December 17, 2015 - Martin Shkreli's Arrest & 2015 Roundup

  • 12/17/2015

An infamous pharma CEO is arrested on fraud charges, and Larry revisits some of the most significant stories of 2015 with Pusha T, Rory Albanese and Mike Yard.

>> Larry: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU, PLEASE.

>> LARRY!

LARRY!

LARRY!

LARRY!

OH, MAN.

SO SO NICE.

SUCH A NICE CROWD HERE TONIGHT,MAN.

WELCOME TO "NIGHTLY SHOW."

, DON'T KNOW HOW YOU KEEPGUESSING.

YOU'RE RIGHT, I'M LARRY.

AS WE NEAR THE END OF 2015, IJUST WANT TO TAKE A MOMENT TO

REFLECT ON WHAT HAS TRULY BEENAN AMAZING YEAR FOR ME.

I MEAN A YEAR AGO BROTHER DIDN'THAVE A SHOW, RIGHT.

SO, HEY, MAN, 2015, ME AND YOU,WE GOOD.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )SUCH AN AMAZING JOURNEY, GUYS.

OF COURSE, SOON AFTER I ARRIVED,MY WHITE NEIGHBOR MOVED OUT.

( LAUGHTER )AND THEN THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD

TURNED.

( LAUGHTER )SO, YEAH.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )I APOLOGIZE.

I APOLOGIZE.

KIND OF MY FAULT, REALLY, WHENYOU THINK OF IT.

BUT, LOOK, I AM PROUD OF ALLWE'VE ACCOMPLISHED IN YEAR ONE.

WE FIXED RACISM.

PRETTY GOOD.

IT'S NO LONGER LURKING IN THESHADOWS.

NOW IT'S OUT IN THE OPEN ANDRUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.

YEAH.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )SO, HEY, THANKS TO THE FANS

WHO'VE BEEN WITH US THIS YEAR.

TONIGHT, WE'RE DOING A SPECIALSEGMENT ON THE SHOW CALLED

"BEFORE WE GO."

‚ô™ ‚ô™CHRISTMASS-Y.

I LIKE THAT.

SO WE SPENT THIS PAST YEARTALKING A LOT ABOUT MISCARRIAGES

OF JUSTICE.

IN FACT, THIS WAS SUCH A BADYEAR FOR THE CONCEPT OF JUSTICE

THAT JUSTICE IS CONSIDERINGFAKING ITS DEATH, CHANGING ITS

NAME TO RHONDA, AND STARTING ANEW LIFE IN TORONTO.

( LAUGHTER )VERY SAD.

VERY SAD TO REPORT THAT.

WELL, TONIGHT I'M HAPPY TO SAYWE CAN FINALLY TALK ABOUT A

CARRIAGE OF JUSTICE.

VERY GOOD, CARRIAGE OF JUSTICE.

DO YOU REMEMBER THIS IDIOT?

>> MARTIN SHKR ELI, THE32-YEAR-OLDFORMER HEDGE FUND

MANAGER WHOSE DRUG COMPANYSTART-UP, TURING PHARMACEUTICAL,

BOUGHT A DRUG CALLED DARAPRIMAND PRACTICALLY OVERNIGHT,

BOOSTED ITS PRICE 5,000% FROM$13.50 A TABLET TO $750 A PILL.

>> DARAPRIM WAS DEVELOPED IN1953 AS A TREATMENT FOR THOSE

WITH COMPROMISED IMMUNE SYSTEMSLIKE AIDS AND CANCER PATIENTS.

>> Larry: I KNOW THEGUILLOTINE ISN'T POPULAR

ANYMORE.

I GET THAT.

BUT-- RIGHT.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )THE PUBLIC SHOWING OF A HEAD

BEING CHOPPED OFF IS THE ONLYWAY TO SOLVE SOMETHING LIKE THIS

SOMETIMES.

YOU KNOW.

SOME PEOPLE JUST NEED TO DIE.

AND IT SHOULDN'T BE THE AIDS ANDCANCER PATIENTS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )I'M JUST SAYING, SENIOR BOWL

HALFTIME SHOW.

SORRY, COLDPLAY.

