McGuire, Newton, Varnado, Joyce

  • 11/28/2003

D.L. Hughley stars in this Comedy Central original stand-up series featuring Darrell Joyce, Chris McGuire, Rylee Newton, Victor Varnado.

UH, COLLEGE OF WHATEVER THE HELL

THEY DO HERE.

THEY TEACH...

[LAUGHTER]

ME AND COLLEGE AIN'T NEVER WENT

TOGETHER.

AIN'T THAT...

I STOPPED GOING TO SCHOOL IN THE

12th GRADE.

IT WASN'T WORKING OUT FOR ME AND

IT WASN'T WORKING OUT FOR THEM.

I'M, LIKE, THIS IS GONNA BE

MY LAST DAY, (BLEEP), I CAN'T...

[LAUGHTER]

THIS WHERE THEY TRAIN OUR COPS

TO BE COPS, AIN'T THAT

SOMETHING?

SEE, YOU ALL GOT NEW YORK COPS

WHO YOU ALL LIKE A LOT.

IN L.A. IT'S A LOT DIFFERENT

WHERE I'M FROM.

AND WHITE FOLKS HAVE A DIFFERENT

WAY OF RELATING WITH THE COPS

'CAUSE YOU ALL TALK STUFF TO

THEM.

HURRY UP AND WRITE THE DAMN

TICKET...

YOU PIG.

[LAUGHTER]

GIVE ME YOUR BADGE NUMBER,

ASS(BLEEP).

[LAUGHTER]

THAT DOES NOT WORK FOR BLACK

FOLKS.

GIVE ME YOUR BADGE NUMBER, OFF--

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I DON'T--

WE DO.

BLACK FOLK AND LATIN FOLK,

WE GOT A WHOLE DIFFERENT

RELATIONSHIP WITH THE POLICE,

DON'T YOU?

YOU EVER LET THE POLICE FOLLOW

YOU SO LONG YOU GET SUSPICIOUS

OF YOUR DAMN SELF, MAN.

[LAUGHTER]

MAYBE I DID KILL THEM PEOPLE,

I'M GONNA...

I'M GONNA GO ON AHEAD AND TURN

MYSELF IN.

PLUS WHITE FOLK, YOU ALL DO A

LOT OF STUFF WE DON'T DO, MAN,

LIKE, I REMEMBER ABOUT

TWO MONTHS AGO,THIS WHITE DUDE

WENT HIKING IN UTAH AND GOT

HIS ARM JAMMED UNDER A ROCK AND

DECIDED TO CUT HIS DAMN ARM OFF

AND I'M, LIKE...

BLACK FOLK WOULD'VE WAITED

A WHOLE LOT OF DAYS BEFORE

WE DECIDED TO CUT OUR ARM OFF.

IT'D BEEN, LIKE, 30-- 40 DAYS

WE'D HAVE TRIED TO LOSE SOME

WEIGHT AND SLIP OUT, OH, UGH.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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