Les Mis

  • Season 3, Ep 1
  • 09/18/2013

Mr. Garvey clashes with students over club photos, and President Obama addresses the NSA scandal.

JAY-KWELIN.- HERE.

- YOU ARE PRESENT?BA-LAKAY.

- UH, HERE.- UH-HUH.

DE-NICE.- HERE.

- GOOD.

JE-SEEKA.

THANK YOU.

- MR. GARVEY?

- WHAT IS IT, A-ARON?

- SOME OF US NEED TO LEAVEA FEW MINUTES EARLY TODAY.

- OH.

OH, IS THAT SO?- MM-HMM.

- AND WHAT, PRAY TELL...

IS THE REASON FORTHIS PREMATURE EXODUS?

- YEARBOOK PHOTOS.

UM, WE HAVE TO LEAVE15 MINUTES EARLY

TO MEET UP WITH OUR CLUBS.

- [chuckles]OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT MIGHT WORKWITH OTHER SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS,

BUT I TAUGHTIN THE INNER CITY

FOR OVER 20 YEARS.

NOW, Y'ALL WANNALEAVE MY CLASS EARLY

SO Y'ALL CAN GO MEET UPAT "THE CLUB."

AIN'T NONE OF Y'ALLOLD ENOUGH

TO GO TO THE DAMN CLUB!

RIDICULOUS.

- MR. GARVEY?- DUMB SON OF A BITCH!

DID IST-ST-ST-ST-ST-STUTTER?

- JUST THEN, YES.

- I'M GONNA THROW YOU OUTTHE GODDAMN WINDOW!

WHAT, JAY-KWELIN?

- MR. GARVEY, WE'RE--WE'RE TELLING THE TRUTH.

WE--WE HAVE CLUBSAT THE SCHOOL.

WE HAVE CLUBSFOR SPECIAL INTERESTS.

- OKAY, I SEE.SO Y'ALL WANNA PLAY.

Y'ALL WANNA PLAY.

YEAH, OKAY,WE GONNA PLAY LITTLE GAMES.

FINE. I'LL PLAY.

I'M MORE THAN HAPPY TO PLAYSOME GAMES WITH Y'ALL.

ANYONE WHO'S IN A CLUB...STAND YOUR ASS UP.

UH-HUH. OH, YEAH,THERE IT IS, THERE IT IS.

THE USUAL SUSPECTS.

WHAT THE HELL CLUBARE YOU IN, JAY-KWELIN?

- FUTURE LEADERSOF AMERICA.

- OKAY, OKAY.

HOW WOULD YOU KNOWIF YOU'RE GONNA BE A LEADER

IN THE FUTURE?

IS THERE A STARGATEIN YOUR BEDROOM?

CAN YOU TRAVEL THROUGH TIME,JAY-KWELIN?

- NO.- THEN SIT THE FLIP DOWN!

BA-LAKAY, I--HERE'S THE THING.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHYI'M ABOUT TO ASK YOU THIS.

B-LAKAY,WHAT CLUB ARE YOU IN?

- UM, PART OF THE SPANISH CLUB.

- SPAN--THE SP--YOU ABOUT AS SPANISH

AS REE-ON SEACREST,

WITH YOUR BIG-ASS FRAGGLE ROCK HAIR!

HOW 'BOUT YOU, DE-NICE?

- I'M IN THE CHESS CLUB.

- UH, I'M SORRY, SWEETHEART,

YOU ARE NOTIN THE CHEST CLUB.

THE "MOSQUITO BITE CLUB,"MAYBE.

- AH, THAT'S HURTFUL.- TRUTHFUL.

THERE HE IS.

A-ARON...- HEY.

- WHAT CLUB ARE YOU IN?

- I'M THE PRESIDENTOF THE GLEE CLUB.

WHY DID I TALK?

- THE GLEE CLUB?AAH!

LIKE THEY GONNA HAVEA CLUB

DEDICATED TO A TV SHOW!

TAKE YOUR ASS TOO-SHAG-HANNESSEY'S OFFICE

RIGHT NOW,BEFORE I BUST A CLUB

UP IN YOUR BUTT!- OKAY.

- GO!- [crying] OKAY, I'M GONNA GO.

- MISCHIEVOUSAND DECEITFUL!

CHICANEROUSAND DEPLORABLE.

- THIS IS PRINCIPALO'SHAUGHNESSY.

STUDENTS, PLEASE REPORTTO THE GYMNASIUM

FOR YOUR CLUB PHOTOS.- FAKE ANNOUNCEMENT.

NOW, DOES ANYBODY IN HEREHAVE A VALID REASON

FOR LEAVING THIS CLASSROOM?T-MOTHY.

- I GOTTA PICK UP MY DAUGHTER.- YOU'RE EXCUSED.

WELCOME TO BATTLE RAP,WHERE WE'RE GONNA BATTLE RAP

EVERY DAY IN THE MONTH OFFEBRUARY, Y'ALL.

YO, I'M YOUR HOST,BIG PEEP-PAROO!

all: R-R-R-ROO!- THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT,

THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT.TO MY LEFT, WE GOT THE CHAMPION.

YO, INTRODUCE, SON!- YEAH, WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?

THIS YOUR BOY, RHINO D,AND I'M ABOUT TO FRONTHAND...

BACKHAND HIS ASSOFF THE MIC!

- THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT,THAT'S RIGHT.