( LAUGHTER )YOU DIDN'T DO THAT, RIGHT?

AND, BY THE WAY, IT'S NOT LIKETHIS GUY'S TAKING THE EXTRA

MONEY HE'S MAKING FROM SICKPEOPLE AND GIVING IT TO CHARITY.

HE JUST BOUGHT A RARE,ONE-OF-A-KIND WU-TANG ALBUM

THAT'S LOCKED UP IN A VAULT INMOROCCO-- YOU HAVE HEARD ABOUT

THIS-- FOR $2 MILLION.

NOW, THE ONLY WAY THIS COULDEVEN REMOTELY BE COOL IS IF HE

THINKS THE WU-TANG CLAN IS ANELITE GROUP OF MAGICAL CHINESE

DOCTORS AND THAT ALBUM HOLDS THESECRET TO ALL THEIR MYSTICAL

CURES.

BUT HE DEFINITELY DIDN'T THINKTHAT, SO HE'S JUST A DICK.

( LAUGHTER )AND THE PROBLEM IS, HE CAN GET

AWAY WITH THIS EVIL PRICEGOUGING BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING

ILLEGAL ABOUT IT.

THIS IS A HORRIBLE MISCARRIAGEOF JUSTICE.

SO, CARRIAGE OF JUSTICE, GET'EM!

>> WE'VE GOT MORE BREAKING NEWSTHIS MORNING.

THE DRUG COMPANY C.E.O. WHORAISED THE PRICE OF A LIFESAVING

PILL BY MORE THAN 5,000% HASBEEN ARRESTED.

FEDERAL OFFICIALS CONFIRMED TOCBS NEWS THAT MARTIN

SHKRELI FACES CHARGES OFSECURITIES FRAUD.

>> Larry: YES!!

WOO-HOO!!!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )POP!

POP!

POP!

POP!

POP!

YEAH, MAN!

JUSTICE HAS BEEN CARRIAGED!

YUP, HE'S GOING TO BE LOCKEDAWAY IN A VAULT, MUCH LIKE HIS

PRIZED WU-TANG ALBUM.

I COULD SAY THAT ALL DAY.

NOW, THE OTHER STORY THAT WASIMPORTANT TO US-- AND I JUST

FELT PERSONALLY THAT WE HAD TOCOVER THIS BEFORE WE WENT AWAY

FOR THE HOLIDAY.

IT'S JUST TOO BIG, YOU GUYS--JAPANESE MARITAL LAWS.

IN JAPAN, THERE'S SOME BIG NEWSFOR BRIDEZILLAS.

OH, AND REGULAR BRIDES, TOO.

>> JAPAN'S HIGHEST COURT HASRULED ON MARRIAGE LAWS THAT

ACTIVISTS CLAIMED WERE SEXISTAND OUTDATED.

>> Larry: GOOD!

THANK YOU!

WIVES IN JAPAN HAVE SUFFEREDLONG ENOUGH.

EVER SINCE GETTING MARRIED,HELLO KITTY CAN'T LEGALLY SAY

HELLO TO STRANGERS ANYMORE.

AND OFFERING SALUTATIONS IS ALLTHAT POOR FELINE HAS!

SO, LET'S SEE WHAT THE SUPREMECOURT RULED.

THE SUPREME COURT SAID REQUIRING WOMEN TO WAIT FOR SIX MONTHS

AFTER DIVORCE BEFOREREMARRYING IS EXCESSIVE.

>> Larry: WHY IS THIS A THING?

WHY DOES THE GOVERNMENT EVENCARE HOW QUICKLY YOU GET

MARRIED?

>> I AGREE, LARRY. IT'S BEENHELL.

>> Larry: OH, HEY.

DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.

HOLLY WALKER, EVERYBODY.

>> ACTUALLY, LARRY, IT'S HOLLYFUJIMOTO.

>> Larry: FUJIMOTO?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

>> LARRY, MANY YEARS AGO, I WASON AN IMPROV COMEDY TOUR IN

TOKYO, AND ONE NIGHT, THE'PROV TEAM AND I WERE OUT

DRINKING.

>> Larry: OKAY.

