The Mis-Education of Garry Gaga

  • Season 2, Ep 5
  • 11/02/2011

Lady Gaga's policeman brother butts heads with his new captain, and a man gets a delicious new face.

- ( whistle blows )- ( cheering )

P.A.: Time out.

♪ I give you my heart... ♪

- OH.- Man: YEAH!

♪ You're the one I want to see... ♪

NO WAY!OH MY GOSH.

WE'VE NEVER--

( crowd booing )

- WHY ARE THEY BOOING?- OH MY GOD.

IT SAYS "FIST CAM."

WHAT?THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT.

- FIST CAM?- ( chanting )FIST FIST FIST FIST!

FIST FIST FIST FIST!

- THIS HAS GOT TO BEA PRANK OR SOMETHING.- NICK, WHAT DO WE DO?

JUST SMILE AND WAVE.IT'S OBVIOUSLY--

( screams )OW!

OH MY GOD,WHAT IS GOING ON?

FIST FIST FIST FIST!

STOP IT!WE'RE NOT FISTING.

GET YOUR STUFF.LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.COME ON.

- GET YOUR STUFF.- OKAY.

- HAVE A SEAT, SIR.- HEY, THIS IS CRAZY.

- YOU SEE THE CAMERA, RIGHT?- YEAH, THIS IS CRAZY.

OKAY OKAY,SO LET'S GO.

- LET'S GO WHAT?- START FISTING!

- IS THIS A JOKE?- WHO EXACTLY IS DOING...?

- YOU FIST HIM.- DON'T ASK. WHAT--

- NICK, WHAT DO I DO?- I THINK YOU KNOW, OKAY?

DON'T I NEED LUBE?

NICK, LET'S JUSTGET THIS OVER WITH.

- ( whistle blows )- ( groaning )

STOP IT!WHAT THE --?!

REALLY?YOU WERE GONNAFIST ME WITH CHEESE?

- I'M SORRY.- THIS IS INSANE.

- ( whistle blows )- NO.

NO!

NO, THE FIST CAM.RUN!

- OH NO, YOU'RE ON IT AGAIN!- YOU KNOW WHAT?

JUST DO ITAND GET IT OVER WITH.I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.

OH WAIT, UH--

- YOU'RE ON IT WITH HIM.- WITH WHO?

OH MY GOD.OH MY GOD.

I LOVE YOU.TELL MY PARENTS I LOVE THEM.

IT'S OKAY, SWEETIE.YOU CAN DO THIS.

I CAN'T DO IT.NOBODY CAN DO THAT.

- DO IT FOR THE TEAM.- GET HIM A LOT OF CHEESE.

( rock music playing )

DO PEOPLE STILL DO THAT?RAISING THE ROOF?

SO HERE'S A COUPLEMORE PRODUCTS

THAT DID NOT MAKE THE CUTOF BEING ACTUAL PRODUCTS.

FIRST OF ALL, DRINKINGAND DRIVING-- TERRIBLE.

DON'T DO IT.I HAVE FRIENDS WHO'VE DONE IT.

I'M LIKE,WHY DO PEOPLE STILL--LIKE, I HAVE FRIENDS WHO HAVE,

LIKE, "YEAH,I'VE GOT TWO D.U.I.S."

I WAS LIKE,WASN'T THAT ONE THE SUCK?

"YEAH, IT WAS BAD."

BUT YOU -- GOTANOTHER ONE.

"YEAH, WHOOPS."

SO PEOPLE STILL DO IT,YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

SO I'M THINKING THEY SHOULDHAVE A WINDSHIELD

WHERE YOU SEE STUFFTHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HIT.

SO IT JUST PROJECTSIMAGES OF LIKE A PIZZA,

A KARAOKE MACHINE.

NO DRUNK PERSON'S GOINGTO TOTAL A KARAOKE MACHINE.

YEAH!

ARE YOU GUYS N.B.A. FANS?DO YOU LIKE BASKETBALL?

- ( cheering )- YEAH.

IT'S A GOOD SPORT.

I'M A TIMBERWOLVES FAN.A LITTLE TOUGH.

WE GOT KEVIN LOVEWHO'S THE MAN.

AND I THINK WE SHOULD JUSTSURROUND HIM WITH REAL WOLVES

AT THIS POINT.HE'LL JUST TAKE ITTO THE HOLE,

THEY'LL JUST BE LIKE-- RRRR!AND JUST MAUL OTHERGUYS' ANKLES.

MY FAVORITE TEAM NAME IS--

I LIKE THE MAGIC.

'CAUSE IT'S NOT EVENA REAL THING.

