Kevlar for Her

  • Season 5, Ep 3
  • 01/30/2008

The department's new bulletproof vests for women have an unexpected side effect: super knockers.

BIKE HELMETS--STILL OPTIONALIN NEVADA.

OK. THIS ISOPERATION EYE IN THE SKY.

I HAVE A TINY HOMING BEACONRIGHT HERE...

LINKED UP...

TO A G.P.S. SYSTEM.

NOW...IF MY BIKE IS STOLEN,

I CAN TRACK IT...

[ZIPS]

ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD.

ALL RIGHT.WE HAVE LAID THE BAIT.

[PANTING][BEEPING]

STILL WORKING, CHECK.

CHECK. CHECK.

I CAN SEE EXACTLYWHERE MY BIKE...

OH--[BLEEP]

WOW, THAT WAS REALLY FAST.OK. WE GO. WE GO.

THE HUNT'S AFOOT.

EAST.

OH, YOU DID IT NOW.

HE'S COMING.HERE HE COMES.GOTCHA!

[SIREN BLARES]

Dangle: AM I CRAZY?THERE'S NO HOUSE HERE.

NO. YOU'RE NOT CRAZY.

'CAUSE THAT'S--OK, THAT'S 1432,

THAT'S 1434.

1430--

[BOTH SCREAM]

REMEMBER ME?GUESS WHAT?

I'M OUT.10 YEARS, MAN.

I'M OUT.I'M ON YOUR BLOCK.

HELLO.

HAVE WE MET BEFORE?

KYLE OVERSTREET,MAN.

KYLE OVERSTREET.UM...

FROM...PUTTING ME IN JAIL,

FROM ME DOING A DIME,

FROM YOU TESTIFYINGAGAINST ME, MAN.

I'M BACK, ANDI'M GETTING REVENGE.

YEAH.OOH, OK.

OH, OH, OH! GOD!ALL OF A SUDDEN,

THEY STARTREMEMBERING.

FOR WHAT, AGAIN?WHAT'D YOU DO, COREY?

NO, WE DIDN'TSTART REMEMBERING.WHAT DID YOU DO?

ROBBERY,MY NEIGHBOR.

ROBBER. YOU ROBYOUR NEIGHBOR?

ELDERLY MAN?

CHOPPED HIM UPINTO LITTLE PIECES?

NO.OH, THAT'S SOMEBODY ELSE.

STOLE HIS RECORDCOLLECTION.

YOU'RE NOT THE GUYWHO USED TO [BLEEP] FEET.

DID YOU [BLEEP]FEET, COREY?

NO. MY NAMEIS KYLE OVERSTREET.

KYLE OVERSTREET.YOU GUYS--

3 STRIKESTED ME.

FAMOUS ROBBER.OK...

[VOCALIZES]

OH, THAT'S THE RADIO.OH.

OH, YIKES.WE GOTTA GO.

WE GOTTA TAKE CAREOF THIS.

YEAH. UH, YEAH.IT WENT--

IT'S VERY QUIETSOMETIMES THESE DAYS.

NEXT TIME--NEXT TIME--

YOU'RE GONNA REVENGESOMEBODY

AND, LIKE,10 YEARS HAS PASSED,

AND THEY'RE IN THE STIR,

AND ALL YOU'RE THINKINGIS, EVERY DAY,

YOU'RE CARVING--"OH, MY BLUEPRINTFOR THEIR DEMISE!"

AND THE ULTIMATE REVENGE--

IN BETWEEN,SEND A CARDOR A LETTER.

A LETTEROR SOMETHING.

OR A THREATENING EMAIL.SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

YOU'RE FREAKING.YOU'RE FREAKING.

YOU'RE FREAKING,DUDE.

REVENGE ISN'T ALWAYSBEST SERVED COLD.

YOU'RE FREAKING.YOU'RE BOTHFREAKING!

SOMETIMESIT'S BEST SERVEDAT LEAST LUKEWARM.

A LITTLE LUKEWARM.OR SOMETHING, YEAH.

YOU'RE--I CAN SEEYOU'RE SHAKING, MAN.

YOU'RE SHAKING.

NO, NO. I AM.I'M TOTALLY SHAKING.YOU ARE.

CRAIG, I'MTOTALLY SHAKING, MAN.I TOTALLY AM.

KYLE, DUDE!RIGHT.

Wiegel:GOOD MORNING,MR. MARMELLA.

IT IS A GOOD MORNING.IT'S A--[SPUTTERS]

AHEM. MR. MARMELLA,WE'RE HERE TO PUT

THE SEX OFFENDERSIGN

IN YOUR FRONT YARD.I'M SORRY.