>> SO WE START POUNDING SAKEWITH SOME LOCAL BUSINESSMEN, AND

WHEN I WAKE UP...

>> Larry: YOU MARRIED ONE OFTHEM?

>> YES!

IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT! WHATWAS I SUPPOSED TO DO, NOT

LAWFULLY WED HIM RIGHT THEN ANDTHERE?

>> Larry: BUT YOU SAY YOU LOVEDHIM, RIGHT?

>> YEAH, I THOUGHT IT WAS INLOVE, UNTIL LATER THAT

AFTERNOON, WHEN I MET MR.TAKAHASHI.

>> Larry: WHO IS MR. TAKAHASHI?

>> MR. FUJIMOTO'S COLLEGEROOMMATE.

ONCE I LAID EYES ON HIM, I KNEWI'D MADE A HUGE MISTAKE.

>> Larry: OH, MY GOD.

>> I FILED FOR DIVORCEIMMEDIATELY.

>> Larry: I SEE.

BUT BECAUSE OF JAPANESE LAW, YOUCOULDN'T REMARRY RIGHT AWAY?

>> EXACTLY!

I HAD TO WAIT SIX PUNISHINGMONTHS!

BUT IT WAS A DREAM WEDDING.

>> Larry: AWW.

WELL, THAT'S NICE, AT LEAST YOUHAD PROPER--

>> UNTIL THE DREAM BECAME ANIGHTMARE!

ENTER MR. KAGOMI...

>> MR. KAGOMI?!

>> YEAH, THE CABBIE WHO DROVE USFROM THE CHAPEL!

OH, LARRY, IT WAS LOVE AT FIRSTSIGHT.

BUT I HAD TO WAIT ANOTHER SIXMONTHS.

LORD, WHY DO YOU TORTURE US FORSIMPLY COMMITTING THE CRIME OF

LOVE?!

>> Larry: WELL, HOLLY, IF I MAY,IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE A BIT OUT

OF CONTROL HERE.

I MEAN, IT'S ONE THING-->> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, LARRY.

COULD YOU HOLD FOR A SECOND?

WHO IS THAT FINE SLAB OF WAGYUBEEF RIGHT OVER THERE?

( LAUGHTER )( APPLAUSE )

>> Larry: THAT'S LAWRENCE, OURWRITER'S ASSISTANT.

>> MAMA-SAN LIKES!

>> Larry: OH, MY GOD, BUT HE'SCHINESE.

>> IT DOESN'T MATTER.

>> HOW YOU DOING?

>> Larry: OH, MY GOD!

HOLLY, NO!

HOLLY!

NO, HOLLY, LET HIM GO!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )OH, NO.

OH, MY GOD.

YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL.

HOLLY FUJIMOTO, EVERYBODY.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

LOOK, I DON'T NEED TO TELL YOUTHAT IT'S A BIG DAY FOR FANS OF

THE GREATEST MOVIE FRANCHISE OFALL TIME.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )AND TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, EVEN

I WON'T BE WATCHING TONIGHT'SEPISODE OF "THE NIGHTLY SHOW"

BECAUSE I GOT TICKETS FOR THEMIDNIGHT SHOWING OF "ALVIN AND

THE CHIPMUNKS: THE ROAD CHIP."

JUST KIDDING-- "STAR WARS" OPENSTONIGHT, YOU GUYS!

TONIGHT!

SO EXCITED.

BUT, HEY, HOLD ON A SECOND.

HOLD ON.

ALREADY, THERE'S A DISTURBANCEIN THE FORCE.

LET ME TELL YOU WHAT IT IS.

NOW, YOU KNOW I WILL CALL OUTANYTHING IF I THINK IT WAS

RACIST.

BUT MELISSA HARRIS PERRY, CABLENEWS HOST, TRIED TO INSINUATE

THAT MY BELOVED ORIGINAL "STARWARS" WAS NOT ONLY RACIST, BUT

WAS EMBODIED IN THE HALLOWEDFIGURE OF DARTH VADER.

>> BUT WHILE HE WAS BLACK, HEWAS TERRIBLE AND BAD AND

AWFUL AND USED TO CUT OFFWHITEMAN'S HANDS, AND DIDN'T YOU

KNOW, ACTUALLY CLAIM HIS SON.

