Brains

  • Season 1, Ep 3
  • 02/25/2009

Demetri does away with traditional neuroscience and phrenology as he digs into brains.

THIS IS A GRAPH,THE THICKNESS OF A PERSON'S NECK

VERSUS THE THICKNESSOF THE BOOKS THEY'VE READ.

YOU'LL SEETHAT AS THE NECK GETS THICKER,

THE THICKNESS OF THE BOOKSDECREASES

UNTIL A CRUCIAL POINTWHERE THEY START WONDERING,

"WHY THE HELL IS MY NECKSO ABNORMALLY THICK?

I NEED TO READ UP ON THIS."

THESE WOULD BE MEDICAL TEXTSABOUT NECK THICKNESS.

NEXT,THAT'S AN IMPROPER FRACTION.

AND THAT ISA REALLY IMPROPER FRACTION.

IS HIS ABILITY TO REASON.

ANOTHER THING YOU CAN GO BYIS LAST NAMES.

WHAT'S HIS NAME? PATCHES?

PATCHES WHAT?

THAT'S A DOG.DON'T WASTE MY TIME. COME ON.

SIAMESE TWINSARE REALLY INTERESTING,

'CAUSE THEY'RE THE ONLY PEOPLEWHO CAN WRITE A BIOGRAPHY

AND AN AUTOBIOGRAPHYAT THE SAME TIME.

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL,MY TEACHER SAID,

"CAN YOU NAME THE PRESIDENTS?"

I WAS LIKE, "SURE.

THEY ALREADY HAVE NAMES, BUT IFYOU WANT ME TO DO THAT..."

I WAS TALKINGTO ONE OF MY FRIENDS,

AND I SAID, "ATM MACHINE."

AND HE SAYS, "YOU KNOW,THE 'M' STANDS FOR 'MACHINE,'

SO YOU'RE BASICALLY SAYINGATM MACHINE MACHINE."

SO THEN I CORRECTED MYSELF,SO NOW I SAY, "ATM-ACHINE."

IF YOU'RE COLOR-BLIND,EATING CANDY MUST BE

A COMPLETELY DIFFERENTEXPERIENCE.

"ALL RIGHT.COME ON, STARBURST.

"LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE.

LEMON.DAMN IT!"

I WAS IN THE GYM, AND THISREALLY BIG GUY GOT MAD AT ME

'CAUSE HE WAS LIKE,"SPOT ME. SPOT ME. SPOT ME."

I WAS LIKE, "OKAY.YOU'RE RIGHT THERE."

THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER: FIVE YEARS LATER.

>> HEY.>> HEY!

>> HELLO.>> GREAT TO SEE YOU.

>> REMEMBER ME?>> PRINCE AND THE PAUPER.

WE DID THE SWITCH.WHAT A SURPRISE.

CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING?

I LOVE THIS, THE WHOLE CROWN,THE CASTLE.

THE FOOD IS REALLY SOMETHING.

THANK YOU.>> THANK YOU.

>> GREAT TO CATCH UP.GREAT TO SEE YOU.

OKAY, I'M GOING TO GET BACKTO THE--

>> HEY.>> WHAT?

>> LET'S YOU AND ME SWITCH.

>> UM, SO YOU BECOME--AND I GO BACK TO--

>> COME ON.>> THERE'S AN IDEA.

>> COME ON.>> WHAT A GREAT IDEA.

DO YOU KNOW,THAT'S A TERRIFIC IDEA.

HERE'S ANOTHER THOUGHT.LET'S STAY AS WE ARE.

HOW'S THAT?>> NAH.

>> NO?SECOND IDEA, OKAY?

JUST FIRING THEM OUT.

UM, KILL HIM.

>> FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS,

THE POWER OF FLIGHTHAS BELONGED ONLY TO BIRDS.

BUT NO LONGER SHALL MANBE CURSED TO WALK THE EARTH

AND STARE LONGINGLY UPAT THE CLOUDS.

BY CLOSELY STUDYINGTHE ANATOMY OF BIRDS,

I WILL BUILD A FLYING MACHINEAND TAKE TO THE SKY.

WHAT MECHANISM PROPELSTHE CREATURE INTO THE AIR?

YES.FLIGHT WILL BE MINE.

♪ FLY

thud!

HELP.

>> WHAT IS THE BASISOF ATTRACTION?

IS IT NOT IN THE MIND?

NATURE DICTATESTHAT THE MAN IS ATTRACTED

TO THE BODYOF THE YOUNG BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

BUT THE WOMAN IS ATTRACTEDTO THE INTELLECT

AND SUPERIOR INTELLIGENCEOF THE MAN--

THE OLDER, WISER MAN--HER TEACHER, FOR EXAMPLE.

BUT SOMETIMES NATURE MAKESA TERRIBLE MISTAKE

AND THE WOMAN IS ATTRACTEDTO SOME BRUTE

WITH DISGUSTINGLY LARGE MUSCLES

WHO KNOWS NOTHINGOF POETRY OR MATHEMATICS.

I WOULD HAVE TAUGHT YOUMATHEMATICS, BITCH.

SO I USED TO DO GRAFFITI.

ERIC STERBERGERWAS SPELL-CHECKING

HIS COLLEGE APPLICATION ESSAY

ON WHAT THREEGREAT HISTORICAL MINDS

HE'D MOST LIKETO HAVE DINNER WITH

WHEN A LIGHTNING BOLT STRUCKHIS COMPUTER,

CATAPULTING HIM THROUGHTHE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM

TO A NEARBY TGIF'S,WHERE HE FOUND HIMSELF SEATED

ACROSS FROM THE VERY GENIUSESHE WAS WRITING ABOUT:

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN,

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE,

AND GALILEO GALILEI.

