ULTIMATE SKETCH ARCHIVE
"Ghostbusters" singer Ray Parker Jr. unveils his lesser-known songs, a young man is transported to a magical land, and Jordan and Keegan reach their final destination.
Who you gonna call?[laughs]
Hi.I'm Ray Parker, Jr.,
writer and performerof the Academy Award-nominated
hit single Ghostbusters
from the major motion picture Ghostbusters.
But that's just one song.
I've written so many othermajor motion picture theme songs
and submitted 'emthroughout the years.
Now they're availableand together
for one specially pricedcompilation.
♪ You triedto play the game ♪
♪ But it's driving youinsane ♪
♪ Danger in the jungle
♪ There's a lion in my house
♪ Come on, Mr. Computer
♪ Throw me a bone
♪ I said, Lawnmower Man
♪ Get up off of my lawn
♪ When Armageddon is near
♪ You better get out of here
♪ Looking like a deep impact
♪ I ain't afraidof no 'stroid ♪
♪ Watch out behind you
♪ That's where I'm gonnafind you ♪
♪ Pelican brief
♪ It's getting legal, y'all
These songs have only been heardby the highest level
of industry decision makers,
but now you can feellike a Hollywood executive
in your own home.
♪ I'll see your face-off
♪ Black guy walking around
♪ It's a face-off [chuckles]
♪ That ain't even your face
♪ Passion of the Christ
♪ Get me down offof this cross ♪
♪ Passion of the Christ
♪ You know,my daddy is the boss ♪
♪ That's not even a word
♪ Gonna unnerve ya
♪ Now, there's a whole lotof kinky ♪
♪ Bet that room is stinky
♪ Fifty shades of Grey
[chuckles]All right, white people.
♪ Who's a slave?
♪ I'm not a slave
♪ Twelve years a slave
Whoops![imitates whip crack]
There's one thing I know.
It's that persistencemakes perfection.
Sure, Hollywood missed out,
but that doesn't meanyou have to.
♪ Down in the basement
♪ What's going on?
♪ It's a apt pupil
♪ There's a kidand a Nazi down there ♪
(male announcer)Order now to receiveyour free copy
of Bobby Sings the Twos:
theme songs to sequelsthat were never made.
Vince, I, uh,
I have that quarterly analysisthat you asked for.
I had a quarterof these nuts on your chin.
It's just thatI wanted to review
some of these numberswith you.
It seems likeour earnings are low
againstour original projections.
These nuts were lowagainst your chin.
You know, Vince,
if you ever needto talk to me about something,
I'm more than happyto listen.
These nuts would be more thanhappy to rest against your chin.
Hey, look, you've been doingthis for about a week now,
and it was kind of funnyat first.
These nuts were kind of funnyagainst your chin.
Vince,I'm worried about you.
I was worriedabout these nuts on your chin.
[whispering]These nuts were seriouslyon your chin.
Mr. Graham, I just got a callfrom St. Mary's Hospital,
and your parentswere in a serious car accident.
I'm so sorry,but your mother is dead,
and your fatheris on life support.
These nuts were supportinglife on your chin.
Oh, my God.
- Sorry, Amber.[door closes]
Vince, you got to stop it.
Your motherjust passed away.
These nutspassed away on your chin.
No, they didn't.They didn't.
you got to leave here right nowand go be with your dad.
This could be the last timethat you get to see him.
This could be the last timeI get to see my nuts on your--
God damn it, Vincent.
Your father might be dying.
These nuts might bedying on your chin.
God damn it, Vince!
Snap the fuck out of it!
Your mother is dead.
- You okay?- I'm okay.
[whispering]I don't know what came over me.
- It's all right.- It was so good.
It was--it just--
It worked in every situation,and then it was--
I know. I know.
And it was always--it was just so funny.
Well, it wasn't--it wasn't that funny.
It was funny.
It really wasn'tthat funny, Vince.
It was...really funny.
I would not go so far as tosay it was really funny, Vince.
It was funny.
But it wasn't.
Agree to disagree.
- It was funny.- Okay.
- It was funny.- One more time.
I'm just gonna go on record
as saying it wasn't reallythat funny.
I'm gonna go see my dad.
It was funny.
It wasn't that funny.