AND ON MY RIGHT,WE GOT THE CHALLENGER.

INTRODUCE YOURSELF, PLAYA.- YEAH, WHAT'S UP, MAN?

I'M DILLER KILLER,IN THE HOUSE.

100 USDA PURE MEAT.NO FILLER RIGHT HERE, DAWG.

- HOO! HOO! [barks]- OKAY, OKAY.

YO, DILLER LOST THE TOSS,SO YOU GO FIRST.

OKAY, GENTLEMEN,BATTLE RAP!

- ALL RIGHT, YEAH.NOW, HERE WE GO.

YOU'RE SHOOK, SON.I'M GONNA EAT YOU FOR BREAKFAST.

'CAUSE I'M A COOK, SON.- HA HA!

I STOLE A COP-A-FEELFROM YOUR GIRL'S BREASTESES!

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

- [high-pitched growling]

- WAIT A MINUTE.GET BACK.

- [growling continues]

- HE DON'T EVEN KNOW, MAN.HEY, LISTEN, MAN.

YOU CAN'T EVEN WINTHIS 100-YARD DASH,

BUT LET ME ASK YOUA QUESTION.

WHAT DO THEY CALL THAT,A MOUSTACHE?

all: OHH...

- [growling]

AAAAH!

AAH!- NO, MAN, SEE--

RELAX, MAN. HEY, I NEED YOUTO RELAX A LITTLE BIT.

- [growling]

- TAKE IT DOWNA LITTLE BIT.

- AHHHHHH...- WHAT THE [bleep] YOU DOIN'?

I'M TELLING YOU, TAKE--CAN YOUTAKE IT DOWN A LITTLE BIT, MAN?

- [growls quieter]

- COME ON, WHAT ARE YOU,A HORSE? LIKE...

- AAAAH!- THAT'S THE LAST ONE.

YO, WHAT'S UP, DAWG?YOU KNOW, MY [bleep] IS RICH.

I'M SWIMMIN' IN SIMOLEONS.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITHTHIS MINIATURE BLACK NAPOLEON?

- [growling]

- YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

YO! HEY, MAN.

HEY, DAWG,GET YOUR--HEY, HEY!

NOW--COME ON, NOW.DON'T GET MY EYES WET.

HEY, HEY, GET YOUR BOY--

- WAAAAAAH!- YO, I'M SORRY.

LOOK AT THAT. LOOK AT THIS.LOOK AT THIS.

LOOK AT IT. LOOK AT IT.OH, OH, YEAH.

GO GET IT, NOW.THAT'S A BOY. OH.

YEAH, MAN! HERE WE GO!YEAH, MAN, LOOK AT THAT CHAIN

AND THESE FAKE-ASSTIMBERLANDS.

- AAAAAAHHH...- OH, MAN!

- I'M SORRY.NO, YOU'RE OKAY, MAN.

I'M SORRY.I REALLY APOLOGIZE.

- YO, MAN.WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM, MAN?

- HEY, HEY!REMEMBER--NO, NO, HEY!

- AAAAAAHHH...

AHH AHH!- WHY ARE YOU DOING ME?

- AAAAAHH!- WHY WOULD YOU--LISTEN.

- AAAAH!- NO. NO, NO, NO. COME ON.

- AAAAHH!- SHH. SHH. SHH.

- ALL RIGHT,YOU GUYS GOTTA GO, MAN.

- NO, COME ON, MAN.- NO, MAN.

NO, YOU'RE ALL DONE, MAN.YOU GOT TO GO.

THAT'S RIGHT, MAN.YO, WE GOT A CHAMPION STILL.

WE GOT A CHAMPION STILLRIGHT HERE.

- HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?

YEAH! THAT'S WHAT'S UP.THAT'S YOUR BOY--

- AAAAAAHH...- JUST...GIVE ME THE HAT!

- HEY, MAN--- GIVE IT UP!

[indistinct shouting]

GIMME THAT [bleep] HAT!

[birds chirping]

- [sustained gibberish]

- LISTEN.LISTEN--LISTEN, MAN.

I WANT YOU TO LOOK OUTON THE LAKE, MAN.

I JUST WANT YOU TO LOOK OUTAND IMAGINE A PLACE, MAN,

WHERE YOU CAN DOYOUR THING, MAN.

- HOOOOO...

- WHERE YOU AND I COULD GOAND DO OUR THING,

BUT NEVER HAVE TO FORFEIT, YEAH!- YAHH.

- YOU COULD SCREAM AND SHOUTAND SHOVE PEOPLE

BACK AND FORTH, BUT WE DON'TNEVER HAVE TO QUIT.

- AAAAH!- BUT LOOK OUT ON THE LAKE, MAN.

LOOK OUT ON THE LAKE.

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, MAN,I START RAPPIN'.

- HWAH!

- AND MY RHYMES,THEY START TO FLOW.

AND I'M TURNIN' THE TIDE.

AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO,YOU CAN PUSH AND SHOVE

AND SCREAM, BUT WE'LL NEVERGET DISQUALIFIED.

- LAA LAA LAA!

AH HA HA HA!

YEAH, YEAH, OOH! HA-HA!

- MAN, FOR GOOD MEASURE, WHILEYOU'RE LOOKING AT THE LAKE,

JUST GIVE MEONE MORE GOOD "AAAAHH."

- AAAAH--

[gunshot]