Wednesday, May 6, 2015

  • 05/06/2015

Heather Anne Campbell, Jeff B. Davis and Dan Harmon learn about creepy talking dolls, list #VideoGameSitcoms and come up with soon-to-be canceled television shows.

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S INTERNETHEADLINES, IT'S RAPID REFRESH.

THOMAS EDISON, INVENTOR OF THELIGHT BULB AND SUBSEQUENTLY

DEATH BY ELECTROCUTION, MADE AFEW TALK TALKING DOLLS IN HIS

DAY. I THINK THAT IS WHY HEBECAME AN INVENTOR.

THESE TALKING DOLLS HERE ARETHINKING ABOUT DELICIOUS SOULS

WERE THE FIRST KNOWN MASSPRODUCED GIRLS SAYING TERRIFYING

THINGS.

THIS MUST HAVE BEEN THEIPHONE OF THEIR DAY.

THIS WAS BREAKING TECHNOLOGY.

THE RECORD CYLINDERS INSIDETHESE DOLLS HAVE BECOME WAY TOO,

THEY PLAYED INSIDE AND BECAMETOO DETERIORATED BUT SCIENCE

STEPPED UP AND READ THE GROOVESWITH MOTHER (BLEEP)ING LASERS!

LET'S HEAR ONE OF THESE UNCANNYVALLEY GIRLS SAYING A BEDTIME

PRAYER.

>> NOW THAT I LAY ME DOWN TOSLEEP, I PRAY THE LORD MY SOUL

TO KEEP.

AND IF I DIE BEFORE I WAKE, IPRAY THE LORD MY SOUL TO TAKE.

>> Chris: AH!

SLEEP TIGHT!

I WONDER IF AT THE END SHE WASLIKE, THANK YOU MR. EDISON FOR

THIS OPPORTUNITY TO LAUNCH MYVOICEOVER CAREER, WHATEVER

THAT IS.

>> WHY DOESN'T IT HAVE REALEYES?

REAL HUMAN EYES.

>> Chris: BECAUSE IT WASVICTORRIAN TIMES AND THAT'S

HOW THEY THEY HAD TO MAKE DOLLS!

THEY RIPPED THE EYES OUT OF DEADCHILDREN.

COMEDIANS, WHAT IS SOMETHINGEVEN MORE DISTURBING YOU WOULD

NOT WANT TO HEAR THIS DOLL SAY.

HEATHER ANNE CAMPBELL.

>> I LOOK LIKE A DOLL,I (BLEEP) LIKE A MAN.

>> Chris: POINTS.

>> I USE THAT LINE ALL THE TIME.

>> Chris: YOU, MY FRIEND, JEFFDAVIS.

EDISON DOLL.

>> IT'S ON THE BOTTOM OF HISHEADSHOT.

>> Chris: UNDER SPECIAL SKILLS.

NOW WE NOTICED, BY THE WAY, THATTHIS AUDIO WAS RELEASED ON

SOUNDCLOUD, WHICH IS USUALLYWHERE YOU GO FOR THE DUPSTEP

REMIXES BY BEDROOM DJS.

NATURALLY WE ASKED THE@MIDNIGHT DIGITAL TEAM TO CREATE

THE NIGHTMARE MASHUP YOU NEVERKNEW WANTED TO HEAR.

HERE YOU GO.

♪ (SHRILL SINGING OVER A CLUBBEAT) ♪

>> Chris: YES.

THAT'S NOT JUST A SNIPPET.

THERE'S A FULL VERSION OF THATSONG ON THE @MIDNIGHT FACEBOOK

PAGE, SO GO AND ENJOY AND PAINTNIGHTMARES WITH BABY DUBSTEP.

NOW TIME FOR OUR HASHTAG WARS.

WELL, HULU IS APPARENTLY GOINGHARD FOR THAT DEMO OF GEN-XERS

WHO ROCKED AN INTEL PENTIUM 486BECAUSE BECAUSE THEY ARE MAKING

A TV SERIES BASED ON THENINETIES COMPUTER GAME MYST.

IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE GAMES.

IT IS AN AMAZING, BEAUTIFULPUZZLE GAME.

EVERYTHING THAT IS OLD IS NEWAGAIN.

FRANKLY, WE HOPE THE THEY GETAWAY FROM THE MYSTERY ISLAND

FULL OF PUZZLES THING ANDINSTEAD FOCUS THE SHOW ON A

STREET WISE TEACHER AND CALL ITHANGING WITH MYST-ER COOPER.

THAT COULD BE REALLY FUN.

THEY COULD JUST SOLVE THEPUZZLE OF THAT SHOW.

