Near-Death Wish

  • Season 7, Ep 10
  • 08/15/2012

His parents' return from virtual retirement aboard the Near-Death Star disturbs the Professor.

I'm Dr. Zoidberg.

I'm very important.

LEELA:Hey, Zoidberg,

you forgot to emptythis trash can.

Don't hit me!

I bet the professor will bethrilled to see you again.

Oh, Professor.

Some special old peopleare here for you.

Are they my zombiesfrom Hammacher Schlemmer?

(gasps)

Mama? Daddy?

Son!Hiya, kiddo!

Leave me alone!

I never want tosee you again!

What crawled uphis Geritol?

Well, to be honest,a few troubling things

did happen in our past.

Lady, all of human historyhappened in your past!

(laughs)

Eh, let's not let thosedark days ruin our visit.

Philip, what do you say we goout today and live it up?

Live it up?

I'd be surprisedif you live it out!

(laughs)Whoo!

You're on fire!

Gene Tinker,

Charles Kiley,

Mike Pisarik,

and Philip J. Fry.

And the Clippie goes to...

(grunting)

Philip J. Fry!

(applause)

Sign here.

Wow.Uh, (clears throat)

I'd like to thank the Academyof Delivery Sciences,

my lovely robot, Bender,

and most of all, my dear nephew,

Professor Farnsworth.

He always has time for me,

whether it's sending meon a delivery,

or just pulling me asideto tell me I'm doing a bad job.

And why?

Because he's family,

and family is always therefor each other.

(groans)I'm sorry,

but I can't keep readingthis tissue of lies.

The truth is,

Professor Farnsworth is a cold,heartless jerk!

And the fish sticks were limp!

Ooh, hefty.

You could really bashin a skull with this thing.

I know, right?

(clears throat loudly)

What?

Oh, your awards show.

I'm sorry I couldn't make it,

but I had a very good reason.

Perhaps you'd favor us with it?

My pleasure.

You see, I came downwith a searing case

of who gives a crap.

(giggles)

(growling)

Oh, I wish I hadmore living relatives.

What aboutthe professor's parents?

They're still alive?

Sure, they exhibitall the telltale signs--

toenails growing,hearts pumping fluid,

the whole shmagoigle.

So where do these fossils live,

in sedimentary rock?

(laughing)

No.