THE HESSIMA WHO?WHAT IS--

UH,THE SEX OFFENDERSIGN.

YES, THAT'S ME.

SINCE--REMEMBER,YOU'RE UNDERHOUSE ARREST.

AND YOU'REA SEX OFFENDER.

HOW CAN I FORGET?YEAH.

WE NEED TO, UM,

PUT THIS SIGN INYOUR FRONT YARDTO, UH--

SO, YEAH,WHY DON'T YOU COMEHELP US PICK OUT A SPOT?

"MEGAN'S LAW. DANGER."

YEAH.WELL, THAT'S SILLY.

I'M NOT A--

WHAT IS--WHAT ARE THESEYOU'RE WEARING?

UH, THEY'REKEVLAR VESTS.UP HERE.

SO, LIKE,IF A BULLET JUST CAME--

[BUZZES]

AND JUST--DON'T.

I'M HOLDINGA MALLET, STEVE.

OK, I'LL JUST BEOVER HERE.

Kimball:AND SHE'LL USE IT.

YEAH.

YOU WANNA--YOU WANNA DO THE--

YEAH.

OH! OH! LADIESGETTING PHYSICAL.

ALL RIGHT.THAT'S...

OH! YES!

PLEASE DON'TMAKE THAT SOUND

EVERY TIMEI HIT THE THING.

MMM!

JUST GO AHEADAND BANG THAT THING.

OK.MMM! TWO WOMEN BANGING!

AGAIN, PLEASEDON'T--WITH THE SOUNDS.

'CAUSE IT SOUNDS SEXUAL.

SORRY. SORRY.

UNH! MMM! MMM!

HARDER! HARDER!HARDER!

AHH!

OK, GIVE ITA GOOD SLAM.

I DON'T WANT YOUTO GET MY FINGERS.

YES. YES. YES.

AUDEN, YOU KNOW WHAT?YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN.

WHAT AM I--I'M JUST MAKING SURE

SHE HITSTHE GOSH-DARNED THINGRIGHT IN THE--

YOU'RE LOOKINGAT HER BOOBIES!

OH, [BLEEP].

HEY, YOU KNOW,I'M SORRY.

I WON'T HELPTHE POLICE ANYMORE.

"MEGAN'S LAW.SEX OFFENDER.

"DANGEROUS."

DANGEROUS MAN!

[LAUGHING]HERE.

SO, WATCH OUT YOU!

WATCH OUT,EVERYBODY.

ALL RIGHT.YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK MAYBEYOU SHOULD GO ON BACKIN YOUR HOUSE NOW

'CAUSE THE--YEAH.

YOU'VE GOT YOURUNDERPANTS ON AND IT'S--

MR. MARMELLA,BACK IN YOUR HOUSE.

NO, I--I LIVEACROSS THE STREET.

SO, GOOD DAY.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

THIS NEIGHBORHOODIS FILLED WITH SEXOFFENDERS.

I MEAN, THERE'SA VERY GOOD CHANCE--

THAT WHOEVERLIVES HERE IS--

THAT SOMEBODY HEREHAS DONE SOMETHING.

A NEIGHBOR IS ASSAULTINGANOTHER NEIGHBOR.

HERE WE ARE.

AW, D--Jones: NO!

MIKE.

WHAT?PUT IT DOWN, MIKE.

PUT IT DOWN.

NOT TODAY.I WAS APOLOGIZING.

NO. NOT TODAY.PUT IT DOWN!

NOT PUTTING IT DOWN.WATCH OUT THERE.

[ALL YELLING AT ONCE]

GO! GO! MIKE!

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, JOE.

CALM DOWN.CALM DOWN.

I AM THE LAST SAMURAION THIS BLOCK.

PUT IT DOWN!GRR!

1--WE WILL COUNT.

1, 2!2.

WE'RE COUNTING!

WE'RE STARTING--STARTING OVER.1, 2--

ACK! I SCREWED IT UP.

NO! 1--HEY!

GET YOUR ASS IN THE CAR.

COME ON.RIGHT THIS WAY.

RIGHT THIS WAY.RIGHT INTO THE CAR.

THERE YOU GO.RIGHT IN.

[WOMEN LAUGH]

Williams: I LOVE IT!

Man: OH, JESUS!

[LAUGHS]

[BOTH HUM]

OH! WOW! HEH HEH!

CLEAN UP ON AISLE 5!

[DOOR CLOSES]

SEE YOU AT THE COURTHOUSE.

AND THERE'S A CAMERARIGHT OVER THERE.

GOTTA WATCH WHAT YOU SAYABOUT THE JEWS.

[THUNK]UNH!

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