IN HONOR OF THAT TONIGHT'SHASHTAG IS #VIDEOGAMESITCOMS.

EXAMPLES MIGHT BEWOLFENSTEINFELD.

OR DONKEY KONG OF QUEENS.

OR BOY MEETS WORLD OF WARCRAFT.

I'M GONNA PUT 60-SECONDS ON THEOLD CLOCK AND BEGIN.

HEATHER.

>> STREET, FIRE, TWO AND A HALFMEN.

>> Chris: POINTS!

JEFF DAVIS.

>> MARIO TYLER MOORE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

DAN HARMON.

>> SPACE IN-FRASIER.

>> Chris: POINTS.

HEATHER.

>> EAST BOUND AND UP, UP, DOWN,LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, B,A,C,

START.

>> Chris: YES!

EXTRA 100 POINTS FOR THE KONAMICODE.

JEFF BRYAN DAVIS.

>> CALL OF DOOGIE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

DAN.

>> MR. BELVE-DEER, THAT DEERGAME, HUNTER GAME.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS.

GOOD SAVE, YOU JUST MADE ITUNDER THE WIRE.

HEATHER.

>> MY NAME IS TOE JAM AND EARL.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JEFF.

>> GOLDEN I LOVE LUCY.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS!

DAN HARMON.

>> TWO AND A HALF RAIDERS.

TWO AND A HALF RAIDERS.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS, POINTS. I'LL GIVE THATTO YOU.

JEFF DAVIS.

>> PAC-MAN-IMAL.

>> Chris: POINTS.

FANTASTIC.

>> THAT WAS A DRAMA, THAT WAS AVERY GOOD DRAMA.

THAT WAS A VERY GOOD DRAMA.

>> Chris: YES, DAN.

>> EIGHT SIMPLE RULES FORPULLING MY TEENAGE GIRL OUT OF

CAR AND CLUBBING HER WITH A A BAT SO YOU CAN UNLOCK AN

OUTFIT.

>> Chris: YES, POINTS. POINTS.

BUT NOW IT IS TIME TO PLAY SQUADGOALS, SCHMOD GOALS.

THERE'S A RARE NEW TWITTER TRENDTHAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH

TRYING TO GET FINGERED BY AMEMBER OF ONE DIRECTION.

IT'S CALLED SQUAD GOALS, AND YOUCAN DO THAT?

OH, MAN!

>> WHY ARE WE SITTING HERE ON AGAME SHOW.

>> Chris: I'VE BEEN WRITINGSNAIL-MAIL LETTERS.

IT IS CALLED SQUAD GOALS ANDPEOPLE ARE USING IT TO POST DOPE

PICS OF SWEET CREWS THEY'D LIKETO ROLL WITH.

I AM GOING TO SHOW YOU APHOTO WE FOUND BY SEARCHING

SQUAD GOALS AND FOR 250 POINTS IWANT YOU TO TELL ME THE NAME OF

THIS SQUAD.

FIRST ONE, THESE FOXY LADIES.

HEATHER

>> TOO FAT, TOO FURIOUS(BLEEP).

I'M SORRY.

>> Chris: I MEAN, IT IS KINDOF... RIGHT THERE.

DAN.

>> THE "WE RUN EVERYTHINGWEST OF JOANNE FABRICS" POSSE.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JEFF.

>> LIVE FAST DIABETES.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS.

>> THAT'S GREAT.

>> Chris: NEXT ONE, THESEFOREST FRIENDS.

THESE FOREST FRIENDS.

WHAT IS THIS CREW CALLED?

>> DAN HARMON.

>> THE AMBER ALERTS.

>> Chris: NEXT ONE, THESEFELLAHS, THESE FELLAHS.

JEFF DAVIS.

>> THE GLUTEN FREE MASONS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW IT COULD BEANYTHING ELSE, QUITE FRNAKLY.

BUT LET'S FIND OUT.

HEATHER.

>> THE CATCHERS OF THE RYE.

>> OH!

>> Chris: VERY ACADEMIC.

>> LITERALLY.

>> Chris: POINTS.>> THEY LITERALLY CAUGHT RYE.

>> Chris: NEXT ONE.

THIS THING, THAT THING.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHAT ARE YOUUPSET ABOUT?

SHUT UP, KIDS. THIS IS WHAT LIFEIS LIKE.

YOU GOTTA LEARN SOONER OR LATER.

>> Chris: HEATHER.

>> THIS IS JUST A TYPICAL GERMANPLAYGROUND.

>> Chris: POINTS.

DAN.

>> A SCIENTOLOGIST WEDDING RING.