Stay with me.
Dad, I love you.
And I love...
These nutson your chin.
[dad's voice]These nuts on your chin.
Spare some change?
Sorry, man,I got nothing.
Hold it right there.
[car door closes]
Let's see some ID.
I wasn't even doing anything,man.
Are you talking back to me?
No, I was just walking, man.
Look, there is no reasonfor you to get upset, sir.
I'm not.I'm not.
All right, that's it.Put your hands on your head.
Put my hands--
Put your handson your head, yes!
You had your chance.
Listen, man,can I just ask you,
like, politely what it isthat I did?
- Think I was born yesterday?- Come on, man, I--
Get in the car.Duck your head.
All right, Officer,I'll take it from here.
Oh, hi, Wally.Good to see you.
He's all yours.
Y'all have a good night.
Thanks, man,but where we going?
I'm glad you asked.
Whoa, look at this place.
Where are we?
Just be patient,and I'll show you.
Your suit changed.
♪ Follow meto a place I know ♪
♪ Where there ain't no painand no sorrow ♪
♪ It's a place to beif your skin is brown ♪
♪ I'm talking 'bout Negrotown
What, like, Atlanta?
Now be quiet while I sing.
♪ In Negrotown,you can walk the street ♪
♪ Without getting stopped,harassed, or beat ♪
♪ And there's always a cabwhen you need to get around ♪
And they always stop.
♪ In Negrotown
I think I'm getting it.
It's like a utopiafor black people.
But seriously,shut the fuck up.
♪ You won't get followedwhen you try to shop ♪
(all)♪ You can wear your hoodie
♪ And not get shot
♪ No white folksto cross the street in fear ♪
(all)♪ No trigger-happy cops
♪ Or scared cashiers
(Jordan)♪ That loan application
♪ Can't get turned down
♪ You're always approvedin Negrotown ♪
This is amazing!
I know, right?
(women)♪ We're going downto Negrotown ♪
♪ Where the strong black menare raining down ♪
♪ There's light skin,dark skin, every shade ♪
♪ And there's no white bitchesto take them away ♪
This sounds too goodto be true.
- It does, doesn't it?- Yeah.
But can a niggafinish a song?
I mean,can a nigga finish?
I'm sorry.I'm sorry.
♪ In Negrotown,you live long and well ♪
♪ There's no disease,no sickle cell ♪
♪ No stupid-ass white folkstouching your hair ♪
♪ Or stealing your culture,claiming it's theirs ♪
♪ Hanging out in a groupdoesn't make you a gang ♪
♪ Every word that you sayain't considered slang ♪
♪ No one trying to get inon the latest trend ♪
♪ By making youtheir token black friend ♪
♪ There's a placewhere harmony is found ♪
(all)♪ It's a motherfuckingblack playground ♪
♪ Talking 'bout Negrotown
(all)♪ Talking 'bout Negro
♪ Talking 'boutNegro, Negro, Negro, Negro ♪
♪ Talking 'bout Negrotown
(man in the distance)Sir? Sir? Sir?
All right, get up.
- Wha--- Let's go, get up.
[groans]Wait a second.
Wait, wait, whoa, whoa,hold on, wait.
I thought I was goingto Negrotown.
Oh, you are.
[door closes and engine starts]
My name's Wendell,and I, too, am a sexual.
It is true, though.
- Oh, yeah. Thanks, man.- Did you just call me "man"?
That's how comfortableI am with you.
But if you were a guy,I'd still jam my fork
in thosefucking roast beef--
Is there a Cyrano de Bergeracbehind you?
I like how you're gettingmy side.
God, it'slike you have three hands.
There it is.
No, Papi. No, Papi.No, Papi. No!
You're talkingabout no Papi?
I will skewer youwith my dick!
- Oh, yeah!- I'll take it!
What else do you--
Destination wedding, baby--Acapulco, June 27th.
I wish them terroristswould try to even think
about just droppingstraight--
I'm gonna stayin this long, though.
And now I clinch.
You snapthat nigga's dick off!
Hold on a second.I'm over here--
Wait a second.Shit got caught up.
I'm caught up.Hold up.
We were talkingabout breakfast.
[whispering]So that's what I'm gonna do...
Mark with a K.