BUT AS SOON AS HE CLAIMS HIS SONAND GOES OVER TO THE GOOD, HE

OFF HIS MASK AND HE IS WHITE.

>> Larry: MELISSA HARRIS PERRY,HOW COULD YOU?

WHERE'S MY CHEWBACCA DIARY?

I HAVE TO TAKE THIS OUT WHENEVERI GET "STAR WARS" ANXIETY.

AAAHHH!

( LAUGHTER )NOTE TO SELF: MELISSA HARRIS

PERRY, SHUT UP.

( APPLAUSE )YOU KNOW, GUYS, I ACTUALLY

-- THIS IS TRUE-- I ACTUALLYREVIEWED THE ORIGINAL "STAR

WARS" BACK IN THE 70ss WHENIT FIRST CAME OUT.

I DID THIS REALLY HIP SHOWBACK THEN-- I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE

EVER MENTIONED IT-- BUT, YOUKNOW, MY RESEARCH DEPARTMENT WAS

ABLE TO GET SOME FOOTAGE, SOLET'S TAKE A LOOK.

>> Larry: ALL RIGHT, NOWBEFORE I REVIEW THIS SOON-TO-BE

CLASSIC MOVIE "SMOKEY AND THEBANDIT," DIG THIS.

THERE'S THIS NEW MOVIE CALLEDSTAR WARS.

I DON'T WANT TO GIVE SPOILERALERTS BUT IT'S ABOUT A CAT

NAMED LUKE SKY WALKER. AFTER HISFAMILY GETS KILLED

HE JOINS WITH A BEARDED CAT INTHE DESERT, AND HE GOES ON A

REVENGE QUEST AND DROPS A BOMBON A BIG SUPER STRUCTURE,

KILLING THOUSANDS OF INNOCENT( BLEEP )S.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

I THINK THAT BEARDED BLEEP IS ATERRORIST.

THIS MOVIE IS RACIST INSPECTMOVIE IS RACIST.

I KNOW RACIST MOVIES.

THEY CAN'T HIDE THAT.

AND THEY HAVE THESE LITTLE, LIKEPYGMIES, LIKE SHETLAND NEGROES

RUNNING AROUND THE DESERT.

WHAT KIND OF ( BLEEP ) IS THAT?

THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE MOVIE?

DARTH VADER.

THAT'S HIS NAME, DARTH VADER.

HE'S ONE SMOOTH OPERATOR.

YOU LAY THAT DEEP VOICE ON ASISTER, YOU WON'T HAVE TO PLY

OPEN THE BLAST DOORS, KNOW WHATI'M SAYING?

THEY GOT THIS ( BLEEP ) RIGHT--ROBOTS WILL FIRST COME IN THE

FORM OF HOMOSEXUALS.

THAT ( BLEEP ) IS TRUE.

THE FORCE-- WHAT KIND OF-- WHATKIND OF ( BLEEP ) IS THAT?

( BLEEP ) IS ACID.

I ONCE MADE LOVE ON A RUG THATLOOKED EXACTLY LIKE THAT

CHEWBACCA.

IT MADE THAT SAME SOUND, TOO,RRRRRR!

I WAS TRYING TO DRINK AND ITWENT DOWN THE WRONG PIPE.

I GOT SOME PREDICTIONS.

YOU KNOW WHO IS GOING TO BE ABIG STAR, MARK HAMILL.

HE IS GOING TO BE IN EVERYTHINGFROM NOW ON.

YOU KNOW WHO IS GOING NO, THATHAN SOLO GUY.

THIS IS HIS LAST FILM.

SORRY, HAN SOLO.

YOUR MOVIE CAREER IS SOLO.

( LAUGHTER )FORCE.

YOU KNOW WHAT FORCE GUIDES MYLIFE-- TITTIES.

I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU, SOME OFTHE MOVIE SEEMS BIOGRAPHICAL.

I RELATE TO A LOT OF ( BLEEP ).THE GARBAGE CHUTE?

THAT HAPPENED TO ME.

