Save the Cat

  • Season 6, Ep 3
  • 01/28/2016

Adam and Ders struggle to get back into the dating game, and Jillian and Blake discover that co-parenting a cat is more responsibility than they can handle.

- I'll admit it, guys.We suck at chicks.

- Yeah, man, 24 weekssince we've kissed girls,

besides our moms.

- Okay, I was gonna say.

- We got to do somethingthis weekend,

or else I'm gonnadonate my dick to science.

- What we should do, really,

is we should belike those dudes on YouTube

that, like, see hot chicks,

and then they just go up tothem and just freaking scope

'em out and say, "You're hot."Smooch 'em.

- Love those guys.- Surprise smooch.

You know,they're caught off guard,

but they like it because itwas an aggressive kiss,

but it was donein a tasteful fashion.

- Aggressive kissing,like Harrison Ford-style.

- So you go that route.I think I'm gonna class it up,

probably get into wine,so that hopefully, I can dine,

and--fingers crossed--69.- Good angle, Ders.

- Come here.You want some sandwich?

I bet you're used to eatinggarbage all day. Come here.

- Oh, God, Jillian'sdumpster-talking again.

- Okay.- Jillian, hey!

Step away from the dumpster,

and let's go on insideand talk to real people, okay?

- No, no, no, there'sa little kitty cat in here.

- You're talking to dumpsters.

It's no big whoop, right?

We're all a little crazy.

- No, I'm not crazy.There's a cat in there.

Oh, come on.- Come on.

- I scared her.- Just get down.

- She's in there.Come here, kitty!

- Sad.- Nothing's there.

- I'll help.- Sure, yeah.

- Come here!- Jillian, stop.

- Come here, little one.- It's wet. It's wet trash.

- Oh, gross.- It doesn't smell great.

- Oh, there you are!See?

I told you I wasn't crazy.[laughs]

[cat growls]- Ow, ow, ow!

Where's that cat I'm not dyingto meet it or anything.

- Can we wake her up?- Um...

- It's a miracleyou haven't already.

- Jillian.Hey, Mommy.

- Don't you "Hey, Mommy" me,Daddy,

barging in herewith these whores

like the beginningof some crude stag film,

just ten feet awayfrom where your cat sleeps!

- Okay.- Oh, hey, hey!

We heard all about Denny's andwe just wanted to meet her.

- [mocking accent] Oh, did you?- Yeah.

- [mocking accent]Did you hear about Denny's?

[normal voice]Do you have any cats? No.

- I--- No, I didn't think so.

Because if you did, youwouldn't be dressed like sluts

and following home strange mento pound Mangria.

Blake, can I see youin the kitchen for a moment?

- Mm-hmm, yup.- We're not strange.

- Yeah,we're very non-strange.

- By the way,we are just minutes away

from the Mangria, ladies.

- Yeah, so, you know,we didn't wake her up.

And I didn't thinkit was that--

- Yeah, that's right, Blake,you didn't think.

Denny's was left for deadin a dumpster,

and you didn't thinkthat maybe you shouldn't

abandon her on the first nightof being her daddy?

- Hey, I mean,I just figured, you know,

you're such a good mommy--

- Don't you patronize me!

- Okay,how would I patronize you

when I don't even knowwhat that means?

Okay?[stammers]

What do you want from me?

- I want you to bea good daddy,

not some whore-mongeringnight owl!

- Hey!All right, at least those...

[softly] whores...aren't crazy!

- Oh! Oh, that's right!

Because I am crazy, right?- Oh, yeah!

- Okay, yeah, 'cause I'm crazy.

You know what?- Yeah, oh, what you gonna do?

- I'll show you crazy!- Oh, yeah!

- Denny's needs her dad!- No, no, no!

Throw 'em all over the place,Jillian!

- Denny's needs her dad!- You fricking psycho!

Don't you throwthe nice plastic plates!

- Denny's!Because she needs one!

- There's onefrom Anders's birthday! Okay?

- Ohh!- No, let me help ya!

Let me help ya!- You want to help me?

That's fine!

- Just throw 'emall over the place,

'cause I workat a goddamned dead-end job!

I got the shortest straw,didn't I, when I got you?

You're throwing plates!

[cat meows]- She's awake now. Denny's!

- Oh, come on!- Denny's!

- Oh, come on!