HERE, I'LL DO A DIFFERENT ONE INCASE THEY WRITE IN.

A METAPHOR FOR CAPITALISM.

>> Chris: DAN, DAN, DAN.

WE ARE USING THE SCIENTOLOGYONE.

>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

>> Chris: LAST ONE, THESESNAZZY SUBURBANITES.

WHAT IS THIS CREW?

DAN, GO.

>> THE FAMILY WHOSE ANSWERS TOMARY (BLEEP) KILL IS ALWAYS EACH

OTHER.

>> Chris: WHAT AN INVOLVED NAME.

I MEAN, POINTS.

JEFF.

>> THE BUKHAKIS.

>> Chris: yYES, POINTS. OFCOURSE.

BEFORE THE BREAK I ASKED YOU TOPITCH A PRODUCT AS BIG OLD DRUNK

ORSON WELLES WOULD BESELLING.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU CAME UP WITH.

DAN HARMON, START WITH YOU.

>> AH, TEMPURPEDIC MATTRESSES...YOU CAN JUMP UP AND DOWN WITH A

GLASS OF WINE.

IT IS DELICIOUS.

JUST BUY A GLASS OF WINE TODAY.

WAIT.

WHAT AM I ADVERTISING?

>> Chris: PERFECT.

JEFF DAVIS.

>> OH... THE NEW APPLE iWATCH.

IT HAS SO MANY APPS, INCLUDINGONE APP CALLED THE STANGER,

WHERE YOU SIT ON YOUR HANDS SOIT TURNS NUMB AND YOU PRETEND

YOU ARE BEING JERKED OFF BY AROBOT.

>> Chris: HEATHER ANNECAMPBELL.

>> AH... MY BALOGNA HAS A FIRSTNAME IT'S O.R.S.O.N.

WHAT, WAIT?

WHY DOES BALOGNA HAVE ASECOND NAME?

I EAT FIVE PACKAGES EVERY DAYWITH A BOTTLE AND A HALF OF

CHARDONAY.

AS WE GO TO THE NEXT GAMESOON TO BE CANCELED, SOON TO BE

CANCELED.

WELL, IT'S THAT TIME.

THE MAJOR TV NETWORKS HAVEBEGUN ANNOUNCING THEIR NEW SHOW

PICKUPS, SO AMERICA GET READYFOR A WHOLE NEW CROP OF PUN-ILY

TITLED FOCUS GROUPED SHOWS THATWILL BE CANCELED ALMOST

IMMEDIATELY.

HE'S A JUDGE, SHE'S A DOG, IT'S"A-POOCH THE BENCH."

THIS FALL ON NBC.

HARMON, YOU'RE A FAN OF NBC,RIGHT?

YOU LOVE THEIR PROGRAMMING.

>> AH, NBC...THEY'VE ABANDONEDCOMEDY, SO THEY COULD BRING YOU

MUSICALS.

>> Chris: SO COMEDIANS -- 100POINTS FOR DAN -- FOR TONIGHT'S

SPEED GAME, I WOULD LIKE YOUGUYS TO GIVE US A SNEAK PEEK FOR

AS MANY SOON TO BE CANCELEDSHOWS AS YOU CAN.

60-SECONDS AND BEGIN.

HEATHER.

THE LOVE BOAT: OFF THE COAST OFWEST AFRICA.

>> Chris: POINTS.

DAN.

>> THE WIRES.

IT'S GOT MORE WIRES.

>> Chris: POINTS.

JEFF.

>> IT'S LIKE ACCORDING TO JIM,BUT WITH JOKES.

>> Chris: POINTS.

DAN HARMON.

>> COP MOPS, BUT HERE IS THETWIST: NO COPS, NO MOPS.

>> Chris: POINTS. GOD DAMNIT.

HEATHER.

>> CSIBMSNBCSI: VEGAS.

>> Chris: POINTS.

DAN.

>> OBVIOUSLY COMMUNITY AGAIN,PROBABLY.

>> Chris: YES.

POINTS.

SIX SEASONS AND A MOVIE! JEFF.

>> IT IS LIKE COMMUNITY BUTPEOPLE WATCH IT.

>> Chris: (BLEEP)!

OH, NO!

DAN.

>> NAKED SHARK TANK, COLON,PITCH YOUR DICK.

YOU HAVE GOT TO PITCH IT.

>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, SHARKS.

MY DICK IS A CLOWN -- AND ITIS REALLY -- IT REALLY NEEDS A

NEW MAKE-UP KIT.

DAN.

>> ANOTHER OLD PERSON FROMFRIENDS IN "(BLEEP) IT."

>> Chris: POINTS.