I WAS IN THERE WITH THISPROSTITUTE.

WHAT WAS HER NAME-- OH,( BLEEP ).

CHOCOLATE OR SOMETHING, FUDGE?

I DON'T KNOW, MAN, IT WAS ONE OFTHOSE DRUNK NIGHTS.

WE ENDED UP IN THE DUMPSTER ANDI WAS SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF.

THIS WAS MY WEDDING NIGHT.

I SHOULD HAVE BEEN HOME THATNIGHT OF ALL NIGHTS.

THAT WAS FUN, THOUGH, MAN.

>> Larry: THANKS, ME FROM THE70s!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>> Larry: WELCOME BACK.

I'M HERE WITH MY PANEL.

FIRST UP "NIGHTLY SHOW"CONTRIBUTOR RORY ALBANESE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )AND "NIGHTLY SHOW" CONTRIBUTOR

MIKE YARD.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )AND HIS NEW ALBUM

"DARKEST BEFORE DAWN" COMES OUTTOMORROW, RAPPER, SONGWRITER,

AND PRESIDENT OF GOODMUSIC, PUSHA T.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )AND FOR EVERYONE AT HOME, JOIN

OUR CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW ONTWITTER @NIGHTLYSHOW USING THE

HASHTAG #TONIGHTLY.

BEFORE WE GET STARTED, I THOUGHTIT WOULD NICE TO HAVE A HOLIDAY

BEVERAGE AS THIS IS THE LASTSHOW OF 2015.

I'VE GOT EGGNOG OR SCOTCH.

>> EGGNOG.

>> Larry: EGGNOG.

>> PUT SOME SCOTCH IN YOUREGGNOGS.

>> Larry: OH, MY GOD!

HERE.

>> I HAVE BAD NEWS-- THERE WASALREADY BOURBON IN THE EGGNOG.

YOU JUST DOUBLE DOSED.

>> IT'S TURNIP TIME?

>>THE SONG "SUNSHINE" YOU

PREMIERED ON THE "DAILY SHOW"TUESDAY NIGHT TALKS ABOUT A LOT

OF THE RACIAL AND SOCIAL ISSUESAMERICANS HAVE GONE THROUGH IN

NED THE PAST YEAR.

SO TONIGHT I WANT TO DOSOMETHING A LITTLE DIFFERENT,

EVERYBODY BRING UP WHAT THEYTHOUGHT WAS THE MOST SURPRISING

STORY OF 2015.

MIKE?

>> FOR ME IT WAS RACHELDOLEZAL-- I STILL CAN'T WRAP MY

HEAD AROUND THAT ONE.

>> Larry: SHE CONVINCEDHERSELF THAT SHE WAS BLACK.

>> YES!

>> NOT JUST HER, LIKE, THEENTIRE N.A.A.C.P.

SHE RAN THE NAACP AND THEYDIDN'T NOTICE

>> YOU HAVE COLORED IN YOURNAME.

>> YOU'RE RIGHT.

MAYBE THEY SHOULD CHANGE THAT( BLEEP ).

>> Larry: MAYBE SO.

>> THAT FASCINATED ME, MAN, THATSOMEBODY-- BECAUSE SHE GREW UP

HERE IN AMERICA.

A WHITE PERSON IN AMERICA WOULDDECIDE TO OPT OUT.

( LAUGHTER )( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> THAT'S FUNNY, MAN.

>> I'M JUST SAYIN'!

THERE'S INTERNET, THERE'SEVERYTHING TELLS YOU, NO.

>> THAT'S THE PART THATSURPRISED ME.

>> YES!

WHY WOULD DO YOU THAT.

>> IT'S LIKE YOU'RE PLAYING ONTHE GLOBETROTTERS AND YOU'RE

LIKE, "I WANT TO BE A WASHINGTONGENERAL."

>> I THOUGHT IT WAS CRAZY ASWELL.

I LOOKED AT HER AND I THOUGHT,LIKE, SHE COULD BE BLACK A BIT.

>> I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

WHEN I SAW HER I WAS LIKE, "NAH,THAT'S A WHITE WOMAN RIGHT

THERE.

>> NO WAY!