I'M LIKE, WHAT THE --ARE THEY DOING?

OTHER TEAMS ARE LIKETHE WOLVES, THE BULLS,

LIKE ALL THESE THINGS.THEY'RE LIKE, "WE'LL JUSTBE MAGIC."

YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE MAGIC.

IT'S SO COCKY TO DO THAT.

I THOUGHT IT WOULDHAVE BEEN FUNNY THOUGHIF, LIKE, THE FIRST GAME

THAT THEY PLAYED AS THE MAGIC,IF THEY JUST CAME OUTAND THEY JUST

PRETENDED TO DRIBBLE A BALL.

AND THE TEAM'S LIKE,"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?THERE'S NO BALL."

AND THEY'RE LIKE,"YEAH, THERE IS.

MAGIC."

AND THE TEAM'S LIKE,"I DON'T WANT TO PLAY THE MAGIC.

THEY'RE SCARY.THEY HAVE POWERS, MAN.IT'S NOT FAIR."

AND THE WEIRDEST NAMETO ME IS THE HEAT.

IT'S WEIRD'CAUSE IT'S LIKE--

IT'S NOT LIKE THE FIRE!LIKE THE FLAMES.

IT'S JUST LIKE,"YEAH, WE'RE THE HEAT.

JUST HEAT, MAN." OH, YOU'RE GOOD.

WE TALK TO LADY GAGA'S BROTHER OFFICER GARRY GAGA.

- HEY, GAGA.- HOW YOU DOING THERE, CHIEF?

BY THE WAY, I LIKETHE INK ON THE ARM.

THAT MERMAID'S GOTA NICE RACK TO HER, RIGHT?

SO WE'VE GOT A NEW CAPTAINCOMING ON THE FORCE TODAY

ALL THE WAYFROM MINOT, NORTH DAKOTA.

- I HEARD HE'SA PRETTY GOOD GUY.- OFFICER.

HOW ARE YOU DOING, CAPTAIN?

AHHH.

Garry: YOU KNOW WHAT MUSIC IS TO ME?

SHOOTING SOMEBODY IN THE FACE.

I TRIED TO WARM UP TO THE NEW CAPTAIN BY THROWING OUT

SOME IDEAS I THOUGHT WOULD HELP THE PRECINCT.

THE THING IS ZEBRASAREN'T WHAT WE USE.

NO, I HEAR YOU, SIR,LOUD AND CLEAR ON THAT.

WE USE AMERICAN HORSES.

WHAT IF I GIVE YOU 10 BUCKSTO SIT ON THAT ZEBRA

AND TRAMPLEA CHILD MOLESTER?

IS THERE A WAY FOR YOUTO NOT BE HERE ANYMORE?

- YEAH, I CAN WALK OUT OF HERE.- THAT WOULD BE SENSATIONAL.

YOU DON'T LIKE ZEBRASIS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

YES.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.

- YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, SIR?- YES.

SO A RIOT IS STARTEDBY ANIMAL RIGHTS PEOPLE.

AND YOU SHOW UPON A -- ZEBRA.

SIR, I HEAR YAAND LET ME JUST SAYIN MY DEFENSE,

YOU SAID NOT TO RIDE A ZEBRA.I GOT A POLICE-ISSUED HORSE,

I PAINTED IT LIKE A ZEBRA. THAT'S ANIMAL-SAFE PAINT.

WHICH IS THE REASONTHEY WERE PROTESTINGIN THE FIRST PLACE.

( chanting )PAINT HOUSES, NOT HORSES!

HEY, EVERYONE DISPERSE.GO BACK TO BURNING MAN

OR WHATEVER VEGAN ORGIESYOU GUYS ARE DOING.

HEY, SIR, YOU BETTERGET OUT OF HERE!

OH MY GOD,THAT'S AXE BODY SPRAY.GOD DAMN IT!

THAT IS NOT THE POINT.

LOOK, I'VE GOTTHE HUMANE SOCIETY UP MY ASS

AND I'VE GOTTO STARE AT THESE CROWNSAND GLITTERY SUITS EVERY DAY.

- IT'S RIDICULOUS!- THIS SUIT-- BASED ON ONEOF LADY'S FAMOUS OUTFITS--

IT'S AWESOME.HER OUTFIT SHOWEDA LOT MORE, BELIEVE ME.

A LITTLE NIPSAND A LITTLE BUSH.

YOU HAVE TO MAKEA CHOICE, DAMN IT.

WHAT COMES FIRST?

ARE YOU A COPOR ARE YOU A GAGA?

I BECAME A COP, SIR,

BUT I AMAND ALWAYS WILL BE...