>> OH, MY GOD.

THIS IS--THIS IS--THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

YOU GUYS ARE ALL REALLY HERE.

>> WE ARE HERE, ERIC.

>> OH, MAN.OH, MY GOD.

>> AT YOUR SERVICE.

>> THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING US.

>> I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.

I JUST--I HAVE NO IDEAWHERE TO BEGIN.

UH, MR. FRANKLIN.

>> OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,LET'S DO THAT.

LET'S DO THE QUESTIONS.

>> CAN YOU TELL ME A LITTLE--

>> ARE YOU GUYS ALL READYTO ORDER,

OR DO YOU NEED ANOTHER MINUTE?

>> OOH, HELLO.WELL, I'M READY NOW.

>> I THINK WE ARE TOO.LET'S DO THIS.

>> LET'S DO THIS THING.PRAY, TELL ME.

MIGHT YOU BE ON THIS MENU?

>> NOPE.

>> A SHAME,BECAUSE I'D ORDER THAT.

NO, I WILL TAKETHE CHICKEN FAJITAS--

HOT, SPICY.

>> SHAKESPEARE TAKING ITSOUTH OF THE BORDER.

>> AND AN APPLETINI.

>> AND FOR YOU, SIR?

>> WHAT WOULD YOU RECOMMEND,KATHY?

>> THE BURGER'S GOOD.

>> I'LL HAVEA BIG, JUICY BURGER, HUH?

I'M NOT GOING TO LIE.

DOES THAT BURGER COMEWITH WARM BUNS?

[laughter]

THAT'D BE NICE.AND A SELTZER.

>> AND FOR YOU, SIR?

>> I'M GOING TO HAVEA TUNA CLUB,

JALAPEÑO POPPERS,AND AN ICE TEA.

>> OKAY.AND FOR YOU?

>> I'LL JUST HAVE WATER.>> KID'S ON A DIET.

>> GREAT.THANKS, GUYS. OKAY.

>> THANK YOU, KATHY.>> OKAY.

OH, OH.OOH.

>> THAT IS THE PERFECT ASS,GENTLEMEN.

>> BOINGIDA BOINGIDA.AM I RIGHT? PURE POETRY.

KONNICHIWA.

>> WOW.GALILEO, WHERE WERE YOU?

>> WHAT?>> DID YOU NOT SEE HER?

>> I JUST LIKE TO TAKE IT SLOW,YOU KNOW?

>> OOH, SLOW-PLATE IT, HUH?THERE YOU GO.

>> THAT'S THE MOVE.SNAKE IN THE GRASS.

>> HEY!

CAN WE JUST TALKABOUT MY QUESTIONS?

>> ERIC, YES.SORRY.

YOU GO AHEAD.

>> OKAY, MR. SHAKESPEARE.>> MR. ERIC.

>> OH, HERE SHE COMES.

>> THERE SHE IS, MISS AMERICA.

ALL RIGHT, KATHY.

>> ENTER KATHY, RESTAURANT LEFT,LOOKING LOVELY.

>> TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH.

>> WHOOPSIE DAISY.

>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

>> HUH?

>> GALILEO, WHAT THE [bleep]?>> WHAT?

WHAT?>> SERIOUSLY, GALILEO.

THAT WAS HORRIBLE.WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

>> I'M MAKING MY MOVE.>> IT'S A LITTLE EARLY.

>> YOU TALK.YOU CHITTER CHATTER.

>> MISJUDGED.MISJUDGED.

>> THAT'S NOT COOL.>> THIS IS THE HAND OF SPACE.

>> EXCUSE ME.EXCUSE ME, GENTLEMEN.

>> HELLO, SIR.>> IS EVERYTHING OKAY HERE?

>> VERY GOOD. VERY GOOD.>> SUPER, DELICIOUS.

>> I JUST HAD A COMPLAINTFROM ONE OF MY SERVERS

THAT ONE OF YOUMIGHT HAVE GRABBED HER.

>> NO, NO.>> NOT HERE. NOT US.

>> YOU?>> NO, I DIDN'T.

>> NOT US.NOT US.

>> SIR?>> WHAT?

YOU LOOKING AT ME?>> I'M LOOKING AT YOU.

>> OKAY, FINE,BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

SHE'S A [bleep] WAITRESS.>> OH, BOY.

>> SHE COME IN OVER HERE,LEAN OVER THE TABLE,

GOING TO SHAKESPEARE.

>> THAT WAS BAD.THAT WAS ACTUALLY BAD.

>> MAYBE HER ASS BUMPINTO MY HAND.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?THAT'S FINE.

I'M GOING TO ASK YOU GUYSTO LEAVE NOW.

[all arguing]

>> COME ON!

>> I APPRECIATE IT.LET'S GO.

COME ON. OUT.

>> WE'LL GO.>> I WANT YOU OUT.

LET'S GO.>> WHOOPS.

>> REALLY?>> HEY, EVERYBODY!

THE MANAGER OF THE TGIFKICKING OUT GALILEO!

I'M MAKING A TELESCOPE, KATHY!

>> I'M SORRY.I'M SORRY.

[all talking]

>> OH, JAMIE, GOT A LITTLESOMETHING FOR YOU.

BOOM.>> OH!

>> YEAH, WHAT DO YOU--YOU LOOK LIKE A PIRATE.

>> WHAT?>> YOU HEARD ME.

>> SAY IT AGAIN!SAY IT AGAIN!

>> YOU LOOK LIKE A PIRATE.

[all talking]

>> WHAT? SAY IT!SAY IT TO MY FACE!

SAY IT TO MY FACE, ASS[bleep]!

>> WE ARE SAYING ITTO YOUR FACE.

>> [bleep] YOU, KATHY!

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