>> A WHITE WOMAN WITH CURLYHAIR.

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAW.

>> I THINK THE HAIR FOOLEDPEOPLE.

>> I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

I'M JEWISH.

EVERYBODY HAS HAIR LIKE THAT.

THE HAIR DID NOT FOOL ME.

>> Larry: WHAT WAS THE MOSTSURPRISING STORY FOR YOU THIS

YEAR?

>> THE MOST SURPRISING STORY FORME WAS HEARING ABOUT OBAMA GOING

TO THE FEDERAL PRISON SYSTEM.

s THIS IS, LIKE, THE FIRSTPRESIDENT ANOTHER TO.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )TO GO TO THE FEDERAL PRISON

SYSTEM.

>> Larry: YOU KNOW, ALL THEREPUBLICANS WERE HOPING HE WAS

GOING THERE FOR ALL THE WRONGREASONS.

( LAUGHTER )>> Larry: IT WAS PRETTY

AMAZING.

HE COMMUTED THE SENTENCES OF ALOT OF--

>> LIKE 6,000.

>> 6,000.

>> THAT'S SO COOL, HE WENT TOJAIL AND THEN HE WAS LIKE, "ALL

RIGHT, LET THEM OUT."

>> LARRY WAS TALKING ABOUT THATTHE OTHER NIGHT ON THE SHOW, THE

IDEA THAT EVERY REPUBLICAN'SFEAR IS A BLACK PRESIDENT WILL

COME IN AND BE LIKE, "EVERYONEOUT OF PRISON!"

AND HE DID IT RIGHT AT THEBUZZER.

THAT WAS NICE.

I LIKED THAT.

>> THAT WAS THE SECRET PLAN ALLALONG.

>> I JUST THINK IT WAS REALLYCOOL THAT HE'S TAKING ACTION TO

TRY TO CORRECT THE WRONGS OF,LIKE, THE UNBALANCE, YOU KNOW--

( APPLAUSE )>> Larry: YEAH.

RORY, WHO WAS YOUR STORY?

>> I THINK FOR ME WITHOUT ADOUBT THAT TRUMP IS STILL-- I

REALLY DID THINK, LIKE, IFOLLOWED THIS UP PRETTY CLOSELY.

I JUST FIGURED IT WAS THESUMMERTIME YOU GET THE ONE CRAZY

PERSON WHO MAKES NOISE, THAT'SKIND OF FUNNY.

AND IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE.

HE'S IN THE LEAD AND IT'SDECEMBER.

I'M SURPRISED -- AND I SAID THATTO YOU IN AUGUST.

I WAS LIKE, NO.

AND YOU WERE LIKE, "I DON'TKNOW.

I'M WORRIED."

AND YOU WERE RIGHT.

>> Larry: I WAS VERYSUSPICIOUS.

>> YOU WERE SUSPICIOUS, AND I'MNOW OFFICIALLY FRIGHTENED.

>> IT'S A NIGHTMARE.

>> IT IS.

>> I DON'T THINK HE'S GOING TOWIN.

>> Larry: YOU DON'T THINK HE'SGOING TO WIN?

HE'S GOING TO BE PRESIDENT?

>> HE'S GOTTEN TOO FAR.

I'M SCARED.

IT'S GOT TO HAPPEN.

>> I'M HOPING HE DOESN'T WIN.

>> Larry: WHY WON'T HE WIN?

>> BECAUSE AMERICA IS A GOODCOUNTRY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> AT ITS HEART.

AT ITS HEART.

>> I BELIEVE THAT.

I'M GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT ITHINK, AND HERE IS WHERE PEOPLE

ARE GOING TO SAY MIKE YARD ISCRAZY.

I BELIEVE THAT DONALD TRUMP DOESNOT WANT TO BE PRESIDENT.

I BELIEVE THAT DONALD TRUMP -->> CONSPIRACY?

>> YES, I BELIEVE-- THIS IS MYCONSPIRACY THEORY THAT HE WAS

PUT THERE BY THE DEMOCRATS TODESTROY THE REPUBLICAN PARTY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> GOOD JOB, TRUMP!

GOOD, JOB!

