARDEN

>> CALVIN-KLAN.

>> CHRIS: NICE, NICE, POINTS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

THAT BRING US TO THE END OFSUPER HIGH FASHION.

IT'S TIME FOR OUR NEXT GAME, SUPER KONICHIWHA? GAMER EDITION

2: TURBO.( APPLAUSE )

AMERICAN VIDEO GAMES HAVEDOMINATED THE MARKETPLACE.

THEY'VE GOTTEN SO SOPHISTICATEDTHEY CAN PERFECTLY SIMULATE

BEING INSIDE A BLOCKBUSTERMOVIE.

JAPANESE GAMES, ON THE OTHERHAND, HAVE GOTTEN SO (BLEEP)

BONKERS, THEY CAN PERFECTLYSIMULATE A MUSHROOM TRIP INSIDE

A CHUCK E. CHEESE.

WE'RE GOING TO DESCRIBE TWOJAPANESE VIDEO GAMES, AND FOR

250 POINTS YOU'RE GOING TO HAVETO TELL ME WHICH ONE IS REAL.

ALL RIGHT, FIRST ONE.

THUMP THUMP WITCH JUDGMENT-- AGAME WHERE YOU SUGGESTIVELY POKE

UNDERAGE WITCHES ON THEIRMAGICAL PRIVATES.

OR HEAVY HEAVY PROTEIN SUPPER--YOU PLAY AN OCTOPUS WHO HAS TO

ALIVE BY EATING SEMEN.

BRODY?

>> UM--( LAUGHTER )

>> CHRIS: WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE,WITCHES OR OCTOPUS CUM?

>> I'M HEALTHY.

I'D LIKE TO GO WITH THE HEAVY,HEAVY, PROTEIN SUPPER.

>> CHRIS: THE CORRECT ANSWERIS-- THUMP THUMP WITCH JUDGMENT.

>> THEY LOVE IT.

>> THAT'S OFFENSIVE.

>> THAT'S A HIT, THOUGH.

>> YEAH, THAT IS A HIT.

CHRIS: NEXT ONE, SCHOOL GIRL INTHE WELL.

RESCUE A GIGGLING SCHOOL GIRL INTHE WELL, OR SPANK 'EM, AN

ARCADE GAME WHERE YOU GETREVENGE ON YOUR BOSS BY SPANKING

A PLASTIC BUTT. RON.

>> OH, I'M WELL AWARE SPANK EMISA REAL GAME THAT I WANT TO PLAY.

CHRIS: ALL RIGHT, LET'S FINDOUT.

>> I LIKE IT.

>> I LIKE.

>> I LIKE THAT.

>> THAT MAN HAD LIKE, A BIG LADYASS, TOO.

>> HE HAD A BIG MOM ASS.>> A BIG MOM ASS, THAT WAS NICE.

THAT BRINGS US TO THE END OFSUPER KONICHIWHA?

GAMER EDITION 2: TURBO.

IT'S TIME FOR OUR LIVECHALLENGE, WAL-MART WRESTLING

ENTERTAINMENT, WAL-MARTWRESTLING ENTERTAINMENT.

WAL-MART-- NOT ONLY IS IT APLACE THAT UNDERSTANDS VALUE AND

LOW PRICES, BUT BASED ON THISPICTURE THAT WAS TRENDING ON

REDDIT, IT SEEMS TO COMPLETELYUNDERSTAND WHAT CUSTOMERS WANT.

I GIVE YOU WAL-MART WRESTLING.

THERE IT IS, WRESTING INWALMART, EXACTLY WHAT I SAID IT

WAS.

WELL IN HONOR OF "@MIDNIGHT"CHAMPION HOLDER RON FUNCHES,

I WOULD LIKE YOU TO COME UP WITHTRASH TALK TO YOU OPPONENT AT A

WRESTLING EVENT HELD INSIDE A WAL-MART.

WE'RE GONNA GET YOUR ANSWERS --

I FEEL LIKE THE GUY WITH THEWRESTLING BELT IS GOING TO DO

PRETTY WELL.

WE'LL GET YOUR ANSWERS RIGHTAFTER THE BREAK. WELL BE RIGHT

BACK WTH MORE @MIDNIGIHT!

CHRIS: IT'S TIME FOR "DOG DAYAFTERNOON."

"DOG DAY AFTERNOON."

I FEEL LIKE YOU CAN GET THE BELTSOME DAY, BRODY.

I FEEL LIKE YOU'LL GET THE BELT.

>> YEAH, I'M GOING TO GO TO THATMALL AND FIND IT.

( LAUGHTER )

>> CHRIS: 100 POINT TO BRODYSTEVENS FOR THAT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

TWITTER USER @SIMONNRICKETTSBROUGHT OUR ATTENTION TO THIS

SIGN WITH HIS CAPTION: "THISSIGN IS SUPPOSED TO SHOW YOU

WHICH THINGS ARE FORBIDDEN, BUTIT ACTUALLY CREATES THE COOLEST

DOG EVER."

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

LOOK AT THAT!

HE'S ON A GODDAMN SKATEBOARD,SMOKING A STOGIE, AND HOLDING A

HOLDING A GLASS OF WINE.

COMEDIANS, I WANT YOU TO COME UPWITH FACTS ABOUT THIS AWESOME

DOG.

I'M GONNA OUT 60 SECONDS IN THECLOCK AND GO.

RON.

>> HE MAKES YOU PAY TO WATCH HIMLICK HIS BALLS.

CHRIS: POINTS! BRODY.

>> THE OFFICIAL DOG OF COCHELLA.

CHRIS: YEAH, POINTS. GOOD JOB.RON.

ALWAYS LOOKS YOU IN THE EYEWHEN YOU PICK UP HIS POOP.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

ARDEN.

>> 101 DALMATIANS.

YEAH, HE [BLEEP]ED 'EM.

>> CHRIS: YEAH, POINTS.

ALL 101?

>> ALL OF THEM. ALL OF THEM.

CHRIS: RON. THAT'S A LOT OFBITCHES. RON.

>> FIRST DOG INDUCTED INTO LOSANGELES CRIPS.

>> CHRIS: POINTS.

ARDEN.

>> HE'S RUMORED TO BE DIVORCINGBEYONCE.

>> CHRIS: NICE, OKAY, POINTS.

I'LL GIVE YOU POINTS.

RON.

>> HE WANTS TO ( BLEEP ) MYEX-WIFE, BUT I'M COOL WITH IT.

HE'S A NICE GUY.

>> CHRIS: POINTS, POINTS.

BRODY.

>> HE ONLY EATS OFF THE SNAUSAGSFOOD TRUCK.

>> CHRIS: OKAY POINTS. YEAH,WE'RE GOOD.