>> THINK ABOUT IT, THINK ABOUTIT!

WE'VE KNOWN TRUMP FOREVER ANDHE'S NEVER SAID CRAZY ( BLEEP )

LIKE THIS.

HE'S ALWAYS BEEN A LITTLE WEIRD.

>> Larry: VERY BRAGGADOCIO.

>> BUT SHE'S NEVER SAID CRAZYRACIST ( BLEEP ) --

>> HE'S LIKE A HIP-HOP ARTIST.

HE HAS HIS OWN VODKA.

>> EXACTLY.

HE WAS ALL ABOUT BLING.

>> Larry: NO, IT'S TRUE.

>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> WHY DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR OWNEGGNOG, MAN, THAT WOULD BE

PRETTY COOL.

>> Larry: THAT'S A GOOD POINT.

>> I DON'T THINK IT WILL WORK.

>> Larry: I'LL JUST GO.

WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

BUT MY ONE IS COSBY, MAN.

>> REALLY?

>> Larry: ABSOLUTELY.

I MEAN, THE EFFECT THAT-- THEINFLUENCE THAT THIS HAN HAS ON

TELEVISION AND CULTURE ANDEVERYTHING, AND FOR THAT FALL

FROM GRACE.

AND FOR ME, THE WHOLE FACT THATTHIS LONG PARADE OF WOMEN

WEREN'T BEING LISTENED TO, ANDIT TOOK A GUY DOING A STAND-UP

ACT TO LISTEN TO IT.

WITH SOMETHING--( APPLAUSE )

SO RIDICULOUS.

WHAT REALLY-- IT REALLYRESONATED WITH ME.

WHY REPORT WE LISTENING TOWOMEN?

WHY ARE WE TAKING 60 YEARS-- 60YEARS-- JUST TO BELIEVE A WOMAN,

60 ( BLEEP ) YEARS TO BELIEVE AWOMAN.

YOU KNOW.

IT'S DISAPPOINTING ON SO MANYLEVELS.

LAST WORD?

>> "DARKEST BEFORE DAWN."

>> Larry: THERE YOU GO.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY.

All right,I'm here with Pusha T,

and it's time for the gamewe like to call Keep It 100.

For all you peoplewho don't know,

you know that meanskeep it 100% real,

or as I like to say,"Keep it a hunnit."

(audience laughing)

Pusha T, you gottakeep it a hunnit.

-PUSHA T: Yes, sir.-If-if you do,

you know how it goes--you get the sticker.

If not, I gotta throwsome weak tea at you.

-Pretty simple.-I want the sticker.

-You want the sticker? Then youknow what you gotta do. -Yeah.

-Okay. -You know whatyou gotta do. Okay.

You worked a lot with,uh, two great producers,

-Pharrell and Kanye, right?-Yes.

Okay. So you're outto sea on a boat...

(audience laughing)

...and you seePharrell and Kanye

have both been thrown overboard.

Oh, goodness me.

(laughter)

You can o... you have topull up one of them first.

You can't pull both of them up.

But if you pull up one,the other may be...

you know what I'm saying.

-Kaputz. -Who are you...who are you pulling up first?

You might be ableto get 'em both,

but there's a huge chancethat other one's gonna be...

that other one's gonna be gone.

-And take your time.-(laughter)

-"I ain't saying she's agold digger." -You know...

(laughs) Um...

And the hat will nothelp you pull him up, either,

-if you save Pharrell.-Right.

Just saying--the hat won't help.

But the hatmay save Pharrell, so...

The hat is... but the Yeezyscan also be a flotation device.

(laughter)

But they're not. The hatis making him sink faster,

as are Kanye's Yeezys.

-Okay.-(laughter)

Well...

He has the wrong pairof Yeezys on today.

-All right. Who are youpulling up? -You know...

-being the presidentof GOOD Music... -Mm-hmm.

and Kanye signs my check...

(laughter)

-I'm gonna have topull up Kanye. -Yeah.

That makes sense.

That sounds like you'rekeeping it 100, right?

I'm keeping it 100.

He needs the money.Pusha T, everybody.

Kept it 100.What am I supposed to do?

(cheering and applause)